Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Believe Me

he told her to believe in him. but that's not so easy to do. you gotta be smart, she said. i'm not like the others, he said. her heart sank. wrong answer, she thought to herself. i guess i shouldn't have said that, he thought. she's heard that too many times before. faith is in the works, he whispered while looking into his hands. what? she looked up at him in curiosity. nothing, he said still looking down. she turned her head away and smiled. the wind picked up at that moment. each shivered at the breeze penetrating their skin. neither noticed the other's reaction. disconnected they failed to see. i've dreamed about you. i used to close my eyes and you would be right there. the pace of his heart beat began to accelerate as he struggled to find the words. he knew she had an impenetrable skill to filter out the nonsense, lies, and exaggerations. she returned her gaze upon his face and searched his eyes which were righfully filled with expression. the goosebumps on her delicate, carmel skin began to rise. please, don't tell me. don't say anything that you can't show.

the goosebumps remained planted on her arms as she fervently prayed that he was real. her desires for his sincerity were intense. burning hope pierced her heart which made her stocky legs weak. she reached out for him just in time and managed to disguise her tremble in a hug. the warmth from his neck seeped through her body. he closed his eyes and held her tighter. they stood in each others arms for what seemed like minutes. why are you shivering, he asked quietly with his eyes still closed. she didn't answer but instead let his warmth relieve her tension. i got you, he said. everything is going to be ok.

why must you always believe that it's too good to be true, she thought to herself while feeling his large hand on the sides of her slender back. don't end it before it begins. she stood still and listening to his breathing. as the wind began to pick up again, she nuzzled herself further into his chest and let out a breath... just on breath. as if surprised, he immediately released himself from her hold and took two steps back while staring into her face. the warmth she felt soon ran out of her pores and back into the atmosphere surrounding her. a void filled her spirit which made for a shivering sensation run down her spine. she stared back at the man who asked her to believe and waited for his sign. a man who lives by his word is a strong man, he said with conviction. his hands were firmly placed at his sides and his feet were grounded into the earth beneath him. at that instant she seemed to look at a man 5 times her height. her gaze softened and she began to understand. don't say no. i promise it will be alright. believe in me. he told her to believe in him. this time, it will be easier to do.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

On My Mind

walking around like a zombie today
so tired
even though i had 8 hours last night
how can that be
could stare off into space all day
too much work to do
14 CAPs to start and finish
need a vitamen or something
it's times like these i wish i drank coffee
or soda
food might help
too drained to go across the street
too broke as well
love it when parents come into town
don't have to pay for a thing
dad will pay for everything
can't wait for them to get here
miss my father
talk to my mother every day so...
she's not as missed
although she is my roll dog
just want to close my eyes
nap for lunch please

he told her to believe in him. but that's not so easy to do. you gotta be smart, she said. i'm not like the others, he said. her heart sank. wrong answer, she thought to herself. i guess i shouldn't have said that, he thought. she's heard that too many times before. faith is in the works, he whispered while looking into his hands. what? she looked up at him in curiosity. nothing, he said still looking down. she turned her head away and smiled. the wind picked up at that moment. each shivered at the breeze penetrating their skin. neither noticed the other's reaction. disconnected they failed to see. i've dreamed about you. i used to close my eyes and you would be right there. the pace of his heart beat began to accelerate as he struggled to find the words. he knew she had an impenetrable skill to filter out the nonsense, lies, and exaggerations. she returned her gaze upon his face and searched his eyes which were righfully filled with expression. the goosebumps on her delicate, carmel skin began to rise. please, don't tell me. don't say anything that you can't show.

i want to finish this, but i keep getting distracted with work. it's getting in the way. =/

Monday, September 25, 2006


My back hurts...the lower know the spot on your back where that dips happens...the connection between the hips and the waist...dag. I put my trusty dusty heater on it, so that helped a little but this chronic lower back pain stuff isn't pretty. Standing from 8pm to 1am at the Raheem DeVaughn concert didn't help. =(

But anyway, I didn't come on here to talk about my ailments.

I had an interesting weekend to say the least. Jenn's girls were in town so we did the female bonding stuff among other things. We met a lot of people. Some crazy, some cool, some suspect, some intriguing... We did our fair share of girl talk which ranged from ghetto nail designs to sex to friendships to wine. The four of us together are quite a combo. I realized that 4 women together can be a dangerous thing because I've never talked about people as much as I did this weekend. I mean I wasn't mean or anything like that. Naaawwww. I was a sweetheart. I only said nice things and gave my honest opinions. No bashing or joinin at all. I promise! =) Don't act like you don't cut up when you get around your same sex friends. Uh huh. The locker room talk, fellas! I know all about that! It was quite hilarious actually. I'm glad I had the opportunity to be surrounded by such wonderful women. I mentioned in a recent post that I miss my girlfriends in NY, so this girls weekend out was right on time. It was very special. Awww. Look at me getting all sentimental. =) Have a wonderful week everyone.

Friday, September 22, 2006

One of My Fav R&B Artists

Thanks to BrillD for the inspiration.

This song gives me goosebumps.

The Standard Conversation

Well it was wonderful speaking with you, but I must be going.

No I'm sorry. That won't be possible.

Well, I'm not dating or conversing with new male "friends" at this time.

Well I would like to date for the purpose of getting married and I'm not in a place to do that right now.

No I'm not saying I'm not ready to get married because Lord knows I am. I'm definitely looking forward to that, but I don't plan on staying on the west for long.

Yes, I can date on the west but my chances for moving back would be slighted if I started pursuing a relationship with a man in LA.

Sure, it's possible I could fall in love with a man who would be willing to follow my dreams, but that's a rather complicated idea, and i'd rather not put that on someone's shoulders when I know that I won't be here for long.

Well if he's my soul mate, than it'll happen no matter what I say right? Something will pull me towards him.

True. You absolutely DO have to put in the effort if you want something to develop. If I was drawn to someone I thought was special, I would take the necessary steps to pursue him. If he was everything I believed I wanted, I would not let that chance pass me by, no matter where I live or what my goals are. It could be possible that the "chance" does not work out though, which is why I will be extra careful not to let go of my dreams and goals. I have to be smart about such matters. My father taught me to never let a person get in the way of my dreams. Women tend to compromise and alter their plans for relationship's sake, but I've been taught to focus on my vision. I only pray that the man that Jehovah puts in my life will want to help me pursue my goals, and vice versa. And whatever gaps there are, compromise will rule.

You're welcome for the explanation. And again, it was nice speaking with you. Have a good night.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

READ THIS: Lupe Fiasco's Food and Liquor - The Booklet

So for everyone who has bought the CD and browsed through the booklet, I have a question for you. Actually, maybe a couple...

I guess I could get real deep on this and write out some sort of colorful, descriptive, metaphoric interpretation but I won't. If you looked at the picture story in Lupe's booklet, you know what I'm talking about.

When I happened across pages 3 and 4 of the booklet to that classroom picture, I almost had a car accident. (I was driving back to work at the time.) As I fumbled through the rest of the booklet, the story began to unfold, and I began to understand. "That's really profound", I thought to myself. So ok, cool. There's a point to the detestable, crude, sad, destroying and terryfying imagery on pages 3 and 4.

So here is my question. Well...first, do me a favor. Look at the brown, little girl smiling into the camera on page 4. Look at her smile...look at her tiny hand...look at the baby hairs on her temple...look into her eyes. Go back to when you were her age and try to remember your frame of mind. Remember how innocent you were. Remember how you couldn't understand what your parents meant when they told you not to put your fingers in sockets, or not to play with knifes, or to stay away from matches. Can you go back there? Can you remember how oblivious you were? Can you understand that you had neither the knowledge, the wisdom, or the common sense to comprehend why the above items could hurt you? Ok. I think you're there with me. I think you feel me and can understand where I'm going with this. So Now. The question is, what do you imagine the master mind behind this picture said to this little girl, or the whole classroom of students for that matter, to make them understand this? Pretend you are the artist who's trying to prove this profound point that we receive from the booklet, and conjure up what you would say to these children. How would that conversation go? What would you explain to them? Keep in mind that they don't care about art, or the point of the story, or Lupe Fiasco. All the know is that they get to finally touch, handle, hold and take pictures with play guns. Do you think that someone had this conversation with them? Do you think the situation was handled? Who do you think was charged with that duty, if it actually did take place? What would you do/think if you were these children's parents?

Here's another question. Would you be able to be that teacher? For $100,000, would you be that teacher?

Please hit me back on this.

It Never Rains

I miss a good summer rain
They seem to miss out on a special thing
One of those peaceful summer rains
A summer rain to wash away the dry heat
and invigorate the sky
One that softly falls outside my window
and whispers me to sleep on a lazy afternoon
The kind of warm rain that stimulates the sweet smell of flowers

I miss that sort of thing

ya know
That rejuvenating summer rain
The type that makes you smile

as you watch lovers dart to shelter and laugh once reaching their destination
One that forces them to cuddle and kiss under an awning

I don't know
I say
Let it rain to make us remember
remember the sun
remember what a fresh day tastes like
Let the rain plead for us to sit together like a family
To share moments together that wouldn’t otherwise be available
It sorta feels good to dart over puddle after puddle

with bright colored-umbrellas like children

When was the last time I saw a rainbow after a summer shower?
When was the last time I got to see God smile like that?
Remember how it feels to experience waterfalls from heaven refresh your soul
How energizing, revitalizing, and fortifying to smell the drops
mixing with the natural yet enigmatic smells of the earth

A summer rain is special treatment
They don’t understand what that means
A summer rain to restore bright days
To remind me why I have it so good
A quiet peaceful rain that pounds consistently with the beating of my heart
yeah, something like that
Just a nice summer rain

Monday, September 18, 2006

Lupe Fiasco In Stores!

Don't forget to pick up Lupe Fiasco's Food & Liquor, in stores Tuesday September 19.

Blogging - To What Degree?

I've been writing in my journal for the last past hour pouring out my feelings on this issue and that issue. It wasn't until my hand started getting tired that I went off the subject and wrote, "it feels so good to be honest right now".

With that in mind, I think I have to apologize to my blog for not being real. I haven't been completely open and honest lately. I used to write from my heart and hold no punches, but as of recently, my subjects have been very superficial...very surface-oriented. I received a call write before I signed on to my blog and my friend agreed. "Yeah your blogs have just been blogs lately. They're not thought-provoking like they used to be." I agreed with him because I began to feel the same. My posts have no substance. This idea leads me to a question though.

How real can you be on a blog? I mean, I know the answer - as real as you feel comfortable being while knowing that millions of people have access to your ideas, principles, opinions, and emotions. That's supposed to be the beauty of a blog right? You say what you want, how you want it and when you want it. But how deep, or how personal do you get? Are you ok with people knowing you like your mother does or do you keep your blogging relationship at an arm's length distance? When I look at other people's blogs, some are very personal and some simply keep their writing oriented on subjects such as celebrity news, sports, and music. Is it true that the latter group feels more comfortable blogging about impersonal things? Do they even think to blog about their day or their emotions or their desires? Or do they know they can and choose to go in the opposite direction? To what degree do you share yourself on a blog? Do people who generally wear their hearts on their sleeves tend to blog more personal things? Well actually I can answer that last one. The answer is no. I don't wear my heart on my sleeve but love to blog about my desires, emotions and personal thoughts. I guess that proves that there is no universal answer. It guess it all depends right?


Been sorta bummed lately.
I think it's because I miss my friends from back home.
College was great for me.
I would love to do it all over again but only with the knowledge and wisdom I have now.
Things would go over so much more smoothly than it did back then.
I know so much more now.
But I miss rolling with the 7 or so girls who were all so put together.
Shaunei, Trash, Monie, V, Merry, Rana, Nat, Soph, Nadi, Francie, Gabi...
Did I miss anyone?
Ok so there were more than 7.
We had so many great moments together.
You know those pics that you look back on and you just smile.
You remmeber where you were and what you were thinking about at that very moment.
I don't think I'll ever have girlfriends like that again.
The Barnard Mafia.
We were some bad girls with great heads on our shoulders.
They're the reason why I don't believe men when they talk about how crazy females can be.
I seriously don't know any.
Yeah we all went through our growing pains but we were strong.
I think that's what I respected most about my girls.
They were strong.
Still are!
I don't talk to them like I used to, but they're all doing so well for themselves.
I'm proud of them all.
I love you ladies.

College was easy.
I probably didn't think so then, but looking back...
It was so simple what I had to do.
Class, work, activities, sleep, study, and be a friend.
Now-a-days... I don't even want to list the things I'm responsible for.
I guess it's sorta the same.
Work, sleep, feed myself, study.
But there's so much more on it.
I'm now responsible for my life, my attitude, my business, my womanhood, my health.
It's so much more than I ever thought it would be.
It's ok though because I'm doing well with everything.
But what I would give to go back.
I wouldn't do anything different though.
I'd still make the same stupid decisions and learn the same hard lessons.
Unless I could go back at the age I am now.
What if we could all go back to the same school all over again but at our current ages.
How different would that be?

I'm so lost in the every day, robotic-ness of my life.
I think the quote of yesterday was "You've achieved success in your field when you don't know whether what you're doing is work or play."
Definitely haven't achieved that yet.
Boeing is a job.
It's work.
It's hard.
It's corporate America.
I have no idea what type of career would help me accomplish that type of success.
Why do I not even care anymore?
I want to be happy and successful, but I feel like I could do that apart from a job.
I know I can.
My relationship with Jehovah makes me happy.
I DO know that.
But I feel like I'm missing something.
Something's not being fullfilled here.
Recently I've been thinking a lot about relationships.
But I hate going there because it's such a dead subject.
I promised myself I wouldn't talk about that.
So I won't.
I'm stronger than that.

Something's not right.
I'm homesick.
No matter how old I get, I always have the urge to see my families faces.
My daddy.
My mom.
My incredible little sister.
It's the four of us til the end.

I think it's time for a little deeper soul searching in my journal.

Good night everyone.

On My Mind

there's been something on my mind that's been bothering me. i've been pushing it to the side because i should already know better but... i might feel better if i get it off my chest.

have you ever had someone put their fingers around your wrist and squeal about how thin you are? i never thought something like that would bother me because i'm in no way skinny, but when it happens repeatedly, my nerves start to rattle. it was funny the first couple of times, but now...not so much. i'm not even going to ask any readers to tell me that i'm not crazy. i'm not even going to post a picture of me and ask if i'm outrageously skinny like they've been saying. i'm not even going to tell you how much i weigh. why? because i don't need others to tell me what i already know.

it's funny how body image and weight are such a big thing in our society. of all places, i didn't think my size would be an issue in LA. (sigh)

Sunday, September 17, 2006


So I woke up around 6am after waking up twice over the course of the night due a horrible nightmare and some vicious cramps. I had to be to the hall by 9am so I decided to just stay up and get ready. After showering and getting dressed, I read a good chunk of my reading for school (I, Rigoberta Menchu) and then took a 45 minute nap. By 8:50, I was at the hall which is great because I never get there early. I'm really proud of myself too because I stayed throughout both meetings instead of leaving half way like I thought I was going to have to do considering how rough my night was. After the meeting, Juanetta came back to my house to study the article for next week. I'm proud of myself again here because I'm actually keeping my goal to prepare the literature before the meetings. When Juanetta left, I proceeded to watch my Giants beat up on the Eagles in OT while cooking dinner. Lemon chicken breast, seasoned herb rice, and garlic and herb vegetables. MMMMmmm.. Now you KNOW I'm proud of myself for that one. When the game went off, I read the second half of I, Rigoberta Menchu and wrote a BOMB response to the final, assignment, question online. I put my stuff together RIGHT this week. I hope the whole class reads my comment! By 4:20pm, I found myself at the movies watching Akeelah and the Bee which was free due to the theatre's grand opening. Why did that movie make me cry? Now I'm back home watching my Skins do this thang against the Cowboys and looking forward to a big slice of apple pie with vanilla ice cream on top.

How in the world did I manage to do all today with such a horrible night? Man I had a good day!

Now if only my Redskins win....

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Lesson Learned

This is unusual. I don't really have anything to say today. I think I'm going to give my entire day to work. What a concept! We have a lot going on in our department and I've been pretending like it doesn't affect me in order to avoid the stress, but I have to get going.

Oh I do have a story. So I was about to back up out of my parking space in the garage yesterday and a car comes around the corner. I stop to let them pass, but the driver signals for me to go ahead. In order to not hold that person up, I rush out of the parking spot and back up straight into a truck that's sticking out further than normal. My heart shatters and I put my car in drive and pull back into my parking spot. I watch the car that was waiting for me pass by and then take a minute to regain my composure. I look out my rear view mirror at the truck and see this HUGE dent in the bumper. At that time I think I just closed my eyes and dropped my head. I think about 10 seconds passed when I reached for my journal, tore out a piece of paper, and began writing an apology note with my contact information for the owner of the truck...

He called me about 2 hours later which felt like forever because I was so anxious and thanked me for leaving a note. He was actually surprised that I did so and thanked me for being so ethical. Then continued to tell me that the dent in his bumper was already there and I had nothing to worry about. =)

Lesson: I could have drove away without leaving that note but doing so would have killed my subconscious. I would have been paranoid that the driver who saw it happen would say something, I would have felt horrible for damaging someone else's property (even though I didn't), and I basically would have felt like the worst person on earth. What's worse is that Jehovah would have been disappointed in me, which is far worse than any other feeling I could have had. So look at where honesty got me! Look at what following Jehovah's commandments got me! Thank you!

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

"It's Just One Of Those Days That A Girl Goes Through"

you know the rest of the song
i am indeed angry inside and i'm trying not to take it out on you
so i'll take it out in my blog instead

menstration is no joke
it's causes you to become a whole different person
what kind of nasty hold is this!
i'm so exhausted
i'm supposed to go to theocratic ministry school today but i won't
i'll probably just go home, take a shower, get in the bed, and watch a tyler perry play
the phone is getting turned off today
don't really feel like being bothered
i was supposed to get JT's stuff today but i don't even care right now
that's how bad it is
i can seriously just sit here and stare off into space for the rest of my time here
an hour and a half to go
i'm so drained
my heart is beating fast
my mom just called
i can talk to her
i'll type and talk to her at the same time
she's asking me why i'm not taking vitamens
"get some B vitamens Jen!"
"then you won't be so evil"
yeah yeah yeah mother
i hate taking pills
actually, it's just the capsules
i can do hard pills, just not capsules
she told me to perk up and said bye
if i were her i wouldn't want to talk to me either
i actually don't mind sitting at my desk with my headphones on
especially since this mix that Mike posted is perfect right now
yo Mike!
can i get a copy?
i guess i should make that a comment on his page
never assume that people read your posts
attention from others is just an added bonus
write for yourself first and foremost no matter whether it's to release, cleanse, straighten stuff out, etc.
motorola Q's battery life is absolutely horrible
i hate this phone
it's amazing how badly you want something but once you get it you don't care anymore
i never feel that way about shoes
i just finally got my leapords and i can't wait to rock those
my fingers feel heavy
everything feels heavy
it's the twelve of september
december will be here in no time
i'm going to start a job search
get my resume tight
i have so much stuff packed on my resume
i don't really realize how much i know until it's all written down in one place
one hour and fifteen minutes to go
i remember laying on my boyfriend's bed in college in absolute excruciating pain
those were the worst cramps i ever had in my life
i will never forget that
i can feel that underlying pain now but the intensity isn't there
when is my aleve going to kick in?
i'm surprised that my back doesn't hurt
that means next month it's going down
my back will be on fire
something to look forward to
i look like a bum
why do i have a t-shirt and flats on today when i had pumps and a button up on yesterday
dag, only 2 minutes passed
(smacking me teeth)
mba program?
i don't know man!
don't know that either!
career goals?
same answer homie!
that's the only thing i'm sure about
i guess i just feel like nothing else matters
i'm tired of thinking about this crap
i just want to live
whatever homie

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Rap vs Hip Hop

You know why I never could get into rap music? Being the delicate flower that I am (wink wink), rap music was always too harsh for me. When I was growing up, all the stuff I used to hear from the rap artists who were out at the time, like KRS-1, NWA, Wu-Tang, Dr. Dre, Tupac, Biggie, Nas, NWA, Snoop, Ice-T, Eazy-E, Public Enemy, etc., was always full of so much violence, cursing, hatred, and disrespect. I'm sure not everything that these artists put out there was like that, but they really used to pull my mood down. Their stuff was so dark! Why would I want to play a CD (tape cassette) full of gun shots, foul language, and women-hatred? No wonder my parents didn't allow me to buy their merchandise. I wouldn't want that mess in my house either! It was too much.

All of that leads me to say, "Pardon me.... Little Brother?.... Where have you been all my life?"

Who would have thought that I could enjoy hip hop as much as I do with Little Brother in my ear. I don't mean, It's Hot, or That's Fire, or That Joint Is Viscious types of sentiments. I mean true enjoyment which goes 10 feet deeper. I feel like I can breathe!

My preference of LB albums
1. The Listening
2. The Minstrel Show
3. The Chittlin Curcuit
4. Connected - The Foreign Exchange (Phonte and Nicolay)
(Sleepers will be added/inserted once I take a listen)

To be honest, I used to feel bad for not liking rap music. I felt like I was turning my back on black culture. I felt like I was the only one who couldn't feel the gangsta rap revolution that seemed to be taking over.

Question: What's the difference between rap and hip-hop? I feel like I know but maybe someone who's a little more versed can shed some insight according to their opinions and experiences.

When I think of hip hop, I think of Mos Def, LB, Talib, Slum Village...
When I think of rap, I think the rap artists of G-Unit, Disturbing the Peace, Flipmode Squad...
Is this right? Are Jay-Z, Kanye, Memph, etc. hip hop? I would like to say yes, but not the same type of hip hop as what I've listed above. I guess hip hop needs two categories. "Commercial Hip Hop" and "Real Hip Hop". Or is this whole thing just one big happy family? They all they're all rappers....which means it's all classified as rap...? I mean...technically that's correct. Techinally hip hop is just the culture. But what is it to us?

Comment/Respond Please.

Reference Information:

I just looked up the definition of rap - to utter sharply or vigorously, to critize sharply, to arrest detain or sentence for a crime, a quick smart or light blow.

The dictionary defines rap music like this:
a style of popular music, developed by disc jockeys and urban blacks in the late 1970s, in which an insistent, recurring beat pattern provides the background and counterpoint for rapid, slangy, and often boastful rhyming patter glibly intoned by a vocalist or vocalists.

According to the dictionary, Hip Hop is just a subculture and not a genre of music - the popular subculture of big-city teenagers, which includes rap music, break dancing, and graffiti art.

I Got Some New Stuff

Well not really new...most of this stuff is rather old actually but it's still worth mentioning.

First, I got Robin Thicke's old CD. A Beautiful World. Lovin it... (listening to it right now).

Then, my girl just gave me a whole rack of Little Brother stuff (which I have to admit, I've never listened to except for a couple of songs while in her car). But it's not my fault because I've been telling her to give me some LB stuff since February! So she gave me The Listening, The Ministrel Show, Sleepers, and The Chittlin Circuit 1.5. I feel so overwhelmed! But it just looks like it's going to be LB pandamonium for me this weekend. Back to back to back. I'm going to kill these CDs. Especially since I've heard nothing but great things.

I also got my favorite LA DJ's mix CD Eclectic Relaxation. His name is DJ Wyatt Case and he is absolutely out of control. My friends and I went to a club one night and ended up leaving dripping wet with sweat because of this DJ. I don't remember too much hip hop, although it definitely was in there...but most of my praise to him comes from him playing the right song at the right time. You know what I mean? You know how when the DJ transitions into a great song, the whole population stops for a minute to say, "ooooooohhhhh!!" with that oh-my-goodness-look on their faces, and then everyone gets on the dance floor to only recite the whole song to your friend who's looking back at you doing the exact same thing? Yeah well, we did that all night with DJ Wyatt Case. His taste is impeccable. I can't wait to play this, AFTER Little Brother of course.

What other new thing did I get...


A New Hair-Do!

Whatcha think? Do I look younger or older?

I'm going to have fun with this. Do some serious Kelis bangs after I buy my new 1" curling iron...slick it back with some mousse for those evening events...throw a headband on when I'm chillin...etc. I actually wanted it shorter, but this is as short as I can go without having to get a perm.

Have a nice weekend.

Friday, September 08, 2006


Mikesee got me thinking about my absolute favorite videos and I just had to go onto videotube and find my all time favorite to share it with you guys.

This video is so sick. Nothing can touch this video. The transition between normal time and slow time, the clarity, the style, the colors, the concept, the mood, the dancing, the acting, the wardrobe. Excellent. The videography is excellent!!

I've always liked the song. But I like it for the actual aspects of it. The lyrics could be whatever..."there's a meeting in my farm house"... and I would still like the song. As far as the concept is concerned, I assumed that the video was going to be much more raunchy than it was, which is why I was pleasently surprised when this came out! Producers don't make videos like this anymore. Every video now-a-days looks the same. Video girl, cars, diamonds etc. But I love how even though this video is about 'the meeting in the bedroom', you don't step foot into the actual bedroom until the very end of the video! That's unheard of now!! The first scene of videos out now start in the bedroom, ie. Diddy's new video. But I will never forget this video.

Stupid Police!

i got caught.
the system's holdin down my freedom of expression.
i'm caught in perpetual iron chains.
shackles create bloody scars on my wrists.
scars that will continue to mark my oppression.
i'm fighting to break this system of things.
to spark the liberation that we own.

ok ok... let me stop being dramatic. but i did get caught though.
wanna know what I got caught doing?


Stupid police!!! I can't STAND the police. Why whenever they come around, I get the nastiest attitude. And most people who know me, know that I'm not an attitude-ish type female, but for some reason, they just make me want to curse them out! And it was nothing in particular that this nice, little, bald, white policeman did, but for some reason, when he pulled me over, I got mean. What would possess me to hold my license out the window in between my pointer and middle fingers before he even got there, turn up my Al Green while he was writing up his, or excuse me, MY little ticket to a non-respectable volume, speak not a word to him when he came back for me to sign the slip, and THEN SPEED OFF!! Well, not speed, but accelerate to the designated speed limit quickly. What is wrong with me? That's so rude! I just hate... well hate is such a strong word... i just can't STAND the police! It's like they bring the evil out of me. Is this crazy? Does this happen to anyone else? Or is it just me?

And what's worse is that they don't even tell you how much the ticket is!!! Now I gotta spend my precious little time visiting the court house with this stupid "Notice To Appear". Man! Just tell me how much?!

But I WAS wrong, going 60 on a 40...

Dah well!! I'll do better next time.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Football Season Starts Today

I'm about to become a football junkie for real. I became addicted at the end of last season for some reason, so I'm really excited to do my thang for the whole season this time. Why it took me so long when I used to cheer for football teams, go to DeMatha football games with my aunt all through high school, hang out at superbowl parties every year, and watch them with my father throughout my childhood, is beyond me. But now it's different. It all actually means something to me. I really didn't think it would come to this... me sitting in front of the tv by myself... with the stereo on (because it just needs surround sound, which I learned from my father)... exploding in bouts of energy and crazy movement on big plays... yelling at the tv when it can't hear me... Oddly enough, it became Jendi time. I loved it. So again... I can't wait. Happy football season everyone!!!

Look out now!!!

50 Questions

1. Is it bad to eat a cinammon raisen bagel with soft cream cheese every single morning?
2. Don't you hate it when you forget that you wrote a check and the mess comes out of your bank account whenever the person feels like depositing it?
3. Who uses checks anymore?
4. Is it ok to feel broke all the time?
5. Why am I broke all of the time?
6. Why did I just reach my credit card limit yesterday buying airline flights?
7. Isn't that a sign that I need to just leave California and go back east?
8. Why am I crazy excited that America's Next Top Model premieres on the 20th?
9. Why are they taking a poll to decide whether or not they will release the video showing Crocodile Dundie's death?
10. How is it that I'm in love with the Isley Brothers with their pimp-looking, greasy selves?
11. So what am I supposed to do while Ron Isley is locked up for 3 years?
12. Does that mean no more new music?
13. Are we surprised that Paris Hilton was arrested and charged with a DUI?
14. Why did they forget to turn off the fountain outside of my apartment last night?
15. Who wants to hear dripping water ALL FREAKING NIGHT LONG?!!
16. Can I call the leasing office and curse them out?
17. Would you get annoyed with me if I kept a song on repeat for an hour?
18. Is ok to have a music addiction?
19. Why would you do something abnormal or out of your comfort zone for a person you're not interested in?
20. Is that what it means to be a good friend?
21. What foods should I eat to help nourish my hair?
22. Why do I shed so much?
23. I have vitamens for the hair, but why are they too big for me to take?!!
24. Why haven't we heard from Taylor Hicks since he won American Idol?
25. Do you miss Clinton?
26. "Rumors of Apple Computer Inc.'s plans to launch a movie download service gained momentum Tuesday after the company sent invitations to the media, saying "It's Showtime," next week." Can you say TAKEOVER and MONOPOLY?
27. What will Apple think of next?
28. Wouldn't it be complete if they just added phone service to their iPods?
29. Guess what?! Why did my girl just call me and tell me that the chick we exchanged numbers with at the black party is a swinger?!!!
30. Can I be afraid to answer my phone now?
31. Why do I even go out to these worldly LA parties?
32. Is it ok if I decide to only socialize with people in my congregation?
33. No really, is it normal to be scared of going out here and meeting crazy people?
34. Isn't this whole world full of crazy people?
35. Can you believe it's September already?
36. What else is premiering this month besides America's Next Top Model?
37. Am I the only one who loves it when new seasons start?
38. Have you ever heard of the soul singer Jon Lucien? (if not, pick up his album with the song "Rashida" on it.)
39. When are we going to get a dose of truly GOOD music?
40. Where are all the are the artist's who have something important to say?
41. Why does my body always hurt?
42. Is my new pillow still not doing me justice?
43. How many times it too many times to dodge someone?
44. Why do I miss my little sister so much?
45. When will I be able to afford to buy myself some diamonds?
46. Or how about a house?
47. Do you think I have my priorities straight?
48. What's my next career move?
49. Why don't people understand you when you say no?
50. Why is your blog so important to you and your life?

Oh Los Angeles

So I just got back from the video shoot for Bow Wow, Chris Brown and Jermaine Dupri and I have a couple of observations for you. Keep in mind that this was the first time I've ever been on a video shoot set. I've been to a couple of tapings for Def Comedy Jam, the BET Video Awards, etc..., but this was the first time I've actually seen the work in action.

Oh... you might want to know why I was there. Well I have an old high school friend who is a videographer and he's been in and out of LA for some time now. Whenever he's in town, he tries to get us together, but since he's always out in the city during the week working on some video or another, it never pans out. (Actually, I usually just don't feel like driving out to LA on a school night so "somehow" it just never seems to work out. =/ I mean, what can I say? I'm a grandma. I like to be in my bed by 10 or 11pm.) But anyway, he asked me to come down to the shoot which I was very reluctant to do for a number of reasons. 1) He would be busy shooting Bow Wow's behind the scenes autobiography/reality show that he's doing so I really wouldn't get anytime to socialize with him, 2) I would look like a groupie standing on the side of the set with nothing to do but watch, and 3) I can't stand tapings because they're always so dragged out and boring. But, since this was basically his 3rd time in town this year, I had to oblige. Besides, I plain out of excuses. He really wanted me to come so I picked up my girl and drove downtown.

So back to the observations...

1. Chris Brown and Bow Wow look like little babies. I mean I knew they were young, but they looked like they were still wet behind the ears fresh out of the uterus. Maybe it was because their clothes were 3 sizes too big for them. It doesn't help that they're all under 5 feet too. Just like little gremlins. Jermaine included.

2. The video girls are SO YOUNG!!! Oh my goodness. The poor babies. They weren't on set at the time so I was able to really look into their faces as they walked around, and I thought that I saw my little sister! Of course these girls were drop dead gorgeous. Beautiful girls. Quiet too. It was refreshing to see how professional they were. My question though is, if you're not working, and you haven't been working for a few hours (the shoot was scheduled to last from 12 noon to 4am), why do you still have on your skin tight costume with your booty out? There's no need ladies, especially when it's 9pm and it's cold outside. Go pull on some sweats sweetie! (Oh, I forgot. Sweats and LA = NEVER.)

3. Can you say "NO SECURITY"!? Jennifer and I walked on the set like we knew these people. (I guess there was no security because the shoot was held in some open warehouse on an abandoned street.) But what Jennifer said was very true. "They're lucky I don't have a hit out on Bow Wow because he'd be dead right now if I did". I mean it was really that open. Can we please protect the little girls' idols please? It's funny because everyone just walks by and smiles at you like you belong there. It was a private set, but since no one seemed to care that we were there, I can only imagine how many non-employeed people were there. However, besides the camera people, the producer (Bryan Barber - Idlewild), the video girls, the crew, and Bow Wow's friends, there didn't seem to be anybody who wasn't doing something. I mean even the girl watching the food was busy. But I guess that's just it. Every sort of job that you could think of was in effect.

So it was a cute experience. Jennifer and I only stayed for about 40 minutes because like I said, grandma had to get to bed and my friend was sorta busy. Besides, in that 40 minutes, they only did two takes, and I couldn't get with how slow it was moving. I guess that's why Bow Wow, Chris Brown, and JD were standing on the set joking around most of the time.... But anyway.... Oh Los Angeles....

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Real Quick

Things are speeding by.
I don't even have time to blog!
The weekend was filled with spiritual reflection.
We had our circuit assembly in Norco and it was absolutely amazing.
It was the best assembly I've attended in all my years around the truth.
The reflection points were kinda scary but it was worth it.
I've decided to get baptized and now all I have to do is tell the brothers.
I'll do that tomorrow at the book study.

Work is crazy.
We're trying to re-baseline all of our accounts which is not good because I have the bulk of the accounts.
That's what makes me mad about this place.
They give the NEWEST person, the most complicated work, even though they know that I'm leaving the department in March.
Now is that a good managerial decision?
You might want to considering giving the most complicated work to someone with a little more skill and longevity.
But anyway, so along with the re-baseline, we have to transition all of our accounts, statements of works, budget, schedules, revision histories, charge numbers, etc. from the old system to a brand new system.
Do you know how long it's going to take me to transfer over 200 accounts to a system I'm not even familiar with?!!
AND you want me to re-baseline and do my regular job at the same time?!!!
Yeah right.
I'm NOT doing any overtime.
I refuse.
And it all has to be done in September?
Again, yeah right.
I'm in school man...
I have field service, congregational meetings, and fellowshiping to do.
I have a blog to maintain!
Writing is my therapy.

Speaking of writing, I wrote a new song last night.
I really like it.
It's called "You's Crazy" and it's about this dude who ends up going crazy on a girl.
"Lock him up lock him up, like he done stole something!"
It's funny.
I wonder if I should keep the song for Q.Symm or give it to a friend.
I'm sure what the return would be for giving the song away, but then again, I don't know what the return would be if I kept it for Q.Symm.
We haven't done anything in so long.
Q.Symm that is.
It's hard when each of the members lives in a different state.
North Carolina, Oklahoma, Maryland and California.
I wish we were all together.

I picked up B's CD, of course.
It's starting to grow on me after listening to it all day and night.
It's funny because I saw her on 106 yesterday evening and she said that she's trying to keep it hood.
For real Beyonce?!
Because you're really that hood type of girl that needs to keep it real?
Girl please.
The entire CD could be played in a club which I'm disappointed in because I enjoy her ballads and more sensual tracks.
I think that's a part of what makes B.
My mom says that they're turning Beyonce into a hip hop whore.
I can definitely see what she's talking about.
B's not showing her versatility on this album.
Christina Aguilera on the other hand... MAN!
Now that's a versatile girl.
She came out strong on that album.

Well I gotta get back to all this baselining, transitioning, and plantation work.
"Have a nice day." - Kelis

Friday, September 01, 2006

Danity Kane

I like Danity Kane's album.

I'm a big fan of girl groups mainly because I'm in one myself, so I often pay more attention to them in a compare and contrast sort of way.

The producers did their thing on this album.
The vocal arrangements are extremely well done.
The vibe of the album is extremely consistent.
The harmonies are tight.
You can hear the chemistry these 5 girls had in the studio.
You can tell that a lot of work went into this project.
Their voices are nice.
The lyrics are worth listening to (unlike Beyonce's).
The mood of the album is very much like something I would do.

I like these girls because I understand their talent, their plight (with the help of the show), their passion, their energy, their sex appeal. I even like the name.

Thumbs up to Danity Kane.
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