Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Things That I Love

city skylines
Rachel Roy's style
natural color palettes (burgundy, red, orange, cream, bronze, gold)
So You Think You Can Dance
discovering alternative music
spring or summer thunderstorms

VH1 Soul
my diamond stud earrings
thick long towels
trench coats and other fresh outerwear
having my spiritual connection in tact
"Gilmore Girls"
Mrs. Smith's apple pie and vanilla ice cream in a cup
romantic comedies
east coast character
simple classic wardrobe pieces
the idea of France, Italy and London (since I've never been)
being toasty and warm
white orchids and calla lilies
Alexis Phifer's clean look
short hair
flamenco and other Spanish dance styles
fall and summer
going to new places
school (for free)
leather bags
pinot grigio wine
city life
Victorias Secret
"The Best Man"
special moments with mom, dad and sis
warm sweaters
oversized off the shoulder sweaters
men with passion
things that give me goosebumps
glasses (sun and prescription)
walking the runway
my faux birthstone & diamond 3-stoned ring
black and white photography
the numbers 4, 7 and 14
clean fresh air
being up high
live music
writing stories, lyrics and personal thoughts
photo albums
old songs I haven't heard in a while
clothing that speaks effortless, elegant and classy sophistication
high-thread count sheets
big kitchens
engrossing books
being able to pay all my bills
learning who I am
eventful personal time
fun, spontaneous adventures in nature
riding over the bridge into Harlem
finding inspiration
candles and incense
stepping into the house I grew up in after a long time away
taking walks
music that affects the soul
mood lighting
being prepared

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Turning Point #14

I co-created a performing arts program and taught dance classes for the Los Angeles community. I take photography classes and find joy in taking creative photos. I sit on the alumni board of a youth empowerment organization that promotes abstinence from sex, drugs, violence and racism. I had a ball working with New York City's Rockettes at Radio City Music Hall. I served as a member of the planning committee for the Emerging Leaders Summit at the Partners for Environmental Progress Conference. I find happiness in being involved with the Association for the Study of African-American Life & History's (ASALH) Youth Day. My best job was as a marketing intern for The Lincoln Center for the Performing Arts, Inc. in NY.

I am NOT a finance person.

Can you believe that I just figured this out today? I've been working in finance for the last 3 years and while I'm good at what I do, I hate it. I can crunch the mess out of numbers, but it bores me to death. So who exactly am I? Well from what I listed above, it seems like I'm some sort of creative, youth-oriented, passionate contributing member of society. I am project-driven. I'm an on my feet, active type of woman. Performing and fine arts are my joy. I'm in love with entertainment, fashion, magazines, and people-empowerment. I desire to save future generations.

I've never realized that I'm not where I'm supposed to be because everything joyous that I've done has been extra-curricular. I do it without thinking. I leave work and spend time taking pictures for fun. Going to an ASALH conference and being a role model for teenagers and young adults is just a mini-vacation. Just something that I do. Creating the performing arts academy was just a side project. Something to keep me entertained and to keep smiles on little girl's faces. Nothing big.


I can't believe I didn't see this earlier. Well...obviously I wasn't meant to see it earlier. I've gained valuable experience from a giant Fortune 500 corporation, and now I need to move on.

I swear... the minute I think I'm figuring something out, I'm turned upside down. My world as I know it doesn't make sense anymore. So now what? I definitely have to re-vamp the resume. Since I have no formal experience in the industry that I want to move into, I'm going to have to start at the bottom. Or am I? And just what is the name of this industry that I'm looking for? It's not pure entertainment because Lord knows I don't want to deal with the cut-throat, nasty mess that goes on in that world. How do I stretch what I've done into something that a company will view as valuable experience? How do I find a way to take everything that I've done for free and get paid for it?

Ok. Can I just tell you that this 24th year on earth is my most confusing, self-seeking, craziest, most lost, emotional year in my entire life!?!? This is so much work! Geez!

What a journey!!!

Monday, October 22, 2007

Ship Me Some Fresh Air!

These fires are out of control! I'm not even close to Malibu or the other areas "under fire", but man! My eyes are burning! The last time my eyes hurt this bad due to soot and dirt was on September 11th. Shooooo. It might as well be September 11th all over again! I was 100 blocks away from that catastrophe and still felt like I was dying as I breathed in contaminated air and looked through brown, dirty lenses (also known as my eyes). Here we go again! Can someone please mail me some fresh air?!

And now, all I can think about is the blue waters, clean beaches, and fresh air I'll be privy to in a couple of months...

Save me!

Monday's Blog

Today begins another week. Everyday that I drive to work, I say to myself "Make today count because today could be your last day." I also remind myself that there are people struggling due to the inability to get a job. It could be a lot worse. So here's to another 5 days... "A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles." - Christopher Reeve

I haven't felt the desire to blog lately, although I've been doing a lot of private journal writing. On Saturday, I wrote about being bored out of my mind. lol. I sat in the same spot from 10am to 7pm watching the entire season of So You Think You Can Dance. It was purely pathetic. I did cook and wash my comforter though. Two things I never find time to do.

Last Thursday, at the recommendation of author Amy DuBois Barnett, I listed the top ten things that frighten me the most. Some of my answers included missing out on the opportunity of a lifetime, disappointing someone, being stuck, and not living up to my potential. There are so many things that I have a true talent for (like photography and performing) that I feel I'll never get to do full time. Of course I shouldn't look at it like that though.

I can't wait to sip mimosas on the beach with my girlfriends. Our cruise is going to be fabulous. I keep looking at the week blocked out in my calendar as if staring at the word 'VACATION' is going to make it come faster.

I painted my fingernails black. It took some getting used to, but I actually like. Especially because they're so shiny.

Radiohead's album is wonderful. It's full of tranquility.

I took my car to get an oil change and found out that I need new brake pads. $245 worth of brake pads. If my Dad were somewhat close, he would do them for me. =( Lord, help me find a way.

I can't believe this. My Superhero Fire Fighting Dad is on leave for hypertension! (The fire fighter association's lawyer says he might be able to build a case so that my dad won't have to pay for blood pressure medicine for the rest of his life. So while he's building his case, my dad can't work.) It's so strange to see my dad aging. He's always been able to do everything. I've seen him scuba dive for victims, scaffle down syscraper buildings, and move unmovable items. He was such a man's man. This is so weird. I don't want my daddy to get old! (I have to get closer to him.)

November is here. Holidays are around the corner. Tis the season.

I received a $50 gift from work. I have to pick which store(s) I want to redeem the money at. I'm losing my mind looking at the options. Lord&Taylor, Macy's, BestBuy, Marshalls/TJMaxx, Lowes, Spas, Bed Bath and Beyond, Amazon, Applebees, The Limited, Foot Locker, The Sharper Image... oh my goodness!!! Should I spend $10 at Edwards Theatres and $40 into Bloomingdales? Or maybe $25 at Target and $25 at Pier 1? Or maybe all $50 should go towards an American Airlines flight. This is a disaster. lol. I need camera accessories. If only they had Samy's on here. Maybe I should by a set of luggage. I'll need that. I need hangers too. Bed Bath and Beyond has the hangers I want. I need to fall-eriz and winter-ize my wardrobe too. The Limited should have a good selection of sweaters. But I'm always in BestBuy and Target... sheesh! I need to think about this one. =)

Why is it that the week I buy groceries is the week we have food galore at work? I could have fed myself off of other peoples money all week!


The wedding was sensational. It was the best wedding I have ever seen in my life! Non-traditional, perfect mood lighting, a whole lot of Sade, the colors, the open bar, the food, the joy.... I was cheesing the whole time. You would have thought that I was getting married! =)

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

A Friday Wedding

I haven't talked to my old co-worker friend in a long time. I think it's been close to a year and a half. So when I emailed him to check up on him and his gf, it was a pleasant surprise to hear that he was engaged and getting married this Friday! I remember sitting at his desk talking about rings and proposal plans. He was so excited. It makes me smile just thinking about it. Well anyway, he invited me to the wedding so I'm going to go bask in their happiness. Take a look at the location of the wedding. (click here and visit the events section) Gorgeous huh? Congratulations Andre and Cynthia!

More and more friends are getting married! =O

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Quote of the Day

"Your lips are softer than a triple roll of charmin."


Lil Sis

As much as this girl gets on my nerves, I swear she's the best thing in my life.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Ran-Dumb Thoughts

Hey peeps. How's everything going this week? Anything new?

Guess what I saw while walking into my building. Some old, caucasian, construction worker guy in his truck banging "it's bone and biggie biggie" from his stereo. I loved it! It made me smile.

So someone hung a noose up on the office door of a professor at my alma mater yesterday. That pretty much made me sick. And it's homecoming weekend, so you know what's going to be on everyone's mind now.

I got all of my pictures into Picasa. Every single photograph I've taken since I've been in California is now centrally located. It was cute looking at all the pics from over the years. I'm getting tired of seeing them though. I guess the memories are still too close for me to appreciate them. The girls and I do have a lot of cute shots though.

I need to get back on my studies. Whenever I break from the normal schedule, it's hard to get back on. I'm going to the convention on Saturday so that might help kick my butt back into gear.

While I was away, my co-worker unloaded her responsibilities on me. Needless to say, I was shocked to see all the work when I got back. But for some reason I wasn't even mad. Maybe it's because she has to have surgery. =/

I'm having headaches a little more frequently than I care to.

I wonder what I shall have for dinner. Sometimes I wish had my mommy here. She would cook for me. At least until the novelty of seeing me wears off. When she gets tired of me, she stops doing stuff for me. Ha!

I turn 25 next month. I was sitting around a table full of college students and one of my Kiamsha peers turned to me and said, "dag J. you're getting old." lol. I thought that was funny and yet so true, but not true at the same time. My mom said that I'll be 30 in no time. 25 is so young though. But when it comes to having children and owning property, I feel like I'm behind schedule.

I'm looking forward to seeing "Why Did I Get Married?" Jenn, who doesn't like Tyler Perry, said she liked it which means I'll love it. It'll be a good discussion movie. I hope baby boi will have lots to say on it.

I have nothing to do when I get home today. Can you believe that? I wish I could catch up on my shows... The Hills. The Fab Life of Kimora Lee. Girlfriends. The Game. etc. .. but I don't have tivo. If I don't fall asleep first, I'll use the time to study. That seems productive. I could mop my floors too. Maybe I'll conquer the laziness to get that done.

We get 3 checks next month. Yipee! Perhaps I'll buy a MacBook. Or maybe I'll buy that $700 camera lens I've been wanting. Or maybe I'll pay off my credit card. Now wouldn't that be the responsible thing to do? My sister wants a credit card so she can establish credit. Baby sis. Let me tell you...There are plenty of other ways to establish credit. Hold off as long as you can from getting a credit card. They are the worst.

"We do this work not because it's easy, but because it's hard." I heard that this weekend at the Summit. I thought it was very profound.

Jenn what's up with some Sunday Night Football? We haven't chilled in a while. I'm still eating my sunflower seeds by the way.

I told the recruiter that I'd go to Atlanta if he found a stellar opportunity for me. In fact, I think it might be less abrupt if I went to Atlanta first and then perused my way to Charlotte.

I threw away all the promotions and save 25% on all items mail yesterday. I was scared to let them go, but I figured I'd do more damage with them than without.

My phone's screen went blank so they gave me a refurbished phone. Why does the "p" on my keyboard think it's the send button? I'm tired of having phones that don't work. I'm going to write Verizon a strongly worded letter. You would think a customer who pays her bill on time and has never been delinquet on her account would get good service. Actually, the service isn't the problem. It's the equipment. Very poor equipment.

Time's up. It's 3:41. Quitting time.

If you have a minute, drop me a comment and tell me something new. Thanks!

Changed My Life

For those of us outside of the environmental justice (EJ) world, what do you see when you think about a group of environmentalist? If you're anything like me, you see a group of hippie-looking, white people wearing khaki, cargo shorts and save-the-world t-shirts chained to a tree in the forest. Or you might see "green terrorists" running towards you with posters and stacks of statistics on why you're evil for wearing a leather jacket. Better yet, you could also see people with holes in their pants, colorful scarfs around their necks, and crazy uncombed hair on busy, city, street corners asking suited and booted business people to 'join the struggle'. Am I on point? So when Ms. Iantha and Mrs. Dunn asked me to participate in the planning committee for the Partners for Environmental Progress Summit's Emerging Leaders day, I was confused. "You want me to do what?" First of all, I know nothing about the environment and have no passion for EJ. Shoo, I don't even know what EJ is! Second, I'm scared of the "green terrorists". They'll kill me for not having the right light bulb! And third, I own crocodile pumps! Now you KNOW I'm not giving up my shoes.

So I'm sitting in the Emerging Leaders Summit like a fish out of water. I can't be myself...I have no idea what to say...terms and definitions are flying past my head...no one on the committee looks like me...I work for a company that furthers war interests... It's just all around awkward. As the morning hours pass, more colorful people continue to join the group, but it's not until two gentleman from Morehouse stroll in that I begin to feel like I can breathe. I can't put my finger on why, but there's just something about having educated and environmentally passionate, black, college men join the conversation that made me feel better. But then I got annoyed...Can someone please tell me why are we never on time? Dag on black people. But anyway, the way I felt inside regarding the whole situation, you would have never thought that I went to predominately white schools all my life.

While a room full of my peers presented and discussed, I listened. I sat back, opened my mind, and listened (which was the best thing I could have done at that time). What I began to understand was that this wasn't about saving the whales or the polar bears. It wasn't about power plants and evil people like me who wear leather jackets and crocodile pumps. Instead it was about multiculturalism, racial harmony, active listening, partnerships, mutual respect, language and leadership. That's when I began thinking, "Okay Okay people...You're speaking my language now!" Once that bond was made, I was done. I could finally rescind my "green terrorist" label. =)

I quote just popped up in my work email. "It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult task which, more than anything else, will affect its successful outcome." Ha! How ironic is that?!

Anyway, as I sat in seminars with the most diverse group of unified individuals I have ever sat with in my life, I was overwhelmed with feelings of unity, joy, and trust. I know it sounds very "hug-a-tree" and "we are the world", but liken it to this. I was just talking to Mikesee about the feeling you get when you're partying with friends from all different stages of your life and you take a minute to notice how happy, inclusive, and warm everyone is to one another. Everyone's in one place having a great time and feeling extremely happy. When you take that minute to pause and reflect on the unity in the room, it's like the universe is in complete harmony. That's exactly how it felt at the summit. Everyone was there to make things better (which just so happened to be environmental things) and to have a good time. One of the speakers mentioned how dangerous it is to underestimate the value of laughter and up-building activities. Playing a game such as two truths and a lie can honestly be the foundation for trust, honesty and partnerships as you get to know one another! It was brilliant! And there were tons of more brilliant comments to follow! But you guys know how I am. I'm all about peace, joy, love and goodness. Fruits of the spirit. Universal habits we should all cultivate. Wanting to just all get along. =)

So that's the story of how I was won over. You should see me. I'm all into EJ principles on working together, EJ definitions, green groups, etc. I'm trying to figure out how I can help further EJ initiatives, partner Kiamsha with environmental groups as well as include these initiatives into the Kiamsha curriculum...how to save electricity, buy only organic products, save the whales, plan a one man revolution against hog farming, preserve the wild life in the top 5 national parks... Ok... well maybe I'm taking it a bit too far, but I am motivated. You can be sure that I'm not quite as radical as some of my new friends are, but I understand their passion. Maybe it's because the lines between them and me are beginning to blur.

Below are a couple of notes I took... Now tell me that these points shouldn't apply to every organization, corporation, non-profit, boyfriend/girlfriend relationship and marriage...If anything, the environmentalists may have one up on organizations who don't have these principles in place... Hmm.

-promoting inclusion
-recruitment & retention
-fund development
-better definitions/language
-develop leadership
-communication ~ cross-intergenerational
-coherent partnerships
-personal relationships
-shared visions & goals
-mutual respect
-time set aside for fun
-furthering each other's agendas
-adequate resources

There's so much I want to say to those who had an impact on me, but I'll consolidate my thoughts and say thank you to all of the superstars who changed my life.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

If You Know Me...

...than you know that I'm a big Jennifer Lopez fan. If you're a dancer, a wanna be singer, and wanna be star like me, pick up her album today. Have fun dancing in your divalicious outfit in front of the mirror. I know I will!

Update: I'm listening to Jennifer now. Would I recommend her album. In a word: No. I would not recommend her album...

UNLESS you are as enamored by her swagger as I am...unless you respect how hard-working this woman of color is...unless you like the sweetness of her voice...unless you appreciate dance music that will make you sweat...unless you are a girlie girl like me who relates to lyrics on love, walking in YSL shoes, moving your body, and staying together. If you are none of the above, Stay Away! Lol.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Gotta Lot To Do

*just putting some stuff on paper for my reference - this is an 'in j.a.c.'s head' post*

okay. my flight leaves at 1:15pm tomorrow. i said i would do a half a day but i don't know. it depends on how much i get done tonight. i'm pretty much packed but i have to wash my hair. that's going to take a couple of hours. i'd be straight if i didn't have to go out tonight. near bear is in town. gotta see my girl before she leaves. she did email me like 2 weeks ago. i may leave work early today. be home by 3. i think the cast of "why did i get married?" will be on oprah today too so that'll be perfect. yep, i'm leaving early today. stamped: DECIDED. i have my resumes, my business cards...i should probably get my speech together... who i am... what i'm looking for.. my skill set.. my qualifications... yeah, i'll write out the important stuff that i need to remember on the plane. this is my chance. i have to use this opportunity to the full. i'm staying in my business clothes the entire weekend. you never know who you're going to meet. this weekend is not for play. it's going to be so much work. 4 straight days of hard networking. being on my p's and q's. i'm going to need a vacation when i get back. unfortunately i get in at 8 something in the evening on Monday. since my body will think it's 11 something, i'll probably go straight to bed so i can be up for work the next day. oh what it is to be an adult. speaking of being an adult, i gotta make sure all my bills are set up for bill pay. okay. i think that's it.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Did You Watch? I Did!

The premieres were last night. Check them out next Monday!

Style Highlight

If I could jack anyone's style, it would be that of Ms. Alexis Phifer. Soon to be Mrs. Kanye West. There's something so clean, sexy and beautiful about this girl. What impresses me more than anything is how unsaturated she looks. And what I mean by that is simple, normal, classy, not overexposed, not over made up. Just perfect.

Check out her line, Ghita here.

I Diversified

Kendo, the sneaker boutique for women.

I can't believe I forgot to post about this! Golden just reminded me... About 3 weeks ago, I diversified... That's right people. I expanded my range and broke out of my stiletto and flip flop game. There above you will find my very first pair of Air Force Ones. And I must say that I'm in love. Jenn bought a fresh pair as well. You should have seen us... We were so excited... The young, Asian employees in the store could clearly tell that we were novices. They looked at us black girls with confused looks on their faces and asked, "Have you ever been here before?" Ha! That was funny. (Is there any other race that's up on their tennis shoe game (and other games) like the Asians? Notice the name of my AF1s. And Golden's tennis are coming from Japan.) I wish I could find a picture of the hot pink, black and white high top Reeboks I bought as well... Now those are VERY ecclectic. The 'fit gotta be Just Right for those. (Shout out to Dame.) So now that I'm in love with tennis shoes again, I need to get over the fear of wearing them! I don't want to get them dirty!!! Shout out to Nigel for demonstrating how to walk in Air Force Ones at the picnic. Lol. Apparently there's a certain strut that will prevent your AF1s from getting dirty. Oh and when in grass or dirt, wear black soled tennis shoes only. I'm learning Nigel!

Monday, October 01, 2007

Valuable Lesson #218

Recording Valuable Lesson #218 out of many more to come.

There are two companies (Company A and B) that I would like to work for. Company A has a program that would be absolutely divine for my situation. It's a temporary contract program that allows for flexibility while accruing tenure. I love it because the idea of anything permanent at this point in my life is unrealistic and quite frankly, scares me a little. So when I happened across this program, all I could say was "PERFECT"... Or is it?

Neither Company A and B seem to know that I'm alive. I've been applying and applying and applying...and nothing. It's been longer than I care to mention, so obviously something's not right. It appears as if I need to widen my search or vary my tactics, but there's a large part of my that doesn't want to give. I've been stuck on these two companies for very good reason. Both will afford me a financially comfortable life. Both are right up my alley in terms of skill and industry. Both are located centrally and would be very easy to get to. The list of reasons go on. But when I check my inbox and voicemails in hopes of a message from Company A or B and nothing's there, my spirit weakens. So what's a girl to do?

Many many moons ago, my mentors and other mature elders told me to step out on faith. They advised me to broaden my horizons and take baby steps to get where I want to be. But of course, because of my greedy desire to want everything at this current second, I brushed off their notions. Today, however, is a new day. Wisdom is starting to kick in and I'm seeing things in a brand new light.

So here I am...looking at job searches...forcing myself to not overlook the executive administrative positions (my skill level is higher than that)...the positions at no name companies (what company did you say?)...the positions with Sr. in the title (i don't have enough experience yet)...the positions in the marketing department (i'm not even in marketing). I look at the link. Think about opening it. Put my mouse over the link. Wave it back and forth. Get scared. Decide to see if anything else is available first. Promise to come back. Start chastising myself for not having faith. Come back. Get the nerve to click. Read through the job description and qualifications. Get scared again. And finally, bail.

While I might be scared to death to apply for jobs that might not be as perfect, I think about how incredibly humbling an executive administrative position might be. There could be lessons to learn about myself in that position. I think about the benefits of changing careers and learning something entirely new. Something that I might absolutely fall in love with. Company A and B could put more hours on me than I care for. I could have less time for myself and Jehovah than desired. There are so many reasons for me to step out of the box. The only thing holding me back is fear. Fear of the direction that Jehovah is sending me in. I imagine my life a certain way and I want it to happen precisely how I imagine it, but this waiting game has taught me a valuable lesson. It's funny how this kind of stuff always comes back to faith.

Alright Jehovah. You said to have faith so here I go. I'm going to do it your way. You know what my heart's desire is. I just pray that you take it into consideration and lead me. Whatever works for both you and myself... I'm game. Thanks for sticking by me. In Jesus' name. Amen.

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