Hey,
It's 8:04pm on a Saturday night and I'm watching a Lifetime movie called "Too Young to Marry" on a 13 inch tv. Live is crazy ya know? One minute you're in a cacoon and the next... I don't know. Everything just seems so out of whack. Just like this movie. They were all in love, but now that they're married, they're not happy. This is so not how it's supposed to be. Stuff's not supposed to be this hard.
Do you ever wonder why you can't have what you want when you want it? Of course the stuggle that it takes to get there builds a lot of character and life experiences, but what about when you're tired, and you're ready to give into the struggle? Where's the water break? I can't continue in this uphill battle if I don't get a water break. I'm going to pass out.
Well I passed out this weekend. Yesterday was extremely hard, and it was my day off. I spent my whole day in my car from 7am to 8pm. I was so exhausted when I got home. I surely could have used a massage or for someone to greet me at the door and take all my bags. It was one of those days where I really needed someone. I just needed someone to carry a little bit of my load.
I'm done. I'm so done. All the hope I had is out the window. There's no need to hold on to something that doesn't exist. What's the point? Just... what's the point? Forget about it J. It's not worth it. There's too much pain involved in holding on.
I'm a romantic though. I believe in love. I believe in holding on. I just don't know how much romance is left in me. I'm trying, but I just don't know.
J
5 comments:
Remember: There is a reason.
Your having to go through pain is not in vain. I know you already know to give it time. I know you already know that this serves a purpose. And I know that you may not be able to think that way right now...So I'll think it for you until... It WILL get easier.
I feel your pain, like you wouldn't believe. . . then again, maybe you would. But keep ya head up, my dear. When it happens it will be BEAUTIFUL!!! The Almighty's involved, so it can't be anything but beautiful! :-c D
I know it's discouraging. I'm in the same boat. . . again. This time, it hurts a little worst because I was pretty convinced this one was it, as you could tell from how I was at the pre-cruise meeting at your house. Anyway, I'm guessing that's where you're at.
Maybe this will help: Most of the disciples faced execution (very ugly execution) in faith that the Almighty would reward them in the long run. Which of course, His Word is good for. They endured execution. Christ endured crucifiction. We can handle being without a soulmate for a while. . . when we have plenty of family and friends loving us and supporting us. . . and when He's going to provide what we want and then some as soon as we're ready.
Sometimes the Almighty keeps us from what we want when we want it, because we're just not ready. It's like being in a rush to get somewhere in traffic. You could be stuck where you are so He can keep you from getting in an accident. . . a TERRIBLE accident.
Okay, so now all I have to do is give myself this pep talk. Ironically, we just broke up Saturday and I felt the inclination to read your page. See! The Almighty's already making the wait easier! :-C )
Stay up, JC. You've got my number. Call me if you need empathy.
Peace,
Kep.
Hey girl, not sure if you remember me (Jenn Will's friend from STL, well now NC) but keep ur head up and remember all things work together for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose!
Continue to believe in Love! Don't give up!
"faith is hope in the unseen, the ability to believe...." never stop believing in love, GOD is love! in due time, all things will work together for a BIGGER purpose...and i KNOW for a FACT that its HARD to see, when things are totally falling apart all around you its SO hard to see...but trust and believe things WILL work out...NEVER stop believing in love or in YOU...
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