Instagram: How I Hate Thee...or Love Thee?

I found someone who feels the exact same way as me. The person who knows me the best, my husband, can tell you how I feel about social media. I'm not sure if I verbally lay out my thoughts to him in a clear and concise manner, but my sometimes disinterest and my turn-up of the nose looks whenever Instagram is mentioned probably say a lot. This topic fascinates me: my like-hate relationship with Instagram. I could never put my finger on why until today. Before I share with you the post that made me say 'yes!', I'd like to share that I've taken steps to re-do my Instagram account. Even before I really understood why, I knew I had to stop following the people I know. So I went from following about 300 people down to 100 and back up to 150 or so. I stopped following husbands of girlfriends, I stopped following people I used to know, I stopped following people I see sometimes on a rare occasion. It wasn't easy. As I went from profile to profile, I paused to make sure I really wanted to do this. But you know what question popped in my head as I debated whether to unfollow someone? Will they get mad at me if I'm not tied in to their life? If someone gets pregnant or loses a family member or whatever, and they announce it on social media, will I be at fault for not knowing? And of course when I take a step back and look at that line of questioning, it is amazingly ABSURD. So I tapped the unfollow button...over 200 times.

My feed then got real stupid. Going back and forth between posts from the Jehovah's Witness instagram and Tracee Ellis Ross's Instagram... opening Instagram at all became a waste of time. When I first heard about Instagram, I was in love with it. An outlet to post photography and photography only?! Whaaaaat? A place where I can look at other people's photography, illustrations, thoughts and creative ideas and become inspired! Whaaaat? Reflecting on why I joined Instagram in the first place and not wanting my feed to be stupid, I did some research. The Huffington Post popped up in my search results. "Bored By Your Instagram Friends? Here are 28 Refreshing..." Bam. That's it right there. I read on. "The difficulty is in finding accounts that breathe some much-needed fresh air into..." Yes! "...list of accounts that embody everything that's right about Instagram..." Yes! That phrase resonated with me...'that embody everything that's right about Instagram'. They are so right because there is so much about Instagram that is just so wrong. As I perused the list of refreshing new profiles, my count of people I followed went back up. 50 new little interests. Illustrators, photographers, creative thinkers... Who knew that these people were buried in here among the mass of crap?

But this isn't even the article that inspired this post. One of my recent posts is about my mental and physical cleanse which included a shutdown of social media, so when I saw this written by a woman named Kate Arends... I left Social Media For A Week. This Is What Happened... I clicked immediately. It's quite a long article so for those who aren't interesting in reading the whole thing, let me copy and paste snippets and bold where I had my aha moments.

"I’ve often wondered about the affect technology has on our moods and sense of well-being. We’re social creatures by nature with a thirst for information. Today, there’s no shortage of content to consume, and there’s more people to share it with than ever. Some could argue the digital age is what the industrial era was to the men who build America. Gates, Jobs, Zuckerberg are the new Rockefeller, Carnegie, Morgan.  Technology is our new infrastructure."

"Then there’s mass media. And more specifically, mobile media. The newest trillion dollar industry is built to cater to a more efficient world, expanding seamlessly into the time and space where leisure once lived. Their products are designed to act as our fifth limb– to pull at our pleasure sensors– encouraging maximum usage and consumption of content. Delectable, juicy, uselessly tasty content. As a result, mass media filters into our lives through the devices we rely on to make a living.
That’s where it get complicated for me."

"The little experiment did shed light on my reliance on social media, and in many ways, my mood is just as affected by other distractions on my phone and computer. I’m feeling much better, but I’m still at risk of slipping to another depressive state. All that aside, the process ended up being surprisingly cyclical. I was reminded that my social media footprint was created to promote self-discovery, and that doesn’t have to change, because Wit & Delight existed before it’s content reached millions.  It’s a point of view and a filter; it’s my leisure, my creative laboratory, my outlet. Somehow along the way I forgot to take the time to savor and process these moments myself, and for my little family. Wit & Delight is a part of me– a real, live, human being. A real life that I live, and will continue to live, should I decide to part with social media for good."

Exactly! While Instagram has developed into a source of irritation to me, I first joined because it promoted self-discovery. Before people started following me, I posted. I could care less about likes. I did it for the art. And that art...j.a.photography, j.a.design and whatever else I do should continue no matter if I'm on social media or not.

Reading Kate's article helped me. I'm glad I found her. I'm glad she was one of the 50 people who I decided to follow. My reinvention has already yielded results. I'm thinking more. I'm writing more. I'm inspired. Another reason why Kate's article helped me so much is because the only other person I have to get a relative sense of whether I'm crazy regarding my feelings for Instagram is my husband. And he LOVES Instagram. When I turn up my nose or make a comment about Instagram, he doesn't feel me. As a matter of fact, he loves Instagram for all the reasons why I hate it. So then...I start feeling like I'm the weird one. I kept fighting with myself, having conversations in my head like 'am I crazy? on a whole, doesn't Instagram cause more harm than good based on what it turned into? wouldn't the world be better if we didn't spend hours scrolling through our feeds and actually having conversation with the people to the right and left of us?' So Kate helped me. I'm not crazy. She's even connected social media to her depressive bouts and is asking questions like mine.

As I wrap up, I'll leave you with her thought provoking questions. Hopefully this helps you as much as it helped me in setting my own boundaries and coming to a healthy relationship with social media.

Plenty of people navigate the mobile media world with ease and grace. Plenty of people have unhealthy relationships with mass media and technology. The point of sharing my experiment is to discuss the link between social sharing and our mental well-being, and to raise questions about the relationship and reliance on our digital footprint. 
How real and impactful is an online persona? 
Does this mean it is essential to become more human in the digital world? 
If yes, how do we do it with authenticity, care, and purpose? 
Is curating a hyper-idealized, editorial version of yourself just another way of catfishing your followers? 
How do we be more human without disclosing too much of ourselves? 
Or, will be have to find new ways to cope with our connectedness in order to keep up with an increasingly digital environment?

Update: I just read some of the comments and look what I found! Ha! 

I read a quote on one of my new Instagram pages that mentioned how 'Me too' is one of the most comforting phrases to hear. So to this I say "Me TOO!"

Discovering Joy

I had a creative orgasm this weekend. Yep. That's what I'm going to call it. While recuperating from a sinus cold on Saturday, I went from blog to website to blog to website discovering new designers, photographers and fashionistas who nearly made me loose my mind. I think I have an obsession with clean and crisp sites. There's something about them that draws me in and immediately impresses me. The site could be about doo doo. If it's clean and well organized and pretty, I'll read it. Anyway, I learned so much from browsing these sites.

I found a new 'Olivia Palermo' (my fashion icon) that I probably will steal outfit ideas from. I figured out where all these bloggers are getting their customized templates from. I happened upon some design ideas for my jacreative blog and I was introduced to a woman named Joy Deangdeelert Cho by way of Emily Henderson's blog (my designer icon). Emily just finished designing Joy's new studio space. You should take a look here. It's pretty cute.

Now Joy is an interesting woman. She is a mother and wife but more interestingly, she has her own design company called 'Oh Joy'. But I don't think it's fair to corner her into the box of 'designer'. This woman does A LOT. At her studio, she helps clients figure out their identity, packaging and more. She also creates products like stationary, fabric, baby clothing and wallpaper. I mean this woman has stuff in Target, Anthropologie AND Urban Outfitters. And then to top it off, she has a new branch of her company called 'Rx' in which she consults for and mentors small businesses/individuals on how to get their business off the ground, keep work/life balance, decide on next steps career wise, etc. I mean, hello?! Who does all of that?!

So you know of course she's a writer too. I bought both of these books.



"Creative, Inc." made me think of two of my 'sisters' who are new into the freelancing business world. "Blog, Inc." obviously piqued my interest because I'm a blogger. I skimmed through both books and as I did so, I found it funny how the key items she discussed like how to organize your blog and the importance of getting your site's link on other people's blogs had everything to do with how I found Joy and ultimately purchased not one, but two of her products. Smart cookie. But I think she's more than smart. She's helpful. I see that from 'Rx' and from these two books. There's no doubt that she's more than a designer. She's a philanthropist, a mentor and a… what's the best way to put this? A human being! And I can bet you $100 that that's what she wants her brand to represent. I got all of that from a blog, a website which housed her portfolio, a short youtube video and a book (or two). Sounds like a recipe for success to me.

To all my freelance readers and freelancers in the making, I think there's a lesson or two to learn here. Right?

Video: If We Had Your Eyes - Michelle Williams

Love love love this song.

What I'm Made Of

Shannon Evans's blog serves as my shot of inspiration. I don't often term myself as a creative person, even though I am. But when I remember to check out her latest blog posts, she wraps me into a world of creativity that I feel like I belong to. Then I start to feel the passion.

'I am a writer dag on it!'

'I am a photographer!'

'I AM a designer!'

'And I'm good at it!'

As I perused her blog, Shannon rekindled these 'career' notions I've been toying with again. She has a few videos on her blog from an organization called TED whose whole purpose is to spread ideas. It's basically a collection of talks by riveting people whose whole point is to inspire you. I listened to a few of the talks and while they were good, I wasn't exactly inspired to leave my job like Shannon was. It didn't hit me the same way it hit her. Maybe that's because I don't have the same type of hole that Shannon did when she ran out of her office in corporate America and balled her eyes out. Maybe it's been drilled in me that I actually do have a career outside of corporate America that potentially saves people's life's (the ministry). Maybe it's because I like my paycheck. Whatever it is that stopped the inspiration from compelling me to stop over into my manager's office and firmly proclaim 'I resign', I'm going to listen to it. And I'm okay not to feel the same things as Shannon or other people I've known who decided to pursue their passions singularly.

So yes, Shannon inspired me. She inspired me to think, to listen, to feel and to decide. This is not to say that I will always stay satisfied with this corporate America job. More than anything, I believe my situation in life will dictate that satisfaction or lack of. Once I start to feel unsatisfied will be the real test. Will I take hold of the inspiration I get from Shannon and others and DO something about it. I hope to never become unsatisfied though. That way I won't have to find out what I'm really made of.

Defining Success

You know what? I had to take a moment and blog this. I'm having an aha moment. I've been doing some recreational reading lately and there are a bunch thoughts I've come across that are hitting me. This is one of them....

This is what I wanted. When I was praying and dreaming about a successful life, this is what I prayed for. So I'm glad to take the moment to reflect back on what I asked for and to see that I really do have exactly that. A good marriage, a beautiful house, an approved relationship with Jehovah, a comfortable financial standing and more. I know that I get so focused on what's not right and where I need to be that I don't appreciate the here and now. I'm sure that if the person I was 5 years ago was looking at me right now, she'd be happy. So here I am being happy for the here and now. I've worked hard to attain to my goals and have traveled on a wild journey to get here. A journey I don't regret... It was all worth it because I've created the life that I want for myself and couldn't be more proud.

Do The Work

I took the day off today. When I woke up this morning, I had that familiar feeling. The feeling of disdain when thinking of another day of work. It's been over a year since I've been at my job and up until recently, I've enjoyed it. For the most part. But these past couple of weeks have been trying. I've experienced what I call 'work dread' in past jobs and it's not the business. 'Work dread' consumes your life. You spend weekends living it up way past the point that you should all to mask the eventuality of 5 days of prison. So I've made a decision. I'm going to do the work and fortify myself. I'm going to make the decision to not have that old experience again.

So I'm revisiting a book by Amy DuBois Barnett that had a profound effect on me in my 20's. While I'm in a different place in my life now, I can probably pull some quotes out of it that'll help me. Like this one...

"We don't appreciate the good things we may already have and we certainly don't value the experience of adversity and the strength it gives us to make the life we truly want." ~ Two things... My job is a good thing. It's a blessing. I'm financially comfortable and appreciate that. Secondly, the adversity that I'm going through right now is only going to make me stronger. Maybe I'm learning tools that'll help me to be a good wife or mother. I should always look at the adversity and say 'what can you learn out of this?'

"For the first time in my life, I was truly happy because I'd created this life for myself." My sis Tiff has been posting thoughts like this on instagram lately and it's forced me to think. Happiness is a choice. It's a unilateral choice. No one can help you be happy and no one can force you to be unhappy. My manager cannot force me to be unhappy. I have to create my own happiness.

"When you fall in love with who you really are, it's that much easier to be you, always." This isn't work related. Just something that strikes me and is worth typing out. I think I was at my best when I lived in LA. It wasn't so much the location as it was the space I was in. I was learning, growing, understanding, and defining myself.

"Living a full life is actually experiencing the entire range of emotions we have...being able to understand challenges as experiences in one long adventure will change your whole attitude." This is a good one. If you understand the challenge as that, then you can also understand the positives.

"Learn from others' successes and failures." This is under the subheading Stop Comparing Yourself To Others. I think this will help me with my manager. He's a bit of an overachiever which means that sometimes the work he has me do is over and above. I'm a numbers person and if you know anything about math, engineering and technical people, you know that we look for shortcuts. We're lazy. We try to complete a task with the least amount of steps. So my manager frustrates me when he asks me to do things that I feel are unnecessary. But I need not focus on that. The fact of the matter is that he's a smart guy who leaves no leaf unturned. He is more thorough than anyone I've ever met. I can learn from that. I need to learn from that. There's no problem with stretching myself a little bit more.

Ok, I think that's enough. I'm going to keep reading but I'm done with typing. I'm all about doing the work today...

The Glow

It's amazing how different my blog is now. When I first started blogging 6 years ago (it's been SIX years!!! WOW), I wrote a lot of emotional melodramatic lyrics and poems about my confused, little life. (It's funny how I can say that now.) I talked a lot about finding myself, making friends, my love affair with music and of course, men. No doubt, I was obsessed with the process to finding a husband. If I can categorize the first 5 years of this blog, I would say I was in a hunter green kind of search mode. (I have colors on the brain so please excuse the analogy.) I was confused, I was figuring things out and I was finding myself.

The past year and a half of blogging time has been more so dedicated to the things I now either love or am looking forward to. Marriage, interior design, parenting, inspiration, fashion, etc. I'm in a much more turquoise state of light if you will. A bright but inquisitive space. It's quite refreshing.

And refreshed is exactly what I felt when I happened upon The Glow - a site dedicated to fashionable and inspiring moms. Photographers, designers, painters, pr consultants...Even though I'm not a mother, I feel so connected to the images and the idea behind the site. It makes me dream and inspires me. There's so much that I could say because there's a lot of feeling inside of me right now, but the words won't match... So I'll let the images just tell it for me.

I love that these are the things I blog about now. It makes a huge difference towards my level of joy.

Happy Tuesday!

I've been busy creating my home inspiration board on pinterest. I love this site. Any and every picture that you see and drool over when you're surfing the web for cars, wedding stuff, photography ideas, home decor, etc., you can electronically pin it to a web-based board. Never do you again have to dig into your memory banks to remember where you saw that _______ that you loved so much. It's a genius site!

 

The feeling that I get from my "For The Home" inspiration board WILL BE spread through the emptiness you see below. When? I'm not quite sure yet. But it's primed and ready for some design!!! The bones of the main floor are looking pretty good though if I must say so myself.

 

I did go on ahead and order my sofa last week. Yay! I have to wait 6 to 8 weeks for delivery though. Boo. It cost me an arm and a leg (double boo), but I'm thinking this is one of the only huge purchases I need for this room. I hope the sofa gets here before my parents come on the 2/26. Don't you just love it?! Mine is the grey version though. I cannot WAIT until it comes.

I'm thinking about getting the 8' x 10' version of the rug on the floor below to complete the space for a while. After that, I need to take a break and focus my little bit of funds on other things. You feel me?

Oh! Last but not least, here's a snapshot of my jewelry storage solution that hubby and I came up with. It consists of an expandable dish rack and 3 shelves from Ikea. The only thing I'm worried about is what I'm going to do when I expand my earring collection like I've been wanting to. I guess more shelves... I love this setup though. It's really working for me.

Enjoy the week!

The Hunt for a Home

We put a contract on a house! Yaaaay! The seller has already given us our congratulations speech, but I'm still holding my breath. We have inspection and appraisal to go through first. So while we chug along to our closing date of December 29th, here's some design and inspiration thoughts I've had. I really pray that we get this house so this blog isn't in vain!

So, the first few things we need to do when we get in is put in hardwood floors, paint, and get new appliances.

The floor I keep thinking about the most is the first floor which has the living room and kitchen. Since MJ is going to have his man cave in the basement, I really want to own the look and feel of the living room. That's going to be my sanity room. My woman's den.

Here's the current living room.

And this is my inspiration for the final transformation. This room is so me. I love the comfy look of this sofa mainly because I could curl up and fall asleep on this thing. My mom and I agree that that rug is to die for. Look at the texture! Can't you just imagine the feel of this rug on the soles of your feet?! And those Crate & Barrel chairs. Ugh. I love them but they are entirely too expensive. I'm going to need to find my chairs at thrift stores or antique shops.

I'm thinking I want to go with grey walls and dark hardwood like the picture below since the furniture and rug will be light. I'm actually going to go for a lighter grey than this.

And here's the other room I keep dreaming about. My kitchen. Here's how it looks now.

And here's how I want it to look when it's all said and done. We were thinking about granite countertops like everyone else does, but the more I think about it, the more I become interested in concrete countertops like these. MJ wants the sink built in just like the picture which I'm in total accord with. We've already researched how to paint the cabinets ourselves. It's going to be a cool project. Think about this kitchen with dark hardwood floors and stainless steel appliances. Ooooh yeaaaaaaaah.

Here's a look at the space right next to the kitchen. This picture is taken as if you're standing in the kitchen looking out.

I'm thinking of doing this since I've always wanted a window seat/bench.

Or this... I don't know how this would work in the bay window, but if I find a way, I'm doing it.

I'm looking for a curved bench for the bay window area. That's going to be my prized win.

I pray we get the house! More on where the house is, etc after December 29th!!!

Stolen and Inspired

stolen from Tanekeya Word's blog...

How Was Your Weekend?

Good morning everyone. Happy Monday. How was your weekend? Well I hope. I hope you did something fun. The days and weeks seem to run together at times, so it's nice to be able to enjoy the time off and soak in as much peace and relaxation as you can. Recharge your batteries, so to speak.

My weekend was... (I always have a hard time remembering exactly what I did.) Let me think. It was... eventful. Friday, my husband and I went to the movies to see Salt right after I picked him up from the metro station. I ended up being in a funky mood for whatever reason, so I went to bed early that night. Saturday morning, my husband and I got into an argument (probably because of said funky mood that didn't seem to go away) and then promptly made up. We then went to my parent's so that I could meet with a client. I have a photography job that I want to do extremely well on, so I actually need to take some time today and think about how I want to approach the job creatively. After meeting with the client, mom, dad, my husband and I went out to Fairfax, VA to schmooze with some old friends of the family. The Mrs. of the house just got promoted to VP of HR so we went to celebrate with them and to kind of step my toe back into her world for potential networking opportunities. I left promising to get on her calendar so I need to make sure I do that. Saturday night, my husband took me back to the spot where we used to sit in the car together while dating. It was nice to go back and visit the old dating grounds. Sunday, after service, we went to Carrabas for a nice dinner and then came home to rest, watch tv and cook together. I think my favorite day of the weekend was Sunday, although I was sad that Sunday evening meant work in the morning. I like time alone with my husband.

This week is going to be different. I'm not going to sit at this desk bored out of my mind. I'm going to conjure up a plan. Today, after finishing my Bible reading and studies, I am going to do a couple of things. I'm going to set up the next steps for my business and plan out when I'll be able to register for photography and design classes according to my paychecks. Then I'm going to sketch out a creative design scheme for the side job I acquired Saturday. I also plan to re-do my budget, look for jobs and crack open a new novel that I brought from home. I know that I hate my job, but I want to make the best of this. I can't have the time that I spent here go in vain.

Anyway, how was your weekend and what big plans do you have for the week? How will you make the best out of your week? I could use the inspiration so let me know! =) Have a good one.

Jones Magazine

If you haven't already subscribed, please do! Jones Magazine is awesome. The whole concept of the magazine speaks to me. Cultured, fashionable, informative, selective (for black women only), and elegant. It's very high quality and very thorough amidst the topics that concern most black fashionista women. If you're anything like me, you'll love it!

In the national premiere issue (the mag used to be Houston based only, so congrats to the mag's expansion!), there were two very interesting articles on power tools such as blow dryers, flat irons, etc. and another on au natural hair. I learned what heated hair tools are better than others and the seriousness of the misconception that just because you have natural hair means that you don't have to treat or maintain it as much as if you had relaxed chemically treated hair. Being an au natural beauty myself, I learned a lot from that article. If the ingredients on your hair care substances contain alcohol or menthol, chuck them. They'll dry your hair out in a second. The article explains that many women with natural hair suffer from under moisturized hair. This really hit me because every morning when I wake up, even after wearing my silk scarf, my hair is bristly dry. I hate it. So with the article's suggestion, I picked up a product from Target that my mom used that I absolutely love - Nourish & Shine by jane carter solution. It shines and moisturizes up the hair in an instant without any of the weightiness you would expect. Lol. I sound like a commercial don't I?

But anyway, back to Jones. Peep the episodes of the reality show they had on Centric here. It'll draw you into the magazine and the editor-in-chief's life in a second. Tracey Ferguson is fabulous. I only hope that they continue the show sooner than later. Tracey is a major personal inspiration. If she can follow a dream, so can I. Thanks Jones Magazine and Tracey Ferguson!

Help Wanted! In Need of Inspiration! If You Have Some, Please Donate!

Yo! You know what it is?! I'm lazy by nature! It's so sad but true. I, j.a.c., am a LAZY person. That's a problem right?

Well what saves me is that I'm not apathetic. I'm never apathetic. I always care. Which is why I'm realizing that INSPIRATION IS MY STRENGTH, as spinach is to Popeye's. The only way I get things done is through inspiration!

So let me tell you why I'm inspired right now. Who would have thought!!! BET inspired me!!! "Harlem Heights" got me ya'll. (If you haven't seen the first two episodes, view them here.) I was sitting here this morning like MAN. I really need to get it together. These young people are really doing it. What's weird though is that the ladies didn't really inspire me. Their attitudes killed whatever I could have taken from them. But the men! Oh the men are on point. Especially the part with Landon and Jason mentoring ex-cons. What?! Now that's what's up. They made me realize why I do what I do.

What else gets me inspired? The Bible. Sometimes I read stuff that just gets me. Seriously. That makes my heart swell to the point where it feels like it's going to pop out of my chest like some cartoon. I have a couple of favorite scriptures that keep me on track. I probably need to type them up, print them in bold 50 size font and paste them on my walls.

Music inspires me. Drake's "Lust for Life"?! Hello! You have to have a lust for life, and whenever I listen to that song, it makes me want to get off of my behind and actually lust after what I want. You need to be hungry. Songs have the ability to make me hungry. Whether it's hungry for life, hungry for love, hungry for a good time, or hungry for the art of music and dance itself.

Inspiration definitely plays a roll in the way I dress. Fashion and style are really important to me (that's the first time I've said that - aha moment for me) so I'm always looking out and above to see what's new. I need to see the work of designers to create my own vision. Their views do so much for me. I appreciate a designer's abilities.

Most importantly, to move me, I need to see the ones who have done it already. I need a strong, positive example. I need to see someone workin' it out (like the peeps in "Harlem Heights".) That's a good thing and a bad thing. It's a good thing in that I can at least identify where my inspiration comes from. Bad in that it limits my prospects of becoming a pioneer in a subject. If I'm always being led, I might never become "the first". But I don't know if I care. I'm not interested in doing anything for the money, so being "first" so I can capitalize on it is not really an issue for me. I'm not trying to win a super spotlight. I just want to do things that make me happy. I want to be fulfilled. But what's cool is that there's always a way to see what someone else has done, and put your own take on it. That way you become a true pioneer for yourself. Ah ha!

Another thing I need to touch on... I'm always saying that I need to get it together. I'm really hard on myself at times. I keep forgetting that it just might be quite possible that I already have it together. I have a lot of things going for myself that I tend to overlook. I have the credentials, I have the experience, I have Bible knowledge, I have a creative gene that most people don't have, I already work with a youth empowerment organization, I'm talented, I've been successful in 2 different states in this country already, I'm passionate, I'm happy with my shoes and bags (lol), and I have a bangin' family. All I need now is to take everything to the next level. I'm blessed that I have the support to do that.

But still... I NEED INSPIRATION. Anything and everything that has the potential to inspire... music, the autobiography of a photographer, a picture of a stylish woman, a quote or scripture, a heart to heart personal email (and not a forward that I'll delete), little pieces of happiness.... Anything. I need it. I need it to survive. I need it to excel!

Question for You: What helps you to excel? For some it's encouragement. For others it simply comes from meditating on where you came from in an effort to do better. Some just have it in them - that raw talent. So you tell me...what helps you succeed?