Thursday, March 29, 2007

Desires to Reality

So I told my boy (check out his post on this subject), "well let your desires become ur reality sir!" He promptly responded with "if you were to take that bit of advice, where would you be if payoff were instantaneous?" I was a little unprepared for that question and told him to stay tuned.

Ok. So if I were to make my desires become my reality, where would I be if the payoff were instantaneous? That's such a good question. Let's first start out with my desires.

Desire #1: Be Married with Children

Well this one's kinda hard because I don't think I have any say in this. I do believe that everyone controls their own destiny but I can't force someone into being my husband and the father of my children. I'm not married with children yet because the right one hasn't come along. Therefore the question doesn't apply. Right? But if there was someone, then the payoff would be that I'd have a husband and a child or two. Simple as that.

Desire #2: Get Baptized

I'm working on this one. I have a few obstacles that need to be cut down first, but if when this becomes my reality, the payoffs will be tremendous. A closer relationship with Jehovah, privileges in the ministry, a step closer to salvation... I could go on.

Desire #3: Be a Business Leader in the Performing Arts Sector

Oh man, if this desire were to become a reality, I don't know what I would do with myself. I'll tell you one thing. I'll be happier than I could ever imagine. If I were to acquire the position I desire, I feel like my life would be perfect. My desire is to for my job NOT to feel like a job. Hmm... (I'm daydreaming over here.) I think I would live longer too. There's so much more I could say about this desire, but I'll leave it there for now.

So... It's time huh? Time to make my desires a reality...

To be continued... (hopefully)

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Off To The Library!

I took the day off today. I'm sitting on the bed with "The Today Show" on my tv and my labtop in my lap. I'm looking forward to this time. There are so many things to do. I just need time. There are 3 things I absolutely need to get done. Laundry, cost analysis report and clean my floors. I thought about going to the library to finish my report but I'm going to see how productive I can be in my place. I've already made up my bed so I eliminated that temptation. (I hope.) People talk about working from home in their pajamas all the time. I'm going to see if it's possible. Actually, no. I know myself. And I know that the library is my second home. Yeah J... You've already spent 20 minutes of your day on the internet. Soon it'll turn into an hour. (My wireless won't connect in the library.) Alright kids. I'm going to disappear. I hope you all have a wonderful day. Be inspired, live with a purpose, and do something for another. Holla!

Monday, March 26, 2007

Who Told You?

Mood: "I Just Died"

Who told you I like that?
You're cheek against mine
Standing on top of an elevated pass
Looking over the ocean

Who told you I like that?
A friendly command
Not releasing me until I say it
Pulling me to you tightly

Who told you I like that?
Making decisions that I don't have to
Taking me somewhere I've never been
Being spontaneous and unique

Who told you I like that?
A soft kiss on my neck
When you call me babe
Saying you thought about me

Who told you I like it like that?

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

My Evening

I pulled into my parking spot and gathered all the trash in the car. While walking to the trash can, I locked my doors using the remote on my key ring. Hmm... I haven't gotten my mail in a couple of days. I should do that. Good. My Essence and Vicky Secret catalogue are here. Vibe is here too. I hate this magazine. Who's this letter from? Thomas? Why is Thomas writing me a letter? I did just mention that I like letters. Maybe he read one of my posts. Cable bill. Gas bill. Yeah yeah yeah. A check made out to Kiamsha. Oh finally! We got the check from the cruise. Great! While walking back to my apartment, I held the mail in one arm and texted Sean in the loose hand. What's this move going to do to his spirituality? I hope he's making the right move. I hope he doesn't get lost back in NY. He was making such great progress. I'm going to miss my little Sean. I tried to manage walking upstairs while texting still and almost stumbled. Geez, J! Pay attention. The text can wait. I get inside my place, throw the mail on my desk and finish my text while getting out of my work clothes. Oh. Thomas' letter! What's that all about? In the middle of changing, I start reading his letter and remain paralyzed until finished. He enlisted for the reserves?! Why in the world would he do that?! This guy! That's such a Thomas thing to do. He wants us to write him back. He needs letters to read while he's on base. He says it's the most uplifting part of his day. Okay. Let me finish changing. Do I even have a piece of paper in this place? I walked to the bookcase and found and old notebook from college with paper in it. Perfect. I sat down on my bed and then got back up to walk to the desk. No, I think I'll write it on the bed. I turned back around, got comfortable and began writing a 4 page letter. I think I enjoyed that. As much as I like writing... I folded the letter and placed it on the floor by my door. Don't forget to mail that tomorrow J. Ok. It's 6:15. The gym is out. I know I said I promise, but at least I put a routinue in place. I'll be going every Monday and Wednesday at 5:15 in the morning! You can't be mad at me for that. I turned on my stereo, turned the volume down and pressed play. Dwele. Good. Perfect. What's this Essence all about? I didn't even look to see who's on the cover. Terrence Howard! GOT D#(* this man is fine. I stared at the cover with my mouth wide open. No lie. I returned back to my bed with the Essence and Victorias Secret in hand. In leafing through my Essence, I notice the whole magazine is dedicated to the career woman. Top 25 Great Places To Work. Power Moves - Taking High Fashion to the Top of the Corporate Ladder. What to Wear to Work. That reminds me. I need to apply for new jobs tonight. I think I'll spend an hour on the internet doing so before going to bed. Dag, I love these suits. Look at that trench coat. And those shoes! Oh my goodness. I need to step my wardrobe up. No more of this kiddie stuff. I'm a professional woman. One classic piece at a time. I'm going to build my wardrobe. I already do one new goodie a paycheck. I think that's reasonable. I open and close my Vicky Secret catalogue pretty quickly. The budget won't allow for that this month. Can you believe my part time job's check bounced? I had $200 in my checking and now I'm in the negative. He better fix that quick. I can't be out here without money. Mmm.. This Dwele is hitting the spot. I walked to the kitchen to browse for food. I wasn't really hungry. Cookies or orange chicken? I went for the cookies. The premier of Dancing With the Stars comes on tonight. I should probably get busy on the job search so I can be in bed for that. Ok. Wait... Where did I put that magazine I got from the National Black MBA Association? It lists the top 50 companies for black MBAs to work. Perhaps I'll use that list instead of Monster for tonight. I browsed through the magazine looking for jobs located in the Los Angeles area. There's not a lot here. Only one company. You know where I want to work? Bloomingdales corporate office. I ran through the website. That's a no go. Corporate is in Manhattan and I know I'm not going back there. I looked through Essence's Top 25 Great Places to Work again. Dag. Not one of these companies is in LA. Monster it is. Roadblock. My labtop doesn't have Microsoft Word. I need Word to download my resume. Why would my job give me a labtop that doesn't have Word on it? That's dumb. I uncovered my personal labtop and prayed it could find a wireless connection. While I waited for the wireless network to connect, I changed CDs and loaded Eric Roberson. Play song 13, put it on repeat and turn up the volume. The signal was too low. I worked around the issue. Send Job To Friend was my best friend. It's 8:00pm. Shoot. Dancing With The Stars. But I'm not done yet. I turned on the show 2 minutes late and was immediately entranced. The professionals were dancing a group dance. Amazing. I ran back to the computer. 6 jobs in my inbox. That should suffice for one night. I'll apply to all of them first thing in the morning. Hopefully my cubemate won't be too nosey. Alright now IAN! I applauded for Cheryl and Ian happily in my lonesome. Laila Ali looked absolutely gorgeous. I left my computer on and walked to the kitchen again. Am I hungry or just bored? I put a chicken patty in the toaster oven and took out the sauce and cheese. Chicken parmesan. Perfect. I watched and waited. Waited and watched. In a minute, the chicken parmesan was gone and Dancing With The Starts was over. One last thing to do. J, why don't you complete your evening with a blog? And that was my evening.

Monday, March 19, 2007


I'm going to start dancing again.
At least in my living room.
My legs need some work.
They no where near look as toned as they used to.
Monday should be gym day.
It's the only day that I have time.
Starting today...
I promise.
I'm going on a cruise in January.
They should be good by then.
I miss dancing.
Perhaps that'll be part of my regiment.
Gym on Mondays.
Dance in my living room on days in between.
Nothing kicks my fitness up like a vigorous ballet barre routine.
All I need is music, space, and passion.

I had the opportunity to hang with a friend last night.
I had a pretty interesting, yet fun time.
You never really know a person until you spend time with them.
First glance might have you all backwards.
Spending time allots for deeper investigation.
I like getting to know people.
I'm glad I'm getting to know him.
It helps that he's good looking.
Yeah, the man is handsome.
That's the first thing I said to myself when I ran into him.
But everyone's more than a face.
Can't wait to learn more.
My co-worker just said, "This is what i think about u.
You like company and are open to it,
but you won't let guys get too close.
I think thats a tease to a guy interested in you."

He's 110% correct.
I don't want to be a tease.
That's why a one on one outing is very rare for me.
Why play games?

Why did I just make some crazy gym arrangements?
5:15am Mondays and Wednesdays.
With my co-worker.
(Same one from above.)
I don't care.
I'm about to do this.
Beautiful legs here I come.
Watch out now.

I saw "I Think I Love My Wife" Friday.
GREAT movie.
It get's you thinking about a lot of things.
To sum it all up, you must communicate in relationships.
You must separate reality from desire.
And fact from emotion.
What will pass and what will always be there.
What's worth taking a chance for and what's worth keeping.
I love it.
Even though a woman can leave that movie feeling doomed,
I am actually more inspired and ready.
Imagine seeing that movie with your husband/wife.
Perfect discussion opportunity.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Just Being Real

I mean sure, we can hang out. I have no problem with going to lunch or grabbing a cup of coffee/tea at Starbucks. But once it's done, it's done. What's all this 'can I call you tomorrow' stuff? I told you from the beginning that I don't date. I'm not looking for all that. We had a fun, little lunch. I had a great time. Good conversation. Wonderful. So I'll talk to you later ok? I'm sorry. Am I being rude? I just don't want anyone to get the wrong idea. I don't want to lead anyone on, which is why I'm so upfront about my intentions. I tried the let's be friends and date thing. Didn't work. Can we have a candlelight dinner? Umm...How about we get carry-out and watch March Madness instead. So can you call me tomorrow? Not so much. How about I talk to you in a couple of weeks. Have a good week and enjoy your weekend as well.

This guy just made me mad. Sorry. Lol.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

The Life of a L.A. Socialite

I am exhausted. You have no idea how busy my past week and weekend have been. I've been running around trying to act like an energizer bunny, but am now severely putt-putting through the days. This battery is about to die. It's funny because I wasn't doing anything that I HAD to do per se. It was all for pleasure. I realize that I have turned into an L.A. socialite...

Let me recap last week's events for you.

Monday night after work, I was in church. That was actually a required event for me. If I'm going to run around L.A. doing things for my own entertainment, I can at least make every congregational meeting and obtain some spiritual food right? Tuesday was my one night off. I went over to my girlfriend's to watch all the American Idols she Tivo-ed for me. Still yet, I didn't get into the bed until close to midnight. Wednesday, my girlfriend and I went to an event for the Tyra Banks show. Let me describe what we partook of, because this was something extremely new for me and my girlfriend. Tyra's having a show in the near future that speaks about the effects of drugs, partying, and alcohol on young teens. If anyone's watched the show, Tyra usually has these in the field experiments so to speak that test her theories and help to form conclusions. So what we attended was a field experiment. Jenn and I were part of a "fake" party where teenage girls who didn't know the party was fake would get to party the life of a L.A. socialite. In "real" life, these girls take part in under age drinking and believe that partying is the only way to have fun. So as it was their first time to L.A., we were part of ensemble that showed them a good time. It was something like I've never seen before. Cameras and booms and photographers were around capturing shots, following everyone around... It was like MTV's "The Real World". And there I was in my little dress acting... pretending like I was having a great time at this party where empty bottles of vodka were strategically placed around the punch bowl to trick the girls into believing the punch was spiked (when it actually wasn't). It was strange. And to be honest, I began to feel bad for the girls. Every single person in this party knew what was going on but them. Anyway, I have pictures that I'll have to add later. Thursday night (after my Bible study!), the girls and I met up with a guy that we met in Vegas. Every Thursday, Garth Trinidad (a DJ) throws an event called "Choice" at the Standard Hotel. The girls have attended a few times prior but this was my first time. I usually give the excuse that it's a school night and therefore manage to stay in, but my reasoning grew tired. So that was fun. I didn't get in that night until 3:30am and had to be to work the next day by 6:30. Needless to say, I called my manager and told him that I would be late. I think I managed to sneek in 6 hours of sleep. Friday night, we had two events on our agenda. The National Black MBA Association had a professional mixer at a nice spot called Trifecta. The National Black MBA Association invited Black Women Lawyers, a black physician assocation, and a few other professional associations to the event. It was quite nice. Definitely a who-are-you, what-do-you-do, do-you-have-a-business-card type of event. It was rather impressive to see so many successful black professionals in the place. It made me proud. While on our way to our next destination, J.K., Jenn and I found some food at this Jamaican hole in the wall. Mmm... I hadn't had Jamaican food since I left NY. I think that may be our new spot. You know how hole in the wall spots do it. That's usually where the best food is! So after we scarfed our food down, we headed to Ladera Heights (the well do to black area). The weekend before, I met an attractive young man at a BBQ, who invited me and the girls out to a gathering at his friend's house. In the evite, he denoted that midnight was showtime. I was immediately intrigued by this 'midnight show' and emailed him something funny about it being a strip show. So being the curious little things that we are, we found ourselves at D.C.'s house. That was definitely the best event all week. Among some of the most warm, pretty, sincere people I've met, we drank wine, ate shrimp, and sached to a nice low-key playlist curtosey of D.C.'s ipod. At midnight, we all gathered around in the living room and sat down on pillows, couches and chairs to be bedazzled by a talented, fun, young man by the name of Trevor Wesley. (Check him out.) Candles were lit, lights were low, wine was poured... and it was just Travis and his keyboard. I loved it. That was honestly my kind of night. Ok. Moving on. I've latched on to a community service organization called C.L.I.M.B. that provides a variety of services through mentorship, educational programs, professional development seminars and workshops, community intiatives, and enrichment activities. So Saturday was C.L.I.M.B's day. After running an errund for the CEO of C.L.I.M.B., participating in a meeting, and having lunch with the CEO, I went back home for a nap... only to get up again to get ready for the professional mixer that C.L.I.M.B. was having that night. (I'm getting tired just writing about all this.) It was a beautiful day last Saturday though, so the sun suceeded in energizing me. Sunday after church and family Bible study (still not slacking on the spiritual food), I took another short nap and then ran over to Jenn's house to eat and make our way down to Leimert Park, were we saw "The Dance". If you haven't already, read my previous posts regarding "The Dance". It's now Tuesday morning, and I am officially done. I feel like I have something to do this weekend, but I can't even think about it right now. The life of a L.A. Socialite is HARD! Phew!

Monday, March 12, 2007

An Audience Reaction: It's Hard

It's quite an experience

to watch black face that is

I've never had the...




to see a minstrel show live and in action

feet from my own brown face

I didn't know what to expect

To be quite honest, I didn't really give it much thought

prior to the play that is

It was another night at the theatre

It was supposed to be just another night at the theatre

My brothers, my peers, my generation

painted their brown faces black

Fought the weight on the very own hands to apply

black face paint, white wide mouths, and big red lips.

How did you do that?

How did you release that weight?

How were you able to bring your hand up to your face?

I'm awe-struck

I mean, we're the same age for goodness sakes

We go to the same spots

Know the same people

Listen to the same music

Care about the same things

Have the same struggles

Are birthed from the same mothers

You're just like me

But you just left me

You're surppasing me here

You're understanding something more complex than I can imagine

Somwhere within you

you found what it takes

to perform


I just want to let you know that it's hard

It's hard out here in the audience

I'm sure it was hard for you

It just had to be

But it's hard out here too

What do you expect me to do?

Am I supposed to laugh knowing what I know?

Do I laugh like "they" laughed?

Strangely I found myself a minstrel

just doing what you wanted me to do

You told me it was a satire

So I laughed

Even though it was awkward to laugh at minstrelsy

like "they" laughed

But you needed me

You needed my reaction

You needed to fee off of me

As a fellow performer I know you needed the fuel

my energy

my approval

You needed to know I was entertained


Think about that

Isn't that ironical?

There has been times when I left stages

in tears

starved of an audience reaction


I couldn't do that to you

Even though I felt like a minstrel

You needed me

So I laughed

I laughed the way "they laughed"

even though I didn't want to

I just want you to know that it was hard

But thank you

Thank you for the education

It's an uncomfortable way of learning

but that means I'll never forget

But more than that...

Thank you for speaking with an advanced vocabulary as you explained

Thank you for speaking to us as educated, black men after the show

It was scary how well you portrayed that minstrel clown

Terrifying actually

So thank you for letting them know

who you really are

and where you came from

That you're an educator

That you're not oblivious

A thinker

A passionate leader

A playwright

An artist

A courageous adult

I understand

Believe me I do

I know why you must fight against the weights

on your hands and arms

As an educator, a mentor, a big sister, a minister

I understand the significance of your works

But I just wanted to let you know that it was hard

Still yet

Thank you.

The State of My Black America

After seeing The Dance tonight, my girlfriend and I dived into a particularly deep conversation that led us to worry about the state of our black America. The conversation in our car ride back home was a rather thought-provoking one full of passion and concern. It's not often that we go speak about the issues plaguing our race, but after seeing The Dance, we really had no choice but to talk about it.

It's past my bedtime, but I can't go to sleep without putting down in words how inspired, amazed, and thankful I am for the opportunity to see The Dance. (If you haven't already, click on the link to view the website.) To give you a little background info, The Dance is a 2 man educational play about minstrelsy. What makes this play unique is that not only is it a play that teaches you about minstresly performed as a minstrel show, but it was written, produced and performed by a pair of young, talented, intelligent, well-spoken black men. Men my age to be exact! I'm laughing out loud a little bit right now because it's sort of funny and bothersome that I have to point out that these young, 20-ish men are intelligent, well-spoken and educated. But I digress. (I actually might not need to label that as a digression, but we'll see if I come back around to addressing that issue.) But what absolutely NEEDS to be pointed out is that the play has been awarded with Best Playwright of the Year by the NAACP! Congratulations guys!! =)

What I truly enjoyed about the play, other than the high quality of talent, was the amount of educational tidbits I received regarding minstresly. I thought I knew about minstresly and black face, but I had no idea. I had no idea where it truly originated from or how it connected to today's videos, rap songs, and cultural influences. I knew from certain eduational programs and the movie Bamboozled by Spike Lee what minstresly was all about, but I had no idea that we're still performing as minstrels today in our videos, tv shows, and movies that portray what the powers to be (usually white, rich men) want us to portray. They want us to be the gangsta, the drug-addicted female, the rolling-her-neck ghetto girl, and the fried chicken eating black greasy family. How is that not mistrelsy? It's amazing what we do for the "Almighty Dollar" as the performers so appropriately called it.

So after seeing such a powerful piece of work, J. and I began to feel a little guilty (as you always feel after seeing a conscious piece that inspires you) about the music we listen to and the artists we support . We started discussing the power of a good beat, and our obsession with drums which of course relates back to music of Africa, call and response powers, etc. We went futher by discussing rappers such as Lil' Jon and Young Jeezy and the power of money. It was amazing how it all tied together. We also talked about how lost and ignorant our black communities are. How we ride with the wave instead of fighting against it, in fear of being deemed 'different'. Our communities are so unaware of what they're being fed. It's directly affecting their lives, their decisions, their money, their experiences, etc. It's like we're puppets in this whole money-making machine. Hence, minstrelsy. We plug into the system, and do what we're told for a little, measely dollar.

I'm sorry to stereotype, but I'm just being real...When I see these men with XXL white tees, chains around their necks, and platinum in their mouths, I get sad. I mean, I know why. I understand why they do what they do. (Lack of exposure, unaware, ignorance, media influence, etc.) ut still I want to know why their happy . As J and I said tonight on our way home, they make you want to put your arms around all of them, embrace them, and tell them that it's going to be alright.

To come back full circle, I just have to say that it feel so good to see young African-American men doing their thing. The passion, energy, talent, and education of those men meant a lot to me. I believe it's fair to say that more black females than males seek and get higher education, or any education for that matter. It was wonderful as a black, intelligent, educated, young woman to see a pair of equally as educated men join or lead the ranks. Thank you for standing with the vast amount of young women who hope for more educated and passionate black community. Thank you for being a part of that number.

So after being so inspired, it's now my turn to figure out what my action will be. Well my first action, to share my experience with others, has already begun with this blog. Like I said, I knew I couldn't let my head hit the pillow before writing about this and hopefully educating all and any readers that cross my page. The next thing I would like to do is share this play with as many interested groups, schools, programs, etc. as possible. The play needs to be seen!

The state of my black America can be so much better if we remember that education is the key AND embrace what we learn. The state of my black America seems dismal, and it might even be just that. But when there are individuals like Aaron and Jason whose passions are to expose our young ones to American education often not spoken about, I am warmed and appreciative. So please check out The Dance and spread the word. It's the least we can all do.

Monday, March 05, 2007

To You

You've awakened my senses
Rekindled memories
Warmed my heart
Provoked tears of joy

I am so touched by your expressions
There's no better gift than what you've given
I'm so blessed to have someone like you
I don't deserve the attention you've given

You've touched my heart
Thank you so much

My Husband

A throwback for you... (re-post)

I laid there still on his bare chest feeling myself rise and lower with his breath. There I listened to his hypnotic heart beat. Words can't explain how it feels to have this reliable, chocolate complexioned man run his fingers through my un-permed hair. His fingertips soothe me as they caress my scalp. I smile because I know that this is his way of telling me how much he loves me.

When we lay at opposite ends of the bed on casual occasions; you know, in a head to foot sort of way, he likes to cuddle up and wrap his dark muscular arms around my ankles and feet. He pulls them close as if he was squeezing up against a teddy bear. It's not until later that he tells me it's to make sure that he can feel my presence, for him to know that I'm always there.

There's nothing like waking up to the feel of mature hands moving across my cocoa-colored shoulder blades and down my back. His hands swirl at the small of my back where the sheets begin to cover the rest of my body. As he leans over me, it is not his kisses that I focus on, but the trace of his cool chain moving down my spine. Heat generates out of his palms which are placed lightly on my sides.

Half asleep, I feel his eyes admiring my face, watching me lay. He secretly displays his love by tracing my lips, brushing my eyelashes, feeling the contours of my face with his fingers. I feel beautiful and like a goddess when he does this, forgetting any flaws that I may or may not have. He slowly moves closer to delicately press his soft lips against mine but I pretend to be asleep in hopes that he'll watch me forever.

I begin to look at my cinnamon-cocoa complexion through his eyes and see something I had never seen before. I see peace and a calming beauty I never thought I could possess. Looking into my own dark eyes, I see a reflexion, an image of myself that no longer has a reason to feel afraid or alone. There's a method to his manliness that obsesses me. A healthy obsession that connects our souls together. In him I see our happiest memories and picture our unknown future. Desires and passions run through him like never before when he watches me, needs me, wants me. He identifies me as his better half as I do him. We are one and fuse together to create human symbols of our love – children.

I have yet to meet you but I see you on my blank page before I write. I long for the day when you whisper 'hey you' and we know. Your responsibility and honesty turn me on. Your dedication drives me to desire to be the best wife I can be. To take care of your every need. To be the support that you will never lack. A mature, God-fearing husband is what you will be. Until I meet you, I choose to travel alone and continuously dream of visions of my soul mate, my best friend, my husband.

To The Man Who's Been Hurt

You say you gave your heart to a lovely stranger
I see how emotions can entangle you in disaster
Times are kinda rough when you're left without cover
Love bombs falling all around you in severe weather
Your world's turned upside down and you can't remember
Why you gave your heart in just one night to her
It just isn't fair how deeply you became her lover
She wasn't what you thought leaving you to wonder
How could you be so blind from March til November
That's just too long for a man who calls himself a soldier
You got blindsighted believing you were the leader
But in reality the situation only made you weaker
So you learned a lesson, so now take a breather
Relax your mind and try not to make it deeper
Than it has to be so that you can remember
Love isn't an overnight experience you can simply conjure
You need more time, it takes a bit longer
Wake up and learn so you can be that brother
Who knows and recognizes the frivilous encounter
Don't waste time on what won't end in splendor
No it's not guaranteed but you'll know when to believe her
Take your time hon, but please remain a dreamer
Cuz by nature you're still a caring man, a keeper
Next time, just don't give your heart to a lovely stranger.

It's Monday

Good morning everyone,

I am extremely exhausted this morning; only had 3 hours of sleep. I saw Eric Roberson perform last night and secretly fell further in love with his music. Technical difficulties delayed him about 2 hours, but the wait was well worth it. You know how you're so into someone that you forget where you are? You get goosebumps on your arms and become so involved that your face is all scrunched up and ugly? Eric had that affect on me. I love live music. Love it. Love it. Love it. If I could plan my all-time favorite concert, Eric Roberson and Teedra Moses would definitely be on the list. What's similar about both of these artists is that they love their music. They enjoy their music and they enjoy performing so much that is radiates from the stage and pierces the audience in the heart. It's a beautiful thing to see artist so blissfully happy on stage. How is that not addictive? (Aloe Blacc [who makes me smile] and Mulatto also did a very good job last night. Check them out on myspace when you have time.)

Guys... I enjoy my life... It feels really good to be able to say that. I am so thankful for the life I have. I am so blessed that I live such a robust, peaceful, artistic, and loving life. I'm not going through anything, you know? I don't have anything heavy weighing on me. I sleep at night like a baby and kind of go through my day without any worries. I am surrounded by love. I'm healthy with full functionality. I can pay all my bills. I have intelligence to match an outward beauty. I'm proud of myself and all around happy. I wish I could freeze this time of my life and preserve it because I know it won't always be like this. But it's amazing to me that I've had this moment for so long. I'm thankful that I've had this moment for so long.

I want to get back to writing again. Not this what's-on-your-mind type stuff, but real stuff. I want to write lyrics and inspirational anecdotes. Remember this? Or this?And this? I loved writing like that. But I haven't really been inspired. I have to be in mood to write like that ya know? I can't write all willie nillie. It has to come from somewhere. Other artists inspire me so perhaps I'll channel that to see what I can do. Kepa mentioned that I should put together a book of my writings. Sounds like a nice little project. Stay tuned.

Have a beautiful remainder of your day.


Saturday, March 03, 2007

A Sporadic Writing

Tell me how does it feel
I bet it feels good
I bet it feels so good
To be
One in a million
You know that I know it
But you don't ever show it
So don't nobody know
You keep it on the low
You got a beautiful soul
Oh so can you tell me
Tell me
How does it feel to be
One in a Million
I bet if feels good
I bet it feels so good
I bet it feels like
(You're one in a million.)

-Aloe Blacc

I just think this is so sweet. Probably one of the more sweeter things I've heard for sure. How does it feel to be one in a million? That's a pretty grand compliment. Don't you just love those questions though. It's like asking Halle Berry, so how does it feel to know that you're the sexiest woman alive? You can't agree with that! You thank the person for giving you such an over-arching and enormous comment and then step on with an inevitable, huge smile on your face. There's no way that a compliment like that won't make you feel good about yourself until you're distracted with another event of life.

Thursday, March 01, 2007


I'm so sick of men.
This is not my normal type of post, but I just need to get some stuff out.
First of all, who has the right to tell me that breaking up with my ex was a bad decision?
Who is my uncle to tell me that in 5 years, when I mature, I'm going to realize that I made a mistake?
Who are you?!!!
This isn't the first time he's said that he thought my ex was the one for me, but this time he pissed me off.
He's 63 years old man and believes that because of age and his gender, he knows everything and that because I am 24 and a female, I know nothing.
(He's the most chauvenistic man I've ever met in my life.)
I told him that I wasn't happy with my ex, but he said that when I get older, I'll realize that you have to work through issues.
Who are you talking to?!
I am NOT a child!
After going back and forth for 20 minutes with him (which I shouldn't have done in the first place, but kind of had to because I couldn't disrespect him and walk away) I told him that it may have looked all pretty from the outside but the inside was a different story.
In other words, you have no idea what you're talking about because you weren't in my relationship so shut up.
You would think if I tell a family member that my ex didn't make me happy or that he made me cry more than he made me smile or that he talked down to me, that they would WANT me to kick him to the curb!
But in all fairness to my uncle, I understand where he's coming from.
Crazy huh?
The man cares.
He just doesn't care the way I need him to.
I think he's worried that I won't meet anyone.
Both my father and my uncles (notice I wrote the plural form of uncle) think that there aren't any good men out here.
One uncle in particular thinks I'm too strong, independent and intelligent.
I'm not even going to get into that, but I understand their worry.

Like I mentioned in earlier posts, I'm in the south on a business trip.
In the course of my 2 days down here, 5 people (grown adults I've come across and another ex bf) have asked me if I have a man or why I'm not married.
I would answer politely and then turn around with an expression on my face that would say "what in the world is going on!?"
I asked a friend back in LA what that's all about and he helped me to realize it's the norm in the south for 23/24/25 year olds to be engaged or married by now.
That made a lot of sense.
But I have an issue with that.
I don't know if "issue" is the right word, but I think it's interesting that, in general, we don't get married "up north" until a our late twenties or early to mid thirties.
My friend said that we're so busy "surviving".
And by that he meant getting our careers/investments/grinds in order.
I hear him.
But something about that is not sitting right with me.
I guess it's because at 24 years of age, I could get married tomorrow.

Is that what this "oh-no!! did-you-say-the-'M'-word?!" mess is all about?
Building your career?
So you want to be secure and have the ability to support a family.
I understand that.
But most people who say that already have a secure job, are on the way to owning or already own a house, and have been stable for years.
Perhaps you just don't want to get married!
Let's be honest here!
And it's funny because most of the people who say they don't want to get married are in long-term relationships.

That just trips me out!
You've been with your girl for 1.5 years but when someone asks you about marriage, you look at them like they have lice crawling on their face.
I don't understand!
Why are you with her if you detest the idea of marrying her?

What happened between the old days and now?
Why is there such a horrible stigma against getting married before the age of 25?
I'm almost afraid of the answers I might get to that question.
I don't really want to hear about the age of our time, economics or any other bull like that.
Be real with me please.
What are we afraid of?
Could this have anything to do why my dad and uncles are so worried?
And people wonder why I look to older men.
25 year olds try to hang but you don't even WANT to hang.
Why waste your time and mine?
I'm not the type of girl to be in a 1.5 year relationship and one day see that reaction that stabs me in the heart.
The more I write, the more annoyed I get, so I'm going to leave it here.
Opinions please.

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