"I absolutely hate it when someone says take care. It sounds so final. Like I'll never see or speak to you again."
"What? Yo B. I didn't mean it like that. You know I have nothing but love for you. I always will. I'm sure we'll bump into each other."
"I'm just saying. Don't say that. It freaks me out."
He laughs. "I mean it is what it is. All I did was email you to say hi and see how your day was going when I get this 'i've been thinking i need space' response. you didn't even say hello."
"oh. i didn't know you really needed a hello. i mean it's just me. we've never been that formal..." pause. "well i apologize for not saying hello. i had something to say so i thought it was okay to jump right in."
"well i accept your apology." another pause. this time it's longer than the last. "yo B. you're confusing me. one minute you're telling me you can't do this and then the next, you're telling me not to make it sound final. you sound scared to me."
"mmm... i don't think that's it."
"yes it is."
"i mean do you call it me being scared if i just know that we don't have a future together?"
"you know that? or do you think that?"
i whisper my response. "i know."
"oh. well then. i respect the rules j. you told me what it was from the beginning and i feel you. i mean i think it's corny because we'll always have great chemistry and you know that, but you know what you want. i'll always love you and respect you. it's whatever you want."
i don't know what to say. i'm searching for words and finally i come up with this. "well i was just calling to make sure that we're cool. i kinda just want my old friend back. the one who i could spend hours on the phone with politiking and talking about everything and nothing. you're one of my closest friends and i hope that we didn't mess that up."
"of course B. i understand. we'll always still be able to chill. i'll always want you, but i'm used to that. dudes do it all the time. deal with things they can't have. so i just know to keep it plain. vanilla ice cream. you're still my girl j."
"alright. that's good to hear."
"so... call me anytime you want. and have a good night. sweet dreams."