Monday, November 30, 2009

My Wedding Dress

I found my wedding dress this past Saturday. You would think that I would be over-exciting. Extremely zealous. Overjoyed. Boosted. And so on. I'm not though. More than anything, I'm relieved. So relieved that I've exhaled more times than I could imagine. Finally, the dress is out of the way. You see, I have very specific tastes, and once I see the dress that I want in a magazine, which usually costs more than I could ever possibly dream of affording, it's kinda hard to lower my expectations. So I went to Mary's Bridal Boutique with my mother and the woman who made my flower girl dress 25 years ago thinking that it would be a waste of time. Mind you, I had never done the bridal boutique thing or had the experience of being greeted at the door, accepting a beverage, changing into a plush robe and browsing a full stock of beautiful wedding gowns. Mary's Bridal Boutique in Annapolis, MD did that for me and more. All of my fears and disappointment melted away while I was being taken care of. So much so that the first dress I tried on was THE dress. I went through a couple of others but everyone around me proclaimed that the first one was IT. I knew it too. I couldn't believe how easy it was. I'm all done. =) But how funny is this? Now that the dress is paid for, I don't want to see it anymore. If you would allow me to explain...I have a funny habit of changing my mind, soooo I think it best not to look at it, think about it or dream about it for fear of not liking it anymore. I'm really happy with my dress, so don't get me wrong. I just want to keep it that way. The next time I see this dress, I want to be as shocked as I was the first time I put it on. Until then, all camera phone pictures must be deleted. Feel me?

When I put the first dress on in the spacious, mirror filled dressing room, a wave of emotions came over me. I stood in the mirror and said "I can't believe I have a wedding dress on." I thought the day would never come.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

A Lot Of Stuff

I'm in the middle of what they call a hair catastrophe. I need some sort of something bad. A slight fix. A bit of detail. Something to give it spunk. I haven't felt this drab in a long time. My hair has grown so it might be time to actually put the scissors to it and actually cut it into the bob that it's supposed to be. My bangs could use a good sharpening. You know how I feel in my current state? Average.

So it's been a while since I've actually taken the time to put down some words. So much has happened since I moved back home. In between the insanity of my job, my man escapades and the fam, I've had very little time to be creative. Diving into a position at The Washington Post was... *blank stare* ... I don't even know how to describe it. Let's just say that I had panic attacks, late nights and many many tears. I'm not even going to lie. I absolutely hated it. Knowing how valuable I was to the job, I even threatened by boss by telling her that I was going to leave. I've never worked so hard in my life. Since then, the situation has improved drastically. My manager created a new department and took me along with her, so I'm now safeguarded from all the tedious accounting and finance work that almost killed me. My boss loves me. You should have heard her during my evaluation meeting. I have never been praised so much in my life. She also gave me a bonus for going above and beyond. I don't mean to sound conceited but I am good ya'll! I never thought of myself as such, but I've been able to pull out some STUFF at TWP. I know very little people who could walk that torturous path, in heels nonetheless!, and make it through to the other side like I did. My self-confidence has improved drastically during my time here.

Now as for the 'man escapades' as I described them. Man. Who would have thought that I would move home, fall in love and be on my way to being a married woman in a few months? It was all so sudden, but all so wonderful. I'm not going to go into every little detail, so I'll drop a couple of highlights for you. First of all, when I met this man, I thought he was the dorkiest, goodie two shoes, string-bean-tall man that I ever met. He's still pretty much all of these things, except a good two shoes (he he he). You know all those stories of how the studdly prince comes and swipes the unexpecting damsel in distress off of her feet? Yeah that was pretty much how it happened. To this day, I will hold to the fact that I was bamboozled. One minute, I feel nothing for the strange nerdy boy in the corner, and then next, I am madly in love with a rock on my finger. I feel like I drank some special elixir, opened my eyes and BAM! It's truly a blessing. His affection runs so deep ya'll. It's not even a game. He doesn't call himself a romantic, but you should hear some of the words that come out of his mouth. Be still my heart! And that, my friends, is what happens when you stop living for yourself, and put Jehovah first. Blessings are plentiful.

What else is new? Oh! Cue Biggie... "I'm going going back back to [NY NY]." Yay!!!! I miss the big city. I miss the rush, the grittiness, the creativity in the air, the inspiration, and ironically, the bitter cold that slaps you in the face like an angry grandmother. I miss my spot, Tillmans, and I definitely miss the shopping. I can't really fluff my wardrobe here like I could in the big apple. Mainly because the good stores are so far away. It's a lot harder to dress here too because for a girl like me, I need other people's creative juices to thrive off. I like to see things that I like and combine them to make something that works for me. There's not a lot of fierceness here. On my worst days, my co-workers think I'm fierce. Good, but not okay. The compliments don't hold much weight when every one's wearing corduroys and flats all the time. I gotta get back to NY more often. Essence Magazine is having an alumni reunion soon in NY. I might just have to be there. I remember the days when running back and forth to NY from DC was no big thang. So why should it be now? (Shoot. Just checked the invite. It's on a Monday. Guess I won't be in attendance this time.)

I'm interested in making new friends. My life, although wonderful, is pretty much redundant. My fiance and I mix it up sometimes (we're going to see Kem and Will Downing this Friday in Bmore), but I need to reach out a bit more. I met a female this past weekend in Hampton that I know I could immediately click with, and it helps she's my fiance's best friend's wife, but... she's in Hampton. Not much we could do there. I really want to plan an end of 2010 vacay to include the couples I know of in the circle, but you know how you start things and never finish... Maybe this time it'll be different. Where should we go? Definitely someplace warm, but what's sorta inexpensive, quick, relaxing and fun all at the same time? Gotta get my travel agent Aunt on that one. Back to what I was saying at the beginning of this paragraph though. I need some new friends! Some settled or halfway settled, grown, responsible friends. This is not to say that I can't have single friends. I need a good mix of personalities, thought patterns, complexities, etc in my friend pool. I am however entering a new phase of life, and I don't really have any friends in the same phase as me. I feel like this means I'm getting old, but I know that's not the case. I did just turn 27 on Saturday... gasp...but I there are still plenty of wonder years ahead of me. Right? (Lump in my throat.) But yeah, I'm ready to grow. I'm ready for whatever's next.

Speaking of whatever's next, the fiance and I mentally designed our bedroom yesterday. We were speaking textured walls, amoires, adequate lighting, etc. I'm pretty excited to get into interior decorating. It's something I've wanted to do for a long time, but have had no interior to decorate. I've been sleeping on pull outs, couches and twin beds in other people's homes for way too long. Finally, and I do mean FINALLY, I will have a place of my own to call home in about 4 months. Even though I'll have a roommate (my husband to be), I'll be the head honcho shera in the building. I did have that kind of freedom in my apartment in Long Beach, but it was so temporary and so small that all I could do was turn around and squat. Since future hubby owns the condo, I have a lot more space to let the creativity flow and be me. It's all so exciting!

I have an hour and twenty minutes before I'm released from this prison called work. It's so pointless to be here right before the holidays. The office is always so empty, which makes the day move sooooo slow. I've checked ybf, concrete, mediatakeout, vsb, bossip, sandrarose and others multiple times today. There's not enough celebrity gossip in the world to keep me entertained right now. I am bored out of my mind and I'm almost mad that I have over an hour to go until I can leave. Of course there's work that could be done, but my work always consists of a couple of hours of non-interrupted concentration. I don't have the time or energy for that right now. I guess I could be taking care of some wedding planning, but I don't feel like that either. Who knows why I'm not stressed about any of it. I don't understand why they have to be such stressful affairs anyway. It's just an upscale gathering of friends and family. Take a regular gathering of sorts and dump a little more money and planning into the mix and Wa-La! Of course it's one of the most important days of my life, but it'll be special no matter what. I probably won't feel the pressure until a few weeks before the wedding. I have started looking for my dress though. You guys are going to laugh at me, but I found a dress for under $200 that I absolutely love. I have NO IDEA why it's so cheap but I'm about to order it and find out. It may work and it may not. My dress budget is $2K so I have the room to go in another direction, but I think it'd be pretty funny if I got a fab wedding dress for under $200. Anywho, my sister is in charge of the reception venue. We're supposed to have a conference call with her and my other sis tonight to hear what she's found under the budget my parents gave her. I'd be surprised if she found something chic and posh in the DC area within range, but you never know. A 6pm wedding on a Friday night in DC... No se' homie. Ain't no restaurant/lounge gonna wanna lose out on their liquor sales for the night. That means spending boo-koo money that we don't have. [Future hubby is calling. Hold please.] Okay...umm. So yeah. That's about all I have for the wedding right now. We're not having a wedding party which equates to no extra stress. Oh. I am pretty excited for the wedding rings. The jeweler is designing them now and should have the preliminaries to us this weekend. I thought I was against diamonds. I was wrong. Smile! I'ma find some spiffy invitations and let that be that. I know I'm over-simplifying, but dah well. I'm sure it will all be beautiful.

That's it for now I guess. I'm about to take the next 45 minutes to slowly pack up. Ha!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Cold Case Love - Rihanna

I am really feeling this new Rihanna song (click here). I'm sure this is going to be among my top favorites, if not favorite, when the album comes out. I'm sooo loving this. It's very honest and clear. Great job Rob Knox and Justin Timberlake.
Oh and by the way, this is totally unrelated but, I'M ENGAGED!!!!!!!!!!! =)

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Today's Best Forms Of Creativity

You know how you come across things that near KNOCK You OUT!!!!

This dress is so sick it made me want to cry.

And secondly.....OMARION!!!!!!!! Wooooooo Weeeeeeee! The KING of dance videos! This is not even right. TALENT!

Monday, November 02, 2009

Mental Health Day

I got fully dressed complete with coat, pashmina and Uggs, ready to walk out of the door when all of a sudden I decided that I couldn't do it. I sat down in a chair for about 15 minutes at the end of the hallway and just stared down the walkway which led to the door. I told my mom who was brushing her teeth in the nearby bathroom that I couldn't do it. Not today, not tomorrow and not Wednesday. Now I'm laying on the couch watching cartoons at my bf's place while he's at work.

My mind has been inundated with crap. While getting ready this morning, for nothing as it turns out, I had an entire blog drafted in my head about how this exhausted feeling I can't get rid of must mean that I'm unhappy. I don't know what's going on with me. I feel like a ball of hot mess and for some reason nothing seems to give me relief. I took at JAC day yesterday. Ate crab legs, watched my CW tv shows, played around with some music, did some studying, etc. But like a crazy person, it still wasn't enough. Even with an entire day dedicated to doing me, I still wake up the next day in tears. I'm trying to hold it together but I have problems taping into my positive side. To make matters worse, I feel even more terrible because my bf, the most amazing, caring, big hearted man, has to deal with all of this. I wish I could disappear so that he didn't have to be concerned or feel the weight of my dismay. I don't want him to think that I'm crazy but I don't know if that will be possible because I feel crazy. I can't convince someone else if I can't even convince myself. While crying in his arms this morning, I told him I felt like a retard. I wish I could get hold of myself, but I can't. Can't shouldn't be in my vocabulary but seriously, I can't get it together.

Is it my job? Even though I've left the menial and mind-numbing billing and accounting responsibilities behind, this new position has a level of stress on its on that is wearing me out. There are about 3 degrees of separation between me and the top execs (presidents, CEO, publisher, etc.) of The Washington Post, which means that we get a lot of high level, emergency requests that have to be taken care of RIGHT AWAY. Being the worker bee of the department, and due to the fact that the other worker bee among us is on maternity leave, I'm the one who has the privilege of putting together these high level responses and packages at lightening speed. I never thought that providing information and doing analyses could be so draining. The pressure is intense. Most career driven people would love my job. Not only would they see it as an opportunity to rub shoulders with the most powerful people at The Washington Post, but they would be excited about the prospects of having that high level job one day. Me...not so much. I prefer a quiet, simple occupation. I wonder if it'll be so uptight and high strung once my co-worker comes back. I need her for balance. Two people are better than one to lighten the load.

I've never been with someone who was so different than me. The way we were raised, the way we think, how we were educated... I'm a silvery moon and he's a blue whale. (Don't ask me how I just came up with that.) Being that neither know anything about the other's world, a whole lot of communication and learning is necessary. Baby boy and I have been working very hard lately to learn each other. We've stayed up many late nights discussing situations and how we each see them. I've learned a lot recently, but I'm ready to be past this part already. I'm ready to know him and not look at him like an alien when he says or believes something I don't get. But does the work in a relationship ever cease? Unfortunately not.

So yeah, I need a break. I wish I could go away, but just the thought that I am supposed to be at work today, and I'm not makes me feel a little better. Bump it all. I need to take care of JAC before I really lose my mind.

Sunday, November 01, 2009

I'm Old

PLEASE tell me that you remember this song. Otherwise I'll just die.

I was sitting in the kitchen eating some crab legs just a few minutes ago while importing new music into my iTunes from a couple of old CDs I hadn't heard in a while. So I threw in this CD from that music video show we used to watch back in the day called The Box to see what kind of music was on it. What I found were Warren G's "Regulate", B.I.G.'s "Juicy", Craig Mack's "Flava In Ya Ear" and Patra's "Romantic Call" just to name a few. Remembering how much I used to love "Romantic Call" I skipped over to it, all excited like, and started to groove to the reggae beat. My sister who was enjoying some of my crab legs didn't seem to clue into the song. I just figured she would remember once we got the chorus... "I'm on a romantic call...I'm talking to my baby..." but instead, she looked at me with a blank face. My expression dropped. "You don't know this song?!" I asked her quietly, fearing the response. She replied that she didn't and at that very moment, I put the palm of my hand up to my forehead (didn't want to get crab juice all over my face) and closed my eyes while a wave of "J, you're old" and "you're officially over the hill" and "you sound like your parents" phrases flashed before my eyes.

So now I'm back and in my room and I can not BELIEVE that my sister, who is only three and a half years younger than me, does not know Patra and Yo-Yo's "Romantic Call"!!!!! If my boyfriend, who happens to be my young tenderoni, does not know this song either, I think this just might become the worst day of my life.
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