Comments to my "How I'm Feelin'" Song

"There's beauty in the break down." - Frou Frou

I understood it when I first heard it, but this line means so much more to me now than it ever did. I always go about things the same way. I normally look at you. Think of a hundred reasons why it couldn't be. Pretty valid reasons. Very good rationale. I even walk away. I beat myself up about what could have been, but harden up at the first whiff of fresh air. I go on walking, thinking I made the right decision. Minutes later getting sad, wishing I could let go. I hate myself for saying that I'm meant for someone, but stricking down every pursuit that comes my way. I call myself a walking contradiction. 'And you say that you were put on this earth to be a wife and a mother' I say to myself in disgust. If that's your sole purpose, you are your own worse enemy. But I'm over it. Just like that. I wake up and walk on that straight and narrow yellow line. Appearing to never miss a beat. Life will go on right? I throw it all up to fate (which I don't believe in by the way). If it's meant to be, it will be. How many times have I told myself that one? So here I am again. Afraid to let go. Afraid to lose myself. Wondering how I can be me and fall at the same time. Do you know who I am? Have you seen how strong I can be? Do you know how well I have things together? I'm in rhythm. I'm in step. I have it going on. Everything is the way I want it. Nothing can mess this up. I am woman, hear me roar. I don't know how to do this extra thing. Be j.a.c. with G.O.D. and add y.o.u. What does that mean? I've never been able to do that successfully. Therefore, the name of the game is avoidance. I'm afraid of losing myself. Letting my foundation crumble. I can't let my foundation crumble. No one has been able to add to me. I've only come across subtractions. I end up losing. Forgetting who I was to begin with....

So then while playing my entire library of songs, she tells me 'so let go/let go/just get in/oh it's so amazing here/it's alright/cuz there's beauty in the breakdown'. I put the song on replay and let it's lyrics encircle me. I laid down with me head inches from the stereo speaker. Closed my eyes and let the notes, vibes, whispers, and trances enter my entire being. Beauty in a breakdown? I listened. This time, I truly listened. All other questions and hesitations seem to fade. It's amazing what a song, a melody, a lyric can do. I'm not 100% but I do believe. It could be. There might be a way. It's okay. Now that I know that there's beauty...

y.o.u owe it to this song

Hi Blog World. I was sick for a couple of days, but I'm back. Good to be back!