Thursday, March 31, 2011

On My Plate

My battery is charged, and before it runs out, I'm steaming ahead with a head full of ideas. I finally have an official website. I paid for the domain and web space and my webmaster (hubby) and I are testing and preping the site for use. I'm so excited about it. I've been sitting at home for the past two days throwing visual ideas around and basically bossing my webmaster around. (Thanks love!)

So while I'm not releasing the site yet, I will tell you that it's going to be a space where photography and inspiration meet. You guys know how I feel about being inspired and about picture-taking, so I thought it would be perfect. What I plan to do is spend some time and interview people who inspire me. Sometimes, it might not be a person though. I'm open to being inspired by places and things as well. But capturing that inspiration on paper, or webspace rather, is my aim. And then of course comes the photography; the visual aid to complement the interview or the description or whatever writing aspect comes out of it. I'm super excited. Did I say that already? And my human subjects will get a free full photo shoot out of it. How perfect is that? I'm not trying to generate income from this. This is just straight raw creativity. I don't want any exterior pressure on this. I want this for my joy. If all goes well, I'll put my photos on a business facebook page and go from there.

I saved enough money to buy paint so I can get started on re-doing the living room. I don't really know where I'm going other than paint colors so I'm praying it'll come to me. I thinking I need to spend some time in thrift stores and find accessories that inspire me. I might be able to do the entire room using thrift store pieces. Hmm. Challaaaaange!

Update: I actually got to work writing out my plans and it came easier than I thought. Take a look at my sketch, list and color palette! Yay! I'm going to Lowe's tonight as soon as hubby gets home from his Bible study. Tomorrow is painting day!

Update Again: I scheduled my first interview! There's a local photographer that I love and she said she would love to get together with me! Gosh, I feel good. There's nothing like being productive.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Stolen and Inspired

stolen from Tanekeya Word's blog...


Lots of goals to harp upon....

Spiritual - I took a look at my goals document saved on my desktop, and I actually accomplished everything. Go me! So now, I want to start assisting with Kingdom Hall and Assembly Hall builds. I don't know where this desire came from, but I really want to put up dry wall and install lighting/fixtures and stuff. OH! Interior Design Experience!!!! Yes!

Exercise - This might be contingent upon getting a steady source of income, but I want to get back into ballet. I need some disciplined dance courses in my life. One class a week should be enough.

Vacations - Well Cabo is coming up in May, and then we have the family reunion in August so I think I'm okay with vacations for now. If I can get in a trip to CA that would be great. I'll look towards winter for that trek. Again, this is contingent upon income.

Career - I should go ahead and re-do this living room like I want. Do you think I can do it in April while I'm pioneering? I also have an idea for a photography site where all I need to do is set up interviews with people I admire spiritually... It always sounds so easy. The only thing to it is to do it.

Monday, March 28, 2011

I'm Not A Hustler...

...and therein lies my problem. Hustlers have to be bold. They have to act like they know what they're talking about at all times and show no signs of fear. They have to have the ability to push and persist in their dream. I, unfortunately, do not have those qualities. I have been conditioned to take the straight road; the road that has been paved by my background and education. Anything that cannot be substantiated by my experience and education is a deviation.

I am afraid to venture off the beaten path into the world of interior design and photography. Sure I can do these things for myself and as a hobby, but to actually call myself an interior designer or a photographer would be ludicrous. Why? Because I don't have the professional experience or education to show. If I were to hire someone to do anything, I would want proof of credentials. But now that I'm typing this, wouldn't a portfolio of quality work be enough? Hmmm... I don't know. If I were to chose someone to redecorate my house, I would wonder if they understood color concepts and room dimensions and would assume that they gained their basic text book skill sets in a classroom. I do believe that not everything can come with on the job training. There are some things that need to be read and studied. Am I wrong for thinking that?

I want to go to design school. I'll feel better about my expertise if it's grounded in a classroom. If I were to design basically on instinct, I would wonder if I was leaving something out. I would constantly questioning if there is something that I don't know that would make the job that much more perfect. I would think about the direction that someone with schooling would take and if it would be better. I'm grounded in schooling. That's the bottom line. Will I have enough gumption to provide someone a service without it? sigh... As I said before, I'm not a hustler.

Action item: Look for books on how to be a successful hustler.

Interior Design: Decorative Pillows

I cried when I saw these on Rue La La. Literally. It comes from the post I just wrote about hating my day to day and wishing I was doing something different. Something different like interior design. But anyway, here are these beautiful gems of decorative pillows. I'm in love... Patterns, stitching, texture... So divine..
Classic Home "Bloom"

Classic Home "British Flag"

Classic Home "Flora"

Classic Home "Ikat"

Classic Home "Scroll Print"

Classic Home "Shine Flower"

Classic Home "Venetian"

Design Accents Baroque

Design Accents Jeweled

Nourison "Cross Stitch"

Nourison "Shells"

Ryan Studio "Bowles"

I Messed Up

How are you supposed to know yourself well enough at 18 years old to pick a major that's going to stay with you for the rest of your life? I don't understand that. How can colleges request that you narrow in on a specific field during a time in your life when you're just beginning to figure out what kind of cereal you want to buy, and not what your parents always bought and fed you? Why do colleges force you to do that?! In my humble opinion, that is SO WRONG of them! I blame college. Shoo. I blame my parents.

I somehow was smart enough to study two disciplines; economics and dance. But my question is why was I never encouraged to pursue dance (or another art form) when I clearly got better grades in it. I wrote better papers. I had better ideas. I had a keener appreciation. I had more joy. So why didn't my parents point that out? Why didn't they lead me down an artsy path instead of pushing me to pursue finance? My hypothesis: It was because of their own selfish reasons. They didn't want to assist in supporting me as an artsy person. Finance paid more so they led me into their own personal financial freedom. At least that's what I believe. I totally could be wrong though. I was their first child in college. Maybe I didn't display any artsy qualities. Maybe they just didn't know. This is why I sometimes hate that I was the quiet child. I wasn't as expressive as I wished I was. My parents would have seen something different if I was. I just texted my mother and asked why I wasn't led down an artsy path. We'll see if my hypothesis is true.

I just totally hate where my life has taken me in terms of career...which is why I'm blaming the world. I simply hate it. I want to change careers so bad. I want to start all over from scratch and go to school for interior design with a minor in photography. I looked at how much an intro to interior design would cost at Corcoran College of Art and Design... $2,700. smh. I feel so defeated. It's like the world's forces want me to stay miserable. Why isn't it easier to switch careers mid stream? It makes me feel like my formative years were a waste. Of course I know I got something out of it. I'm a better thinker, I have deductive reasoning skills, I can handle finances, I can manage a project, I have organizational skills... I still wish I had done more.

I need to take this feeling and do something with it... I have to think...

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Ran-dumb Thoughts

I'm sitting here watching Iron Man with him.
But I've seen it so many times.
Only half interested.
Saw 'The Adjustment Bureau' Friday night.
Best movie I've seen in a while.
It had me thinking.
I even got a good conversation out of it with him.
A deep one.
A pivotal one.
I've been quite irritated lately.
Just not in the mood to laugh and joke around.
Nothing's particularly wrong.
Just in a mood.
I mentioned that I think one of my friends might be depressed.
He asked me if she has a heavy conscious about anything.
It's funny he went there first.
He said it'll keep you unhappy every single time.
I guess he's right.
Job hunting is the same.
Tired of 'updating' that.
It'll stay the same until it's not.
When it's not, you'll know.
I just gotta find my faith that everything is going to be ok.
I wish my parents were down the street.
I could use a visit to 2001 this evening.
Hang out in front of the tv.
Eat some home cooked food.
Get a break from my house.
The information on singleness hit me.
For the simple fact that I could be single in a second.
Unforeseen occurrences happen.
Anyway, days are just days.
But I'm looking forward to my trip in May.
It'll be a break.
I don't think I'm every truly satisfied though.
Days are always just days.
No matter whether I'm working or not.
This life truly sucks.
Things will be so much better in paradise if I make it.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Scriptural Aha Moment

You know how when you're down and crying, you tend to cry even harder when someone hugs you showing their care and concern? Well that just happened to me when I read this scripture in Colossians that says, "let the peace of the Christ control in your hearts..." My peace seems to be running away from me today, so I felt like Jehovah was reaching out to me at that very minute. And since the memorial of Jesus' death is right around the corner, the idea of the ransom sacrifice is on my mind. There's another scripture in Hebrews 4:14-16 that talks about how we have freeness of speech when it comes to talking to Jesus because we have as a savior not someone who can't sympathize with our weaknesses but one who went through the same tests we go through everyday. By coming to earth to die for us, Jesus can attest to how hard it is living in Satan's world all the while fighting to keep uplifted. I love Jesus for that! He is the bomb for doing that for me! And I am so happy that He knows how I feel and what I'm going through.

I say all that to say that it's clear Jehovah has my best interests at heart. I've been pretty strong since losing my job, and for some reason everything that I've been saying to myself about having faith in Jehovah's timing and the lessons that are meant for right now went right out the window this morning. But reading these scriptures recharges me and being allowed to talk to Jehovah through prayer because of Jesus leaves me thankful. I don't know where I would be if I couldn't pray and be heard by God. I'd be lying if I said everything was all good now, but I'm thankful for the reminder. I need these 'aha moments' to keep on coming to prevent me from falling too low.

I'm looking forward to showing my appreciation for the ransom sacrifice by being present at the Memorial on April 17th no matter what comes up. He said to 'keep doing this in remembrance of me' so I must do what the man says.  =)

Pouring Applications and Resumes

When he leaves in the morning to head to work like a good husband does, I feel like I'm not pulling my weight. Here he is taking care of the family, and I'm struggling to keep our house clean and have food on the stove when he gets home. This cleaning and cooking thing doesn't get any easier. I thought being unemployed would make a difference but the house looks even messier now than it did when we both worked. I think it's because we live in it more. I'm here all the time, and every Monday we're both contributing to some sort of mess.

Being unemployed was great for a while. But now, not so much. And I mean... I expected this moment to come, so I can't say I'm surprised, but the novelty has officially worn off. I need a job. And of course, as soon as I get a job, I'm going to wish that I had time off to be home... It never fails. The grass is always greener. What I need is a job that works me in cycles. Go hard for a few months, and then work from home lightly for the next few. Wouldn't that be special?

HGTV was supposed to serve as inspiration, but now it's making me feel small. That's what happens when you focus on the material 24/7. I never knew that inspiration could bite me in the butt though. I thought inspiration was supposed to be a positive concept. smh.

I'm tired.

Tuesday, March 08, 2011

Switch It Up!

This burgundy/red mess has run its course and I have one more long look in me before I cut it all off for the summer...So for the next style, I'm between two options. The Teyana Taylor (love big, curly hair) or the Naomi Campbell (love the straight bangs). If I get the Naomi, my hair will be shorter of course like the first Naomi picture. It'll be cut blunt above the shoulders to give a cute cropped look.

Big and curly or sleek with bangs...

all photos courtesy of google image search!
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