Guide to a Good Relationship

Relationships are mighty tough. They're like giant machines that need constant maintenance and updating. But if you oil the machine and keep up with it's scheduled service, the machine will work on its on. It'll produce whatever it's supposed to without much interference. If you procrastinate and even ignore the kinks and red lights, you could be in for dangerous times.

I'm going through what I call the blending stages. From the age of 15 - 22, I was pretty much in a relationship. Once I broke up with my ex, I went through this huge transition as I wildly pushed into single life. I had to learn how to be alone. I had to learn how to enjoy life. I had to learn how to be a single 22, 23 and 24 year old woman. Once I got over the first few roadbumps, the single life was fabulous! I learned so much about myself and came to love who I am. Now that I've been single for 3 years, I'm going through yet another transistion as I walk slowly back into relationship mode. I'm much wiser and stronger than I was in my previous relationship. I mean, I'm a woman now! Things are completely different and everything is much more serious. I can't really say that I wasn't serious back in the day, because I've always been a serious female, but I'm a serious woman now, and that speaks for itself.

So things aren't exactly easy as my boyfriend and I go into our 5th month of learning each other. We both have very strong personalities and are both stubborn and bossy. As you can imagine, we butt heads at times. I've been doing me for the last 3 years and it's difficult blending with another person. Thankfully though, I've already learned a couple of things that I would like to list. Some of them are just common sense and very general, but you never realize how much it applies until you're in the situation. Here it goes:

1. Open communication. Oh my goodness. This is no joke. It's amazing how someone can do something, and the other person take it the wrong way...and because of a lack of communication, a conflict builds. It's hard to talk until your face is blue, but that's what you have to do in order to make a relationship work.

2. Negative attitudes need NOT apply here! I cop attitudes very easily if I feel I've been wronged, and he doesn't say the most positive things sometimes. Bad combination. All the contrary attitudes, words and actions need to be thrown out right away. BE POSITIVE! If you know you want to work it out, BE POSITIVE.

3. Along with being positive, be nice. Some people have relationships were they crack jokes at each other all the time. There's a lot of playful trash talking, which can be cool at first. But as time goes on, it gets a little tiring. It's important to say nice things and be nice to one another. Hopefully your mate is, or will be, your best friend. You wouldn't hurt your best friend's feelings, so don't hurt each others. Just watch how you talk to each other. Handle each other as if they are your prized possession.

4. Discuss crucial elements. Future expectations, goals, finances, spending habits, credit scores, family matters, location issues, health issues, AIDS tests, family history of disease, etc. That's just common sense. If you don't discuss these issues, you're obviously not really into getting to know the other person in a serious manner. Either that or you don't care enough about your own health, goals and finances to see whether you could, or would, intermingle with theirs.

5. If you are religious, go to the Bible for advice on handling issues. There's no better way to handle obstacles of ANY kind then by consulting the Bible. I don't really seem to do this, but I'll start.

6. Pick your battles! I did that this weekend. What could have been a heated argument ended up going over pretty well. I calmly expressed myself and it was over. A week ago, I would have gotten pretty irritated. While it's important to pick your battles, you still must express things that concern you. That goes back to number one. Don't let something pass that bothers you. I tried doing that in the past and I ended up driving myself crazy. Talk about it. Talk about with numbers 2 and 3 in mind as well. *wink*

7. Go Slow! There's no better way to learn about someone. No need to rush. No need to give up the goods. No need to get all the information right away. Take your time. Let the rose-colored glasses come off and the honeymoon period dwindle before jumping in the ship. You may not like what you see after a few months, but if you've already crossed that line, it may be too late.

Well that's it for now. As I grow, I'll record my observations. Putting them down on paper (or on computer) helps. I need to get these out of my mind and somewhere where I can see them. Hopefully it'll help someone else as well.

Anywho... I most likely won't blog tomorrow so have a great weekend!