I Saved My Own Life

I forced my hand into my own chest
and pulled out the beating heart that pulsed wildly.
As I stared at the organ in my palm
my empty rib cage rattled with the cold breeze.
I watched the pain scatter over my nucleus
like millions of tiny black insects
with no where to belong...
..fearing the daylight that permeated them.
The bloody valves dripped between my fingers
and sent speckles of red to the crusty earth below.
The dark pain fell the the ground with it.
As the black dissipated to down below
I looked closer at the red ventricle in my hand.
Holes....
So many holes as if pain had eaten its parts away.
Clear through to the sod I saw.
Straight through my heart to the muddy terrain.

My body felt a sensation of relief and calm.
I looked out into the distance and extended my arm to the right.
Ever so carefully staring
with an expression intense and concentrated
I dropped my heart into the dirt.
Ignoring the thud
I took one step away and stopped at the feeling running within.
I looked down at the open crater in my core
and noticed.
The air passed through my open wound like a wind tunnel.
I was barren
desolate
sterile
depleted.
Void of any sentiment.
Scared stiff.

As if pulled by an inconvenient force
I peered over my right shoulder and looked back.
Perhaps out of fear and longing.
Perhaps out of sheer hope.
But wanting so badly to turn away.
To avoid the hell that I knew.
As suddenly as it pulled
the force snapped as I opened my eyes.
In single file formation
as if on an evil march of annihilation
the pain scurried towards my heels like a vicious plague.
All at once everything screamed.
Everything inside of me
along with that piece of me on the ground
now covered by dust
vibrated at my own deafening shrill.
The howl of my own fear
and wail of my gnawed at heart
ignited my feet.

Hollowness sucked into my chest
as I ran into the sun
terror-stricken at the blackness at my heels.
I ran and I ran and I ran
until I aligned myself with the sun.
In a desperate attempt for a clear freedom
I jumped into its warmth of a world
and was taken.
The sun looked at me lying weak in its arms
and said
'Yes indeed.
You saved your own life.
For a body without a heart can feel no more pain.
But a new heart you will need
to nourish the gift I have kept for you.'
At those ill-taken words
a pain pierced my right temple.
While trying to regain an ounce of strength to move
to run away again to another high mystery
the sun spoke to me in a hypnotic whisper.
'Darling don't be afraid.
The death will not find you.
For this time
it is ensured that I will be the one
to not save
but rather
to keep your life.'
Even in the sun's mesmorizing warmth and energy
I grew cold.
My weariness was beginning to take over my strength.
I blinked two times at the smiling face before me.
And that
is when
everything
went
black.