Monday, April 30, 2007

My Goals/West to East

I've had a lot of discussions surrounding my goals lately, so I just wanted to list them really quickly. You know when you put them down, they start to become more real...

1. Find a new job
2. Get baptized
3. Take GMAT
4. Go back to school full-time
5. To do #4, I have a goal to receive 100% funding!
(Kinda nervous about that one ya'll)
6. Move back east
7. Pursue my relationship with baby boi

I wanna put goal #6 in more words... For the past two years, I've been adamant about staying single. I knew that if I pursued any type of relationship out here in California, I would run into a sticky situation where moving back east is concerned. Most Californians believe that LA is the be-all-to-end-all... that the rest of the nation doesn't exist... that it would be dumb to ever live anywhere else. Well, if that isn't extremely close-minded, I don't know what is. It's not just Californians that feel this way though. A lot of New Yorkers and DC 'urea heads speak the same craziness. It was frustrating when I heard DC/MD/VA people tell me that there's no place better than the 'urea. I used to scruntch my face up and think "for REAL?! THIS little tiny metropolitan city? You can sit on the metro for one measly day and explore everything there is to know about the DC area and be cool!" I didn't understand how they prefer the 'urea when they've never lived anywhere else. I'm a little less ticked off when I hear Californians say it though because the state is amazingly huge. There's no way you could explore everything there is to know about CA in your time here. The state is incredibly dynamic. Not to mention it's absurdly beautiful and loads of fun. I have to give credit where credit is due, BUT please don't tell me that California is the be-all-to-end-all when haven't lived anywhere else. =( Back to how this relates to my goal... So much to my dismay, I've run into that sticky situation I mentioned up above. My entire family lives on the east coast. I just can't imagine having a whole country's-worth of distance between me and them for the rest of my life. I already miss my family as it is. How do I even begin to think that I can stay this way for another 10 years? I don't really have a problem completing b-school on the west (which will take another 2 to 3 years) but after that... I don't know.

If everyone's in Huntsville Alabama, I basically live anywhere on the map above. That way I can hop on a plane or in a car with my kids and be to the great grandparents, grandparents and grand aunts and uncles in no time. All this 2,000 miles away stuff is not cool. =( I just can't imagine raising children separate from my family. It makes me sorta sad to think about it. I'm willing to compromise though. I'll expand my range from just the south to the northeast as well. It's kinda cold up there though so I don't think that'll be much of a compromise for anyone. I think the compromise would be to live on the west for longer than I care to. But I'll do what I have to do. This is a little depressing but I'm sure it'll work out. Stay tuned... =/

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Love It

Go 'head Rihanna.

You have my heart
And we'll never be worlds apart
May be in magazines
But you'll still be my star
Baby cause in the dark
You can't see shiny cars
And that's when you need me there
With you I'll always share

When there’s sunshine, we’ll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be a friend
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella

These fancy things, will never come in between
You're part of my entity, here for Infinity
When the war has took it's part
When the world has dealt it's cards
If the hand is hard, together we'll mend your heart

When there’s sunshine, we’ll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be a friend
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella

You can run into my arms
It's okay don't be alarmed
Come into me
There's no distance in between our love
So go on and let the rain pour
I'll be all you need and more

When there’s sunshine, we’ll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be a friend
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella

It's raining
Ooh baby it's raining
Baby come into me
Come into me
It's raining
Oh baby it's raining

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Denim Day in LA - Rape Prevention and Education Campaign

My co-workers shared that today, Wednesday, April 25, 2007 is Denim Day in LA.


Italy, 1992

An 18-year old girl is picked up by her married 45-year old driving instructor for her very first lesson. He takes her to an isolated road, pulls her out of the car, wrestles her out of one leg of her jeans and forcefully rapes her. Threatened with death if she tells anyone, he makes her drive the car home. Later that night she tells her parents, and they help and support her to press charges. The perpetrator gets arrested and is prosecuted. He is convicted of rape and sentenced to jail.

He appeals the sentence. The case makes it’s all the way to the Italian Supreme Court. Within a matter of days the case against the driving instructor is overturned, dismissed, and the perpetrator released. In a statement by the Chief Judge, he argued, “because the victim wore very, very tight jeans, she had to help him remove them, and by removing the jeans it was no longer rape but consensual sex.”

Enraged by the verdict, within a matter of hours the women in the Italian Parliament launched into immediate action and protested by wearing jeans to work. This call to action motivated and emboldened the California Senate and Assembly to do the same, which in turn spread to Patricia Giggans, Executive Director of Peace Over Violence, and Denim Day in L.A. was born.


Every two and a half minutes, somewhere in America, someone is sexually assaulted.

One in six American women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape.

According to the Los Angeles Police Department, there were 1,117 rapes during the year 2003, with only 260 rape suspects arrested.

82.8% of rapes committed by an intimate are not reported to the police.

35% of college men who voluntarily participated in psychological research conducted at several universities indicated they might commit a rape if they knew they could get away with it. (That's HORRIFIC!!)

Two million children around the world are forced into prostitution every year.

Law enforcement arrests for Internet sex crimes against minors is on the rise.

15,000 to 19,000 people with developmental disabilities are raped each year in North America.

Survivors deserve support and assistance, not shame and blame.

We want to build healthy relationships, families and communities free from sexual, domestic and interpersonal violence.

Take a look at this flyer.
Please do your part people.


Runyon Canyon

We went hiking around 6am Saturday morning over the Sunset area. The experience was breathtaking. It took a few pictures to bring back to you guys. If you don't mind, I'd like to share. =)

This was the pathway at the beginning of the hike. Notice how wide and smooth the path is. This didn't last long. I wish I would have taken a picture of the small, rocky, steep cliff we climbed, but the last thing I thought of was pulling out my camera. =/

LA in the morning dusk.

Wake up LA!

This scene was so calming. I loved it. I could have stayed there forever.

We just finished the hardest part of the hike. He was huffing and puffing at this point. lol. I'm not even going to lie. I was too!!


So serene.

We came across some horses on a little small ranch/farm! Who would have known we would bump into this 2 blocks from Hollywood Blvd!

He wants to play with the horses.

Is this not the most awesome tree ever! You should see it in person. It was stunning!

A flower in black and white.

Same flower in color. Pretty...

And our path on the way down. It doesn't look like we're going down, but believe me we were.


Comments to my "How I'm Feelin'" Song

"There's beauty in the break down." - Frou Frou

I understood it when I first heard it, but this line means so much more to me now than it ever did. I always go about things the same way. I normally look at you. Think of a hundred reasons why it couldn't be. Pretty valid reasons. Very good rationale. I even walk away. I beat myself up about what could have been, but harden up at the first whiff of fresh air. I go on walking, thinking I made the right decision. Minutes later getting sad, wishing I could let go. I hate myself for saying that I'm meant for someone, but stricking down every pursuit that comes my way. I call myself a walking contradiction. 'And you say that you were put on this earth to be a wife and a mother' I say to myself in disgust. If that's your sole purpose, you are your own worse enemy. But I'm over it. Just like that. I wake up and walk on that straight and narrow yellow line. Appearing to never miss a beat. Life will go on right? I throw it all up to fate (which I don't believe in by the way). If it's meant to be, it will be. How many times have I told myself that one? So here I am again. Afraid to let go. Afraid to lose myself. Wondering how I can be me and fall at the same time. Do you know who I am? Have you seen how strong I can be? Do you know how well I have things together? I'm in rhythm. I'm in step. I have it going on. Everything is the way I want it. Nothing can mess this up. I am woman, hear me roar. I don't know how to do this extra thing. Be j.a.c. with G.O.D. and add y.o.u. What does that mean? I've never been able to do that successfully. Therefore, the name of the game is avoidance. I'm afraid of losing myself. Letting my foundation crumble. I can't let my foundation crumble. No one has been able to add to me. I've only come across subtractions. I end up losing. Forgetting who I was to begin with....

So then while playing my entire library of songs, she tells me 'so let go/let go/just get in/oh it's so amazing here/it's alright/cuz there's beauty in the breakdown'. I put the song on replay and let it's lyrics encircle me. I laid down with me head inches from the stereo speaker. Closed my eyes and let the notes, vibes, whispers, and trances enter my entire being. Beauty in a breakdown? I listened. This time, I truly listened. All other questions and hesitations seem to fade. It's amazing what a song, a melody, a lyric can do. I'm not 100% but I do believe. It could be. There might be a way. It's okay. Now that I know that there's beauty...

y.o.u owe it to this song

Hi Blog World. I was sick for a couple of days, but I'm back. Good to be back!

Thursday, April 19, 2007

What Do You Title This?

I'm so sick right now. I can't even think. I'm just in shock. Sat with my head in my hands for a second. Told myself to start working again. Went back to my excel spreadsheet. It just didn't feel right. How do you just go back to work like everything's okay. Like nothing happened. Move on? But why? Why do we have to move on? Because that's what "they" would want. Please!

I just got an email from Ariel, the friend that just got married. The email was entitled, "Death in the Family". Two of her husband's cousins were killed in the last week. One of which was Chris's groosman. On the drive back home from the wedding, him and his fiance' and daughter were killed. Another big-rig out of control. They were almost home. They just attended a wedding! We just danced and partied and laughed and sent a couple off on a honeymoon. Killed just like that.

The atrocities of this world. So sickening. Just saw an email complete with pictures of a 21 year old girl who was mutilated by a man. Cut her hand and head off. I mean, there were pictures of her head and her hand lying separate from her body! I almost threw up.

This is too much. I'm feeling overwhelmed. Tried calling my mom. Tried calling Damian. Just overwhelmed. I'm so tired of this. VTech. The video tapes of Cho that they play over and over and over again. Crazy rantings. It's just all too much. It's just too much.

I need some air.

My Angel

Angel said she's still scared
Still holding back how she feels
Holding emotions right there in her fist
Crunching them with five brown fingers
Refuses to let them go
Her hand shaking in pain
But strong enough to stay

She said that she has to hold back
Like a barracade
She stops herself from feeling
Kicks her feelings in the stomach
Pains them from evolving
Slaughters their emmersion
Blocks everything that could be

Angel needs time to tell
It's still all clear as mud
Like crystals sinking in the dirt
A dirty window without a prayer
Desperately wanting to see
But realizing the impossibility
Only a blurry view available

She wants to wait
See what happens
Sit back for a while on her haunches
Like a panther in the patch
Peering through the shrubble
Discerning her surroundings
Rationalizing her approach
Letting the revelations unravel

Angel said she needs space
Along with a precious item called time
Items she keeps close to her breasts
Next to her beating heart
It's pumping palpatations keeping her warm
In a cold lonely place
Where she creates space and time
For herself
By herself

She wants to plant her feet into sand
Not permanent
But not easy to move
She'll be ready to dig
Like a madman in a hurry
In desire of fresh freedom
Not quite now
But in the far out future

Angel wants to do it alone
Abandon outside influences alone
Deafen the sounds around her
hallow out the perceptions
Create vast halls of silence
Enlcose herself in sounds of nothing
Pure silence

Let the truth reveal itself
In time you won't be afraid
Ready and able to move
Excited to take a leap
Until then
Timidly wait
Quietly watch

Copyright © 2007 j.a.c.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

I Can't Wait For Summer

I can't wait for warm weather. There's just something about a nice, warm day that makes me feel so good inside. What I look forward to the most though are the concerts, shows, music festivals, plays, operas and events. I stay on ticketmaster, goldstar, fusicology, and performing arts center's website. I'm all about Flamenco shows at El Cid, Broadway shows at the Orange County Performing Arts Center, and the American Ballet Theatre at the Music Center. Or maybe a little underground music at Temple Bar and an opera at an opera house. I really want to see an opera. A good one. I saw Madame Butterfly while in grade school and was blown away. I would like to get dressed up just to go to a concert hall and watch the Philharmonic Orchestra, ya know? I've been once and it was pretty cool. I love watching people who are passionate about what they do perform for art lovers. It inspires me to take my art seriously. I just looked at concerts on ticketmaster. If I had endless funds, here's who I'd see: Gwen Stefani, Joe, Keyshia Cole, Robin Thicke, Tyrese, O'Jays w/ Johnny Gill & Keith Sweat, Elliot Yamin, and of coure Beyonce'. If I miss Beyonce' I'm going to die. She doesn't come to the Staples Center until September but I need to be on it when her pre-sale starts. Those tickets are going to be ridiculously expensive. I guess I need to start saving now. The Soulfest in Vegas is the same weekend of the Jazz and Reggae Festival at UCLA. I think I might stay local for this and just do the reggae and jazz festival, although I would love to go to Vegas (especially since my man Eric Roberson is performing - that's the artist playing on my page). I don't think I'll have the funds for Vegas so soon. But anyway, yeah! I'm excited ya'll!! I'm going to consume myself with the arts this summer.

Speaking of arts, did I tell you guys that I'm going back to working with youth in a new and upcoming performing arts academy? I've been seriously missing out on a lot since leaving my kids back in Brooklyn and being away from Kiamsha. There's something so deep about working with youth and I really haven't been able to fill the little hole in me since. I like being close to them, especially as I watch them progress and grow into strong, secure, and educated individuals. I also love the attachment that we make with one another. I think I start to depend on them as much as they depend on me. I like being the role model they trust and confide in. It makes me feel like I have a purpose. So every Saturday morning, I'll be up teaching the youth not only about dance, but about self-expression, the importance of knowing their history, confidence, fitness, proper attitudes, etc. It's going to be great.

I pray that the warm weather finds everyone well and happy. Get involved and get outside. Share the breeze and life's moments with loved ones. Put a smile on your face and make the days count. As we've all seen lately, you never know what may happen, so let go and let life!

Back Seat of the Car

I am exhausted. Oh my goodness. I feel like I'm going to pass out. My body is all weak and whatnot. I don't know about this 3 days a week in the gym thing. Especially not back to back. Maybe I worked myself too hard this morning. I don't know. But I do know one thing. My co-workers might be missing me today. Don't be surprised if I disappear. If you really need me, you might be able to find me curled up in the back seat of my car in the garage. I ain't playin!

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

On My Mind

Time for a little free association
It's been a minute since I've done this
Speak the first thing that comes to mind
Don't stop typing
Just be honest and keep going
No breaks
No interruption
Just keep typing
First thing that comes to mind

I'm wearing pink today
I need to go to Target during lunch
Pick up some more work out clothes
If I'ma work out 3 days a week..
Need some more exercise clothes
What happened to all my dance attire
Used to have a grip of stuff
Who says that?
Must be a Cali thing
I think I got it from one of the boys

I'm looking at my hands
I forgot my rings
Need to do my nails over
Can't look a mess
Going to get my hair cut Friday
Can't wait to fling my hair again
I need spring hair for spring time
I wonder if I can find the right picture
Sherri needs a picture
She's a visual person
Don't try explaining anything to her
You'll come out lookin like WHAT?
I love going to the hairdresser
Especially right before the weekend
I wonder if the weather will be nice
Got a lot going on this weekend
Jenn's party Saturday night
Time to look fly!
Maybe I'll get something new
I haven't been shopping in a while

Listening to T-Pain again
This song is making me feel GOOD!
"We In the Bed Like..."
Joc is funny
I like his voice on the track though
A little slow
A little smooth
It's cool
I think T.I. wouldn't been able to do that
Although I do prefer T.I. over Joc
With his fine self
"Now walk it out!"
I learned so many down south dances in Okla
The two step
Gettin crazy wit it
A new line dance
Pop, lock and drop it
Who comes up with this stuff?
Gotta replay the song
Hold on
I'm back
I think it's the melody
It's so pretty and sweet
I have a hard time letting guys buy me a drink
You always owe them something
I don't care what they say
A conversation
A little attention
Some nicities
Whatever it is..
You ALWAYS owe them
Maybe it's as small as consideration
But you DO owe them
What if you don't feel like being considerate?
Like living in your parents house after being away
You gotta start being respectful and considerate again
That mess is hard!
Been living your own life and then all of a sudden...
Gotta come in at appropriate times
Try not to be on the phone all times of the day
Be appreciative by cleaning more than you normally would
Eat with the family if they want you to
That's why I like living by myself
The same's going to happen when I get married
But it's different
It's my house
I set the tone (somewhat)
My husband and I set the tone

I just looked at my bulletin board
It says Mon, 29 Oct 2007
GMAT: Graduate management Admission Test
Oh boy
I was supposed to put a schedule together
I need to get on that
Tomorrow though
Or actually, I'll do it in the hairdresser Friday
Perfect time
I'm moving non-stop until then
Gotta be in the bed by 9:30/10 so I can be up for the gym
Gotta get stuff done before that
No time to waste

Is this getting too long?
I don't care
My sis says my stuff is too long
She starts skimming after a while
I do that too actually
Especially Mike and T.C.'s stuff
They be writing BOOKS!
I guess I do too
When you got stuff to say, you gotta say it!
I should work on shortening stuff though
I should write more
Wasn't I supposed to go to the park and write in my journal
Whatever happened to that
Me time in the park
Like that picture up top
I love that look

People are starting to come in
Well it is 7am
I should probably start acting like I work here
But first I need some breakfast
Gotta feed the belly
How about a bacon, egg and cheese sandwich
Is that going to mess up my workout
I've never had to watch what I eat
Why start now
As long as I stay in the gym, I'll be good
And I don't even eat pork
But I want some bacon today
I wish they had turkey bacon
Or turkey sausage

Well it's off to business
Have a rockin day people!

Work It Out

Woke up at 4:20am
Was to the gym by 4:55am
Stepped on the eliptical at 5:05am
Got on the bike at 5:25am
Hit the leg press at 5:40am
Stretched at 5:45am
Stepped in the shower at 5:50am
Took the stairs up to my office at 6:15am
Turned on the computer at 6:17am sharp

Feelin good. Feelin great.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Lovey Dovey Stuff

I just want to take care of you
Come over and let you lay in my lap
Stroke your neck and play with your hands
Stare at you while you take a nap

I want to spend all day with you
Even if it's in the cut of silence
Us together is so serene
I always love your presence

I just want to explore you
Take my time to learn everything
The darkest things to the light
Everything about you is intriguing

I want to be everything to you
Your lover, supporter and friend
Be the one you always need
On me I want you to depend


I see you baby
The concern and care you give
It's not lost on me
I appreciate it with the fullest
You blow my mind
Doing things you don't have to
I'm still shocked
The energy and time you take
It's so sweet
You make me feel like a star
Because of you
I twinkle brighter than the night
Thank you
For the concern and care
I see you baby
I appreciate it with the fullest


I kinda lost the faith
Didn't really think you existed
Thought I was being too picky
Should I lower my standards?
Maybe my list is unrealistic
Is that too much to ask
I think I deserve all of it
Don't want just some of it
Didn't feel like I would be fullfilled
Was prepared to settle
Maybe this is it
I should work with whatever I'm given
Life isn't perfect
No one is perfect
Stop living a fantasy
You long for something unreal
Had fear I wouldn't be able to breathe
Like I really want to breathe
Wouldn't connect like I want
Wouldn't love like I want
Then I met you
You're everything I've ever wanted


"it had been many years since I been in love. with a real man i had given up on love. didn't think a good man existed in this world. i was tired of searching. because relationships i dealt with in my past. couldn't fathom being monogamous. when i least expected it i found you. and because of you i know how it feels to be..." - Beyonce'


is it too soon?

Song of the Month

Is it okay to like this song? I love it. Can't get enough. Can I love T-Pain? Is that okay too?

Greek-ed OUT

Oklahoma was cool, except for the freezing cold rain and wind that blew right into my heart! Oh it was horrible! Here I come, all spring-ed out in my Vans and light jacket, and mother nature looked at me, rolled her eyes, and whipped my cute butt right on up! I'm surprised I'm not sick right now. I was FREEZING!

I'm thoroughly impressed with how my sis handled herself this weekend. For those who don't know, my sis is the president of the Black Student Organization and thus chaired the week of events called STOMP WEEK. My sis and her executive committee did a great job! They even got Farnsworth Bently to host the STOMP DOWN. I didn't see all of the week's activities but of what I did see, she handled it! I'm so proud of her. She was on the phone delegating and answering questions most of the time but the time that we did spend together was nice. I like hanging with my sis. She's a cool, little thang.

You know what she said to me though? While I was changing she said "You're body's not as banging as it used to be Jen." *GASP* Well she just gave me all the motivation I need. It's on now! Don't talk, just watch!

The Deltas and AKAs have something vicious against one another at OU. It was pretty disturbing actually. I don't understand why anyone outside of either organization would want to see that and be a part of it. It's certainly not inviting. The Deltas and AKAs of OU are certainly not representing their organizations with the honor that I know they deserve. With that said... and all the sorority and fraternity hoop-la I experienced this weekend, I am Greek-ed OUT!

Anyway, I'll post a few pics tomorrow.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Off to OU

I'm going to Oklahoma tomorrow. My sister has been dying for me to come visit. She's the president of the Black Student Organization (BSO), and if I understand this correctly, the BSO is throwing a huge campus-wide event called "STOMP DOWN" which is one of the biggest anticipated events for Oklahoma University (OU). I'm sure it'll be all about probate shows, step shows, greek life, etc. You know... that "back-in-the-day" stuff. It's been a few years since I've been around that hoop-la so my excitement level is not quite up to my sisters, but I'm sure I'll have fun nevertheless. I know how to reminisce with the teenagers (although my sis is 20) and still get my groove on, ya know? I'm just happy that I can be there to support my sister. She keeps pointing out that I'll have VIP access all weekend. lol. I'm not sure what that means at OU, but it's cute. I'll share in her energy and excitement for the time being. She just wants to show off her big sister. If I had an older sibling, I'd want to do the same.

So I'm leaving at 6:50 in the morning tomorrow. She just HAD to make sure I was there on Friday. Good thing I just got my every-other-Friday-off privileges back. (Yay!) So let's see... what should I pack? (You guys don't have to read any further. This is just for me. But feel free if you'd like to continue!)

a hoodie
the good ole college shower shoes!
curling iron
towel and sponge-thingy (I wonder if she has a towel for me)
shower cap (my sis' shower caps are always stretched out for some reason!)
bag of jewelry
makeup bag
Friday's daytime outfit
Friday's nighttime outfit
Saturday's daytime outfit
Saturday's nighttime outfit
Sunday's clothes for the plane
(like how I just summed up the outfits? That's what's going to take me the longest to figure out!! Good job J.. =/ )
a universal sweater
a universal jacket
4 sets of underwear
pair of tennis shoes
something clothing options for my sis (cuz I KNOW she'll be all IN my suitcase for something to wear)
digi camera

I wonder if I should bring work. I'm not taking my labtop. ...Hmm.... No. This weekend is about me and my sis. No work this time. But I should email myself my resume and cover letter just in case I have time to apply to jobs while away.

That's a lot of stuff for 2 1/2 days. *sigh* I can NEVER pack light. I feel like such a fool rolling my big ole suitcase for a 2 1/2 college weekend getaway. Lol. Dah well!

Have a good one ladies and gents!

Stay close.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007


I've been thinking a lot lately. You know how it is when you have a million things on your mind. It's nothing really heavy, but I do find myself staring out into space sometimes. It's cool; staring out into space that is. Finding a quiet spot to sit and think.

I haven't been to my park in a while. I haven't written in my journal in a while. I miss putting pen to paper. Doing a couple of free associations under the breeze or the heat of the sun. I really can't wait for summer. I have a feeling that it's going to be an incredible one. A happy one. Trips to San Diego, driving up the coast, being on the beach, visiting wine country, jazz festivals... The reggae festival is coming up next month. I'm so anxious.

I want to find more "spots". You know what I mean. Spots around the city that you fall in love with. I live for walking up on incredible spots. The moment where you meet the spot...

I'm ready to sweat. LOL. Sounds pretty crazy huh? But I know that it's a great time when I'm dancing and sweating or when I'm at a bbq and the heat swelters around me. I love that kind of stuff. Call me crazy but that's me! And isn't there something just really intense and sexy about sweat? Or am I truly crazy right there?

This post is so out there. I'm in la la land.

My Feelings

just the beginning
but it feels so settling
comfortable to go there
act like it's been years
like we've never missed a beat
a little timid to make it more
but sure i want to pursue
pray and pray that this is for me
don't think i could stand to cry again
nice and slow is where i want to go
trying so hard to keep it simple
don't want to overdo anything
is that stupid to hold back
just don't want to rush
but don't want to think
probably will be quiet
just a quiet calm
watch as we progress
time will tell
slow down baby girl
this one's important to you
let it be years if it has to
no problem in digging for the gold
waiting for the pearl to form
patience is the game
i so pray for this one
it's important to me
it's just that important

urban butterfly


look at this woman's blog...

she makes me want to rip my stuff up and start all over again...

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

"It Feels So Good..."

I just have to tell you guys. "It feels so good..." to be on top of things. (That quote's from the song that's playing on my page right now if you didn't notice.) You have no idea. I just started a new job and already I have people pulling together packages for me. I made it known that I want to be used. Don't just have me sitting around here wasting my time. My department had a meeting today to discuss how I will be utilized while in this rotation. It looks like I'll be pretty busy but BRING IT ON! I'll be the BEST rotation person they've had yet!

"It feels so good..." to have paid off my credit card, replenished my savings account, paid off a loan, bought a couple of plane tickets home, paid off my family reunion vacation and most of my cruise with my tax return! GEAH! And I might even have a little bit left to put my car in the shop to do a little extra stuff on it that I've been wanting. I don't know what's going, but stuff is just so right for me at this moment. We'll see how long it lasts... =/

"It feels so good..." to have met this guy. You know how I've been saying that none of them give me that feeling? Like none of them are doing it for me out here... Well I met him. I met the guy that just does it...

"It feels so good..."

Wedding Update

So all went well. The crazy cousin did end up showing her face outside of the reception but no one noticed but the wedding party, (and me because the bride told me). She didn't make any ruckus so we were pretty pleased with the event.

My favorite memory was at the end when all of us ladies danced the end of the night away on the dance floor around the bride. It was so cute. The camera man was swarming around us while we cha cha slide-ed and tootsie rolled. She was happy, and so were we. =)

Best wishes on the marriage!!

Friday, April 06, 2007

The Wedding...

My girl who's getting married today called me this morning. I went from all smiles to an expression of shock in two seconds. "She did what?!"

What would you do if an unruly, 5 month-pregnant cousin drove to your rehearsal dinner from Oakland to LA (5 hours) just to curse everyone out?

How would you feel if someone stormed into what's supposed to be a peaceful, loving affair and yelled at you from across the room. "You want some of this too?!"

What would you do if a cousin calls you, the bride, and your fiance' out of your names in front of all your friends and family?

My heart goes out to her... I've been dreaming about my wedding for years... If anything like that happened at mine, I would die.

Needless to say, my girl broke down in tears.

I think someone hit someone because the idea of pressing charges came up. (gasp!) = /

I'm so glad that I left early.

I asked her, "do you think she would be crazy enough to show up at your wedding?" My girl answered in the affirmative and muttered something about having security.

SECURITY?! At your wedding?!! WOOOOOW!

I know one thing. I'm sitting near the door. (That was my mom's suggestion. Actually, it was her command.)

People answer now-a-days with guns. =(

I need to tell my date. He needs to know what the deal is. Be extra aware.

Would I go to someone's wedding if my date said to me, "something went down last night, so you may need to watch your back"... Umm...

Did I say that my heart goes out to the bride-to-be?

She told me to call her back around noon.

We'll see what happens...

Today's the day.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

I Am Lioness, Hear Me Roar!

Yesterday was somewhat of an unproductive and disappointing day, but let me tell you that today will NOT be the same. When I woke up this morning (an hour early I might add), I put on my power dress and heels, put some mascara and eyeliner on, grabbed my labtop and purse and flew out the door. I walked into my office and immediately booted my labtop and got on the phone with a software company I needed to touch base with; even before checking my emails and voice messages! (gasp) If anyone knows me, you'd know that that's huge for me. It usually takes me FOREVER to start actually working due to all the websites I have to check and emailing that I do. After speaking with a customer service representative and making an appointment for futher help, I had a meeting with my manager to discuss my personal development plan and performance goals. I had a couple of actions items out of that meeting that I completed within the hour. GEAH! I then called Things Remembered and found the perfect gift for my girl who's getting married, faxed over my information, and will be picking that up at 3:30pm today. I love technology! I didn't even have to step in the store! I then paid my cell phone bill and completely paid off my credit card. =D As soon as I finished that, my manager came over to ask me some questions that, to my surprise, I could answer. So that made me feel good being that I've only been here for 3 days.

So this is the plan for the rest of the day. After speaking to the software rep at lunch, I'm going to call the CLIMB CEO and get all the information I need from him to complete my articles. If my load is light when I get back to work, I'll complete the articles and turn them in. Somewhere within all that I have to find some food. (That's always the hard part.) After work, I need to pick up that gift, do a little work within the refreshed system that I just KNOW the rep will be able to help me with, and then head out to the wedding rehearsal. After that is the rehearsal dinner, and then I'll be home. Phew! Another long day completed!

I'm motivated ya'll!! Don't you see it! I have 12 minutes until lunch. I feel like I should start a launch sequence or something. LOL.

Don't stop me cuz you CAN'T!!

Have a great one guys!

Wednesday, April 04, 2007


I feel like it's been a while since I've been back. I started a new job within my company so I kinda have to feel these people out, ya know? I'm not sure how nosey or laid back they are. I gotta be careful for now. My reputation is all I have at this point. Thank goodness it's a good one.

Right now I'm listening to one of Eve's new songs featuring T.I. I LOVE this song. Please excuse all the cursing. As my boy M.C. said, "This song is FIRE!"

Got a wedding to attend Friday. My girl is getting married. I'm so excited for her. Her fiance' and her are basically already married. Most engaged couples seem like that anyway. A couple of my friends have gotten married but this is the first wedding I've attended. Well it's the first one that's located in the same state as I.

My sister is trying to get me to come to her school for some huge college event. It's called "The Stomp Down". I have no idea what it means but she's really excited about it. She's the chair so I'm can understand why she wants me there so bad. She called me and said that I have the hook-up and that I can get VIP passes and everything. LOL. I thought that was so cute. I laughed and said to her, "you do realize that I'm 3 years out of college and don't get excited about the same things you do right?" She laughed back and said "so what!" lol. Did I mention that she's too cute.

I'm listening to jazz and standards right now. I love how I just switch it up like that. lol. Nancy Wilson is the BOMB!

My stomach hurts.

I think I am going to gather all of my "good stuff" and publish it guys. Too many people have been on me about doing so. I think I want to get a couple more good writing samples though. Thicken my stack up a little. So prepare for more deep, introspective, poetry and posts soon.

My parent's 25th wedding anniversary is next month. That's incredible! I only hope for a relationship like theirs.

When you're feeling like your relationship with Jehovah isn't as tight as it used to be or it could be, pray. Ask for encouragement, strength and wisdom. (I'm talking to myself right here. Stuff is difficult.)

Still out here looking for a new job. I need to clear my mind and buckle down. I've been applying and interviewing but for some reason things just aren't coming around. If I hear another "we chose the guy with the MBA" I'm going to scream. I think I want to go back to school now. Just school and Jehovah. That sounds like a plan. Now I have to map out my course. Step 1. Study for GMAT again. Step 2. Take GMAT. Step 3. Apply for school. Sounds real simple, but we all KNOW it's not that easy. I want to go back to school full-time, so I need money. I've always wanted to go to Emory in Atlanta. I'd do USC if it was full-time. Shoo. I'd do anywhere if it was full-time. I gotta get my score up. Okay. It's decided. School here I come. Still need to find a new job, but school here I come.

California just might get me guys. I'm volunteering for a youth performing arts academy... Dance, theatre and vocal performance. You KNOW once I get involved, my heart is going to be attached to the kids right? I cried when I left my kids in Brooklyn. It was one of the hardest things I had to do. I NEVER want to leave kids that look up to me. I felt like I failed them, especially when one of the girls looked at me and said, " you're leaving us too?" Oh my goodness!!! Rip my heart into little pieces please!!! I will never forget that. So once I start this thing... I don't know. East coast - I love you, but I already know what lies ahead. I'll see you soon I hope.

Alright. It's lunch time and I need to get some work done for my part time job. Talk to you later.

Stay close!
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