Friday, April 25, 2008

Ran-Dumb Thoughts

I don't want to be here right now.
Transport me to another place please.
I keep waking up with these headaches.
Ones that stay throughout the day.
They hurt so much that it's troublesome to walk.
With each step I take, my head throbs.
It has to be my eyes.
I need an eye appointment fast.
On musicovery, I'm in between a dark and calm mood.
I'm happy to be travelling home by bus.
For the first time.
To look out the window and enjoy the scenes.
Pop some tunes in my ears and lay back.
4 hours of quiet me time.
I keep breaking my dang nails!
Carrying suitcases up and down stairs.
Well, the day has begun, so let me get to it.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Honeymoon Over

When I walked out of the rush hour crowd and into work this morning, I felt a little twinge of "Aww man! Do I HAVE to?" *Sigh* Yes, ladies and gentlemen...I believe the honeymoon period is over. =( I am no longer that excited, wet behind the ears, new employee that I used to be when I walked into the building here at Rockefeller Center on December 10, 2007. But that's okay. The way that I'm feeling is about right for the time frame that I've been here. Five plus months...almost half a year...and I'm just beginning to feel this way. Not bad.

My co-workers are dynamic people. Absolutely wonderful. I admire the people who work here as well as the magazine (which won Magazine of the Year by the way - WooHoo!) The ethic/aura/culture of this magazine and this office is something that I really believe in and can actually get with. This is the first corporate job I've had where I feel on the same page as the job itself. HOWEVER (and this is when reality hits), I know that I cannot crunch numbers for the rest of my life. IT IS ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE. Just thinking about the financial models, monthly close and metrics that I need to work on today makes me tired. Lord Help Me!

So now that I feel this way, what I'm praying for is that I don't get SO tired, that I start despising my job. I remember how it feels wanting to be sick everyday to ditch work. Anytime you wish you have a blazing tempature, a horrible cough, a pounding headache and food poisoning all to avoid work, something is extremely wrong. So PALEASE God, help me not to get there. But this is a good thing because through the various jobs I've had, corporate and otherwise, I now know what my true calling is. I won't share what that is at this time though. That's a separate blog for a different time. So to all those who love there jobs with all their heart, to those who would do what they do for free...GOD BLESS YOU. I too will be there someday.

I'm going home this weekend to get all of my spring/summer clothes. I can't wait.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Ran-Dumb Thoughts

So far so good. The day, that is.
I woke up extra early but somehow found myself rushing out of the house.
I'm the only one at work right now, which I love.
It gives me time to get tea, clear my mind, and breathe before the madness hits.
Come to think of it, I always get to my jobs earlier than others.
It's a nice little routine.
I've been rediscovering some music.
Falling in love with songs all over again.
That's been nice.
But I still want some new music.
I need a new fix.
Who's coming out next?
I have quite a few things to do Saturday.
My external hard drive with all of my music and pictures on it, broke.
So I'll have to go to the computer store and have them remedy that.
Do you know what would happen to me if I lost all of my pictures?
I think I might die.
But anyway, it won't come to that.
I'm sure of it.
The tech man on the phone assured me.
And then I need to take some shoes to the shoe place.
I need to get some of my heels fixed.
The nail in the heel is beginning to show, and that's just tacky.
I'm also going to get up early and take a 9:30 pilates class before my hair appointment.
Should be a good way to start a beautifully warm Saturday.
I also need to break out the suitcases of spring/summer clothes to see if I can avoid shopping for a dress for my sister's graduation.
I doubt that I have anything in there, but it would be responsible of me to check first.
My company reiumburses me for my dance classes.
Isn't that fantastic?
Oh and I got paid today.
As soon as I finish this, I'll pay bills.
I have to pay them as soon as I get my check or I'll be in trouble.
Spending money that I really don't have.
I need to send my sis some money too.
She wants her graduation money now.
Alright little j.a.c.
Don't feel slighted when you don't get anything from me on your actual graduation!
I can't wait for baby boi to meet my grandparents.
My grandmother is already declaring her love for him and she hasn't even seen his face yet.
He helped her with a real estate issue she had and now he's the best thing ever.
Ok Grandma!
I just took a sip of my hot tea.
Did I tell you that I'm wearing my hair in a curly bush sort of thing.
The wet, gel and go look.
I even got compliments on it.
I'm telling you.
The short hair cut does wonders.
Baby boi says that eventually he wants me to grow it out again.
No problem.
When I do grow it out, it'll be during winter.
That way I can cut it right back off again for the summer!
I left my lip moisturizer at home.
Off to pay bills and do my budget.
Have a wonderful and gorgeous Thursday!
One more day to go!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

I'm An Outcast

I'm having a hard time finding my place here. But that's not uncommon when you move to a new city. When I moved the time before this, it took me over a year to get adjusted, and even longer to begin to like the place. It's been 4+ months, so I really have nothing to worry about, but something tells me that I'm going to have to work very hard to get myself in the mix of things. I'm already hating the fact that it takes me a mile of walking, a bus, a train and another mile of walking to get anywhere. While waiting at the bus stop for about 20 minutes last Sunday, I remember thinking "this #&%@ is for the birds". I can't entirely bag on the experience though because one thing I can appreciate is that New Yorkers are not lazy and are probably some of the most fit people I know. So I love the fact that I'm eating like a horse but still weigh 160 lbs. My thighs and butt are tight and my legs are strong. But back to what I was saying... One wouldn't imagine that I know so many people here, being that I'm such a homebody, but I have acquaintances all over this state. Most from college, new ones from work, one or two from my place of worship, many random ones from my network, and even family... Unfortunately... and please forgive me for saying this, especially to those NY acquaintances who are reading this... I just don't care! The last time I saw my girls from college, they said, "Where the %#^& have you been?!" Yes, just like that. And I really had no response for them. 'I don't know. It's cold? I'm tired? I've been at home?' But this is who I am. When in LA, I did the same thing until JenWill forced me out of the darkness and lured me into the California light. This time around however, no one is forcing me. No one really needs me like that. They have their cliques and they've had them since we graduated. So j.a.c. is indeed an afterthought. Which means, like I stated in the beginning of this post, that I'm going to have to put in the work. Now, therein lies my dilemma. I'm getting old. Yes 25 is old! And I don't care about clubs, lounges, drinks, men, and that how social scene as much as some people do. So put in work for what?! I have music (club), a sofa (lounge), cranberry juice (drink), and baby boi (men) right where I am. For Free! So then what's the problem you might say. Sit down at home and be happy. Well, yeah, but... I'm still young! Yes 25 is still young! And I do like to dance. And the girls are very sweet ladies. And it's good for my soul to get out of the house sometimes. So...what's a girl to do. Well in the last 30 seconds, I've decided that I'm going to reach out to a friend at least once a month. Yes. That's what I'll do. Once a month, I'll put forth the effort to hang out with some friends. Whether it's brunch, a museum exhibition, a (window) shopping excursion or a club, I'll muster up my strength to incoorporate myself into the NY life. When I was in middle school and even high school, I felt like an outcast. My mother said something to me that I still remember to this day. "You feel like an outcast because you're making yourself an outcast." From her words, I've learned a lot about myself and how to deal with future social experiences. Because of my isolated nature, I must work to insert myself into civilization. If I begin to feel left out, it's not because of anyone else but myself. It was a good lesson indeed. One that I'm incorporating today. Wish me luck!

Monday, April 14, 2008

Lupe Fiasco's "Paris, Tokyo"

My favorite song on his album.

Let's fall asleep in Paris and wake up in Tokyo baby!

Dedicated To You

Gentle as the sigh of
a morning breeze
Rashida calls my name.
Sadly telling me of
the love she needs
and I'm the one to blame.
Softly telling me
how she misses me so.
And her love for me
I'll never know.
How my soul just longs
to feel your love.
Darling how can you stay
away so long.
Many roses have died
since you've been gone.
She sings
oh my darling come to me.
Rashida needs your lovin.
Oh my darling come to me.
Rashida needs your love.

Thursday, April 10, 2008


It's 70 degrees in New York City today!! Hallelujah! I decided to go bare legged this morning and I feel so free!!! Cut dress. New sweater. Absolutely fabulous!

I got my preview copy of People magazine with Bey on the cover . The headline reads, "BEYONCE & JAY-Z'S SECRET WEDDING!" I'm so happy for them!! Why? I don't really know. I just am! I heard Jay was very emotional and even cried. AWWWWW! There are pics of Gwyneth, Michelle and Solange in their all white get-ups. I'm DYING to see what and who Bey wore. The magazine says she "wore a voluminous white gown". That's how I would do it too. If I were to get married in the spring/summer, I would want everyone in khaki or ivory colors. I think that's so pretty! Anyway. Congratulations to the Carters!

I'm learning new things about baby boi every day. He's super smart guys! That's fantastic! Lol. Oh AND FINE. Geah! (I knew he was fine when I spotted him over 2 years ago tho.)

I have new music in my ear! "Oh this is my song. I'm just like you I have a right to stay strong...I'ma shine while my lights on!" Make sure you got that new Estelle!

My back doesn't hurt today!!! Yipeee!!

Is your Thursday as good as mine? I hope so!!!!

Monday, April 07, 2008

Ryan Leslie's "Diamond Girl"

I've never really paid attention to Ryan Leslie, but this song is hot. I'm loving the video. Happy Monday all!

Update: I just listening to all the lyrics. Ironic subject considering my recent life's events. The thing that never fails about R&B men is that they say exactly what a girl wants to hear. Check out the lyrics.

I'ma take you ten rounds like a boxer baby
Show you how I put down what rocks a lady
Promise you're askin when I'm done for more
I'ma switch it up and make life comfortable
I'ma be the reason you're not sleeping baby
I'ma invade the thoughts you keeping baby
If you still not convinced I'll tell you more
Make you forget the way you felt before

Oh Oh
I can be your wake up reason daily
You can be my first and leading lady
I'ma make you happy that you waited
For me to settle down
Oh Oh
I'm ready and I'm not afraid to say it
I'm tired of the game, already played it
I'm over all them other girls I dated
I'll tell you what you are

You're my diamond girl
You're the one I put the rock on
You're my diamond girl
You're the one that I quit the game for
You're my diamond girl
You're the one I put the rock on
You're my diamond girl
You're the reason I quit the game for

Can't explain just how much you shine
Give me your heart, I'll give you mine
I'm puttin my future on the line
Baby it's just you and I
From this day on let's make a deal
I stay true, you keep it real
Don't by shy bout how you feel
Baby don't be shy Hey
Oh Oh

Friday, April 04, 2008

Runway Fashion

I've finally taken a moment to tune into last February's Mercedez-Benz Fashion Week for Fall 2008 and I must say that I'm hypnotized. I can watch runway shows all day long if allowed. I thoroughly enjoyed the marathon of shows. It was slightly weird focusing on Fall 2008 fashions though when the Spring wardrobe isn't quite in full effect yet (at least not on the east), so I took it back and viewed the Spring 2008 collections also. Again, I was hypnotized.

Here are few of my favorites. (click the on the designers names to see the runway shows)

Monique Lhuillier - So So So Pretty. I don't know what else to say but How Divine! I'm loving the gowns. And the music couldn't be more perfect. Note to self - Sheer and ruffles are THE thing.

Diane von Furstenberg - This lady is one of my favorite designers. There's something so incredibly feminine but strong about this woman's work. And I love how she turned what would normally be fall safari items into spring/summer safari items. Absolutely loved the green top with the white pants. Note to self - Get some scarfs!

Gottex - Check out the swimwear!! I didn't think you could do anything new with swimwear until I saw this. This man is really creative. Note to self - One pieces are IT. (For some rather strange swimwear, check out Rosa Cha.)

J. Mendel - I really like this line because it's so down to earth. Down to earth for j.a.c., that is. A lot of the beginning pieces are close to what I would wear everyday. The line is very polished. And I love the fact that everything looks great with flats.

Zac Posen - THE MAN OF THE SEASON. Zac's spring line is off the hook. The ruffles! The skirts! The feathers! Oh My! We've even had the pleasure of seeing a few of his items on celebrities such as Rihanna and Natalie Portman. If you decide to watch the show, make sure you check out the surprise ending! Sick!

What do you think? Did you find a designer that you liked?

Thursday, April 03, 2008

One Of Those Days

You know how there are days when all you care to listen to are sad songs to help you wallow in your less than perky mood? Well today's one of those days. There's this particular song that I listen to all the time, and thought that I understood. It's not a hard song to pick up, but the lyrics came crashing down on me this morning as I got ready for work. I felt like I could have been Teedra Moses herself, sitting in the living room as she felt the emotions and penned one of my favorite songs on her album. "take me back to the day when you made me fall....i need you to take me there tonight." Sweeping waves of feelings struck me in the heart as Teedra's heart wrenching ad libs rang in my ears... So it's one of those days.

If I could be anywhere in the world right now, I would sit next to the fountain in the park on Carson and Del Amo. One of California's many tiny, man-made parks. I used to visit that park when I wanted to think hard or escape my thoughts, cry or be happy, relax or write my hand off in my journal. I miss that park.
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