Sunday

I just got out of the kingdom hall.
I'm very tired.
We went out last night and had an absolutely wonderful time dancing up a storm.
I don't think we've had that much fun in a long time.
Didn't get back in until 4am though.
So I guess you imagine why I'm tired.
4 hours of sleep.
I have Christina Aguilera's song "Save Me From Myself" on repeat.
It's an absolutely beautiful song.
I love it.
It makes me kinda sad though.
I'm eating breakfast while I type.
After I finish, I'll probably take myself to the park and do some reading.
I've been so nonchalant about school.
It's my last semester, my last month, my last two classes, so all my gusto is gone.
I just want to finish.
I was supposed to read an entire 300 page book for today, but that's not going to happen.
I'll just do the best I can.
Maybe run through the first 150, that is if I don't fall asleep.
The likelihood of my falling asleep in the park is very high though.
That also sounds kinda dangerous huh?
I need a guard while I'm out there cuz I so want to just lay out.
I need to finish cleaning, wash my hair and do laundry.
Ooh, these wonderful Sundays.
I'm so tired.
Just finished eating.
Gotta make moves.
Happy Sunday and rest of the week everyone.

Her Entrance

With a string of freshwater pearls around her neck
and red nails
she enters the dimly lit bar.
Her stature and quiet confidence challenges
the room.
Not one person can avoid noticing.
The tenderness and broken heart
inside of her is hidden
under the red material that
hugs her curves.
Her green eyes
are all cried out and courage
drips from her fingers.
Oblivious to the attention she is calling
she turns around to look
in the mirror behind her
and re-apply the red lipstick
to her pout.
It's in the reflection that she
notices people staring.
Unphased she turns down her lipstick,
returns the cap
and checks her lips one last time.
"My lips hurt"
she thinks to herself.
In one sweeping motion
she turns around in place.
While turning however
a strand of curly hair falls into her eye.
In a magical way
she catches the eye of everyone
watching her in that second
and suddenly makes them uncomfortable.
She brushes her hair back up
into place
and finally begins to stride across the floor.

Grammy Material

Christina Aguilera Back to Basics


If this woman does not win a arm load of Grammy's, I'm going to die. This album gives me goosebumps. She has grown so much over the years and has impressed me with the amount of dedication an hard work that she has put into this album. She has truly matured. Creating an album with such a specific style is always hard because when you put it out there that you want the music to sound a certain way, you have to be very careful to keep it consistent. It's a challenge to avoid having a track go off into left field. When you choose to focus on the throwback jazz, blues and soul style that she's entertaining, EVERY track has to be on point.

Well, Christina put it down. That's all I have to say. When I listen to the album, I'm trascended to her world. Shoo! She makes ME dag on near wanna put on a Marilyn Monroe dress, some leapord print heels, and string of pearls. She makes me feel like a WOMAN! I can't wait to see her on stage. Christina gets 5+ stars from this here girl.

Where Are You?

Although I don't know you that well to really break it down
I feel it's time to disclose how you make me feel inside
I tried to keep emotions hidden but I just can't hide
You make me feel like this could be the first day of my life

So I picked up the phone and dialed your number
My heart was racing I was ready to surrender
From this moment I knew that we would be much closer
But I couldn't reach you and it really made me wonder

Where are you?
I really need to talk to you
Where are you?
Before I lose the nerve for you
Where are you?
Boy this feeling is so new
Where are you?
And I want to share it with you

You better hurry - before this very night is through
I don't know how much longer I can really keep it cool
With every minute I am feeling like a silly fool
Why won't you call me so I can finally break the news

But you are not around so now I wonder
If this is real and should it be for you I hunger
I start to think and then I realize no longer
Can I sit here and dream of being your lover

Where are you?
I really need to talk to you
Where are you?
Before I lose the nerve for you
Where are you?
Boy this feeling is so new
Where are you?
And I want to share it with you

Don't you realize that if you don't call
Tomorrow I won't be able to say it all
It's right now that these feelings are so raw
If you miss out, I'm sorry, I'm gone

Will You Be My Boss?!

This joint is crazy!! Jazymne might have to come out for this one! For real!

Names/Personalities

Ok. Let's talk about the names because people seem to be interested.

Jendayi - meaning: give thanks. This is the girl you'll see at work or when you first meet me. Very professional and on point.

Jendi - nickname my mom gave to me so that slow people can have something to call me by when they struggle with the real name. It's also the name that my closest and oldest friends call me. This girl is very friendly, cool and laid back.

Jen - a family name. Only the immediate fam calls me this. This is the daughter and sister part of me. Probably the most natural personality of them all.

J - a club name. It's kinda hard to scream 'Jendayi' over the music, so this usually takes its place. This is usually that girl you see that glides by you in a club, walks to the bar to by herself a drink, or is doing her thing on the dance floor. A little sexy, a little bad. You might want to get to know her, but unfortunately it won't happen. J just can't meet people in the club. She's there to party and nothing else. I promise that she's tries to be nice.

Jazmyne or Jaz for short- one word to describe her: vixen. I had to create a whole separate name and alter ego for her so that I could disassociate myself from her whenever I do something bad. I used to be afraid of her, but I've learned to accept her. Not many people see her and I'd like to keep it that way. She's a bad B!

Asha - meaning: life. Not sure who this chick is. People seem to like using my middle name for some reason. To be honest, it's a little weird to answer to it, but whatever. You can make her whoever you want.

Get it? Got it? Good.

Zuri

She looked at her tall reflection in the mirror and mumbled, "Get it together honey". She put her hands on her slim waist and poked out her left hip in one delicious movement. Zuri scanned her stature with a quick glance. Her long legs looked powerful. Her stomach was tight. Her delicate shoulders felt stable. Zuri was there. Strong and sure. A woman in her own way. Now that she was sure her appearance was tight, it was time to transform her weakened soul. Staring in to her own brown eyes in that dark mirror, she reverted back to a time when she was unstoppable. As her escapade progressed, she could taste the sweet colorful ooze of control in her mouth become stronger and stronger. She slowly began to feel the breathe of power fill her lungs. A cool calm ran through her chest and her fingers which were still holding her firm waist. It was a comforting feeling. One that she was very familiar with. Still staring, she gave way to her senses and lost control in the control.

She whispered to the invisible force that had just swept over her, "How can you stay away so long? Many roses have died since you've been gone. Never leave me again."

Zuri stood up straight, dropped her hands to her side and smiled at herself. She picked up her right hand, flicked her shoulder-length pressed hair and walked out of the mirror's reflection.

T.C.'s Interpretation of My Dream

"Your blog and I have been there before…for like the first 3 or 4 months of this year I kept having dreams of me dying…sometimes peacefully and sometimes violently….be in prayer and on guard because something is going to happen…I felt that way when I was in the bathroom this morning today has a déjà vu feeling to it but its NOT a good one…not at all…so be in prayer and on guard…

I know that doesn’t help AT ALL…but I HAD to tell you that

I love you and take care"


OH MY GOODNESS T!!!! Why would you say that to me?

And then she sent this...

"don’t know I wanted you to know that…because its not just YOU…it is something bigger than both of US…GOD is trying his best to protect us…but today I got a feeling that the devil is working OVER TIME to get us…seriously…yeah you can blog it

I was in the bathroom and a feeling just came over me, like something is going to happen today, I don’t know when I don’t know what, but I have been in this place, space, and time before….and its NOT a good look"

I mean should I be scared!!! Later on she came back with this.

"When I started having those dreams…things around me started dying…a couple of people died, relationships started to die…just death all around…lost of job and income…ALL of that stuff started to happen when I started having those dreams….but I didn’t want to say that to you….because that is really DEEP…but that’s what happed to ME….because You and I are TWO totally different people…and yours could simply be that your spirit because of your happiness in Cali is dying…you feeling like you are suffocating out there….feel me?"

Dag. I really wasn't reading into the dream and actually never for a second though that it meant anything. I hear you T but are all dreams meant to be interpreted? Can you just have them and not think about them?

Weird

I'm frustrated. I almost couldn't get into my blog this morning. I so badly wanted to sit down and write before beginning my day but a co-worker ran me down for something as soon as I put my behind in my seat. And as soon as I was finished with her, I tried to sign in and nothing happened! Something was seriously trying to keep me away. But all is good now. I'm here.

I had the weirdest night/morning. For whatever reason, I woke up at 4:00am on the nose. My body usually wakes me up around 6am, which is good just in case I ever forget to set my alarm, but when I looked at those bright neon letters on my table, I was shocked. What in the world?! So I got up and went to the bathroom and then came right back to bed. Of course it took me forever in a day to fall asleep. But when I finally fell asleep, I had the weirdest dream. I came home to find my roommate running down the stairs in a panic. She didn't say a word to me. She just ran right by me. So I ignored her and went to the apartment. When I got there, there was some strange looking man pacing around our door. I was weirded out by his presence, let alone the fact that he looked CRAZY! When his eyes made contact with mine, his eyes turned red and he asked me was that my apartment and what apartment number was it. Of course those were stupid questions because I had my keys in my hand ready to unlock the door and the apartment number was on the door. So I managed to get inside and lock the doors. I guess the crazy man went away at that time because later on he came back and took a picture of the door. I saw the flash go off from under the crack of the door. He went away again, which was when my roommate came back. She told me that some man was trying to kill her. That's when the man slid his entire body under the crack of the door! It was crazy! With a gun in his hand, he grabbed my roommates arm and started running down the stairs. I ran after them, screaming at my roommate because she was willingly going. So I grabbed her away from the man and ran back to our apartment. The man followed us and just as we made it to the apartment, he shot me in the head. And that's where the dream stopped.

What In The World!

So this morning, I hit the snooze button a total of five times instead of the normal two. That's not normal because I'm usually very good at getting out of bed. Needless to say I thought I was going to be late, but I didn't really care. No one ever notices or cares what time I walk in so I've gotten in the bad habit of coming in late. I'm usually only 20 minutes late though. It's not that bad. But anyway, as I was going about my morning, it took only a total of 15 minutes to get ready! I got dressed in like 2, which is definitely NOT normal. I looked at the clock when I was done the morning routine and was like "What in the world?! Did time just go backwards or something?" It was like the twilight zone.

And then while walking out my apartment, I almost tripped and fell down the stairs! What in the world?!! Oh my goodness that was scary. I hope no one saw.

So I'm kinda backwards today. A little weirded out. A little upside down. I need to realign!

Quote of the Week

"Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood." - Marie Curie

I was just sitting here thinking which led to me search through one of my old journals for a little inspiration. I found that quote and immediately felt like I needed to write it down somewhere. I think I'm going to apply this to all situations in life, and basically man up. There's no need to be in fear of anything, especially when there's so many great lessons to learn in everything.

New World Flamenco Festival - Fronteras : Compañia Rafaela Carrasco

A Review

I never want to see a piano, a cello, men in skirts, women in pants, or dancers without shoes at another flamenco performance.

While studying Spanish dance styles in college, I grew a passion for flamenco dance. It's raw-ness and passion latched on to me in a way that has forced me to attend every flamenco performance that comes to town. The flamenco style is a loud and intense dance that develops from emotions within and surfaces on the body. It is a very piercing and passionate dance that excudes masculinity from los bailaores (male performers) and grace from las bailaoras (the females). There's nothing weak about the music or the singing. The man's las palmas (hand claps) and characteristic strong choreograpy where the taconeo (footwork) are concerned, and the women's mastery of the large flamenco falda (skirt) and traditional Andalusian dress and manton (silk shawl with fringes) make flamenco what it is.

With that said, I was very disappointed in the fact that the choreographer directed her cast to wear clothes that were directly in contrast to the tradition. There is no doubt that she was making an artistic statement, however I felt that seeing los bailaores take on the challenge of the dress's train by wearing the custom skirt was a mockery of the dance style. It was like seeing Matthew Bourne's swan lake all over again. (For all the non-dancers, that's the all man version of swan lake.) I also do not care for las bailaoras to wear the pants in the relationship. The men of flamenco are the warriors, the heros, the powerful bullfighter...not the other way around.

Incorporating a classic instruments into a normally very rough and powerful musical style somewhat hurt my feelings. The piano and cello stripped away at the core of the dance. The instruments put out the fire that consumes flamenco dancing and it's dancers.

What I did love however where the transitions between dancers and the lighting. The transitions were so seemless that it was as if one dancer flowed into another. The light man did an excellent job portraying the mood of the choreographer.

Vamó Ya!

(I haven't written a review since college. Man I miss this stuff.)

I Made It

Yesterday was my two year anniversary. On August 12, 2004, I moved to Los Angeles, CA to begin a new journey; to start a new chapter of my life. I remember being very upset about the move. Picking up and moving to the west was very dramatic for me. I hated the fact that I was making such a big move for something as retarded as money. But now that it's been two years, I can look back and say that my new transition was a blessing. I guess this would be a good time to recap some of my lessons during this expedition.

So....
I was always good with money and budgets, but with the student loans, the car note, the insurance, the rent, and so on kicking in all at the same time, I learned very fast how to maintain my finances and keep a good credit standing. While I have a weakness for shopping, I learned to hold down my own and developed good discipline. I'm a very stubborn person, so asking anybody for help was not an option. That might be something that I have to work on for future reference, but I'm proud to say that I never really needed substantial help with money issues and I never relied on my parents.

Moving also afforded me the challenge of learning the difference between independence, lonliness and being alone. I've always been independent but never alone so adjusting to running around solo took a minute. (It's funny because I go everywhere alone now. As a matter of fact, I'm going to see 'New World Flamenco' at the Irvine Barclay Theatre today.) I'm not 100% sure when, but I do think that lonliness started to creep in there somewhere. I didn't have any friends, I recently broke up with my deepest love, and I was dealing with the idea that my family wasn't a hop, skip and a jump away. So as you might imagine, I went through every sorrowful emotion that a person could conjure up. I don't really remember how I did it, but I got through. Of course, good ole faithfuls, music and writing, played a huge part. I was also determined to not let my pain show on the outside so preoccupying myself with appearing "ok" helped. I've seen what depression can do to individuals so I knew that I couldn't let myself fall into that cycle. I also knew that it wasn't that serious and that no situation will ever be that bad. Nothing will ever take my shine.

I went through my shortest relationship ever within these two years as well. Even though the relationship only lastest 6 months, I learned more than I could have ever wanted to. It was a very painful one, so everything sort of kicked in high gear. It was certainly a crash course if I've ever had one. I learned what I want out of a relationship, what my limitations are, how to compromise, how to be a better girlfriend, how to let things go, etc... But the one thing I learned more than anything else was how to be strong. Of course, you're always taught not to let men take advantage of you and to respect you but you never realize how critical your reflexes have to be once a man mistreats you. If you let the first instance go by without saying anything, it only gets worse. I learned how to stick up for myself and to get out of a relationship that was costing my happiness.

The greatest blessing of this move would have to have been my spiritual growth. With the time I had to myself, I learned to rely on Jehovah. Being away from old influences and the pressure from my parents, I was able to make my own decisions. Decisions that came from my heart insteaf of outside forces.

I learned how to be a woman! I'm not quite sure what that means but I can definitely feel it. Well, maybe this is it: I know my personal style. I'm very aware of my feminine wiles. I'm in touch with my sexuality. I love my body. I love wearing heels and all the things that make me so girlie. I take pride in feminism. lol! I'm such a female and I love it! Coming from a time where I wore awkwardness like it was my only pair of jeans, I really appreciate the rites of passage. In retrospect, I'm glad I went through this passage the way I did. Being slow and goofy-looking protected me from things when I was younger. I only pray that my child is as nerdy and boney as I was! lol.

There are many other things I probably haven't tapped into yet, but those are the main lessons I've been through since 2004. It'll be time to say goodbye to California soon...which will be hard, but I'm grateful for my time here. If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing.

Dislaimer to "I Order You To..."

I just re-read my blog "I Order You To..." and found it to be a little risque'. When I wrote it, I was thinking of different situations and instances for each line, but it's beginning to sound like one freaky night out under the stars on the beach or something. I'm sure I don't really owe an explanation or a disclaimer... it IS art...but I think it's important to understand that that wasn't my intention. If you understand that, then you understand me.

Hair

FLIPPED


SHORT CUT


CRAZY WILD!!! (That's after braids came out. lol.)


LONG


BANGS


BRAIDS

CRIMPS

STRAIGHT

WEAVE

CORNROWS

CURLY

TWISTS

WIGS

I've done it all. I actually didn't get this experimental with my hair until I moved out to California 2 years ago. I think it's something about moving away and being brand new that has me completely stepping out of myself like this. I've always either been a crimps, curls or fluffy-and-light hair (via the Dominicans in NY) person and while I still perfer those styles, it's nice to step outside of the box everyone once in a while.

Now the weave... I did it once, and I'll NEVER do that again. I had my one little opportunity to do it up for the formal ball, but that mess was entirely too much to handle AND to take out. I don't think my hair has ever been as messed up as it was after I got it cut out. Needless to say, after it came out, I spent a whole lot of time nourishing, feeding, and conditioning my hair. Thank goodness my mane grows like a weed.

But what brought this post on? you're probably asking. I'M GETTING MY HAIR DONE TODAY!!!! Normally that's not supposed to be a big thing, but I took a little hiatus from the hairdresser to save my $45 about 4 times over and let it just grow and do it's thing. Now that my hair has grown, it's time to cut it again. I'm so ready to get my hair off my back.

But look what I notice though. When my hair is long, I get SO much more attention than when my hair is short. I'm sure that's no surprise though. I guess it's the black man's fantasy with long hair. (Of course that goes for other races as well.) Not much else to say there...

But yes, going back to the normal J style.



I prefer this to all others because it's always classy. The Dominican's used to hook me up! I could walk down the block from my dorm, head straight to the bowl, get my hair washed and conditioned, run straight to the chair to get rolled, sit under the dryer, come back to the chair to get the curls blown out, and be out in the streets of NY all under 1 hour. Now you tell me what black salon can do that? The hairdresser I'm about to go to today, Salon Eberechi, will have me in there for about 3 and a half hours AT LEAST. Sigh... Such a waste of time. The good thing though is that I get A LOT of reading done. That is of course only if I'm not running my mouth.

But it's time...
Sherri!
I'm coming!!!
Make me beautiful!!

Free Association

So ya'll know what this is about right?
Write down the first thing that comes to my mind
No stopping
Just pure un-interrupted honest thoughts
Where I have to be real and raw

I'm not tired yet
It's 10:30 and I'm usually in bed by now
I gotta take my contacts out and wrap my hair
As soon as I lay my head down though I'll be out
We all know how that goes
Had a good day today
Not much to complain about besides my job
Well I won't complain cuz I'm blessed to have one
My manager sucks though
I should write about him in a post
I need some advice on that one
What else happened today
Got my car washed, picked up the dry cleaners
I feel like a grown a$$ woman man
Now I understand why my mom was so tired
I can’t even imagine doing all I have to do WITH kids right now
But I know once I have them, it’ll be a wrap
It’ll be ON LIKE POPCORN!!!!
Always got errunds and chores to do though
It's amazing that I'm living on my own
3,000 or however many miles away from the fam
Not only the fam, but everyone I love
It’s hard not having anyone here that loves you
Who will look out for you through like that
Got your back through whatever goes down
I know I keep saying this but there's nothing out here for me
LA is wack and I need to get back
Hey that rhymes!
I need to write a song
Haven't added to the lyrics in a while
I'm more of a poetry girl though
Q.Symm does need a few more songs to choose from
I love writing
What would I do without a pen and a piece of paper
Or a computer and a blog (lol)
Speaking of technology, my co-worker just bought that robot dog
Crazy I tell you
The world is becoming so impersonal
What happened to real life emotion and affection?
What are you going to do with a computerized censored metal dog?
Soon robots are going to take over the earth
Mark my words
Just like iRobot, we'll be walking around and talking to machines
Shoo, we already talk to machines!
"Say A Command"
"Call MOM"
"Did you say Mom?"
"YES!"
Ohh my eyes hurt
Have you ever wanted to be a star?
I know I have
Why though?
The rush of performing...
I love to perform....
The stage is my home
Man I miss the stage
Dancing, singing, acting, whatever... I belong there
Maybe I should get back into ballroom dancing
Gotta find time for that though
I'm always so dag on busy, running around like I lost my mind
It's good to calm down and chill
Have a good conversation once in a while
I've been having great conversations lately
Well I'm not going to sice them up like that
They been aight (wink)
It's cool though to talk and not realize that hours have passed
Dag! I should have been doing my homework!
You know how many chapters I coulda read in this time?!
But you know what?
I needed that time?
How often do I put it down and just enjoy myself for a minute?
Everybody needs that time
Besides, the time I've spent has made me smile
And I like smiling
And laughing
And giggling
And chuckling
He he!
It's cool, real cool.
Well I been on this thang here for about 8 minutes
I'm sure ya'll are getting bored so I'ma sign this one off
Holla people of the world!!!

And Don’t Forget To Express Yourself!

I Order You To...

trace my lips with your fingertip
feel the corners of my smile rise slightly
turn your mind into me and forget
ignore the sound of everything
fullfill the silence with sweet vibrations
empty your soul into mine
smell the dew of infatuation
watch my back arch in rhythm
view all my needs in the stars
make them come true with a kiss
explain your desires and circle my waist
call the winds to wrap us together
relax me until i can't touch the ground
clean away the implications of this life
encompass the charm i see in your eyes
taste a world of epiphanies in my touch
write how you feel on the small of my back
say nothing when everything can be said
teach me the elegance of your cool
wrap me in the backdrop of your warmth
know there is no other like me
respect the beauty in my statue
live like you dwell in my heart

Heed to my orders and we will explode.

Stupid Diddy

Ok. I'm sitting here watching Access Granted for Diddy's new video "Come To Me" and I just had to get up and put my thoughts down about this man.

Diddy. You Are Some Straight H.A.M.!!!!! Why are you so freakin full of yourself?!! Who made you the king of the world?!!! I mean for real. What makes you say stuff like, "whenever she's in my area, which is the world, show her some respect". What?!!! Oh so it's your world huh? For real? Are you serious?! And what do you mean "See this neon! I'm the king of neon. I don't want to see neon in no body else's video." What???!!! What?!!! What?!!!! You have got to be kidding me!!! First of all, who wants to be the king of neon? Second of all, WHO ARE YOU?!!! And then you go and say some stuff like a lot of people talk the talk but don't walk the walk. I got the swagger and the secret to my success and swagger is God! Oh SHUT UP!!! PLEASE SHUT UP. Please Please PLEASE SHUT YOUR BUTTHOLE BECAUSE ALL OF THAT CRAP IS DEFINITELY COMING OUT OF YOUR BEHIND!!!!!

Oh he makes me so mad.

Oh and why did he give us a tour of his bus on Access Granted? I mean, you either do Cribs or you do Access Granted. You can't do both just to show us that you have a tv on the door of your bathroom so you can sit on the toilet and be stupid for a half an hour. You know what? You can't dance, your pants are entirely too tight, the song sucks, you are one of the worst rappers of all time and you definitely can't rhyme. And you say it feels good to be back? What you mean back? You still aint here! You gotta come with something to be back little boy!!!!!

He just makes me mad. I've never had this much hateration in me before but Diddy, excuse me, Sean Combs, just brings it out of me. (yeah that's right. I'ma call you the name your momma gave you. you aint gonna be changing names up on people and just expect them to accept what you say.)

Sean is a BAMMA!! Stay a business man and just shut the mess up in the meantime!!!


I'm sorry ya'll. You normally don't see me like this, but Sean just.... ughhhhh!!!


P.S. Oh and did you see Keyshia Cole's sister and friends fighting over the Italian and Ranch dressing!! Oh my goodness!

You're No Longer In Love

i love you
i want you
i need you in my life
can't you see what you mean to me
baby come hold me tight
i miss you
wanna kiss you
every time i see your face
baby i'll be waiting for you
each and every day

i love you
i want you
you're the one that i live for
and i can't take it anymore
i love you
i need you
what can i do to make you see
you're the only one for me

Remember that song? Yeah? I do too actually. The song brings back so many memories... Memories of being in love... Crazy, stupid in love... Not just any love but that unbelievable, deep, passionate stuff... The love that brings you to tears and voids out everyone and everything else existing in the world... You know what I'm talking about right?

Listening to this song though, brought a sad revelation. When I first played it, I was like "Awww!!!! I remember this song!!!" I actually called my ex all excited like and held up the phone to the stereo and said, "Remember this?!!" I let the chorus and first verse play, we exchanged a couple of "oh those were good times" comments, and then we hung up. When it ended, I played it again to truly listen to it, and I guess reminisce. I laid down to prepare myself for all the sweeping emotions I used to feel...

but...........

wait...

what's going on?

Why am I not feeling it like I used to?

What happened to what this song used to do to me?

Where are the tears?

Where's that heart-wrenching passion I used to feel?

Guys.....?



(sigh)





I didn't feel a thing.

I couldn't feel all those lovely emotions that used seep through my pores. I couldn't tap into what this song used to do to me; how my heart used to pulse to its beat. I listened to the song over and over and over again (in fact, it's still on repeat now). I even closed my eyes to it and got right up on the stereo to feel the beat vibrate through my skin, but I still couldn't awaken those feelings I used to have.

Noooo!!!
It was such a good feeling!!!
Why can't I feel it?!!
What has happened to me?!!

J...


Sweetie...





You're no longer in love.






(silence)

Quote of the Week

"A man is only as faithful as his options."

You don't know how many times I heard this comment this weekend. What do you think?

My Wonderful Weekend

I'm telling you. The Lord really does bless you in GREAT ways! So you know how I was a little melancholy this past week? My day-to-day schedule was being to ware on me...Spotaneity in my schedule was non-existant...I didn't feel like I was able to appreciate the more important things...I was longing for the some of the natural things in life...

Well guess what?!

I had the day off Friday but I ended up going in during the morning hours to straighten a few issues out. I was a little disturbed that I was working on my day of rest, but whatever. Well after work, I had a Bible study and then I went to the park. Guys, I had such a good time in the park! I just laid in the sun next to the pond and read. For four hours I laid out there and was at complete peace. I watched the dogs, the birds, the kids running around the pond, the couple on their bicycles...It was wonderful.

Then while at the park, I get a text from my girl asking me if I wanted to go to an Angels baseball game! Now this was a big deal for me because not even 1 week ago was I trying to find some sporting event to attend. I just wanted to be around happy, crazy fans ya know? And I finally had the chance! Even though the Angels lost, it was a perfect end to my wonderful Friday. Oh and since when do you ever get a chance to go out on a Friday night AND be in the bed by 11pm!!!! Ha!!! MY DREAM COME TRUE!


Go Angels!

Saturday I drove out to Malibu for another one of my girl's graduation. First of all, if anyone hasn't experienced the drive on the coast in Malibu, it's a definite must see. The views are breathtaking. But anyway, it was nice to be around a family and see that love and happiness that I haven't been able to be a part of with my real family. It felt good.


The drive in Malibu.

Then, I went to the beach. Oh the wonderful beach. Beach water? Oh no. That's a no-no... But the beach itself. (sigh...) Just to lay out in my swim suit with me and my book... (sigh again...)


Dockweiler Beach. LA.

After 3 hours of me and the beach, my girls joined me and we walked a little further down until we found the BlackNLA beach party. (That's what I initially came out for by the way, but it didn't start until 4pm.) But the beach party was SOO much fun!!!! From 4 to about 8:30 when they lit the bonfire, we just ate, drank, laughed, and talked. We had a great conversation with some very intelligent men about things couples should know about each other before they get married. It was VERY interesting indeed!! I remember one of the guys getting frustrated and shouting out, "MAN! MARRIAGE IS FOR WOMEN!!!" lol. We all cracked up at him on that one.. =) But there were so many black people out there ya'll. It's a beautiful thing when young (ages 22-35), black, educated people get together. I don't think I've EVER seen so many black peple on a beach before in my life!! Yeah it ends up being somewhat of a mac fest but socializing with young ones like yourself is so stimulating.


The discussion group.

So after that, we decided to keep the night cozy and just go to Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles for some after-hours grub and call it a night. Again, I WENT OUT ON A SAT. NIGHT AND WAS IN THE BED BY 12PM!!! Yes!, I say. YES!!!! I feel like I've won a race!!! lol.

Thank you Jehovah for giving me exactly what I needed when I needed it. You never fail to take care of me when you realize that I'm down. As your servant, I loyally give my life to you forever.