Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Mood: So Freakin Irritated

These people at work are pissing me off. How you gon' blame me when the person who said they were going to cover the other desk (not even my desk), has to go to a meeting and asks you to cover? Seriously? You were originally contracted to sit at the desk whenever we were scheduled to be out! And now that you've been hired permanently as office manager, you're going to say it's unacceptable for you to have to sit at the desk? AND you've only been here for 2 weeks. OMG. Some people's heads are just too big.

I'm losing my mind. I just can't tolerate stupidity. And it's not even right for me to feel so out of control right now, but I just can't take it! I have no respect for this office. Now everything that I've learned is telling me to do my job to the best of my ability, to represent Jehovah in all that I do, to leave the place feeling refreshed and unloaded as a result of my work... but I just do not care! The only thing that's keeping me in check is the fact that I don't want to get fired. I wish I could channel the calm person in me...reach her somehow so as to not be affected by the stupidity, but that person of peace dies everytime I step in this office suite.

Monday, November 22, 2010

I'm Not Right

I wish I wouldn't have sold my tickets. Now that our deal fell through, which I'm not surprised it did, we're supposed to save our pennies to become as liquid as possible. But I don't think that's going to happen. It didn't take us but a week to dip into the pot we already saved after we got the negative word. It's hard to save when you have no specific goal in mind. Thus, I feel it was a bad idea to let go of the formal. Not so much because it's a formal, but because we were going with a couple that I really wanted to get to know. I don't think that door will open again any time soon. Why is it so hard for married couples to get together? Single people seem to have no problem hooking up on a random Wednesday night. Married folks seem to need all this planning and whatnot to do things, me included. Makes me think about how spontaneous JennWill was (or is?). I should plan something but I have no idea what to plan. I don't want to cook and I am supposedly saving.

I can't stand cliques. But the truth is that I want to be in one. I want to be in one so that I can open it wide up and welcome individuals that have never been welcomed before.

I'm appreciative of my life. My husband is good to me. My parents are healthy and close by. I have a good amount of shoes. I have a comfortable bed to sleep in. So why am I not ecstatic? I feel like I'm missing something on the spiritual side. Is Jah's holy spirit leaving me? I feel restless and disorderly. I'm not connected and in cahoots like I used to be. I feel myself fading. This is not good. I think it has something to do with my attention span. When I'm reading the Bible or studying, I can hardly focus or get the full meaning of things... I don't know what's going on with me.

Be right back.

Okay. I just took a quick trip to drop of the tickets to TNC. I feel better now. Engaged in some girl talk and now I feel re-charged. I'm really sad though that we're not going. Ugh! I think I need a nap before we have our family worship.


Thursday, November 18, 2010

Official Girl - Cassie

I was describing what it is about this song/video that keeps me going back to it after so many years, and I finally know why... Cassie is so subtly tough, sexy and cool at the same time while standing her ground... Emotional but not sweatin it too hard because she knows she'll be just fine... I love that combo. Cassie may not be the best entertainer/singer, but she has a quiet and calm IT factor that makes you watch her.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Irritated, Annoyed And Whatever Else

It's not a good day today. I've already got on the people who have come through the front door without their badges. Normally I would hold it in, but today is not the day. There's something going on inside of me that I haven't yet been able to figure out, so I'm kinda taking it out on other people. I'm just in no mood for nonsense. If you're supposed to use your badge for entry, use it. Don't take advantage of the fact that I can give you access to the office. It's not my job to pick you up when you slack.

Anyway, this is not about badges or office entry. As I said, there's a real issue here that's bothering me that I'm too worried about speaking up on. As I mentioned last time, I'm studying the Bible with my sister. But I really don't know why she chose me because our relationship is so complicated. And when it's complicated, it doesn't make it any easier to sit down and have me assist her on ways to develop a relationship with God. I can't even get my own relationship with her right. It's just so convoluted and I tense up about it every time I think about it. I'm actually quite tired of how issues with my sister affect me. It's like they grip the very person of me and hold me in some sort of prison. I hate that. I wish I could not care.

Tuesday, November 09, 2010

Check In

Morning world,

How are you guys doing out there? I realize it's been a minute since I wrote a post of substance. Things haven't really been busy either. I'm just as bored at my 9 to 5 as ever. I spend most of my time watching tv and movies at this desk in order to fill this career void. It's the pits. This was the perfect position when I was falling apart during wedding planning days, but now... all I can say is 'kill me now'. Other than that, things are good. I'm as happy as can possibly be in my marriage. Things are going so well it's unbelievable. As time goes on, we get closer and closer. We're on the same letter of the same sentence of the same page. On Sunday, we wrote love letters to each other with us being at our half a year mark. He said that I was his sun, moon and stars. *Beaming* He knows just how to get me. And can I say that I can't stop staring at the man? I see him every single day and still can't get enough. Didn't know that it could be this way.

I was trying not to talk about this until it happens but... Well maybe I should keep it to myself until the deal is sealed. But ladies and gentlemen, hubby and I are working on something big! We pray everyday that things go our way. We're hoping that Jehovah steps in on our behalf and steers things in a favorable direction. Once everything is signed, sealed and delivered, I'll make the grand announcement. I feel if I say too much or get my hopes up too high, I'll be disappointed. I know that's taboo talk, but I just can't take any chances!

My sister asked for a Bible study, so I've been studying with her for the past 2 weeks. Initially I was anxious out of my mind. Firstly, Pooh is not the type of person to listen to me. She has her own way of doing things and really can't understand why I am the way I am. (At least that's what I believe.) Secondly, she's a hard one to reason with. Well not really hard, but she challenges everything, and if you know me, you know that I don't have the stamina to drill anything. I'd rather agree to disagree and walk away then expend energy trying to get someone to understand a point. Thirdly, I'm not sure I have the teaching skills needed to get someone to rekindle their love for Jehovah. That's a serious thing and I'm not so sure of my abilities. But I decided not to worry about it. I pray for holy spirit constantly so if it's Jehovah's will, my sis will be reached. I take to heart James 4:8 that says that Jehovah draws close to those drawing close to Him. Pooh is making the effort, so I know Jehovah will reach back to her no matter how far away she may be. I'm looking forward to seeing my sister in cohorts with God again. Maybe then I won't be so strange and foreign to her.

I need to get back into the exercise circuit because I can feel my body getting a little thicker. My pants are slightly tight in the hip and butt area. I'm okay with it for now, but I need to make sure I don't bust out of those pants. I really can't afford new clothes. Zumba was doing my body good so I'm going to get back into it. I promise.

Hubby is having some back, knee and foot issues. He took the day off to handle some appointments for that big deal we're working on so hopefully he can get into the doctor today as well. I can't be having no 26 year old broke down husband. That's just ridiculous. As a matter of fact, he needs to get a full body test. I need me a superman right now. He can break down in his 60's or 70's but definitely not now. If he needs surgery, we need to do it that asap. They say in sickness and in health so I'm giving him the opportunity to be sick and healed NOW. I won't be so lenient and understanding in his 30's if these issues are still around. You hear me? I'm serious.

My parents put the house on the market. I've been in the house for 23 years. I can't imagine them not being there anymore but they're ready to move to Huntsville so I pray for their sakes that someone buys the place. I won't be too ecstatic about them leaving, but changes happen. It's a good thing flights to Huntsville are so quick and inexpensive.

I'm so sick of this District Bride Guide blog. I can't wait until December when my contract is up. The only way I would continue writing for it is if I were getting paid. But since I doubt that'll happen, it's time for me to move on. I've been with this blog for 7 months now. I'm done.

We're commenting again at the meetings and I like it. I never want to lose that privilege again. Our circuit overseer's visit is this week so I'm looking forward to the added spiritual impact. That reminds me, I need to invite TC... Ok, that's done. I wonder how she's doing. I haven't heard much more than a peep from her lately. How you doing Tip?! But back to what I was saying...it's going to be a good spiritual week. My field service time is up quite a bit. Better than it's ever been. Last month, I had 16 hours. I'm going to try to stay there on average for the year. We'll see how that goes in these next few winter months though. Anyway, things are going well spiritually.

I'm looking forward to my family coming down during our days off for the holiday. MJ's fam is getting together too so I'll be doing the in-law, my family split. Gotta fit both in!

Oooh! Prince just came on. I really want to see him in concert but he's only going to be in the New York area for a few shows. I looked up tickets for the 25th and it looks sold out to the general public. I'm sure there are lots of special offer/gold package/contest winner seats available but I don't feel like hunting for special codes and deals. I'd prefer to go on the 18th but we'll be at a formal in Charlotte. I'm really looking forward to the jazz formal. We're going with some mutual friends that we once had over for a football game so it should be fun. I need to start looking for some shoes to go with this rich, deep, cobalt, velvet dress I'm 5 seconds from getting. It's short though. I don't mind being different, but if I decide against it, there's a long Ports 1951 black gown that I have my eye on. Speaking of long, my goal this season is to get some new floor length skirts for every day wear. I hate tights so I'm trying to keep my legs warm using an alternative route. If I have any extra money, that's what I'll buy next.

Anyway, there's your update! I'm going to try to write more so be on the lookout. Have a nice week everyone.



The government hates me. I promise you it does. I know it does. I've applied to over a dozen jobs since my work life started and every single time, I am rejected. How many "qualified but not referred" messages can you send me? Why not just say on the application, "JJ. This note is for you. Do NOT apply because we will reject you anyway." Government applications are by no means simple or easy. It takes time, energy and brain power to apply to a position. It's almost like applying for college. So with all my time and energy wasted...I'm over this b.s. MAYBE I'll give them the time of day sometime in the future, but right now, I'm done. I need some time to heal from all the rejection.
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