Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Men Update

*Yawn* I'm so bored with blogs now-a-days. For those of you who were blogging back in '06, remember the girl who faked that she was dying for blogworld attention? Now that was some interesting stuff. We need more stimulating and crazy talk people.

It's been a while since I've talked about men. The ones in my life and the ones not in my life. There was a time when I used to just blurt out everything and anything, but the older I get, the more private I've become. I guess I just don't want people to know how dumb I can be when it comes to the opposite sex. I'm no more dumb than the next woman, but I just like to pretend that I have it all together.

So do I have men drama? Yes and no. The fact of the matter is that I'm a happily, single woman. After drowning in the biggest relationship catastrophe of my life, I'm spending a little time drying my lungs out. Who knows when I'll be fully recuperated, but I'm regaining my strength everyday. They say that the easiest way to get over a man is to find a new one. I believe that wholeheartedly. Is it the best way? Mmm... I don't know. It's certainly not the responsible thing to do. Well for me it's not. If the goal is just to hang and run around with someone sans emotions and feelings, I could do it. But that's never the way it works for me. Dudes always want to get serious! My friend explained it like this. He told me that when I'm hanging with 28 - 32 year old men, the motives are different for them. What I really need is a man with the mentality of a 22 year old. He then told me that since I have the qualities of a wife, it's going to be dag on near impossible for a man to look at me any other way. Well shoot then! I'm not feeling all that! I just want to laugh! Be entertained! Have fun! And then go home! By Myself! Forget that 'what are we' and 'I want more' crap. It's not going to work over here playa. I don't mean to be so hard or cold, but it's just not that type of day for me. For once in my life, I'm going to be the dude. The bad chick around town. Be me.

21 comments:

T.C. said...

...guess I just don't want people to know how dumb I can be when it comes to the opposite sex. I'm no more dumb than the next woman, but I just like to pretend that I have it all together DON'T WE ALL!

you could have stopped there and i would have been fine! LOL

if you want i can totally blog about my dislike for people, yea i am in one of THOSE moods today...LOL

T.C. said...

oh and you be the bad chick...doubt it...LOL

seriously that's not you...but have fun though and keep it light!

you are wife material can't hide that either...so its going to be rough...but again just keep it light

j.a.c. said...

You took the words right out of my mouth!!! "Keep It Light" That's what I've been walking around saying for the past two weeks now!

"oh and you be the bad chick...doubt it..." Dag! lol.

miKeSee said...

A few things...

1. Hey giiiiirl!

2. Don't be the bad chick, be you. That is, be honest with what you are looking for up front and let the dudes figure out how they want to carry it. And I know you don't really mean the "bad chick" literally, LOL. Knowing who you are and where you are is attractive and a mature guy who is really trying to get to know you will be willing to be patient and be friends and accept where you are with hopes that eventually you'll open up to him. If it takes too long he'll roll. And if you think he's worth keeping around and building with at some point you'll let him know when you're ready. The only problem you might run into with your stance is that some dudes will view you as a challenge. And sometimes it's hard to figure out who is Marcus from Boomerang versus who is Omar Epps from Love & Basketball. But you still see what happened to Marcus, right? LOL.

3. Find another dude or a couple more dudes to talk to for their perspectives. This is not always going to be the case..."He then told me that since I have the qualities of a wife, it's going to be dag on near impossible for a man to look at me any other way." Don't believe that holds true in all cases for a minute. Male friends of different ages and relationship status(es) can be a single woman's best friend. That is, when they don't have ulterior motives.

4. Everybody likes companionship but sometimes it's more trouble than it's worth. Sometimes it's good to just work on you and let everything else fall into place. Easier said than done, I know. LOL.

MY $0.02... Now cashing out my chips....

j.a.c. said...

1. Heeeeyyyy!

2. How come no one believes I can be a bad chick!? Lol. Funny. And no, I didn't mean literally. I meant on some "the baddest chick in the spot" steelo. In my mind, I'm hoping that I'll met "him" AFTER I recuperate. Not during. That way we can eliminate all this waiting and understanding stuff. But that's just in my mind. Things never work out that way.

3. "Male friends of different ages and relationship status(es) can be a single woman's best friend." Yeah, but only if it's "light".

4. This point hit me the most. I think this is where I'm actually heading.

Thanks for the $0.02.

Hey! Why do you only comment when I'm talking about your pathetic gender?! Lol. J/K.

Jenn Will said...

I so cannot be bothered with men right now. There is this perfectly nice, perfectly unattractive man who calls/texts me daily...i almost feel bad for him because i never answer or respond...i only gave him my number b/c he's been trying to get it for the past year or so. I am just in no mood for men that I have to actually talk to.

You need to learn how to go out, meet a cute boy, flirt, be touchy feely, dance, and then LEAVE HIM THERE. Don't give him your number, or take his if he insists and then promptly delete it, and the next time you go out repeat. Let go of the ppl that actually know you, concentrate on new booty. :) That's not being a bad chick, it's being a chick that knows what she wants...but as we know, I am cold hearted-but that works for me.

T.C. said...

j-mikesee NEVER comments at all on my blog so consider yourself priviledged...and i knew you didn't mean it literally but you can totally be the "baddest chick in the spot" you already have that stelo...

i definitely agree with working on yourself...that's the BEST way to truly heal

jennwill-you are INSANE! and i love it!

Jonte said...

Oh goodness,

Just remember, when a good girl goes bad, she's gone forever.

j.a.c. said...

Jenn is a pro! Can't nobody mess with her!

@ jonte - i hear you. nice insert. but do you really think that's true? i was hanging out with my girls last weekend and they mentioned that most females (usually good girls) have a "slut year", but after that, they snap right back. can it be so?

But maybe it's just me... said...

Lol @ '...but I just like to pretend that I have it all together.' I feel that way sometimes too.

Despite having the evident 'wife potential' gene, I think you're somewhat in control of what vibe you put out. Just make it plain.

Oh...and I agree with the 'slut year' bounceback for good girls. I had a few years in my mid to late 20s that were less than reputable...lol. But, I eventually made it back to this side of my good girl status, cause that's what I am at heart. I don't regret the experience though...I mean...you have to have something to compare the good girl-ness to, right??

j.a.c. said...

@ but maybe - your comment makes me think about a post i wrote about choices. *hanging my head down like a little girl in trouble* You're right. I am in control.

By the way, I like "make it plain" better than "keep it light". "Keep it light" sounds like there's a struggle. "Make it plain" is definitive.

Anonymous said...

(A Man's Pespective)Man, you got to do you. And doing you is who ever YOU really are. Don't be something your not. If your a good nice person then stay that way. I agree with an earlier comment "when a good girls gone bad, she gone forever". Dont do that. Theres not enough good women out there as it is so dont add to the mix (thats a argumnet in itself)I dont think your built for that anyway.

Just work on being the best person you are and Mr.Right will come along but you have to be available to accept him even if your in transition. Dont miss out on a great opportunity cuz your scared. Enjoy the moment and be easy.

Jonte said...

Interesting pose about the "slut year". It might work out if you were in college and your slut year was senior year or you knew you were going to be moving or changing jobs. But, what happens when at the end of your slut year everybody around you doesn't get the memo. You're over it, but now everybody knows you as the slut. Remember, dudes talk to. Guarantee somebody is going to tell your boy that you can't turn a hoe into a housewife. Or what if you really get turned out during that year and your life just jumps the tracks. Whenever I hear somebody say something like that I tell them to watch Girl 6. You could end up as Theresa Randle, no lie. Be who you are and only who you are, because you could be out there "play acting" but to some people that will always be the real you.

Anonymous said...

(A Man's Perspective)Man, you got to do you. And doing you is who ever YOU really are. Don't be something your not. If your a good nice person then stay that way. I agree with an earlier comment "when a good girls gone bad, she gone forever". Dont do that. Theres not enough good women out there as it is so dont add to the mix (thats a argumnet in itself)I dont think your built for that anyway.

Just work on being the best person you are and Mr.Right will come along but you have to be available to accept him even if your in transition. Dont miss out on a great opportunity cuz your scared. Enjoy the moment and be easy.

T.C. said...

i totally agree with NOT going through the "slut phase" not at this point in life...you have to much knowledge and understanding to go there...

and then there is the saying "you can't turn a hoe into a housewife" so you know what's your reputation is of being a "hoe" you can't go back to the good girl...

now me KNOWING you, you would never let your reputation be anything other than a "good woman"

a man's perspective: there are more good woman out here than you think...just like there are many more good men out here...a lot of times we aren't "packeaged" as you might want them to be...

anywho...i am SO loving this conversation...

i too like the "make it plain" it does make it straight and to the point because it is indeed plain

j.a.c. said...

wait people. i'm totally not going through a slut phase. no no no. that's definitely not me. just relaying a conversation i had about a good girl going bad...

i do agree jonte - if you do the slut thing, you have to be VERY discreet, or else it's over for you.

Jenn Will said...

I don't think its all that serious...you seeing men, and the way you choose to interact with them, in a different light is not you completely changing who you are as a person. Yes you are the type of person that wears your heart on your sleeve, you are a serious deep thinking woman but giving yourself a break-just being, not looking at men to see their long term potential, taking your interactions/relationships with them super casually-does not equal earth shattering life changing metamorphasis.

And this whole business with the "loose year"...I refuse to call it a slut anything...deciding to view sex as casually as men do does not a slut one make. I know the girls use it jokingly, exaggeratingly, and for effect but i'm pretty sure no one is talking about you putting a sign in the front yard "free nookie here".

It seems to me that taking some time off of love, off of pursuing it, and looking for it, and trying to see if you see it in another persons eyes-etc, is doing you. You are in NY for goodness sake it is choc full of sexy men-Meet as many as you can! Take their pics-backs, shoulders, chests-and send them to me! That's livin!

j.a.c. said...

Jenn - When I wrote the post, I felt the same way you do. What's the big deal?! I still don't think it's as HUGE of an issue as it ended up being, but I understand where everyone is coming from. I don't know if everyone just knows me really well or they know what can happen if I, j.a.c., tries this business.

All - Whether everyone intended to shelter/sheild me or not, I feel extremely cared for right now. I totally wasn't expecting to feel like this, but I appreciate all the NO NO's that came my way. Thank you guys for caring.

Jonte looked at me like I had lost my mind when coming down the hall at work this afternoon. Appreciate you Jonte!

miKeSee said...

1. Just to clarify. I comment when I read and it's something that invokes a response. This one did. I actually haven't been keeping up regularly and when I come in and check you out, look what I get a WHOPPER! And I don't think you are going through a bad girl phase, I totally understood.

2. Meeting someone after recuperation is ideal unless you meet him during and he is that mature and patient man who can play his part until the time comes. That's a tough find, I ain't gonna lie. And like you said, it never works out that way.

3. "light" != platonic. Hell we've had this convo before about male/female relationships. I won't start that one over again but I will say that some guys can maintain the platonic nature. Those are the ones you need to talk to. Most of them are married though, LOL. And even in that case they may still tread the line. I know I know, we're such a pathetic gender (LOL). Not really but still.

4. Remember what I told you my plan for 2009 was? Well maybe you don't remember that conversation but it'll come to you.

LOL @ JennWill. She makes some decent points but the one I'd disagree with is about pursuing love and/or looking for it. I think that's a big mistake a lot of women make. Jenn hinted at it (by the way 'wassup homie?' @ Jenn) in her last comment but I think it's something a sheitload of women spend their time doing by their nature, seeking men. And that's something that can be taken advantage of. Not to mention that a man is supposed to "find a wife" in the first place.

"You see me...HI HATER!"

Ya'll should do a joint post on this bad girl ish with JennWill moderating. Get your Gwen Ifill on Jenn!

MysTery said...

I just want to know why you get so many responses on a post about men...lol!

Liz said...

I'm with Jwill on her last post-- I say, just make it up as you go---don't focus on controlling the situation or what conditions people (our parents, friends, co-workers) have placed on us ---Just continue to do what you're doing, focus on your career, your dancing and continue to stay in a positive (vitamin B) state of mind and in the end everything will line up as it shouold---

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