Remember?

Mokenstef
Tevin Campbell
BBD
New Edition
Bobby Brown
SWV
En Vogue
Heavy D & the Boyz
Salt N Pepa
ABC
Kriss Kross
The Boys
Hi-Five
Troop
Jade
Total
Shai
Color Me Badd
Levert
Lisa Lisa and the Cult Jam
Michel'le
Boyz II Men
Milli Vanilli
Jodeci
TLC
Tony! Toni! Tone!
After 7
Guy
Montell Jordan
Lisa Stansfield
X-Scape
Monica
Brandy
Blackstreet
Throw Back Mary J
Throw Back Whitney Houston
Throw Back Mariah Carey
Next
Soul 4 Real
Adina Howard
Keith Sweat
702
Subway
Silk
Toni Braxton
Throw Back Babyface
Zhane
Throw Back Janet Jackson
Throw Back LL Cool J
Karyn White
Jody Watley
Shabba Ranks
Arrested Development
Surface
Christopher Williams
Al B Sure
Mint Condition
Tony Terry
Changing Faces
Throw Back R. Kelly
DeBarge
Atlantic Starr
Anita Baker
Teena Marie
Whodini
DJ Jazzy Jeff & the Fresh Prince
Biz Markie
Throw Back Prince
Freddie Jackson
Run DMC
Kurtis Blow
Slick Rick
Doug E Fresh
UTFO
Mc Lyte
De La Soul

Add to the list!

thanks Jai and Rika!

Yes, I Can!

15 Things to Do Before 10/09
- go snowboarding
- obtain an IRA
- write 7 fantastic songs
- get baptized
- have a committed relationship with a strong and spiritual man
- take a European trip with my sis
- spend a random weekday in a luxury hotel
- become AmEx debt free
- fine tune my cooking skills
- put together a photography portfolio
- take my vitamen daily
- gain no more than 5 lbs.
- take latin and ballet dance courses and pilates for excerise
- become BOMB at my job and get a good raise
- get into interior design
inspired by Essence magazine

How I'm Feeling Right Now

I Need To Dance

Three songs I'm dying to go to the club for.
What use are these songs if I haven't danced to them yet?

T-Pain Feat. Lil' Wayne - Can't Believe It (New) [HQ]
by wonderful-life1989

John Legend ft Andre 3000-Greenlight (NEW)
Uploaded by SaucissonMan

Go to the 2 minute mark...

T.I. Ft. Rihanna - Whatever You Like / Live Your Life (Live)
Uploaded by wonderful-life1989

Menswear

Oh how I love a nicely tailored/dressed man. TIME's Style&Design issue is all about menswear and Tom Ford donning the front cover in superstar style. Man he looks good! 5 buttons on his jacket cuff, a crisp white shirt, and a wool, buttoned vest. He's SUCH a boss. There's a balance to be found though when men dress. At least for my men there are. I don't necessarily want my man to look like he walked off a runway (hence fruity), but there are a few particulars that I think every man should have in his closet. In my humble opinion...

First of all, a fly casual coat or two is a must. You can easily throw it on with some timbs and jeans and even (gasp!) a white tee, and look fresh to death. Spend a little money on your outerwear and any man is SET.

You know what else I love on a man? Sweaters. Pullover sweaters. Soft cashmere ones are the best but wool and cotton will do as well. For some reason, a lot of men are afraid of sweaters. Why is that? Well maybe that was the case back in college. Hopefully dudes have grown since then.

Next, is the watch. I ALWAYS notice a man's watch. A really nice watch says a lot about a man, I believe. It doesn't have to be a Rolex nor a Audemars Piguet watch, but it must be clean. I suggest having a slick black one, and a rugged brown one with stitching detail at least. Build up the collection from there.

I don't even need to mention this, but please have a head to toe nice suit look. That inlcudes the suit, the tie, the shirt, the shoes and the socks. Yes, dress socks ARE important. Go to GAP or Banana Republic and pick up some nice argyle ones for example. Those are always classy.

And last, but DEFINITELY not least (in fact, I should have put this first), is the cologne. Jean Paul Gaultier and Yves Saint Laurent both have incredible scents whose names I can't remember. I just experienced YSL the other day and thought I was going to lose my mind. The right cologne on a sexy man is enough to make me ....mmm.... nevermind. lol.

Happy shopping!

"Give Me Free"

I have got to get out of here. I swear another 10,000 people moved into the city yesterday. I could not walk on the sidewalk for the life of me today. All I wanted was to get to Staples in one piece. But I should have known better than to try to walk 7 blocks during lunch hour. I wanted to hit a couple of people in their heads with my bag. I promise you that I was about 5 seconds from doing so. And to the next person that I walk behind who lights up and blows a huge wad of cigarette smoke in my face, I am going to put my stilletto heel right in the middle of their back. And what? It was just pure insanity out there today. There were police all over the place, ambulances trying to squeeze by huge 18 wheelers, and a stadium load of dark suits coming out of a conference at Radio City all at once... sigh... Please get me out of here.

I told my manager that I'm not coming in tomorrow. I have exceeded my limit and I need a break. I HAVE to get out of the city or I will scream. Wednesday is mental health day for j.a.c. I think I might go where there are lawns, trees, houses and fresh air. Give me the Metro North, NJ Transit or LIRR. Just get me out so I can breathe again.

Another Chapter Ends

I just finished another journal. I think this one is #7 or so. This journal took me from August 27, 2007 to September 21, 2008. I love it when I close up a chapter of my life. I never go back to read my previous entries until I hit the last page. And even then, I only read the first page or so. The beginning of my first entry reads like this. "As I left my last journal, I was in the cut of the most challenging times of my life. I can still say that I'm in a challenged position but maybe not as dramatic. I'm a little more grounded, a little more at peace." Well, at peace I am. This last year has been full of decisions. Very hard decisions. All of which have turned out very well. All of which have provided me with a great deal of peace. Within the last pages of this journal, I promised myself to have a little more fun. Now that I know who I am and what my purpose is in life, I'm looking forward to being a little more free. I'm looking forward to being a great ball of joy. I promised myself to smile a lot. To take in the beauty of randomness. And to not take for granted the little things. I'm going to do the things that make me happy and truly live life. So raise your glass with me to the next chapter! Cheers!

Weekend/Skyline/Random Happiness

The weekend was pretty okay. I spent some time getting to know an associate and patched up an awkward miscommunication between us two. Bought a desk space heater to prepare for fall and winter in the office. I bumped into a few celebrities (Savion Glover, Ivanka Trump, Keenya from ANTM) in SoHo. I got thrifty by donating two bags of clothes and shoes worth over $400. And last but not least, I helped a really good friend out of a slump and had a good time in the process. Saturday night was sporadic and amazing. There's nothing better than meeting on a random street 1 hour after a text and dashing from bar to bar and finally a dance floor. And it was such a beautiful night. Absolutely perfect weather.

I just took a glance out the window. The city skyline is mesmorizing now that the sun is setting. I take for granted the fact that I have a view of the Empire State Building and the Chrysler Building from my window. The beginnings of another cemented eyesore of a building are sitting fairly close to the window though. As soon as it's done, I'm certain the Empire State Building will be drowned out, which is sad, but hey, this is New York City. What's the city without another 20 story building squeezed into a pee hole of a space?

I'm taking a random day off in the middle of the week. I've been feening for a hiccup in the week since my co-worker left me alone for a entire 5 days to handle the madness alone. The routinue can be a little boring if you don't spice it up once in a while ya know? I'm making a full fledged effort to insert random and spontaneous happiness into my life. So be prepared for blogs of random trips to upstate NY, staycations in hotels right here in the city on a weeknight, a prospective trip to a New England state, skiing in Philadelphia, etc. Gotta love life!

It's Not About Honesty. It's About Choices.

Written by Request

We’ve been together for a little more than a year. What shocks me is that he hasn't changed. From the day I met him until today, he's still a truly divine person. Respectful, compassionate, giving, intelligent, spiritual… What I like most is that he’s a true man's man. He handles everything with dedication and care, including me. His sense of responsibility is refreshing. He always has everything under control and I've never felt more safe. I enjoy his maturity. I would be remiss not to add that he constantly seems to move mountains for me. Doing things I would never expect or ask for. He's truly a dream. But, I don't love him.

I met him about 5 months ago. We should have never had that conversation because that’s when I fell in love. He’s not like the other guys. In fact, I don’t think people actually know him like I do. When we talk, he’s different. The griminess melts away when we’re together. He just comes across wrong. It just takes the right person to reach it. He truly does have a good heart. I try to explain the warmth of his soul, but it really doesn’t matter anymore. No one has to understand it. No one but my man.

So... how do you tell your man that you’re in love with someone else?






If I could forget him I would. Please believe me. I know that I should throw the towel in, but baby it’s not that easy. You treated me so much better than him and if I was sane there would be no competition, but I’m in love with someone else. And I’m so sorry. I’m in love with another man. I know it ain’t right. You should go and find someone else who could treat you right. Give you the world. Someone who understands the man you are because baby you shine so bright and I would just dim your star. A girl who would treat you like you treat them. Boy I know there’s plenty women who would love to have a man like you but I’m in love with someone else. I’m so sorry baby.

In one word, this song is... honest. What I admire about Jazmine Sullivan’s story is that the woman in the lyrics decided to live her truth and take her freedom. At this point, it doesn't matter who the better guy is. Whether he treats her like a queen or a subject is irrelevant. Her heart belonged to someone else and she chose to follow it. Now, it seems like we're always admonished to follow our hearts, but I'm truly not feeling that advice. I’ve learned better. The heart is the most treacherous organ you have. When your heart screams one thing, but your mind says another, the best thing to do is follow your mind. Wisdom rules over emotion anyday. In the case of this story, you can DEFINITELY help who you fall in love with. You choose to spend time getting to know another. You choose to dedicate energy and attention to that person. Yes, attractions are real, however, it is well within a person's power to decide whether they will pursue that attraction or not. You always have a choice. Everyone stands at the fork in the road and has a choice. When Jazmine Sullivan's character decided to stare in the eyes of the "other man", she made her choice. So how do you get to the point where you ask yourself 'how do I tell my man that I'm in love with someone else?' You put yourself there. There's absolutely no one to blame but yourself.

Do you agree?

Ran-dumb Thoughts

This is the 3rd post I've written today.
This is the first I've published.
My other ones were too depressing.
I'm so emotionally stressed.
I've had a headache all freakin day.
The digital team today launched the new Essence.com.
It looks very nice.
I'm proud of them.
They've been here every weekend for a while.
Congratulations to them.
Why did they pop open Patron bottles when they launched?
It was 1 in the afternoon.
lol.
I guess you reward hard work with hard liquor.
Speaking of essence.com, there's a sample of the infidelity survey up.
Check this out.
Pick up the October issue of Essence to read the 9 page story.
It's really deep and quite alarming.
The story of the unfaithful husband sent me reeling.
Thankfully the editors ended the exclusive survey with the story of the faithful husband.
I'm going to see Mary J. in concert for the first time.
I feel like she's one person you should see once.
I heard she was amazing.
On Thursday, I'm going to buy my ticket for Maxwell.
Why am I going alone to these shows?
I need ryde or die JennWill.
She would go with me.
I would have had to drag her to Mary's but she would have been there nonetheless.
I can't wait for Maxwell's new stuff to come out.
Black Summer Night's.
Isn't that what it's called?
Remember Pretty Wings?
Hopefully he'll do that one for me.
Speaking of music, I've been listening to Jazmine Sullivan all day.
This is the first time I've actually paid attention and I really like.
Especially this one.
It's called "Break My Lil Heart".
Typical of me huh?
Don't even want to go there.
I admit it - I'm consumed by fantasy.
I probably dream in the fantasy world about 3 times a day.
This is not good.
Reality is not a fantasy.
But my fantasies aren't all that above and beyond.
They're normal every day things that I just don't have yet.
Nothing extraordinary.
My fantasies can become my reality.
And I will not settle for less.
The problem is that when I'm living one of my fantasies, I hardly notice.
You know what I wrote in my journal this morning?
"It was perfect and I didn't even know it."
I have to stop doing that and make sure to completely digest the moment.
But I do listen way too intently to lyrics.
I sometimes judge life by the goosebumps I get when I watch "special moments" in movies.
I need to take a step back and snap out of it.
But I just want so much more though.
Give me goosebumps dag on it!
This headache isn't going away.
Jazmine Sullivan is scatting in my ear.
Her voice is so rusty.
I love it.
I'm looking forward to Ne-Yo's album tomorrow.
I have to make sure I do get too lost in the lyrics though. =O
You know that man can do something with a pen.
Make me feel like I'm the most important person in the world with them words.
I want to go on a ski trip.
Learning how to snowboard will be fun.
That means I need to buy some ski stuff.
I get an extra check next month.
That's be perfect.
I'll start researching for my ski fashions asap.
That's something fun to do!
I have 8 days of vacation to use up between now and December.
I've already arranged all of my holiday vacations.
I might just take little days here and there.
It would be nice to go somewhere.
To put myself up in a spa for a 3 day weekend.
Oooh, that's something else to research!
I'm getting excited now.
New things always turn me on.
Too bad this headache is still here.
Check this story out on how to avoid cheating.
JennWill sent it as a response to my check-out-Essence-this-month email.
I'm leaving promptly at 5 today.
I need to do laundry.
I was SO lazy yesterday.
I laid on the couch and watch the entire Season 1 of "The Wire" on DVD.
That's what you gotta do when you didn't have HBO.
"The Wire" is extremely gritty.
I had no idea.
Good tv though.
My shows come on tonight.
I need DVR.
I can't wait to move so I can get one in my room.
Do you know that I'll be at the MJB concert during "The Game" premiere?
How will I know what happens between Melanie and Derwin?
Not having a DVR is a travesty.
Oh, there's a champagne toast at 5pm to congratulate the Essence.com team.
Guess I won't be leaving at 5pm.
I'll get some bubbly and then split.
Sound cool?
Cool!
Nite!

I NEED This Weekend

This was the longest week ever and it's still not over. I've been waking up dead tired having to yank myself out of bed. Forget that I'm sleep before 10pm. Waking up has been really hard this week. My body is so exhausted. This weekend I don't want to go anywhere or do anything, except for the movies. After work today, I'm heading straight to the theatre to enjoy some me time. I'm trying to decided if I'm going to see "The Family That Preys" or "The Woman" tonight. I'm also interested in seeing "Righteous Kill" with Al Pacino and Robert De Niro. I love those two together. I might see two movies tonight. I never did pick up the novel that I said I was going to get. I have a library of African-American literature in my desk that I haven't touched, but I'm interested in reading a period piece by Philippa Gregory. I read her book, The Boleyn Girl, in no time. It was so tasty. I would order a book from Amazon, being that Barnes&Nobles charges an insane $15 for a book, but I don't want to wait. I need a book like right now. I'm looking forward to a 2 day break. I know you are too. Enjoy it ladies and gentleman.

Last Night's Dinner Discussion

SW said that I appeared distant yesterday. Did I? Maybe a little in the beginning. But I got with the program. I did my best to include myself in the association. There were a lot of discussions going on, one of them being politics. Being that I take a neutral stance, I couldn't really get too involved with that. I hate discussing politics anyway. I'm glad they didn't 'go into it' like I thought they were. We talked about relationships too, which was inevitable. The more I hear or talk about them, the more I realized how straight to the point I am about them. There is no room for the b.s. You're either my future husband or an associate. That's it. I'm not playing any games. No "we're just friends" or "we're chillin together" crap. It's in or out. And most times, it's get the heck out. You see, I don't want my heart broken again. Yes, it may come with the territory, but I'm going to avoid situations where I'm broken hearted because I was stupid. I am a no tolerance woman right about now. Absolutely no tolerance. One of the guys at dinner told the story of his roommates courtship with his current fiance'. His roommate and fiance' have known each other for a total of 7 months and been together for 6. Let me rephrase. He's been "gettin it" for 7 months and they've been official for 6 months. She's 22 years old and he just turned 28 or 29. Call me crazy but, something about that is clearly off. Did I mention that she had the wedding planned in 3 days? Umm... Well. Let me tell you this. Relationships take extremely hard work. Those two love birds don't even KNOW the meaning of hard work. They don't know the meaning of sacrifice and tears. To be hurt by the person you love the most is no joke. If they really want to get married, I suggest they go through their first few fights. You judge the longevity of a relationship on how you work through problems, not how you do when things are peachy. Those two are in a for a rude awakening. 22 years old baby girl? Oh heck no.

"Groove With You" by the Isley Brothers is on right now. I love this song. Speaking of grooving with you, a couple of people disagreed with me that men and women can't be platonic friends. I think I need to clarify my statement. It's impossible to be good platonic friends with a man who was initially interested in dating you. And to become a true friend, you probably would need to spend time with this person. Maybe talk on the phone, hang out together, etc. Well if a man told me he was interested in me and then wanted settled for second best - platonic friends - I don't think I would be skipping down the city streets all happy like with this man who clearly wants more. Who are we kidding and why are we playing with emotions here? The man wants me! And if I don't feel the same way, it's best to leave the man alone. Any man who's expressed interest in me will be kept at a safe distance. I want to be emotional available for the man who walks in my life who I deem as potential husband material. What sense would it make for me to play the game with some man I don't even want? Like I said before, no tolerance. Lol.

Work's calling my name. Have a blessed day everyone. Until next time...

To The Communications Class

An associate of mine just asked for the link to my blog to use as an example in his communications class. LOL.

I'm laughing because if they're actually going to read it, they're going to think I'm crazy. Look at the topics to what's currently on this page. Husbands. Weddings. Wives. A recent male/female interaction. Man! Even though my blog is open to the public, I really only expect people who know me to read this. People who understand my current dealings. To the naked eye, I could sound a little... I don't know. What DO I sound like? But I guess it's me. We talked about this already right? Being true and posting exactly what I feel in my heart... What's the point if I'm not honest. This is the perfect venue to communicate my heart's desires. What would I do without it?

I do know one thing though. I need more topics. As I told Belle, the best way to get new ideas is to read. Novels, essays, textbooks, news stories... whatever. Just read. I've been craving a novel recently, so I'll be earnest about picking up a new book tomorrow.

Hope everyone's week is going well.

When?

I was on the plaza doing my WT and studying for next week's Bible study when I looked up and saw a woman dressed in all white with a lace veil blowing in the wind. Aww shoot. She's taking her wedding photographs. After completing my studies, I spotted the white balloons and out of curiousity tiptoed over, even though I knew I might cry or get sick to my stomach. I stook there for a few moments with my Bible in my right hand while both groom and bride said their I do's. Right on cue, my eyes started to burn. I realized I was only torturing myself and immediately turned on my heels to walk away. When will I be okay?

"Watch What You Ask For"

He said that my skin is so smooth. I asked him if he knew many females who had sandpaper skin. There are a lot of us delicate skinned ladies out there. He told me not to try to convince him that I'm the same as all the others. It just wasn't going to work. There's only one j. I disagreed. As a matter of fact, there are lots. I'm friends with all of them on facebook. He looked at me dead in the face and paused. There's no one like you. Absolutely no one with the same spirit. I didn't have a response for that. It was sweet but I don't know how much longer I can do this. Can't he see that I don't want to be different in his eyes. Put me in a category with everyone else. Just pals. Old buddies. Shoot the breeze with me. Don't stand in the breeze with me. I'm not interested in falling. I will not make the same mistake twice.

Beware! Gossip Kills!

The all time entertaining show "Gossip Girl" (GG) reminds of my high school days. It's amazing how similar my school was to Constance Billiard and St. Jude's School for Boys. On 90 acres of land, my school, which boasts the Kennedy's as prior students, had it all. Squash courts, nature trails, a state of the art performing arts center, a tundra, top lacrosse and field hockey teams, preppy uniforms, elite cliques, kids with BMWs and nanny's to tote, drugs inside and out of school, spouts of mono from all the teenage tongue sharing, including whispers over our morning break muffins/poppysead bagels/croissants of who gave the worst or best head. We even had a Dan too, who was in a relationship with Brady for most of our high shool days until one day senior year when he dumped her. Imagine the gossip that spread through the hallways that week day. I can't begin to conjure up what life was like for Brady when she walked into school that morning. My high school was viscious.

Gossip seems to crawl in every corner of my life lately. Oddly enough, this inundation with it is kinda making me feel uncomfortable. I'm not a fan of gossip. I've seen what it can do to people and therefore, remained as far away from it as possible during my high school days (as hard as that was). Not all gossip is bad however. Gossip can simply be an exchange of useful information like my next door neighbor is moving out of town or Beyonce is in the studio working on her next album. Gossip is idle talk. Invariably, though, it focuses, not on things, but on the foibles, failures, triumphs, and misfortunes of people. The line between harmless and harmful gossip can be treacherously thin. The statement, ‘Beyonce is in the studio,’ can easily be followed with, ‘But she's probably going to spend a total of 2 hours cutting 15 wack songs like she did last time?’ I think that people love dishing details of another person's life that others don't seem to know because it makes them feel important. The problem with that is those "details" are usually quite unflattering.

Even though I read them, blogs (including the fictional one on GG which continually ruins people's lifes) sometimes make me feel bad for the people who are continuously smashed and ripped apart. Their characters, clothes, and actions are so severly scrutinized that they can't even live let alone step out in public. Gossip can cause such irreparable damage to the name and reputation of another person. Most people don't think about this but gossip can also backfire and damage the gossiper. Instead of winning listening ears, gossip can breed distrust. Speaking for myself only, I rarely believe people who gossip all the time (eh hem YBF and Bossip).

Considering how hard it is to keep it classy, I have to say kudos to the Concrete Loop, Brown Sista, and other media outlets alike. Much respect...

Teenage Drama/Football

I have a secret and I'm not going to tell. *giggle* Sometimes I like reverting back to elementary school tactics. It reminds me of my youth. You gotta keep it fun, right? Fresh and sexy even. Well right now, I'm having a WHOLE bunch of fun. I've been on the phone most nights past midnight, acting like a straight teenage school girl. I'm tired as I don't know what, but that's not the point. I'm having a pure, back-in-the-day ball; living a high schooler's dream. Maybe that's why I'm finding "Gossip Girl" so fascinating (although I relate more to "One Tree Hill"). I've always been transfixed to the television during "Dawson's Creek", "90210", "Gilmore Girls" and shows alike, wishing I had as much heart wrenching drama in my own life. Well I'm living it. Maybe not the sobbing, depressing drama, but the boys and the girls, the parties, the happenings, the oh-no-he-didn't's, the climatic endings, the tense moments, the hints, the life-altering decisions... I'm definitely living in a t.v. show.

I printed out my football season schedule. I'm excited. Hopefully I'll be able to find some cool spots here in NY to watch the games. A lounge with chicken wings, large tvs and lots of cool people. I had a plethora of spots to choose from back in LA. I need to get my stock up here. No one in the house really likes or watches football like me so I have to get out on occasion. Oh but wait. Isn't it going to be cold here? September 4th through December 28th. I may have September and October to play with. I need a dude's house to chill at. Too bad I don't know any. I need JenWill. That's who I really need.

Good Morning/My Husband

This new John Legend song, which I love, reminds me of a little something I wrote back in '07 called "My Husband". Enjoy.

I laid there still on his bare chest feeling myself rise and lower with his breath. There I listened to his hypnotic heart beat. Words can't explain how it feels to have this reliable, chocolate complexioned man run his fingers through my un-permed hair. His fingertips soothe me as they caress my scalp. I smile because I know that this is his way of telling me how much he loves me.

When we lay at opposite ends of the bed on casual occasions; you know, in a head to foot sort of way, he likes to cuddle up and wrap his dark muscular arms around my ankles and feet. He pulls them close as if he was squeezing up against a teddy bear. It's not until later that he tells me it's to make sure that he can feel my presence, for him to know that I'm always there.

There's nothing like waking up to the feel of mature hands moving across my cocoa-colored shoulder blades and down my back. His hands swirl at the small of my back where the sheets begin to cover the rest of my body. As he leans over me, it is not his kisses that I focus on, but the trace of his cool chain moving down my spine. Heat generates out of his palms which are placed lightly on my sides.

Half asleep, I feel his eyes admiring my face, watching me lay. He secretly displays his love by tracing my lips, brushing my eyelashes, feeling the contours of my face with his fingers. I feel beautiful and like a goddess when he does this, forgetting any flaws that I may or may not have. He slowly moves closer to delicately press his soft lips against mine but I pretend to be asleep in hopes that he'll watch me forever.

I begin to look at my cinnamon-cocoa complexion through his eyes and see something I had never seen before. I see peace and a calming beauty I never thought I could possess. Looking into my own dark eyes, I see a reflexion, an image of myself that no longer has a reason to feel afraid or alone. There's a method to his manliness that obsesses me. A healthy obsession that connects our souls together. In him I see our happiest memories and picture our unknown future. Desires and passions run through him like never before when he watches me, needs me, wants me. He identifies me as his better half as I do him. We are one and fuse together to create human symbols of our love – children.

I have yet to meet you but I see you on my blank page before I write. I long for the day when you whisper 'hey you' and we know. Your responsibility and honesty turn me on. Your dedication drives me to desire to be the best wife I can be. To take care of your every need. To be the support that you will never lack. A mature, God-fearing husband is what you will be. Until I meet you, I choose to travel alone and continuously dream of visions of my soul mate, my best friend, my husband.

The Sisterhood of Waiting Wives

There's nothing wrong with our ex-men. They all accomplish their goals and work hard for what they want. All speak very well and can hold intelligent conversations with various groups of people. They know how to make us feel like queens for a while. They treat us with respect and have all declared their love for us. They fit well into our circles and blend nicely with our families. They are all clean, shaven, good-looking, well-dressed men... Pause... Unfortunately (and fortunately come to find out) not-a one of them is ready. One man says that he doesn't know what's wrong with him, but promises he's in love. Another one says he can't be the man he knows he should be in a marriage. Yet another says, 'I'm too rusty and need more time.' And another plainly wants to leave his options open.

I believe the consensus around the room is that we don't have the time nor the energy. From one girlfriend to the next, the message is clear. "I'm tired of the b.s. If he wants me, he'll step correctly. Until then, every trace of him WILL be deleted." I'ma tell you right now, and brother's be forewarned, there's a some sort of women's revolution going on around here, and I love it. I'm very proud to be a member of this group, especially because the membership seems to be at an all time high. (Well actually, I don't know if that's a good thing or not. Maybe the 'misery loves company' cliche' should be entered here?) I have never been surrounded by so many intelligent, worthy, determined, yet enormously exhausted sisters in my life. While broken hearts abound, not one of us is crumbled to the point where we're willing to sacrifice our self-esteem and dignity for the unfullfilling "love" of these exes, or any other man. We're known to be very emotional creatures who crave the attention, dedication and touch of a man, yet as I look around at the faces in the room, including my own, I see pain turned into wisdom and desperation turned into maturity. We're all past our teenage and newbie 20 years where we fall stupidly in love and announce to the world that one day we'll marry this can-do-no-wrong-boy that we just met 4 months ago. The days of persistant flirting are gone as we now know that its dire consequences can leave us in compromising sexual situations. Our identities are now defined within ourselves instead of by what a man thinks, wants or needs. We actually recognize that until married, we come first. What a concept! Each member of my sisterhood is regaining strength.

Some are still hurt. Some have their temporary angry going on. Some are very quiet. But what feels good is that we all understand - each other and ourselves. We're encouraging one another and sticking really really really close when a potential suitor walks into the mix. No woman will battle the elements on her own! "What did he say after you said that?... What?!... Oh no. Girl, look. Yes, he's fine and conversation flows easy, but don't forget what's real." Sharing the necessary information has never been more important. It saves a lot of time, disappointment, rolling of the neck, tongue lashing, and sleepless nights as well as assists in opening eyes when they're willingly shut as a reaction to his exquisite charm and big muscular back. Even though the support group is always available, we're also learning to be keen about what to divulge and what to handle on our own. Half of growing up is learning to dicipher foreign situations on your own using your internal compass - common sense, past experiences and gut instinct.

We're united in faith and hope. Each and every one of us knows that our Mister Mister is slowly or perhaps diligently preparing himself for us. The ain't-no-good-men-out-here-hype doesn't persuade us. For the mere fact that we've all be ready to run to the alter with "a good man' shows that marriage material does exist. We're all waiting wives. For now, we relish our singledom. We take pride in how far we've come and take pleasure our sisterhood. We convene frequently to do the things ladies do - laugh, shop, pursue higher education, swap stories, form businesses, travel, eat, build careers, dress, give advice, and simply be there. That well-known email chain that encourages women to never forget their girlfriends comes to mind. How pertinent and true in these times.

I am a proud member of The Sisterhood of Waiting Wives.

Ran-Dumb Thoughts

I already can't wait to get out of here.
Got plans tonight.
I'm nervous about getting my hair cut.
Not sure how it'll look on me.
Watch I punk out.
I have a lot of pictures for my stylist.
She's always amazing a pulling things together.
However, I hate this current cut she gave me.
It's just a large bowl.
Which would be fine if I was a celebrity.
Or if I was doing a high fashion spread.
But I'm not.
My sister decided not to leave town.
That's good.
My grandmother's extraordinarly excited to see me.
I'm almost scared.
lol.
"We are conducting tests on the fire alarm system."
Great.
I guess I'll just turn my music up louder.
Today's the 27th.
5 more days until September.
I need to find a nude lipstick.
This girl pinned up on my wall has a perfect shade on.
She looks very pretty.
"Pretty".
I don't like that word.
I hated it when people said I was pretty.
I would be the one to take it as a insult huh?
Pretty just wasn't grown enough.
It was very elementary and safe.
One thing's for sure, I never wanted to look safe.
Even though that's who I am.
Safe j.a.c.
I just looked across my desk and saw the Obamas.
I despise politics.
I don't care who's running.
I might get stabbed for that but whatever.
Politics are evil.
Put me on the other team.
Religion.
Oh no!
I was supposed to have something today for someone!
I forgot!
Gotta make a phone call.

Cosmic

On Repeat: Sol-Angel & The Hadley Street Dreams

There was a hair grease stain on the window by my seat. So my view into the world was smeared and foggy this morning. Perfect background for the song I was listening to. "Cosmic Journey". Tell me where do we go on this wide and traveling open road.To the hills where the love people go.Far in the night you and I.Don't look back you will find me.Cosmic journey and I love you I swear.Won't you go deeper than deep can take you to me.Make the words roll over your tongue to mine.Cuz I probably kiss you better than I'll tell you.The way you touch feels so sublime. I'm not sure where my mind was during my commute. I think Solange and Bilal overpowered me. I was up in the galaxies somewhere for sure; just floating around with big hair. Sounds like a video concept.

Untitled

"What do you want?!", she said out loud as she looked at her caller ID. It was him again. That annoying humming noise she hated began to ring in her ears. She closed her eyes to help pacify the sound in her head and tossed her iPhone on the bed. The darkness wasn't helping. She would need to lay down. Everytime he calls, she goes through this. Her world becomes a little more grey. Keeping her eyes closed she blindly curled into the fetal position and balled her tiny hands into fists by her head. "Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry." No matter how reassuring her words, a tear always seem to escape the bars that her eyelashes were providing. She was feeling overwhelmed. Her mother told her the best way to get through moments like this but when the emotions took over, she forgot everything. All rationale was lost. More tears flooded her face and began to soak the white duvet cover she bought earlier in the week. She loved duvet covers and currently had 10 of them stuffed in her linen closet. But as was her subconscious rule, she never used a duvet cover twice. She tried to, but the memories associated with that large piece of fabric would set her off into a tunnel of sadness. 'Britton used to love me under this cover... I'll just die without him... I'm going to be lonely forever... What's the use of living...' After re-gaining her strength and sensibilities approximately 1 month after each of her man-induced breakdowns, she'd fold the duvet, stuff it on the top shelf, and buy a new one. The current, tear-stained duvet cover under her tiny body was number 11. 11 men, 11 duvet covers. The muscles in her stomach began to release causing her fetal position to lax a little. Her legs began to straighten and her fists were no longer clenched. "Breathe. Breathe. Breathe." Rolling over onto her back, she opened her eyes and wiped the remaining tears from her temples. "You know better than this," she chastised to the ceiling. "Get it together. Count to 10 and then get up. 1...2...3...4..." The vibrations by her knee distracted her count. "You have an incoming call. Answer the phone. You have an incoming call." A ghastly pang struck her stomach. Squeezing her eyes shut, she rolled back into the fetal position and clenched her fists back into tiny balls. "Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry."

I'm A Movie Star

Have you ever known that you belong with someone after one conversation? I haven't. But I keep watching movies where that's the case. What's that like and why can't it be that simple? "Dan In Real Life" was a great movie. As light and fluffy as I felt after the movie, I crashed really hard when the next two minutes of real life kicked in. But I don't care because getting away feels so great. For the hour and 40 minutes that I'm breathing in another land, I know what it feels like to be in love or to experience the cute little surprises that make me giggle and the weird moments that make me cock my head to the side. I enjoy all of it. The open and free moments that seem perfectly set up. Genuine moments. I'm waiting for life to make me giggle and cock my head but I bet that the audience member who's watching my life would say that it already has. I'm in love with the way movies make me feel. The trouble is that I look for that feeling in life. Memorable character introductions where 'he' magically walks into my life and flawless crescendos that leave me breathless. I'm probably the biggest hopeful romantic ever. It's hard to remember that life is a little more jagged. Bump a little. Life is extraordinarily jagged. I would love to watch my own movie one day. People seem to have touching things to say about me but I'm always surprised. I'd love to see what they're referring to. Why do I always feel like I'm a work in progress searching for a better me then? What is everyone else talking about? Eh. What was I talking about? Ah. Movies. I love movies. Perhaps to my detriment being that I want to live in them, but what can I say. I love pain too. =)

Change Is Me

After monumental changes, it always takes me a while to find not only happiness, but myself. Learning how to fit in, what my purpose is, whether I want to fullfill that purpose, how to be, how to look, where to find solitude, where to find people, how to feel at home... It's all such a challenge when you abandon everything you know. After change, there are so many readjustments to be made. Not surprisingly though, most of them are mental. I fight conversion. Physically and mentally alientating myself from new surroundings seem to be the easiest way to fight. No, this isn't where I'm from. Naw, I don't know nothing about that. Uh uh, that's not how we do it where I'm from. No, that's alright cuz I'm going home for the weekend. There's no such thing as "when in Rome, do as the Romans do" for me. I resist change until it's humanly impossible. I don't know when that 'humanly impossible' time hit during this trip, but that time is long gone. I'm finally blissfuly happy with my life. I am no longer just a Washingtonian. What I am now is a Washingtonian who found herself in California and grew into womanhood in New York. I have layers upon layers upon layers of an identity. As it turns out, change is my best friend. Who I am is a result of change.

John Legend ft. Andre 3000 : Green Light

Cassie ft. Lil Wayne : Official Girl

Ne-Yo : Miss Independent

Watch: "The Black List: Vol. 1"

If you are anything like me, and weren't too happy about the "Black in America" segments presented by CNN and Essence, you'll be refreshed by director Timothy Greenfield-Sanders' documentary, "The Black List: Vol. 1". I just came back from the screening and I have that good feeling you get when you're proud to be an African-American. Make sure you check it out on Monday, August 25th at 9pm EST on HBO.

"Journalist Elvis Mitchell interviews twenty African American leaders, ranging from athletes and academics to politicians, social activists, and artists, providing a series of living portraits-a unique glimpse into the zeitgeist of black America-and redefining traditional notions of a "blacklist". "

IMDb

Addicted to Fashion

You don't know how high I feel right now. Ladies and gentleman, LET ME TELL YOU.

I feel marvelous!

My clothes look good, my hair is tight and my booty is shaking from the left to the right.

To the Left!

To the Right!

lol.

Ya'll remember that rhyme?!

I don't think it went exactly like that, but you know what I mean. =)

But seriously.

I walked into K.R.'s office and she gave me the nicest compliment ever!

She said she was bragging about me to her best friend.

That I have a personal style and body that she admires.

I was looking at her like "huh?"

Out of all the beautiful women here at Essence, you're looking at ME as your prototype?

She said that other people try too hard.

That's funny cuz my inspiration definitely comes from other women here.

They're sharpening me!

We all sharpen each other!

I think it's just the dress though.

Three people, including our president, gave me compliments on it.

I'm finally getting my Italian Vogue: The Black Issue! YES!

I looked through someone else's copy this this morning and I was in awe.

It was almost if I didn't want to touch the pages for fear of fingerprint marks.

I'm so inspired now!

Can I do a photoshoot?!

I just want to do one photoshoot.

Be glamorous for a day in haute couture.

I'm definitely planning my trip for Paris and London now.

My sis and I are going to go together.

It'll be the perfect trip for us.

I told her that her money not need be funny, cuz it's on.

Perhaps we'll do Milan, Italy too!

Geez I love fashion!

Ran-Dumb Thoughts

I re-learned about training the conscience while reading on the bus this morning.
People don't have consciences anymore.
They just do whatever it is they feel like doing.
I remember when my conscience began to get weak.
When I just didn't care.
Not a good look on me.
I'm ready to plan my next trip.
I desperately want to go abroad to Paris and London.
I'm even contemplating going by myself.
Going in a big group would be counter-productive for me.
Coordinating preferences, differing personalities, gathering large amounts of money.
Naw son.
3 people max.
I just want to enjoy the sites and shop.
You think I can save a grand for shopping alone?
Lol.
Hey, you never know.
It could be possible if I plan the trip for 2010.
The fam reunion is next year anyway.
*rolling my eyes*
I didn't think my family was one of those families with drama.
All I request is that you leave me out of it.
I don't want to know.
I'm still looking for that haircut.
I have until the 28th to pull all of my potential haircuts together.
Can you believe that August is almost over?
Back to school kiddies!
I watched MTB last night.
You know why I'm looking forward to this season.
Cuz I like performing arts preparations.
Rehearsals, learning choreography, promotion, photography.
Production.
That's my kind of stuff.
Possibly the most exciting time of the whole thing.
I remember when we used to spend nights in the recording studio.
I remember teaching choreography in my parent's basement.
Those were the fun times.
Ah memories.
I've begun reading some of my old blogs.
Some of them seem so foreign to me.
There was a blog about a crush back in 2007.
I don't even know who that blog was about!
What else is going on?
The fam is taking a trip to my grandmother's over labor day weekend.
Dad is talking about spending the night out there.
I don't want to.
I was trying to do some things with my labor day weekend evenings.
I was hoping to be in and out.
I know that's wrong though.
All my grandmother wants is to spend time with me.
I need to chalk it up and be the loving grandchild that I should be.
She got a new house too so she's excited for me to see it.
My emotions will get there once we pull up into her driveway.
Don't worry.
I'll be right in there with her.
Feeling the joy.
*sigh*
Have a good day people.

Fall Fashion

Heavy Sweaters and Sweater Dresses







Jewel or Dark Toned Bags










Eccentric Tights





Heels with Laces or Jewel Tones









Riding Boots







What else?

the perfect rain/snow boot
stone heavy, gold and wooden jewelry
brown, green, or gold reading glasses
animal prints
pairing ebony and ivory

Am I missing anything? Add on please!

My Heart is Glowing

I just HAVE to share my girl's recent date with you. Unfortunately her suitor of the evening is not exactly her type, but nevertheless this experience is worth sharing. I tried to think of a creative way to present this, but our gchat conversation will have to do for now. Prepare to be amazed ladies and gentleman.

S: j.a.c, the date was amazing. details will come later, it's kinda long. i'll just say, very well put together. very thought out and good preparation. he gets an A++ for effort.

me: WoW! so are there more dates to come?

S: maybe. i'm still not that into him.

me: yeah... oh well. at least it was a nice experience. you have such a high bar now for dates to measure up to.

S: yes, very high. he planned an activity for us to do. it was so funny but so cute.

me: an activity?!

S: yes! with paper, markers, crayons and water color paint.

me: OMG! that's so fun!!! he brought all this stuff? and didn't have a car?!

S: 2 bags on his back!

me: what?! that's crazy! i've never! i'm like cheesing right now. see... it doesn't take much. crayons and a blanket lol

S: yep!

me: i have to write about this on the blog. extraordinary!

S: you can't write till you here the whole thing

me: ok i'll wait til Friday but i'm so excited

S: i'll prob tell u before then, but it is soooo cute

me: please do! i need to draft something soon so my excitement won't wear off lol

S: lol. ok. so he met me by my job and said not to ask where we were going. we took the 1 train to rector st and i was trying to figure out where the heck in manhattan we were. turns out we were in battery park so he's trying to find the actual park area and we head towards the water. talk about a great view. so we find a spot in the grass and he sets up. he spreads a rough blanket, then a soft one, and pulls out 2 pillows. i laugh like are we gonna lay down? and he says, no it's for out butts so they don't hurt

me: lol

S: then he pulls out an eating tray, puts out the strawberries with sugar, pineapples, grapes, cheese and crackers, and cocktail shrimp, which he sauteed himself then comes the plastic wine cups for our raspberry flavored welch's sparkling juice, nonalcoholic. i'm sitting on a legde smiling as i wait for him to finish. people walking by are looking and smiling at our setup, cuz of course it was so cute. now comes the ipod with 2 small speakers

me: shutup! oh my gosh! i'm smiling so hard that i'm tearing!

S: we sit, we eat, drink and talk about various things. after about an hour, we are done snacking. he says he has an activity for us to do. he pulls out the materials and says we have to draw each other and our first impresseions of one another. he thought i was too hardcore to want to do a picnic in the park

me: lol. i can see that.

S: so we draw for about 15 min, we had to sign and date it, and then present it. my drawing was wack because my artistic abilities are null and void. his was funny. we got to keep each others drawing, he wants to hang it on his wall. it looks like a 4 yr olds drawing. stick figure and all

me: LMBO

S: then he takes out a camera, and we stand by the ledge of the water facing the sun that's slowly going down. he takes a picture of me, with the sun in the background. very nice, skyline and all, then a lady takes one of the 2 of us. very nice. then he makes me sit and watch the sun fully set, though i have to pee so bad. after that, we clean up, pack up and head towards the train. i stop at the ritz carlton to pee and he walks me to my train. we hug, i thank him for a successful picnic and he said hopefully i'll see you again and i say yes. then we went our separate ways. how cute!

me: VERY cute! kudos to him! that was the best date i've ever heard of. i didn't even know that existed!

Now you KNOW that was the business! shrimp he sauteed himself?! water color paint?! so not only did he go to the grocery store, but he went to the back to school section in CVS as well! That man deserves a round of applause! He went HARD! I dare you to tell me that you've had a better date. Lol!

get over it

i still get that no so good feeling when weddings are mentioned. i met a young woman at dinner the other night who's getting married on 10/10/10. (we considering getting married on 8/8/08.) i was happy for her, but had to take a deep breath at the same time. malinda williams has been blogging on essence.com as she counts down to her wedding day. since today was her last blog before the big day this Saturday, i finally decided to check it out. i couldn't get through the whole thing before getting sad. i closed the window shortly after reading about her experience buying wedding bands. i found my wedding band, and remember the experience like it was yesterday. geez. i thought i would be over this by now.

Style Is Forever

My mind has been on fashion more than usual. In the past, I've usually worn whatever looks good on me, but lately, I've been studying fashion like it's my college major. I've been reading up on clean lines, fabric textures, the history of the stiletto, trend vs. style, etc. Head to toe fashion is suddenly becoming my art.


I love my wardrobe. This is the first time that I've liked every single piece of clothing that I own. When I moved to New York, I went through a huge purge and gave away all the items that I hadn't worn in a year or that I knew I wasn't going to wear again. I even gave up old pieces that I loved, but needed replacing.




Looking forward, I plan on cultivating more of my personal style. There are a couple of style staples on my mind that I'm looking forward to digging into. For instance, my hair. I love having short hair but there's something about my current haircut that is still not quite right. I'm looking for "the j.a.c.". There's 'the rihanna' and 'the jennifer (aniston)', 'the halle berry' and 'the katie holmes'. I need that crazy sick haircut that fits me perfectly. I think I need to go shorter. Once it's cut right, I'll know. My search continues.




While I search, I'm going to invest some time and money in accessories. My mom used to always say, if you can only afford one thing, buy an accessory. While shoes and bags are important, chunky necklaces with colorful stones, vintage earrings and graphic bangles/cuffs are next on my list. I'm sure there are loads of fantastic vintage/thrift stores in the city so I plan on using my upcoming Saturday to find them. I'm searching for the diamond in the rough!






With the fall around the corner, I'm also ready for a new scent. I can't STAND floral or fruity scents. Even when someone's around me who's wearing that disgusting fruity V.S. stuff, I want to puke. I am definitely not a fruity girl. I looking for something clean and light for the day time and spicy for the night. I'll probably stick with my Narcisco Rodriguez for nights, but my day time perfume will be something fresh. Someone recommended Acqua di Parma Blu Mediterraneo Mirto di Panarea (long name right?), so I'll probably add that to the list if the smell pleases me.







And finally, lipstick. I'm a little nervous about venturing into the land of matte, but I found a great guide in the InStyle Makeover that will help. At my age, I think it's time to get rid of shiny lips. I'm thinking about a nude like Rimmel London Lasting Finish in Birthday Suit or Prestige Satin Pearl in Diva. (I told you I've been studying!) And I've always wanted a sexy red pout. MAC's Russian Red looks like it could be perfect for me. Perhaps I'll get a MAC consultation after work tomorrow. That should be fun.








After all that's taken care of, I'll be ready to focus on my fall clothing list and check off the power suit, an oversized clutch, the perfect pair of colorful heels, riding boots, and skinny belts.


Can't wait to shop!

My Sincerest Apologies

You don't know how badly I want to get rid of the preceding blog. I thought about taking it down but I'm not going to be so obvious and fake. I was very disappointed when I wrote that blog. The feelings that I had were real. Real or not, that's no excuse to blast out my male complements like that. Sure they do dumb things. We all do. But they get enough punches from other people without having to put up with an angry, black woman. Let me ask this question though. There's such a horrible stigma to being an angry, black woman, but are we ever allowed to become such? I'm not saying that I would want to stay an angry, black woman because I know that's not only detrimental to him, but to myself as well. Every once in a while though...are we allowed to be disappointed in each other to the point where we don't want to be bothered? If I was to answer my own question, I would say "sure we are!" The few times that I disappointed my parents (and yes I did say few... I was a rather quiet, good child which made my color-outside-of-the-lines sister hate me that much more), they were very clear that they did not want to be bothered with me. But the difference between what they did and what I did was that they didn't blast it to the world, (unless you count every aunt, uncle, cousin, grandparent, next door neighbor and mentor as the world - cuz you know they told them). So, I guess an apology is due. I know an apology is due.

I'm sorry to anyone and everyone that was offended by my last post. I'm especially sorry to all of my brothers. I no way did I intend to smack you in the face or slam you down harder than you already are. I know it's rough out there without having to deal with an angry, black woman on your back. I am so sorry.

Well, I initially signed on to blog about my day. That "Men Bashing" blog kept staring me in the face though. I needed to address it. Anyway, being that today is Friday, I had quite a bit of time on my hands to surf through blog world. I came across plenty of incredible blogs that I must add to my tag team immediately. As a matter of fact, some of my existing tags might need to go. During my surfing, however, I realized that I need to step up my game; big time. My writing skills need to be enhanced and I need to compliment my words with captivating or artsy pictures/photographs and art. One of the things I like about my blog though is how simple it is. A blog visit can be slightly overwhelming when pictures and banners and ads and mumbo jumbo swamp the page. It's such a turn off. I'm a fan of K.I.S.S. (keep it simple stupid). Perhaps I'll return to my creative writing projects. Exercise my brain a little and throw in a few short fiction stories. We'll see. I don't have the time to spend large amounts of time on a post. If I'm in the mood, I'll let the creative juices flow. I'm glad that I was able to surf though. It was really inspiring. And I learned something new. Check out Belle's blog to see what I mean. Have a good weekend everyone.

Men Bashing

Normally, I don't bash on my beautiful, brown, tall, sexy brothas. I try to stay out of the angry, black woman role, but tonight, ya'll are making me just about want to throw up in my mouth. Please, someone clue me in! What is it that goes through those jacked up little brains of yours?! How can you be so selfish and apathetic when you're dealing with a woman's heart and emotions? If you are supposed to treat the women in your life (whether she be your friend, wife, associate, co-worker, girlfriend or WHATEVER), like you treat yourself, then ya'll are seriously treating yourselves like punching bags. What happened to honest communication? What happened to stepping outside of yourself for another human being? Ya'll just don't realize what you have in the palm of your hands - women who are willing to bend over backwards to be everything that you want her to be. All she wants to be is yours. Freakin incredible I tell you. I think all the men in the world have officially lost their minds. You Beautiful Idiots.

Ok. I'm done. No more bashing. =)

Have a Great Day People!

Morning world!

Can you guess how I'm feeling this morning?! He he he. The right song came on my iPod just before I stepped off the bus. I was jamming in the subway. Didn't even care that I left my cell at home. When I walked into the kitchen a few minutes ago to retrieve my toasted cinnamon raisin bagel, my co-worker asked me how I was doing this morning. I replied with an astounding "GREAT" and he was like "OH!" Lol. He wasn't expecting such a happy reply. He said he was going to work on 'great' too and that my attitude is contagious. It was a simple exchange but it made my day. I love making people happy! I burned the roof of my mouth with a hot slice of cheese pizza yesterday. I still feel it. I had to cram it down my throat because I was on my way to Bible study. It was so good though. I love New York pizza. How in the world am I going to keep up with Gossip Girl, One Tree Hill, The Hills, 90210, MTB4, and The Game this season without TiVO? That's one thing I don't like about tv schedules and seasons. Why do they all have to hit at the same time man?! It's all "great" though. Just know that Monday nights, I'm out of commission. From 8 to 11. Don't even TRY calling me unless it's to talk about the shows. Yes. It's that serious. Labor day weekend is around the corner. I have a 4 day weekend! Yipee! I wonder what I should do. My mom says to come home. I have to be home the very next weekend after that as well. I enjoy going home. As a matter of fact, let me buy my ticket now. Done. Did you see the Olympics last night?! Good stuff. I can't wait until Track & Field starts on Friday. As for plans this weekend... Girls movie night on Friday and then a bbq in the BX Saturday. Low key just how I like it. Hopefully I can be in bed by 10:30 both nights. =) Duty calls! Have a great day people!

One Inna Million

Tell me how does it feel

I bet it feels good

I bet it feels so good

To be One

Inna Million

You know that I know

But you don't ever show it

So don't nobody know

You keep it on the low

You gotta beautiful soul

Tell me how does it feel

to be One

Inna Million

i'm lucky to be touched by the brilliance of black women everyday. to walk the halls at work and peer into the brown eyes of the legends on our walls and the everyday women walking past me. everytime i get close enough to soak in the strength, pose, energy, beauty, fight, will power, charisma, endurance, determination, intelligence, etc., i suddenly feel moved and energized. black women are some of the most beautiful of speciman on this earth. with every romantic curve, striking facial feature and glorious crown of hair, they stand so powerful and tall. and talk about versatility! no black woman is alike. i'm not sure why i'm talking about 'them' as if i'm not one of 'them', but when i see the faces of black women that i admire, i feel like i see them for the first time. i become like a little child who hopes and prays that one day i can radiate like they do. to all the ruby dees, michelle obamas, oprah winfreys, kerry washingtons, rachel roys, jada pinket smiths, michelle ebanks', dorothy dandridges... thank you for being one inna million. i absolutely LOVE black women.

Readjust

Things kinda spun out of control today. I don't know how... Wait... Stop. That's not true. I DO know how. I know exactly where I let the control slip out of my fingers. (Isn't it funny how we always seem to blame things on the air when we're clearly in the wrong?) I thought that I could be big and bad and do the same thing that other people do, but as is normally the case, I was quickly readjusted. My friends and acquaintances never get caught when stealing from the cookie jar. But as soon as I reach for that cookie, not only does the 10 bell alarm go off, but I find myself face down on the ground with a knee in my back and handcuffs on my wrists. And even worse, my mom and dad appear out of no where looking at me with disapproving expressions. I can't get away with anything!

Because of the experiences I've had, I assumed I could build an ice block around my heart and run around the city not caring. I tried to be contrary to who I truly am. Hard. Emotionless. Frank. Blunt. Inattentive. Negligent. Well that lasted all of what? 1 week? I've had more crazy WTH moments than I care to mention.

The holy spirit must be my best friend because its protection is extraordinary. There's no way that all of the things that happened today were mere coincidences. I've been warned left and right and have no business ignoring the message. I need to slow down, realign myself, and be the mushy, romantic, and soft but smart, attentive and quick j.a.c. that I am.

Lol. I really tried not to care ya'll! Who am I kidding?! Lol. Oh I crack myself up.

Please Baby, Baby Please!

Jaguar Wright's song "Let Me Be The One" is on. Everytime I hear this song, I get nauseous. I can't stand it when women beg men to be with them. Ugh! "I can be everything you need as long as you let me...\We could have so much fun if only you would let me...\Let me be your girl\I'll give you the world". There's something about a woman begging a man to be with her that drives me crazy. Maybe it's because I was that girl for a quick second. It seriously makes me woozie when I think about how I pleaded for him to stay with me. What makes it worse is that he broke up with me because he said he couldn't be all that I needed him to be. But you know how we do. We'll beg and plead all because of the fear of being alone. All because "the plan" says we were supposed to be married two years ago. Ladies! Where is our pride?! Our dignity?! Our self-esteem?! You don't see men carrying on and crying after a woman. If you did nothing wrong, please don't beg a man to be with you. If you don't see what it is that he's losing without you, how will he?

Check out Brown Sistas post here on why we stay in relationships longer than we should.

Sitting Here On A Sunday Morning

Because this has come up more than once...
I'm not interested in being anyone's girlfriend. I'm not a play thing either. The object of the game is to keep it light and airy. At the moment, your girl just wants to have fun. Act a fool. Run through Six Flags. Skip through the streets of NY. Watch football at the sports bar. Go to concerts. Whatever. Just chill.

Before I left the house, I watched Phelps get his first gold medal last night. That man is making serious history. 7 Olympic Gold Medals so far?! Olypmic AND World records?! WHAT?! I'm on Team Phelps. Now I'm watching the China vs. USA basketball game. I kinda feel bad for China. There's no way they'll do any damage. Look at the team. Wade, Bryant, Anthony, Paul, James, Kidd. And now look at the score. 74 to 46. Oh wow. The announcers just said that Yao Ming got married last summer to his basketball player girlfriend who is 6'2". How sweet. Considering his height, I'm glad he married someone 'on his level'. lol.

I was supposed to have a Bible study today. Trying to get back on my game. Re-invest my heart a little. Now that's an emotional relationship worth my attention.

I have a farewell brunch to attend today at 2. That probably means I shouldn't eat this morning. My girl left Alvin Ailey and will be moving to St. Louis. I can't imagine the devastation professional dancers feel when they decide to hang up their dance shoes. All because of her knee too. That's tough man.

I had a ball last night thanks to L.G. She's been telling me "stick with me kid" so that I can enjoy my time here in NY. Well she was right. Where would I be without her?! You know how much of a homebody I am. Cheers to my new entertainment director L.G.!

RIP Bernie Mac

Olympics Update

So far I've watched the Americans clutch all three medals for fencing. That seemed like a nice feeling for those ladies. When the same U.S. flag took all three positions, the gold medalist cried.

I was really interested in the cycling event, but I guess it's going to be a rather long competition because they cut to rowing. The U.S. didn't do too well there. Some diesel, mannish looking woman sweeped her semi-final win. Shortly afterwards was double men's and four men. The U.S. was able to qualify for the finals in the four men rowing competition, but you can tell that rowing isn't our thing. Qualification heats are rather wack though. No ones at 100% and it's a waste of my viewing time.

Now for volleyball. I love watching this sport. These women are serious! Dripping in sweat. Viciously spiking balls into their opposers territory. It's so evil in a way. Especially when you see how their muscles buldge and all the strength the put into slamming the ball to the ground. Geah! I love it.

I love athletes. Their bodies. Their passion. Their strength. They're the best in the world!

SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE!

I have NEVER been more excited about a STYTCD Season Finale than I was tonight. OMG!!! JOSHUAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! I can't even pretend like I'm docile right now. I seriously lost my mind.

Ya'll. Two Hip Hop Dancers. Two Black MEN. Left standing in the finale. WHAT?! WHAT?!

In all serious though, I am SO proud of them. I feel like those are my cousins up there. I am so happy.

Congratulations Twitch. And CONGRATULATIONS JOSHUA!

Ahh... This show makes me blissfuly happy. It's one of the rare moments where I feel nothing but pure joy. My heart is so warm.

Psych Ward

I'm saddened.

My peers and I are being bumped from our location and forced to the far end of the building. The location of our new desks are so isolated that we call it the psych ward. White walls, echoes, humming lights, no visitors... It's horrible. It's just enough to make me dislike coming to work. I haven't had that early morning feeling since I left my last job. The one where I open my eyes and suddenly wish I hadn't; wishing pain to one part of my body so that I can call in sick. It's devastating to hate your job. I'm serious when I say that the effects of this move will have mental and emotional repercussions. My manager fought it with all her might, and for that, I love her. I need to be around young, humorous, busy bodies. The Essence.com team has served as such. I really do fear that dread I used to feel, so I've decided to take action and make the most of the move. I'm not sure how to convert the psych ward into a lively hub of entertainment, but I do know that my first step will be to bring flowers into work every Monday. Different ones every week. I then will need to surround myself with as many colorful photographs and clippings as possible. I'm not sure it'll completely distract me from the large, looming, white wall on my right, but it's a start. We might have to get some posters down there. And if my director even THINKS she can come over to us and say we can't put anything on the walls, I will go off. That woman just.... ugh! Ok. Calm down J. Anyway, it's amazing how much of an effect your surroundings have on your psyche. I now suddenly understand the adverse effects that living among damaged people - even if you're not one yourself - can have on a person. Well, ladies and gentlemen. Wish me well in the psych ward. If you have any suggestions to brighten the place, let me know!

Lloyd

Can you say 'in love'? Geez Louise! This album is off the hook.

Go Get It!