Sunday, November 23, 2008

Date A Friend

I've written a lot about relationships in the recent weeks,

Men Update
Update on Men Update
Why Didn't It Work?
Question To The Fellas
The Ladies Speak Up
A Gentleman's Guide to Approaching a Woman

mainly due to the fact that it's all anyone ever wants to talk about.

Relationships are the universal obsession. You know, sorta like music is the universal language. When you meet someone new, the easiest way to crack the ice is to talk about how hard it is out here, how crazy woman can be, how done we are with men, or how bad we feign to tango but can't seem to find anyone worthwhile. Every single person has a story to tell. What gets me though is that everyone's saying the same exact thing!

My homies will say to me that they want someone who's intelligent, who understands the importance of space, one who can be that sexy mama in her 3 inch heels and then a delicate natural beauty in sweatpants and a t-shirt, one who's easy going and likes a good time, one who won't lose her mind in public when things don't go her way, has common sense, and who isn't just flat out crazy.

And then us lovely ladies will say that we want a man who's educated, financially responsible, respectful, has a job or is passionate about something, who's funny, has common sense, can be a boss at the appropriate times, is hardworking and a man's man.

Well if I'm telling my homies "I don't know where you're looking because I have homegirls just like that" while they're telling me that they have loads of homeboys who have everything I'm looking for, then why are we all running past each other like blind bats in the morning sun?! Well I think I might be able to answer that one for you. How many times have you heard, "who? bob?! nooooo. that's bob! i can't mess with bob. that's good old bobby bob! the homie, bob! that's my boy!" Lol. Lookie here people (and I'm talking to myself too). Chances are that you are SURROUNDED every single day (at work, in church, at events) by the exact type of a person you are looking for. He or she was probably the last person you talked to on the phone. Check your recent calls list! But when you start eliminating people, one by one for no apparent reason other than, "naw! that's bootsie! i can't date bootsie!", aren't you sorta prolonging your unwanted singleness? Do this little exercise with me and go through the names in your phone. If you take a catalogue of your friends of the opposite sex in your address book, won't you pretty much find all the qualities you want? Why else would you be friends with them if they weren't 'reasonable', 'fun', 'sane', 'respectful', 'intelligent', 'attractive'? Now I'm not saying that every friend you have is a dime, but it is almost guaranteed that you have at least 1 that fits the job description. I know, I know. But that's your boy right? Or that's your homegirl. You've known each other for yeeeaaarrrrsssss. S/he knows everything about you. What if it doesn't workout? What if it doesn't work out AND you inadvertantly kill the friendship? I hear you. I really do. But isn't it the point to be with someone who knows you inside and out? Isn't it always better when two lovers were friends first? Won't it be easier to cut the prolonged unwanted singleness if s/he is right there in front of your face? No more searching. No more wading through the waters. No more "it's hard out here" moments. I don't know.... You tell me people. Would you be willing to take the risk? Would the potential award be worth it? Can you take a glimpse from a different angle? See your friend as something more? Be gutsy enough to take that step? Or how about this question - AREN'T YOU JUST TIRED?! Lol. I know I am. I guess all I can say is good luck people. Good luck.

Hit me.


Eb the Celeb said...

I couldnt take the chance.. I mean I love my homeboys like they are my blood brothers... of course they have qualities I love in a man or they wouldnt be my friend... but messing with one of them would feel like incesce (sp)... my boys truly are like fam and if I messed with them, who would I go to to talk about men then?

T.C. said...

I totally agree with you...i do think we by pass the obvious more often than not...don't was ALL say we want that homie lover friend...then why not start with just that YOUR FRIENDS!

so i can totally dig it...i have actually spoken up before didn't turn out as i would have liked, but we are still cool and there is no love lost....and i have had people speak up as well...i mean you never know...its always worth at least a conversation...the person clearly may not see you the same way, but its cool...its a good solid friendship it can survive...

miss alisa said...

I went there once. NEVER AGAIN. I lost a 7 year friendship that I still miss to this day. I don't think I'd ever cross that "friend" line again. I got burned too bad the first time!!

Reecie said...


I think there is just something terribly frightening about crossing that line and letting someone in who from jump knows your weaknesses and so much about you. At the same time...being friends with a have an inside track into how he operates so there is that part of you that doesn't want to end up like the other chicks who have come and gone. You have all these conversations about how stupid such and such is for putting up with x, y, and the last thing you want to do is end up being that chick! lol.

But...on the other hand, what you've been looking for could be right in front of your face and ignoring it would be counter-productive. As hard as it is out there to find a half way decent guy it almost seems retarded to eliminate bootsie over bootsie reasons lol.

I don't know though...there is no right or wrong answer. A case could be made for or against, and you make a compelling case in the affirmative.

Anonymous said...

I actually prefer it that way. I like to get to know people. . . WELL before I spend the emotional energy getting attached, pursuing, etc. Apparently it runs in the family. My mother took the words out of my mouth when she said "When I love, I love hard. I love with all of me." I can't be doing this casual dating stuff.
The only thing I haven't quite worked out yet is the transition from friends to more than. It's so easy when it's someone new, you've got your gameface on and you're everything they want and vice versa, metaphorically speaking. It just flows. There's chemistry, there's attraction. But when you've been in the big/little sibling position with someone for a while it's like there's so much at stake and things are suddenly much more confusing. lol

I think that's the way it has to be done these days. It's like there's a huge screening process given the condition of the world, and the fact is, people can't act but so long. And people won't act if those real friendships are there BEFORE romance happens.


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