My Mom and Me

So I had one of those full-blown, yelling, crying, angry phone conversations with my mom yesterday. I had so many emotions pinned up in me that I improperly released much of it on her. I can't say that I regret any of it though. I didn't say anything disrespectful so I have nothing to regret. I was just expressing how I feel the best way I could. I've been trying to make some very hard decisions on my own lately and the feelings of lonliness, seclusion, bitterness, anger and misery that I've been feeling over the last month violently boiled over. The fact that my mom was married with children by the time she was my age makes me feel like she has no idea what's it like to be me. To be a struggling, professional, single, young woman in a foreign place without the care of someone to pick me off of the ground when all I need is a hug. It appears that I've been falling a lot lately, but oddly enough, it's not the falling that hurts. It's the feeling that I'm doing it alone, that no one understands, and that no one's there to pick me up. Sometimes when I come home from work with my bag on my shoulder, my books under my arm, my mail under my chin, my cell phone in one hand, and my keys in the other, I just want to drop to the floor. Getting down there is easy. Getting up isn't. And then to get up only to attempt at trying to 1. figure out whether I'm moving across the country before my lease is up on the 31st, 2. fix myself a meal, 3. go through my bills, 4. clean up the mess I just dropped in the middle of my floor, 5. get some spiritual food into my system, and 6. meditate on my relationship with Jehovah which I feel like is falling apart - it's no joke. And most of the time I get so overwhelmed with the first "to do" on my list that nothing else gets done. My mom had a whole different set of issues when she was my age, but she had my dad. I don't think she understands that. Having a partner in crime can lighten the load. (At least when you're newly married like she was before you start hating your partner in crime. lol) She always makes everything sound like it's so easy. But there's only so much advice that she can give me. I'm in a different fight. I do appreciate her strength though. While I wailed and even kinda blamed her for forcing me out to California against my wishes, she stayed there. For 1 hour and 22 minutes, she stayed. She calmed me down and was amazing. I think (KNOW) I have it rough, but wow... the things mom's have to do. At the end of the conversation, my mom said she was glad we talked. We talk all the time, everyday actually, but this was the first time in a long time that I've had an explosion in her face. The last time in fact was in high school when she said that I looked like a ho. lol. (Yes I was dressed inapproprately.) Oh the memories!