Find the Way

I feel so wack. Just all around out of order. Like I'm floating in the air and I can't find anything to hold on to in order to keep me from floating off into space. I'm just uncomfortable. There are some instances in life where you feel so on. In complete control. Powerful. High-stepping.

You ever feel like you need to pray but you have no idea what to say or if Jehovah will even listen to you? There's so much going on and you don't know where to start? You want your prayers to be effective but you don't know how to make them so?

I'm cold so I turn on my heater. I turn on my heater but it gets too hot. What's up with that? I guess I'll put on another sweater.

I need a little Eric Roberson in my life. I keep looking for things to listen to, but everything I play is wack. "Find the Way". This will work. "How can I have you and never really have you. At least not like I want to. Your heart should not be shared. One should not be compared to any other love that's there. That's just not fair. I'm down to lose you for a chance to gain you. Even if all I gain is the respect you see in me. I'm willing to set you free. All I offer you is honesty. I mean that honestly. You know that I need you but girl not this way. I want so much more than what you give today. To show you I want you, I push you away. It's clear to me girl. I trust that in the end we'll find a way." I so feel these lyrics. "If you never come around, I will never fall in love again, with you. Cuz it belongs to you." Mmm. Eric Roberson is incredible. I wish I could write like that. He captures such a great emotion.

I laid on the beach yesterday. There's something about the beach. I embrace the solitude and the sun's heat. I feel like I can breathe out there. Forget the fact that I was drenched in sweat and had sand everywhere. I even had to wash my hair!

I think the majority of people in this world do the best they can at pushing on. Nothing's ever 100% okay, but people must do their best to put smiles on their faces and handle their business. To fail at this - putting on the forced smile - is to basically fail at life. Our struggle is not to be negative in a world full of negativity and disappointment. We all have to "find the way". Do whatever's best for you. Whatever grants you the most peace. Just survive.

I'm cold again. Very cold as a matter of fact. I prefer the heat. I'll sweat before I'll freeze.

Love. It takes so long for me to fall. Or rather to 'walk in love'. No falling right? Eric Roberson has another song in which he says that it's too soon to say I love you. Yeah. True dat. Funny how I don't mind hearing it though.

5 more days until vacation. I need to buy a new journal before I go. I'm sure I'll do a lot of writing. Vacations always call for some sort of revelation-filled experience. Mom, dad, aunts, uncles, cousins... we're always talking about something deep around the living room. Especially within our first few days together. Hopefully by the time I leave, I'll be mended and ready to go.

Won't someone just tell me where I need to be?