Honest Blogger Award

I'm probably more excited than I should be, but guess what? Precious-Gem nominated me for the "honest blogger award"! That's gal! And look what she said about me!!! "J.A.C...She speaks my language too and just as I'm thinking "it's just me", I read her thoughts and realize that it's not. I'm so glad that people are willing to be honest. Not to mention, her writing style is so romantic. It's so flowy and organic." That's fantastic! Mainly because I never think people actually read my ran-dumn thoughts and insane ramblings. When I have more than 4 comments, it's usually because I emailed out the link and BEGGED people to comment. But anyway, I really love my blog and wouldn't know where I would be without it or my personal journey. It's the purest form of j.a.c. therapy. So I appreciate the nomination from the bottom of my heart Precious-Gem. You made my day.

So per the rules, I'm supposed to nominate 7 other blogs that I believe are deserving of this award. Some of these bloggers have been nominated by others, but my list is my list. On your free time, check them out.
1. A Belle In Brooklyn
2. Brown Sista
3. Seriously?
4. Precious-Gem
5. Mystery
6. BAP
7. blkbutterfly

Now I'm told to list [if you can and or dare] at least ten honest things about yourself. And then, pass it on. So, here it is.

1. I'm feeling more and more confident in my professional abilities. I'm just getting to a place where I am claiming that I'm good at my job and am irreplacable. (Hopefully Time Inc. feels the same way while they're doing their lay-offs. Eeek!)

2. I'm getting to the point where I can't walk out the door looking 100% put together. I used to be able to walk out in sweatpants and a t-shirt, but I just can't do it anymore. All of my sweatpant-like clothes are reserved for inside the house. I do still love them though.

3. If I got laid off, I would love to write for a living, but I'm afraid my passion for writing will die if I am required to write. But I do want to try. I love it too much not to.

4. I think I'm becoming obsessed with Melinda Williams. Something about her is so radiating. Watch her speak in this video. She's intelligent and adorable!

5. I absolutely love where my relationship is with God. My heart is so full just thinking about his amazing power and mightiness and how even with all that, he cares about little ole' me.

6. I'm in love with my short hair cut. It's so easy to manage. And because it's so short, every day it looks done, even when it's dirty. I think that's a task that every brown sista works to accomplish in her hay day. But since it is dirty right now, I'm going to use some pomade and walk into work with a fauhawk tomorrow. =)

7. I can't wait to get married and turn my husband out. Shhh!!! Don't tell anybody!

8. I've been writing a lot of lyrics lately and some of the things that are coming out my head are surprising me. "Never thought I'd do that until you/Never before did I have the nerve/Never before did I have you." And "I'ma let you in on a secret/I already know how you like it" Huh? j.a.c.! Where is this coming from?! Lol.

9. I often have to repeat to myself "be loving j.a.c. be loving j.a.c. be loving j.a.c." when looking at certain people who look or act like a hot mess. God don't like ugly (and I wish someone would tell them that too!), so I do my best to correct myself.

10. My perceptive powers are sharp as a sword. I can pick up on people's attitudes and moods even if they're only slight. Even from all the way across the country. If something's different, I feel it in my bones. My radar is on point.

and here's an extra one i wanted to add just because

11. I want to work on glowing instead of being so serious all the time. (Who I appear to be through my writing is not really who I am in real life. I'm kinda stoic, sadly enough.) You know how when people are in love, they glow? Well I want that glow without the assistance of a man. I want to be so warm and fun that I radiate when I walk into a room. For instance, when you look at Angelina Joile, you feel her sexiness and incredible feline energy. Well, when people look at me, I would like for them to actually feel my joy and as a result, be happy. I want to be able to touch people without physically touching them. (Not that people have cooties or anything. I'm just saying.) But of course, this is something that's going to have to come from within. Well since I'm extremely happy with my life right now, I don't see why it can't be so. Maybe it already is. Now that I think about it, I do feel like I'm walking on clouds 80% of the time. (Warm, cheesy smile.)

Holler!

The Ladies Speak Up

In the spirit of "craziness", I think it's about time I post a collection of unedited quotes and stories I received from my girlfriends back on August 11th. My mother and I were sitting around laughing at some of the "crazy" stuff that men do, and she suggested I poll my girlfriends into finding out just how "crazy" they are. =) As the emails started flooding in, my girlfriends and I all had a good laugh and bonded over the silliness that is relationships. Now, this is by no means an attempt to take a stab at the gentleman who commented in the previous post "Question To The Fellas", so be easy. (Check it out if you already haven't. Especially the comments.) This is sincerely all in fun and seems to naturally flow with that topic. The lesson from all, if not most, of the experiences below is HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. But you know how that goes...


Calling all my ladies around the world,

I need your men based WTH moments! You know... those responses or one liners that you've heard from men that are so unbelievable and idiotic that all you can do is stare at them with a blank face.

Email me one or two please!

A 35 year old man tells me to hit him on facebook and myspace because he's not a phone person. WTH?!

On a casual day, T bumped into an old associate that she knew from school. Because it was nice to see him, they exchanged numbers and went about their merry way. The next day, she wakes up to a text message from him FULL of spelling errors saying, "Du u dreank? Kuz I du." (Do you drink, cuz I do.) Blank stare.

While going through a hard time, you call him multiple times to try to work it out, yet he doesn't answer. So you figure that you better snap out of it and take a hint. Yet you get an email a couple of days later saying, "You're still the one for me. I love you." Blank Stare....

You have a wonderful weekend together, but yet don't hear from him for a couple of days. Monday goes by, then Tuesday, then Wednesday. On Thursday you finally decide to call and he answers, "Yo! What's up ma?!" Blank Stare. For real?

You go through (what you think) is an emotional break up. Many things are said to suggest that there is no going back, the relationship is over. He apologizes for hurting you. But doesn't object when you suggest that the two of you should be over....No contact whatsoever until....A couple of days later he texts.... "are you near a computer? can you look up so hotels for my mother, she's in New York" I'm confused. Was I on the phone with you that day? Or was that your double?

After an incredibly underwhelming 1 minute (I'm dead serious, 1 minute) performance in the sack, the guy tells me "you took that like a champ"...yeah that got a blank stare.

“You know I love you. Why do I need to say it all the time. I’m not into that mushy stuff.” WTH!

“Why do we have to call it boyfriend/girlfriend? Why cant we just say we’re exclusive” Or “You already know what it is between me and you. We don’t need a title. I don’t like titles.” WTH! You also don’t like being committed to one person you cheating...

“I just saw you two weeks ago. It wasn’t that long. You acting like 2 weeks is a long time.” WTH!

“I’m playing video games right now. I’ll call you back when I’m done” (meanwhile he never calls you back) WTH! Tricks are for Kids and so are video games.

We've been talking for about three weeks, and have had about three phone conversations. He would rather text! One night, he hits me up at like 11p.m., "Sup, lady." I see it but don't respond out of annoyance. The next day, I tell him not to text me anymore. To call me, even if I don't pick up leave me a message or I'll see the missed call. What does he do??? He texts me while I'm at work ("How's your day going?") because he knows I can't speak on the phone, and doesn't hit me up in the evenings. He texts me every day, but still hasn't mentioned seeing me again. WTH?!

"Girl what do you mean? i know i haven't called you, and i know its been a couple of days, but you can't be acting like that now...you know we SOUL mates." Now of course this is said AFTER we haven't spoken in 3-7 days due to an argument that was totally blown out of proportion and probably an argument created by him so he can get out of doing something or going somewhere or just so he could have "3 days off" to do him. Blank stare.

"Even though you ain't talking to me and need your space, i still turned down this woman that wanted to talk to me" LMBAO...yea sure you turned her down...and you throwing her in my face means what to me?... that you got somebody on the side now right??? incredible!

You make plans to go out and he agreed to go with you to make a couple of stops prior to going out. After making those stops, we come back to my house to park my car and get in his vehicle. While I am parking he says, "I am going to go home now." All the while I felt something was off. I say "Ok, is everything ok?" He says, "I am going home. I will call you tomorrow." I say, "Why come to my house and agree to go out while you have an attitude?" He says, "I don't have an attitude. Men don't get attitudes." He text me, "I'm home" when he got home. SMH...we don't believe you, you need more people.

Just a little comedy... Hope you enjoyed!

Question To The Fellas

Hey Fellas,

I have a question to ask you. I've heard on more than one occassion that we females can be AND do some pretty crazy things at times. However, whenever I ask what kinds of things you guys are talking about, no one ever wants to share! Now you know, us females will share how crazy ya'll are in a heartbeat, but I'm interested to finally hear this. Seriously. What kinds of crazy things have you guys had to deal with? And who are these crazy women?! Please share!

him: the older i get and more interaction i have with women [the more] i realize they are crazy. i have to explain and break it down to you, but women are sooooo funny to me
me: crazy women huh? i seem to hear that a lot from men, but i have no idea what you guys are talking about, and no one's ever told me about the crazy things "we" do
him: man, you dont even have a clue how crazy your gender is
me: i really don't
him: you hear that a lot from men cuz its true
me: yeah, but you guys never share!
him: the older i get the more i realize, 8 out of 10 women are on one, maybe higher

What in the world are you guys talking about?!! Lol! Educate us. Please! Maybe us ladies can learn a thing or two? =)

Thanks in advance,

j.a.c.

Thank God For Girlfriends

Last night, my girl and I went up to Long Island to have dinner at my other girlfriend's house. She recently got engaged and bought a house with her fiance', so it was due time to visit the new spot and meet the young, strapping lad that she's planning her life with. The townhouse was warm and nicely decorated. Her fiance' was taller and more welcoming than I imagined. And after Mr. Fiance' ate and left the 3 of us girlfriends to our shenanigans, we became closer than I ever remembered. I think it had something to do with the huge bottle of white Zif that magically disappeared over the course of the night. As we talked, laughed, discussed our men issues, looked at old pictures and watched the BET marathon of Girlfriends on her flat screen tv, I couldn't help but notice that we were exact replicas of the professional and beautiful African-American women living out their lifes for our entertainment. I think we've all done this before - matched up our girlfriends with the characters on the show (either Girlfriends or Sex and the City), but I've never had a set of girlfriends who were so dead on to the personalities, styles and attitudes of those women. It took us no longer than 2 seconds to match each other up to the characters. While I don't have a "Lynn", I definitely have a "Mya" and a "Toni". So, I guess you know who that makes me. Yep. I am most linked to that wonderful and neurotic den mother we've all come to love, "Joan". It was most obvious to make the style connection first being that I was wearing the exact same outfit last night that Joan wore during the episode we were watching at the time. Go figure. But as we analyzed my desires, dreams, and goals, I started to see that I'm more like Joan than I would like to admit. Because of recent experiences, I too have this thing with marriage, men and relationships that seem to be forefront on my mind. But unlike Joan, I refuse to let it rule my life. Joan's obsession with marriage has more times than not sabotaged her relationships and friendships. There's not a chance that I will let those most common 'woman issues' plague my day to day activities. I used to think Joan was insane, but the older I get, the more I understand her. As we watched reruns, I empathized with her cravings and often felt bad for her. Remember when Joan's fiance' had to leave to fullfill his duties in the war? My heart broke for her... just when happiness was starting to make a nest in her heart. Too bad that she had such a struggle finding happiness on her own and within herself. But anyway, "Girlfriends" was a good show and I miss it. It's a good thing I have my own sitcomed life and set of "girlfriends" to fill the void.

I absolutely love my girlfriends. From 3J to the "Girlfriends" crew to my MD sisters to my newfound crazy TU buddies. Spending time with them is beyond therapeutic. I've never realized how much I need them. Thank God for girlfriends.

Not Right

"Should anybody ask for me
Tell 'em I'll be right back
In a real short time
It's just that I lost my mind
Gotta find it
[You want] to hop on my train of thought
I'll get back here
pronto
To collect myself
There's really nothing you can do to help"

The planets are not aligned. Things just aren't right. I need a second to get back on top of my game. Can you believe that I've been hurting people's feelings? Ugh! That makes me sick to my stomach. And of course it would be the people who love me the most. I'm just not paying attention. I'm so into my world that I'm becoming complacent about other people's lifes and needs. This is not what Jesus would do. I need to readjust and realign.

How You Start Is How You Must Finish

Hell yeah something's up with him. And no, you are not crazy. It was in the way you texted him when you got home and didn't get the normal "alright baby girl. it was good seeing you" text. The way in which he handed you car fare, and walked away without a word after you said thank you. The way in which he spent dag on near an hour in the kitchen and let Chris Rock entertain you. You went over because you wanted HIM to entertain me. Not skinny, nasty mouth Chris Rock! And you don't even like comedy like that. The dead giveaway? He washed dishes. You've never seen him away from you long enough to wash dishes AND make a meal when he's in your company. You hardly see each other as it is. There's never been time for dishes! "Alright. Well the cab is coming so..." Oh! [Blank stare.] Is that what's up? And he didn't even walk you downstairs. It's apparent in everything he said and didn't say; in everything he did and didn't do. How you start is how you have to finish. Otherwise, it's illuminatingly clear that something's up. So he needs to stop saying "i'm cool" and spill the beans like a big boy and less like a punk. Now, that's what's up.

I swear, sometimes men are WORSE than us.

TGIF

I'm tired as I don't know what. Went out last night to have drinks with the college amigos being that my brother was in town. Had a great time. I always feel the most comfortable around them. The majority of our conversation was about your "number". Yes, sexual partners. All I can say is that I love how different we all are. It makes for interesting experiences and discussions.

While struggling to carry my suitcase up an insane amount of subway steps this morning, this man behind me said, "that looks heavy" and kept on walking!!!! WTH! Don't you dare talk to me you non-having-manners idiot! Yeah, I was pretty annoyed. More so because I was dying - hot, tired, cramping, and uncharacteristically weak. Where is the chivalry now a days?

Thank goodness it's Friday. This has been the longest week ever. I've earned my vacation days on Monday and Tuesday. My sister will be in a hotel with her friends for Howard homecoming, so I'll be home alone with the parents. My sister livens everything up, so it'll be an easy, quiet weekend. Shoule be nice.

Ugh. My stomach is killing me. I can't type anymore.

Have a good weekend.

he took my breath away - one fantasy down

before i do anything, and because i write everything down, i must have you know that about 30 minutes ago, i happened across the most handsome... mmm. no. that's not the right word. 'handsome' feels too stiff. umm.... let me think...... the most beautiful? no. that's a little too sugary and sweet. i feel like i'm describing terrance howard. well maybe i should just say the finest... naaaww. i don't like that either. using 'fine' is too typical.... he was..... refreshing. that's it. yes. i happened across the most refreshing looking man i have seen in a very long time. and if i were speaking this to you, there would be a pause in between every single word of that last sentence. that's how badly this needs to stressed.

i am so grateful that i was at the place that i was, at the moment i was, and with the person who i was with. because of these things, i was able to be blessed with something special. i was able to have my breath taken away. and for anyone who knows me, you know meaningful that is to me. i romanticize life more than i should and dream of moments where my reality blends with fantasy. where my arms become attacked by goosebumps and my breath becomes short because of something wonderful. where terrific climaxes happen and happy endings live. of course that's not real life, but i desire that.... God smiled down on me and provided exactly that 30 minutes ago.

i understand that he is a human being and is much more than a refreshing face and body, but since i can't and won't have him, i will appreciate him as that one fantasy that actually came to life. =) one fantasy down and many more to go!

mmmm. i still can not believe what i just saw. i hope that i never forget what he looks like.

10:57 - i'm back again. i still have more to say about this man. lol.
i don't think anyone will be able to imagine the stark difference between what was going on in my mind and what was showing on my face. while i could hardly pay attention to the words he was exchanging with my boy, i did notice that he had all of his wits and smarts about him. i think i remember him saying something about working on a project with another friend. from the glow in his face, i'm sure it's going well. or maybe the glow was just from my point of view. either way, even without fully listening, which i couldn't do no matter if i tried, he intrigued me. his presence. the way he crossed his arms over his chest. the way he kept his body open to all 4 of us instead of focusing his attention solely on E. his style. the genuineness in his expression when he hugged his frat brother. i took in everything as i stood there with a calm and simple smile on my face. when E walked me to my bus, i told him that that was another thing i needed to have - instant attraction. he asked me in shock, "he has to be like that?!" - referring to his friend. (earlier, E admitted that he's never before seen the amount of attention that his boy gets.) "wow j. your qualifications are making it really tough. good luck with that." E says. call me a pessimist, but i don't think i'll ever again meet someone, let alone fall in love and marry and man who will blow me away like E's friend did. that's a once in a lifetime thing. and because it happened, i'm satisfied. really and truly, i'm all good. =) today was a good day.

A New Discovery

You know what I just realized. This has to be one of my top ten favorite songs. Everytime it comes on, I get into that zone, but I've never thought about it as a favorite until today... I absolutely love this song.



Happy Wednesday! Tomorrow's payday!!!!!!!!

Why Didn't It Work?

I had an IM convo of substance with an old crush last night.
We briefly touched on why it never went anywhere.
How I tried to get at him but he wasn't having it.
He said he didn't want to corrupt me.
Said I'm too much of an angel.
After he typed that, I rolled my eyes to myself.
I seem to get that a lot.
As a matter of fact, I just wrote a song touching on this notion.
"Yes I was raised to be a good girl/But there's another part to my world
Not many have ever seen it/And that's the way I prefer to keep it"
I told him that perhaps my morals and values are stricter than most.
That doesn't mean it's not hard to keep them.
I'm not as pristine as I appear.
He said that when I told him I work with an organization for youth that promotes abstinence from sex, he knew he wasn't the right one for me.
Well thank you for your deduction and reasoning skills sweetie.
I'm sure you saved me from a lot of temptation and struggle.
It pays to be upfront and honest about who you are.
It can serve as a protection.
So I asked him what is it that he does that would corrupt me.
I don't believe I got a straight answer.
Somehow we ended up talking about how I've done the whole "bad boy" thing.
And in the process loosened up a little.
And when I say "loosened up", I mean got some experience under my belt.
I told him that this time I'm hoping for a "good boy" who I can loosen up a little.
Yep, give me a square.
I can work it from there.
All in all, it was a good convo.

Beyonce

It's on. I already learned the beginning.

• Beyoncé
• New Music

Cue Musiq's Halfcrazy - "I Just Want My Friend Back"

"Hello?"

"I absolutely hate it when someone says take care. It sounds so final. Like I'll never see or speak to you again."

"What? Yo B. I didn't mean it like that. You know I have nothing but love for you. I always will. I'm sure we'll bump into each other."

"I'm just saying. Don't say that. It freaks me out."

He laughs. "I mean it is what it is. All I did was email you to say hi and see how your day was going when I get this 'i've been thinking i need space' response. you didn't even say hello."

"oh. i didn't know you really needed a hello. i mean it's just me. we've never been that formal..." pause. "well i apologize for not saying hello. i had something to say so i thought it was okay to jump right in."

"well i accept your apology." another pause. this time it's longer than the last. "yo B. you're confusing me. one minute you're telling me you can't do this and then the next, you're telling me not to make it sound final. you sound scared to me."

"mmm... i don't think that's it."

"yes it is."

"i mean do you call it me being scared if i just know that we don't have a future together?"

"you know that? or do you think that?"

i whisper my response. "i know."

"oh. well then. i respect the rules j. you told me what it was from the beginning and i feel you. i mean i think it's corny because we'll always have great chemistry and you know that, but you know what you want. i'll always love you and respect you. it's whatever you want."

i don't know what to say. i'm searching for words and finally i come up with this. "well i was just calling to make sure that we're cool. i kinda just want my old friend back. the one who i could spend hours on the phone with politiking and talking about everything and nothing. you're one of my closest friends and i hope that we didn't mess that up."

"of course B. i understand. we'll always still be able to chill. i'll always want you, but i'm used to that. dudes do it all the time. deal with things they can't have. so i just know to keep it plain. vanilla ice cream. you're still my girl j."

"alright. that's good to hear."

"so... call me anytime you want. and have a good night. sweet dreams."

"night."

I was sitting around a lot of single women, so it was like church up in there. Outstretched "I Surrender" arms, gruntled faces, outbursts of confirmations... Maxwell was the next Jesus.

I needed him in a smaller venue. Even though I had orchestra seats, I needed to be closer to him so I could feel him, breathe him and get lost inside of him. I did a little of that from far, but the connection wasn't powerful enough. How was he supposed to see how cocoa buttery I was for him? How could he see that I dressed my eyes perfectly for that sparkly smokey effect I know he would have liked? How was he going to smell the new perfume that I wore? I need Maxwell to see me. I'm not asking for a private performance, just one in which he sees no one in the room but me.

He wasn't as overly cool as I expected him to be. He had an enormous amount of energy. It was great. He even played around a little. Said a few witty things and shared a few jokes. He was like a friend. I appreciated that. His humility was refreshing too. He thanked us more times than I can count on one hand. He was cute when he said he thought we were going to throw tomatoes at him for singing his new song. He knew dag on well that it didn't matter WHAT came out of his mouth... with his fine self.

How can I make this not sound so "thirsty"? Umm... hmmm.... ummm.... I had visions. I don't mean like everyone else though. I wasn't trying to pretend like I was the woman in Maxwell's arms. When Maxwell was on his knees with his back to us simulating some foreplay-esque stuff, I was transmitted to another world. As I watched him, I could help but think if I would be so turned on by the man I actually end up with. Will my man actually be able to have that presence in the bedroom and be so damn fine? Will he really be as grown man as Maxwell was? You know what? I appreciate how still Maxwell was during those scenes. When most sexy, male celebrities do their thing on stage, they usually drop to the floor real fast in push-up position and hump the stage like a rabbit. Not Maxwell. Don't get me wrong. He did a little humping too, but it was like an experience - a journey. How do I explain this? I don't know. He was just so still. Patient. Quiet but not shy. Am I making sense to anyone right now or am I in my own little world? Well, whatever it is, it's extremely mature. It's like making love without even taking any clothes off. That's what I want.

Fashion Exercise : What Kind Of Man Is He?

Alright ladies. Put your thinking caps on. I have an activity for us that is inspired by my private thoughts about Maxwell. Lol. So for each celebrity listed below, tell me what kind of man is he? If you were going to go on a date with the celebrity in question, what would you wear? Is he a jeans man? A summer dress and flats man? A sexy dress and stilleto man? Would you do the career woman look with him or rock an all natural fit? What do you think his preference would be? Play along! This could be fun!

Maxwell (of course)
Idris Elba
Diddy
Terrance Howard
Usher
Prince
Barack
Common
Tyler Perry
Michael Ealy
John Legend
Pharell
T.I.
Andre 3000 *Challenge!*
Mos Def

Here are my answers. Don't look until you do yours! You don't have to do them all if you don't want. Just do a few!



Maxwell - I'm thinking sexy jeans or a summer dress. I can't exactly put my finger on this one though because I could see him loving anything as long as the women inside the clothes was beautiful. You know that sounds like something he would say. LOL.
Idris - Definitely a sexy LBD with some banging stiletto shoes. No question.
Diddy - He needs a dime on his arm at all times, so I would say anything high fashion. Whether it be a dress or pants. If I were to go out with Diddy, I would make sure my coat game was fly.
Terrance Howard - Because I SO don't care, this one is hard for me to get into, but yeah... a dress with some baby wipes in my clutch. Ugh! Boogie negro!
Usher - When I think of Usher, I think of a date in the house. Sweatpants that I look sexy in and a wife beater. Real simple.
Prince - Gosh. Umm.... Back in the day? Something rock inspired maybe. Now? I have no idea.
Barack - This one's obvious. Just look at his wife. Something classy, of course.
Common - He's so simple to me. Jeans, flip flops and a straw fedora. He seems like he would be easy to please.
Tyler Perry - A matching suit so I can look as close to a man as possible. ha!
Michael Ealy - Definitely a summer dress and freshly blow out hair. I would keep it really easy and light with him.
John Legend - A sexy dress that stays classy as well. Something really tailored. Maybe Calvin Klein with acessories that are on point. A diamond ring. Christian Louboutin shoes maybe.
Pharell - Rocker jeans and some hot tennis shoes with a leather jacket. No bag/purse/clutch.
T.I. - His wife always looks like a hot mess so based off that, I'd just throw on something I already have in my closet. But T.I. looks VERY nice when he throws on his suits so maybe a sexy dress.
Andre 3000 - I don't even know where to begin with this one. Harem pants?! Lol? Gosh I hate those things. Maybe some plaid shorts with tights underneath and leather boots. I don't know about the top yet. I gotta think on that one.
Mos Def - I actually have no idea. He's a hard one to call.

How did I do?

A Tribute to Maxwell

In 1996, I was too young to appreciate everything that this man is. But when he spun around and dropped to the floor during his first re-appearance on the last awards show, something in my chest got real tight. Goosebumps attacked my arms and my breath got really short. I lost all of my senses and actually had to work to pull myself out of a trance. Sigh... This newfound love affair with Maxwell Rivera, my Puerto Rican and Haitian work of art, will be incredible. Tomorrow I will be sitting on the floor of Radio City Music Hall, simply ready. Ready for him to take me. I hope I don't lose my mind... =/ Gotta keep it classy for my baby now.

Maxwell Whenever Wherever Whatever
Uploaded by carmlo01

Maxwell - Fortunate
Uploaded by Dante35

Maxwell - Lifetime
Uploaded by klmbaby

Maxwell
Uploaded by weldbardo

Maxwell : This_womans_work
Uploaded by BLACKMUSICS

Love Lockdown

And to "keep it light"... ha ha ha.... let's watch Kanye go through it. Love this video.

Update on Men Update - A Convo With Myself

so j.a.c. did you read everyone's comments?

yes i did. i know what you're going to say, but things got a little further than expected. all i was saying is that i want to do me. i want to stay single and not have to deal with a man catching feelings. i'm not ready for all that.

okay. i hear you. but did you learn anything?

umm... well from the direction that the comments went, it's really easy for things to get complicated when being a "bad girl" is mentioned. even if it was taken out of context. i know i'm not a "bad girl" and i'm not going to try and be one. like mikesee said, i'm going to work on me and let everything else fall into place. seems like the simplest answer. besides, it would be a shame for mr. right walk into your life and I'm not ready.

exactly. because if that happens, i will slap the mess out of you. do you hear me?

whoa! okay. okay. i hear you.

i understand that companionship is important. being single can get tiring after a while, but we're not there yet. you've been single for all of what? 3 months?! leave them men alone and do you baby girl. we don't need them yet. in the meantime, for the purposes of the near future, when you do meet that entertaining, funny guy, have fun but Keep It Plain! you and i will know when it's time to make a case about that someone special. right?

right.

so, you straight?

yeah, i'm straight.

good. my work here is done.



*To everyone who commented - Thank you.*

Men Update

*Yawn* I'm so bored with blogs now-a-days. For those of you who were blogging back in '06, remember the girl who faked that she was dying for blogworld attention? Now that was some interesting stuff. We need more stimulating and crazy talk people.

It's been a while since I've talked about men. The ones in my life and the ones not in my life. There was a time when I used to just blurt out everything and anything, but the older I get, the more private I've become. I guess I just don't want people to know how dumb I can be when it comes to the opposite sex. I'm no more dumb than the next woman, but I just like to pretend that I have it all together.

So do I have men drama? Yes and no. The fact of the matter is that I'm a happily, single woman. After drowning in the biggest relationship catastrophe of my life, I'm spending a little time drying my lungs out. Who knows when I'll be fully recuperated, but I'm regaining my strength everyday. They say that the easiest way to get over a man is to find a new one. I believe that wholeheartedly. Is it the best way? Mmm... I don't know. It's certainly not the responsible thing to do. Well for me it's not. If the goal is just to hang and run around with someone sans emotions and feelings, I could do it. But that's never the way it works for me. Dudes always want to get serious! My friend explained it like this. He told me that when I'm hanging with 28 - 32 year old men, the motives are different for them. What I really need is a man with the mentality of a 22 year old. He then told me that since I have the qualities of a wife, it's going to be dag on near impossible for a man to look at me any other way. Well shoot then! I'm not feeling all that! I just want to laugh! Be entertained! Have fun! And then go home! By Myself! Forget that 'what are we' and 'I want more' crap. It's not going to work over here playa. I don't mean to be so hard or cold, but it's just not that type of day for me. For once in my life, I'm going to be the dude. The bad chick around town. Be me.

Spotlight - CEO and Owner of Chris Leeann Boutique - Latoya Gordon

Because I believe in promoting people who are making something of themselves, I have to put the spotlight on Latoya Gordon, CEO and Owner of her very own online boutique named Chris Leeann Boutique. Now open, Chris Leeann Boutique offers women's fashions with sass, class, spunk and funk. I took a minute to interview this budding entrepreneur. Check out what she had to say.

Tell me about the name "Chris Leeann". Where does it mean and how did you come up with the name?

The name Chris Leeann is very dear to my heart. After weeks of trying to come up with a name that I could truly identify with, I finally decided to use something that would remind me about my driven purpose and that's my baby brother Chad. He's the world to me. I wanted him to know when he got older that he gave me so much drive. More then what I had before. He made me set out and want to follow my dreams. I wanted him to believe that anything was possible if he believed in it and himself. He's just the world to me. He opened my eyes and I want to do the same thing for him. Half of him is half of me so I decided to use half of his middle name Chris (Christopher) and half of mine which is Leeann (Natasha Leeann).

In your press release, it states that your former aspirations were to be the next Barbara Walters, but the railroad to reporting was derailed by your passion for fashion. How did that come about?

I just felt that there was another calling for me and it no longer lay in news reporting. I'm pretty sure that in the future I will be a fashion correspondent but my calling right now is to build the empire of Chris Leeann Boutique. People can call it shallow or a silly change of profession but I call it me filling a void that needs to be filled. I call it putting a smile on someone's face when they can find themselves in something that fits their needs and makes them feel glam. Every woman wants that. Every woman needs that. I'd like to call it Fashion Therapy. And I am the Fashion Therapist.

Do you think you'll ever return to your first goal of reporting?

Of course. I will be working on a weekly fashion report show that will air on Chris Leeann Boutique.

Tell us about the boutique's motto. "The chic in class, the stylish in sass, the fab in funk..."

It's the first thing I think about when I look into my closet, go shopping, or staring down the fashion streets of New York. It's a unique look that will separate one from the rest. It's not just a plain black suit when you go on an interview. It's wearing that black suit with a sun, bright, yellow clutch and leopard print shoes. It's stepping out of the gap and stepping into Chris Leeann. Stepping into your own fashionista's. It's glamming a plain look and making it fashion!

With this being your first big fashion endeavor, it must feel pretty good to finally be open for business. What was the most difficult part of the journey?

Everything was. LOL. I had a tumultuous road getting to this point and journey is only 30% complete. I had a vision and I refused not to have it carried out as pictured. This was my dream. My baby. And the road to get here was nothing easy. But at the end of the day all the sleepless nights and many other sacrifices were well worth it.

What was the easiest?

Listening to my judgement.

Who did you collaborate with on the boutique? Or was this a solo endeavor?

Solo. But I do owe a lot to the many people who have assisted me and given me great encouragement. I can't take all the credit 100%. I couldn't of done it all without certain people in my life being great mentors and others offering assistance when needed.

Whose collections are you selling?

BB Dakota

Ally Marie

Denada

Its a small inventory but each piece is something sensational. I have nothing but confidence for each item I've hand selected myself. Toot Toot (That's me tooting my own horn. LOL)

On chrisleeannboutique.com you are selling about five articles of clothing and ten separate accessories. Do you plan to add more fall merchandise to your boutique?

The next items will be Winter and Holiday.

So what's next for Chris Leeann Boutique?

Everything. There's no stopping. I'm building an empire. I'm branding a name. There will be a store front eventually, a fashion talk show, and something very dear to me will be the various charity programs. But not jumping too far ahead, Spring 2009 will be the launch of my own women's singlet collection exclusively to none other than Chris Leeann Boutique. So be on the look out for La Ture - my singlet collection.

And lastly, how does it feel to be CEO and Owner of your very own boutique?

Sometimes I have to sit back and let it really absorb. Thinking to myself "I did it." I really own my own company. I'm a mini mogul (watch out Kimora!). It reminds me of how far I've come and much farther I will go.

Check out Latoya Gordon's boutique at chrisleeannboutique.com.

Joy

I've been taking B-Complex vitamens everyday for about 2 weeks and I have to say that it makes a difference. I originally bought them so that my behind wouldn't get so testy during PMS, but taking my 9am dose has extremely improved my mood and attitude. I haven't been moody in 2 weeks! My spirits are insanely high and I feel like I'm walking on air. I understand that what I'm describing sounds like I'm high, but I'm not. Or maybe I am. Vitamens are supposed to pick you up right? Regardless, my energy levels are fantastic. Last night, someone said that I looked like I was glowing and jovial. That's exactly what I'm going for. I'm so not stressed, and it shows! My spirits are souring.




Today's the beauty sale at work. Everything will be under $5. It's going to be so much fun. My cousin and aunt have already sent me on a mission for certain products so it's a good thing that I'm going into the fashion department early. (They made us schedule appointment times to shop to avoid crazed masses of women fighting over a bottle of Chanel nail polish.) I don't really NEED anything per se, but you know how that goes. I could always use more nail polish and perfume. What the fashion department REALLY needs to have is an accessories sale. Shoes, bags and jewelry. Now THAT would be something.




Speaking of work, how is it possible that I'm still in love with my job 10 months in? Usually I become bored or someone/something about the everyday job presses the wrong button, but this time around, it's perfect. There's not thing that I would change. What I like most about working at Essence is that it allows me the room to be me and find me. While we're still corporate, other jobs have been very stiff or conservative or just plain ole white. But here, I'm able to breathe. I can plaster my wall with pictures of beautiful brown ladies and not get the side eye. I can wear my hair naturally curly and not become a spectacle. I can say "hey girl!" to my co-worker and not be tagged as 'the urban girl'. I can present sales numbers in meetings and not be the young girl who doesn't know what she's talking about. It's just so easy here. AND (this is a bonus for me), the work's not easy. I'm mentally stimulated almost everyday. It helps that I adore the product as well. (In my humble opinion, Essence and Uptown are the best African-American magazines out there.) And then to be surrounded by so many intelligent and beautiful strong woman... I can go on all day. I just have to thank Jehovah God for putting me in this place. I prayed for it with all my might, and like a Father true to His word, He made it possible.




I'm just so happy with my life. It couldn't be more perfect right now. There's no drama. I have different buckets of friends all over the city that I love. I'm enjoying life without obligations to a man or children. I feel beautiful from the inside out. I'm doing what I love. And I'm partaking in my side passions. I'm trying to be very careful to remember this feeling though, because we can take moments of joy for granted. When I'm 30, stressed out with kids, a husband, and other annoying things of life, I'll be able to think back, remember this feeling, and pull it forward to brighten my day and perspective. Prayerfully, this state of joy will never abandon me, but that's up to me and my mental state, right? Think happy thoughts and you shall be happy!

Remember?

Mokenstef
Tevin Campbell
BBD
New Edition
Bobby Brown
SWV
En Vogue
Heavy D & the Boyz
Salt N Pepa
ABC
Kriss Kross
The Boys
Hi-Five
Troop
Jade
Total
Shai
Color Me Badd
Levert
Lisa Lisa and the Cult Jam
Michel'le
Boyz II Men
Milli Vanilli
Jodeci
TLC
Tony! Toni! Tone!
After 7
Guy
Montell Jordan
Lisa Stansfield
X-Scape
Monica
Brandy
Blackstreet
Throw Back Mary J
Throw Back Whitney Houston
Throw Back Mariah Carey
Next
Soul 4 Real
Adina Howard
Keith Sweat
702
Subway
Silk
Toni Braxton
Throw Back Babyface
Zhane
Throw Back Janet Jackson
Throw Back LL Cool J
Karyn White
Jody Watley
Shabba Ranks
Arrested Development
Surface
Christopher Williams
Al B Sure
Mint Condition
Tony Terry
Changing Faces
Throw Back R. Kelly
DeBarge
Atlantic Starr
Anita Baker
Teena Marie
Whodini
DJ Jazzy Jeff & the Fresh Prince
Biz Markie
Throw Back Prince
Freddie Jackson
Run DMC
Kurtis Blow
Slick Rick
Doug E Fresh
UTFO
Mc Lyte
De La Soul

Add to the list!

thanks Jai and Rika!

Yes, I Can!

15 Things to Do Before 10/09
- go snowboarding
- obtain an IRA
- write 7 fantastic songs
- get baptized
- have a committed relationship with a strong and spiritual man
- take a European trip with my sis
- spend a random weekday in a luxury hotel
- become AmEx debt free
- fine tune my cooking skills
- put together a photography portfolio
- take my vitamen daily
- gain no more than 5 lbs.
- take latin and ballet dance courses and pilates for excerise
- become BOMB at my job and get a good raise
- get into interior design
inspired by Essence magazine