Funny that there are new blog templates today because when I saw this one, it matched exactly with how I'm feeling. I might not keep it though because I can't imagine writing a 'pure bliss' blog with this background. Kinda solemn right?
I'm not sure why my mood matches this blog template today. There's nothing wrong. Life is great. My husband is great. I really have no reason to complain. On the way to work however, I got a sudden urging to turn off my music, roll down the window and feel the breeze. It was nice. It wasn't too hot or too cold so the air and the smell of the trees were like a brand new pair of shoes. I guess I just miss nature. I'm tired of always have to deal with people. People can be draining. Nature though, it doesn't bother you. If anything, people bother it. Maybe I'll go down to my secret place by the river in Annapolis this weekend. At least I would like to. But we have so much to do. I have service in the morning and then we desperately need to clean the house. We've been waiting for our natural cleaning products to be delivered (I can't for the life of me deal with cleaning products that smell like Clorox - last time I used them, I felt like I was dying), and along with the wait came dirt. Tomorrow is our heavy cleaning day. But I'm afraid that I'll miss the best portion of the day if I clean right after service. Maybe we'll clean Saturday night. We're not going anywhere.
I'm getting closer and closer to thinking about printing out my 'the best of j.a.c.' work from this blog. It's time to compile some literary charm into a mini book of some sorts. My husband and I had a little photo shoot last night which reminds me that I need to get back on my photography game. A mini book of writings and photos. Sounds good. Can I kick off the laziness and get to it?
In my dreams last night, I was very upset with my mother. She was walking around acting like she had no regard for the feelings of others. She was very arrogant and non-chalant about what mattered to others. Maybe that's why I woke up tight this morning.
I'm not interested in having children. My husband is fine with that. He had a dream that I got pregnant he ended up crying and wailing about how our lives were over. That's exactly how I feel. I'm sure the joy of having a child will surpass all the responsibility and hard work, but I'm not ready for that responsibility and hard work. And neither should we. We JUST got married. I don't know, however, if these feelings will ever leave. I did research in some Bible literature last night on why families decide to stay childless. I initiated the research because as I read Genesis 1:28 which says, "God said to them: “Be fruitful and become many and fill the earth and subdue it, and have in subjection the fish of the sea and the flying creatures of the heavens and every living creature that is moving upon the earth,” " I began to take the command personally. One of my co-workers said to me recently, "Why get married if you're not going to have children?" His questioning is somewhat justified because according the scripture above, that's what Jehovah wanted us to do. After he made Adam and Even he told them to be fruitful, become many and fill the earth. We all know that Jehovah's standards don't change so why am I justified in not wanting to have children as a married woman. Well my research shows that it's not fear of responsibility and hard work that couples should use as a reason. If couples choose to remain childless, they do so in order to be free from distractions in God's service and to serve Him more whole-souled. So of course, that got me to thinking. Right now, I don't want to have kids for twe reasons. 1.) so that I can be free from responsibility and 2.) because the world is advancing from bad to worse and I don't want to raise a child in these wicked times. I'd honestly rather wait until this world passes away. The Bible gives clear evidence that we are living in the last days. It says in 2 Timothy 3 that "in the last days critical times hard to deal with will be here. For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, self-assuming, haughty, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, disloyal, having no natural affection, not open to any agreement, slanderers, without self-control, fierce, without love of goodness, betrayers, headstrong, puffed up [with pride], lovers of pleasures rather than lovers of God, having a form of godly devotion but proving false to its power; and from these turn away." Matthew 24:7 tells about the last days again when it says, "For nation will rise against nation and kingdom against kingdom, and there will be food shortages and earthquakes in one place after another. All these things are a beginning of pangs of distress." Now if these things aren't already taking place then I'm losing my mind. And if we aren't close to the end, then the Bible is lying, and we know there's no way that could be true. So if we're nearing towards the end, why have children? Why not wait until the new system in which God promises we'll have where there will be peace, no more sickness and no more death? (Revelation 21:4) Anyway, what I've gotten out of this at the end of it all is that I need to step it up. Since I've decided to stay out of the baby-making business, I need to take advantage of the freedom and concetrate on Jehovah even more than I am. It's time to get to work. Now all I need is a little push. =/