Good

This past weekend was especially long. It was only 2 days. But especially long. I am so proud of my husband and myself. We came up against a potentially nasty fight Friday night, but I am happy to say that there was no yelling, no fighting, no hitting below the belt and no name calling. I used restraint, he was empathetic. He listened, I listened. I chose my words carefully and so did he. It was quite amazing. I feel like we could have given a master class on how to handle/diffuse a bad situation between husband and wife. I am glad that I married that man. We work well together. Saturday, was Tiff's day. Her bridal shower was absolutely amazing. And she was so gorgeous. The vintage-inspired dress she wore... her hair... her makeup. It was all so perfect. It was a tiring event though being as though I did the photography, but it was worth it. The more and more I shoot, the more I learn that indoor shooting is impossible. Not having natural light can seriously break you. (Photography Lesson 1 - the less light you have, the longer you want your lens to stay open before it snaps the picture. The longer the lens stays open, the more light you let pour in. The problem with that is most often than not, your subject is moving, which causes uber blurry pictures. So in low light situations, it's hard to get super crisp/clear shots.) I literally have to snap 500 pics just to get 100 that are usable. Sunday, hubby took me to a baseball game. I was cheesing from ear to ear. It felt so good to be out during the daytime, doing something easy. Our weekend days are usually errand or event prone. And if we have no such events or errands, hubby is usually sleeping. I like the sun. I need to see the sun. I need to be among people who are indebted to the sun. There's nothing like an easy Sunday in a ball park eating funnel cake and half smokes. Baseball is such a white sport. It's so 'American'. lol. This weekend was good.

Things That I Love - Repost

Tiff and I were talking about Rachel Roy... One of the few woman I am totally obsessed with. Remembering that I've posted about her before, I searched my blog for her and wa-la. Behold, "Things I Love". This list hasn't changed at all.


city skylines
Rachel Roy's style
natural color palettes (burgundy, red, orange, cream, bronze, gold)
So You Think You Can Dance
discovering alternative music
spring or summer thunderstorms
VH1 Soul
my diamond stud earrings
thick long towels
trench coats and other fresh outerwear
having my spiritual connection in tact
"Gilmore Girls"
Mrs. Smith's apple pie and vanilla ice cream in a cup
romantic comedies
east coast character
simple classic wardrobe pieces
the idea of France, Italy and London (since I've never been)
being toasty and warm
white orchids and calla lilies
Alexis Phifer's clean look
short hair
flamenco and other Spanish dance styles
fall and summer
going to new places
journals
school (for free)
leather bags
pinot grigio wine
city life
Victorias Secret
"The Best Man"
special moments with mom, dad and sis
warm sweaters
oversized off the shoulder sweaters
men with passion
things that give me goosebumps
glasses (sun and prescription)
walking the runway
NFL
"Girlfriends"
my faux birthstone & diamond 3-stoned ring
black and white photography
surprises
the numbers 4, 7 and 14
clean fresh air
being up high
live music
writing stories, lyrics and personal thoughts
photo albums
old songs I haven't heard in a while
clothing that speaks effortless, elegant and classy sophistication
high-thread count sheets
big kitchens
engrossing books
being able to pay all my bills
learning who I am
eventful personal time
fun, spontaneous adventures in nature
riding over the bridge into Harlem
finding inspiration
purple
candles and incense
stepping into the house I grew up in after a long time away
taking walks
music that affects the soul
mood lighting
being prepared

Fall Fashion - Olivia Style

While I have no money to do so, I've been thinking about going on a fall shopping spree. It's been a while since I've gone fall shopping and I desperately love the season's fashions. I wanted to try and focus on a specific part of the wardrobe but I need everything. Boots, pants, dresses, tops, coats. I need it all. As is the case for everyone, as the years progress my style continues to change. I'm still the classic, tailored dresser and not at all the trendy, fashionable rocker type, but my ideas have gotten even more anal towards the pieces I buy. I need pieces that aren't based solely off emotion. I need pieces that look expensive and will be with me forever. (Man I wish I would have listened to my mom way back when!)

So to narrow my spree down, I'm going to look to my fashion and style icon, Olivia Palermo. Here's what I'm looking for.

Leather - skirts and pants

Printed Pants/Jeans

Pants in general - This chick wears the mess out of some pants.

Statement dresses with Cover-Ups

I think that's narrowed down enough. Fall shopping here we go!!!!!

SYTYCD - Dance My Pain Away and Breathing Below Surface

You have to get the music right into your ears. Put your headphones or your earbuds in. I'm telling you, it makes a difference. And then watch his face and the relationship Lauren has as she helps him dance his pain away. Mmmm. I've been waiting for this performance all season. That one performance. This is it.






And then this... UGH! So SEXY. And so quiet. I lOVE quiet sexiness. And then he was so in control. And you see the way he lifted her chin. And then the look and smile they gave each other. Phew! Moist.

DFinney Photo Is The Bomb.com

i LiVE!!!! DFinneyPhoto has stolen my heart!!!! Aren't her photos fabulous? I can't believe this is me! And this isn't even the full set! To see the complete photo shoot, click here. And check out the beauty who made me a beauty. Makeup by Denyelle.

PhotoS oF ME!!!!!

Ooh La La!!!! Look at me! Props to DFinney Photo!!!

click here to view

love

Ran-dumb Thoughts

i'm so tired i want to cry
my eyelashes hurt
my body hurts
i'm emotional
good thing i'm the only one at work today
i couldn't take too much
i might even leave early
true signs of pms

i have my old school pandora station on
remember kut klose?
"i like the way you tease me"
now public announcement is on
these old school R&B songs help me
i revert back to childhood
into days when things were easier
case's "happily ever after"
that song makes me feel i can breathe again
i will forever have a love affair with that song
i had it on repeat on my cassette tape for the longest
and the video...
i'm still in a trance over it
it's the perfect visual
i always wished i could be her
i still wish i could be her

jendayi.asha.creative - New Blog

I Have A New Blog!

I've decided to separate out my creative interests like interior design and photography from my personal blog. Take a look at the new site! I'm really excited about it and believe I might start posting there more than here. But Zuri She Wrote is NOT going away. I need this blog for my sanity. =) Hope you enjoy the new site.

http://jendayiashacreative.blogspot.com/

Britt's Storyboard

One of my friend's daughters asked me to send her some ideas for a black + white bedroom. Even though I've put ideas together for people before, this is my first formal storyboard. I love the format of the storyboard and am very happy with my design. She didn't pay me (insert frownie face here) being that I made an allowance for her. I felt bad charging her because 1. she didn't know I'm doing this as a business and 2. she's fresh out of high school. One day though, someone will pay me!

As far as business is concerned, I found my font for "j.a.designs". Now all I need is a logo and business cards. I'm getting there folks!

Potrait of Me, by DFinneyPhoto

Sometimes I feel forgotten and overlooked, but this past weekend was different. I felt alive! I got in front of the camera and then behind the camera and partied all at the same time. I think this feeling might last me for the rest of the week!

dfinneyphoto.com Check out her work. I love the brightness she gives in her photos. It gives me life!

 

jendayi.asha.creative * List of Services *

Sometimes my passions turn into business! While I do not advertise my services as a full fledged business, I have been asked by many associates/friends/acquaintances for a price list. Soo... Without further ado, here are my list of services with pricing.

j.a.photography - natural light photography

~portrait session - $80
covers graduations, families, head shots, engagements/couples, singles, editorials photos

• consultation prior to the shoot
• photo session for 1 to 4 people
• custom post processing of 15 - 20 of the best shots (selected by the photographer)
• private e-gallery for ordering of prints

~events - $200 *Please note that I do not offer evening event photography. Outdoor bridal showers or indoor (with lots of natural light) brunches are examples of workable events.*

For samples of my work, visit j.a.photography on Facebook.

j.a.design - interior decorating consultant

~mini storyboard - $60
service + product combo that details the small finishes or little pieces you need help with; this service is for you if you're almost there but need that extra eye; allows you to take off running on completing your space.

~full storyboard - $125
service + product combo that details every element of your space's decor from the paint color to the furniture to the accessories; allows you to take off running on completing your space.

Storyboards include

• a pre-design consultation
• a first run storyboard and review with client
• a second run storyboard
• additional runs of the storyboard are $25 a piece

~styling - $75/hour
append this service to a storyboard service for a full A to Z interior design consultation; once pieces are delivered, i can assist in styling the space to your liking until there is a finished product.

• limited to the DC metropolitan area

Remodel: Man Cave Bathroom v2

How's it look?! I'll update this post with final pics soon.

Ran-Dumb Thoughts

I got this Rick Ross/Nas playlist in my ear from Day2Day's site.
I feel like I shouldn't be listening to this.
What happened to all the censored versions?
I just wanted to get a little taste of what Rick's album sounds like.
Time to change.
Back to my random playlist on my phone.
And it's R.Kelly's TP2.
Is this much better?
Not really.
Next.
Beyonce's "Countdown".
Eh.
I need to switch out my iTunes music.
I'm trying to act like I'm doing work.
But I'm not.
Got my blog window real small in the corner.
The work window is front and center.
Mondays are such a waste.
Work on Monday shouldn't be allowed.
I can never get anything done on a Monday.
I have to remember to do the text today.
I wonder if hubby is grouting the tile right now.
I can't wait to put the finishing touches on the room.
It's a pretty masculine bathroom.
But that's fine by me.
He can have it.
Gotta throw 1 or 2 cushy bathroom accents in.
My hair is so much better now that it's re-braided.
The other people in Largo did a wack job.
It is a little suspicious it only took 3 hours.
I'm excited for my faux wedding shoot.
Someone on fb went crazy over MJ and my pics.
She said we should take more photos together.
I agree.
But I like candid natural photos.
Hubby likes to get into his stance and pose.
He's so serious on the model tip.
I don't think I've ever seen him relax and laugh for the camera.
We gotta stop this structured statue stuff.
I'm feeling the urge to take some photos.
Happy summery ones.
Yo.
Have you seen Ne-Yo's 'Lazy Love' video?
Whoa.
That's all I'ma say about it.
Why did I just think of that?
Oh, this Joe song playin in my earbuds.
With his freaky self.
Let's see.
I think it's vacation time.
A long weekend kind of vacation.
Where can we go?
What does Living Social have to offer?
Hmm, Orlando sounds nice.
What's the weather in Orlando during November?
4 days and 3 nights.
Why did I just think about the move Ace Ventura?
Ran-Dumb for real.

Remodel: Man Cave Bathroom

Seeing as our field service group is now meeting at our house every Saturday, we HAD to take care of this cracked toilet. I am not about to have an elderly lady topple over on account of my toilet. So if the toilet comes out, so does the entire bathroom. After my design and hubby's industriousness over the past 3 days, we're almost done!

Here's the cracked toilet that started the whole project.

 

And here's the before of the bathroom. Ugly, ugly, ugly.

After demolition, it looked even more ugly, but promising!

Here's hubby messing with the plumbing after mounting the flouting sink and painting the walls a "Dallas Cowboy" blue. It's the man cave so I can say nothing about it. Sigh.

And finally, here's the new tile, hubby applied. He's doing a killer job!

We still have grouting and sealing, putting up the baseboards, putting in the toilet and all the finishing touches to go.

I'll post a final pic when it's done!

Peaceful Luxuries

It's been a hard week. And it's not over.

I feel like I've been moving a mile a minute. You know how sometimes you go to sleep just so you can get ready for the next day? Well that's how I feel. Sleep hasn't been for me. It's been for preparation sake. I just need a moment to recollect myself. I would love a vacation but since that's no where in the works, I need to sit somewhere quietly and enjoy the peace. I would like very much to wander slowly through a museum actually. Maybe even to take my drawing pad and pencil, sit down in front of an artifact for 30 minutes and sketch. Something, anything to re-center myself. I remember the days in Long Beach when I would go to the park with my blanket, lay down and read for hours. Sounds like pure bliss to me. I miss the peaceful luxuries.

Yes, I'll make it happen.

Difficult

My heart is beating out of my chest. I'm continually nervous. I feel like I can't breathe. The pain of stress is piercing my lower back.

I guess that's what happens when you're coming off an extremely difficult couple of days and have a few difficult work days ahead. I hope these symptoms go away soon. I want my happiness back.

i Need a Bathtub

I just came back from my convention. I really haven't had time to process the usual post-convention action item list. I'm kind of drained really.

I sat by myself a lot this year. Hubby was busy being an attendant. On the contrary to what I thought, I didn't mind it much. I'm not my naturally quiet self when I'm with hubby so it was nice to revert back to calm, quiet, pensive J. What tends to be dangerous about that though is being left to my own thoughts. I hate it when I get ta thinking. Thankfully I stayed 90% in tune to the program so the awakening thoughts were abruptly shoved to the side before they had time to fester. And that's why I need a moment to process. I feel like I have a ton of little seeds of thoughts to develop. I have feelings that I definitely feel, but am not sure what they are yet. If that makes any sense. Basically, I'm unsettled.

But that's okay. I'll iron it out. Or not. It probably would be best not to. Who knows what tunnel I'll burrow myself into if I do.

I'm exhausted as all... Listening to my 'Black Men' Pandora station with Jodeci-esque songs doesn't help. All I want right now is to be right there, in that tub. Music in the background, candles on the floor, bubbles up to the neck, warm water cradling me, shades drawn... Wouldn't matter if I had this joy in my bathroom anyway right now. The water would be red.

Sorry to destroy that image for you...

 

JenWill wrote a post. After a year of silence... We've been on separate coasts for 5 years now. Haven't talked that much save for a few email exchanges once or twice a year. But whenever I read her blog posts, I feel like I never left. It's good to "see" her.

Man, I'm so tired. And we're supposed to go see this Batman movie after work. I hope I don't fall asleep. I also need to find out who the Bachelorette chose. Ever since coming off birth control, my periods have been heavy and long. I miss being on it, but now that I escaped it without any medical issues (unlike my sister who ended up hospitalized - death to Nuva Ring!), I'm afraid to go back on. And nope. Still not settled over this baby stuff. *shrugs shoulders* Too tired to go into it.

What else is there to speak on? I guess the last thing on my mind concerns looking forward to the new system. With these Colorado shootings and pain in my lower back and fear of having kids in this crazy world and the infirmities of all the older friends I saw on the convention arena floor... I'm so tired of this mess. I'm almost in the mind frame to ask Jehovah to hurry up and get this Armageddon stuff going and over with. Destroy the wicked! Get rid of sickness and death! End fear of man doing terrible, stupid stuff! But if I did that, I might not be included on that righteous list. Of course I hope I am. I'm doing pretty okay but since there's always room for improvement in our worship to Jehovah, who really knows. I just want peace. I'm ready for my own beautifully designed home on a paradise earth with no greedy, insane, sick or lying people. I'm ready to see my passed grandfather again... I miss him.

Interior Design: Girl's Room

LOVE this child's room. How different is this?!!!

source: decorpad.com

Eight Reflections

1. baby making
2. practicing fruitage of the spirit when working with my manager
3. finishing the interior design of my main level
4. juggling what little money i seem to have
5. looking for inspiration (novels, art, photography, stories)
6. recharging spiritually via the convention
7. making summer memories
8. preparing for 3 fall weddings

Queen, Beautiful

Today, I feel beautiful.
It's not always that I feel like this.
But today is special.

It's an insecurity of mine.
Looks, appearance, beauty.
I don't see what others see.
Do others even see?

But today, with braids piled high.
I feel regal.
Royal.
In charge.
Eyes pulled up in the corners.


I'm not sure when I turned this way.
Looking in the mirror was pleasing.
The reflection agreed with me.
But I took it for granted and looked away.

I didn't recognize me when I turned back.
Features, curves, and bones.
Could it be age?
Am I past my prime?
Will it no longer be like it was?

But today I feel beautiful.
Braids piled high.
A queen in my own right.
Today I feel beautiful.

Thoughts on a Monday

I love that my family wants me to have children.

"Y'all better get started soon." - Dad
"I really want to be an aunt!" - Sis
"You better get these kids out while I'm still young and full of energy!" - Mom

I think it's cute. And no, I feel no pressure. It's simply cute.

So for laughs and giggles, the three of us (mom, sis and I) googled preschools and the like and came up with all sorts of plans and schedules. My mother even called a school that we all agreed to like. "This may sound crazy but I'm an aspiring grandmother..." Yes, she did that. But get this! People sign up for the wait list even before they are pregnant! How insane is that?!

Let the insanity begin.



I love to write. I think you all know that. Lately I've been writing more in my journal than on the blog. I hope to even it out a bit. I saw something on another website about a 'writer's contract'. Perhaps I'll sign it. I definitely want to get a bit more creative. Write prose and lyrics - the stuff I used to do before I got married.

-like-

I almost forgot to put panties on.
I almost forgot to cover up.
Exposed.
Unhidden from the lights that beam.
I did forget to put makeup on.
Flaws highlighted in the spotlight of the world.
In places where no one should see.
Nooks and crannies.

I'd rather be naked.
In every way.
An open book.
Blurting thoughts that should be kept quiet.
Secrets that really aren't secrets.

Instead, I write my soul down.
In private places.
In hopes that I'll lose it.
So someone can find it.

I almost forgot to throw the blunt away.
So no one would know.
Who I really am.
Hiding the eventualities of my personality.
I did forget to shut the door.
It's not like they could see me.
Others tell me differently.
Too exposed.
They call me 'inappropriate'.

I'd rather be naked.

-Fin-

Beautiful

The definition of Beauty

Cars or Babies?

I can't blog from my work computer anymore. That makes me want to kick someone in the face. Or maybe that's how I'm feeling because my manager is freakin annoying right now. Either way, I want to kick somebody in the face.

I'm all confused up in this mind of mines. I'm looking for a new car to purchase which is proving more difficult than I thought. It's also making me think twice about having babies. I saw a bad convertible white Benz the other day and thought to myself, 'why do I want kids again?' Now that I'm off birth control, I'm on a level 4 about this kids thing. Going from a level 12 to a level 4 in a matter of months scares me a bit. What does that mean?! Don't literally answer that question my lovely reader you. Differing opinions are not good for me right now. My motto has always been When You Don't Know What To Do, Do Nothing. I'm sure my feelings will settle on one side or the other soon. What I DO know is that I don't want to get back on birth control so that says something right?

Back to cars... Missy makes me feel like I'm 22. The scratches, the dents, not being able to read the time in my car, the broken CD button... I'ma need my car to catch up to my life. And THAT I feel 100% certain of. You know what I want? Acura or Lexus to make the Kia Optima. The Optima is EXACTLY the look I'm going for. But a noisy ride? Ugh. I want to write an emphatic "I CAN'T" but I might have to settle. Again. There is not another car that appeals to me right now. So my decision is to wait. I have no other choice. Save up a few G's and wait.

Babies and cars. Cars or babies? Don't judge me. I'm not superficial. There are other good reasons to pick "cars" over babies that I'm not explaining here. But if you have any car suggestions, I'm all ears!

Hot Fun In The Summertime

Summer plans!

BBQ/Picnic - ?????
Theme Park - Six Flags with little brother?
Beach - VA Beach and Ocean City
Summer Nights - Screen on the Green? National Harbor evenings?
Concert - Coldplay


Other things I want to do:
Weekend shopping trip to NY
Black Alley shows
Go to Beach Club
Visit museums

                         
So what are you summer plans? Anything interesting? Let's make this summer a good one folks!


                

What's My Identity?

I was watching one of my tv shows this morning and was basking in how womanly the main characters were. Strong. Fierce. Solid. Curvy. Feminine. They were true grown women. Women with confidence. Women with experience. Women who know what they want and what they have to offer the world.

While putting on my M.A.C. red lipstick and I had to pause a little bit while meditating on what a 'grown woman' is. After about 10 seconds, a light bulb went off, I titled my head to the side, looked at myself in the mirror and said 'I'm a grown woman too!' Well I didn't quite say that out loud, but I might as well have because the sentence was so clear in my head. If I were to have this conversation with another, I can already hear the response. 'Well what did you think you were?!' Yes, technically I am a grown woman, but I haven't thought of myself in the way in a very long time.

Then, of course, I began to wonder why. Immediately, I narrowed in on my relationship with my husband. I don't know if it's that he's younger than me and loves to joke, play around and have fun, but I don't feel like a grown woman when I'm with him. Actually, bag that younger-than-me-stuff. Yes we are young at heart together but that's not it. It's more than that. I feel like a female who's under the wing of a man. And that image/sentiment makes me more of a kin to a little yellow, newborn chic than a strong, independent gazelle. Does that make sense? I don't know why I'm likening myself to farm animals but the analogy fits right?

It's interesting how having a husbandly head changes my identity. For sure I used to be that confident, experienced, truly grown woman, especially as a single woman. And maybe that's the way people see me from the outside, but that's definitely not how I feel. And that's not a bad thing. I feel protected. I feel delicate like a well-made vase. I feel like I'm second-in-command, which I am and have no problems with. I like how my husband makes me feel. I love not having to be in charge of everything and having to make major life decisions, difficult decisions on my own. I like being able to watch him handle it all, because he can and does it well. Well of course a woman keeps a household together so I like being in charge without really having to be in charge, if you know what I mean. In any case, I am someone's complement. I am someone's someone. I am attached to someone else. On the outside and to others, I may be what I'm seeing in other women, but I certainly don't feel like one.

But that begs the question...Should having a husbandly head change my identity? I am definitely not the person I used to be when I was single. But there should be things about you that are firm and true. You should have a foundation and know who you are right? So, I repeat. Should having a husbandly head change my identity?

Man Cave Update

We updated the man cave this weekend. I know it's not my go-to room being that it's the "man cave" but boy was I glad to see something happen to that room. You see, I want guests to be comfortable when they come to my house. And since MJ likes to invite guys over to hang, I was really feeling like the man cave needed to be filled out a bit more.

So here's what we did. We went to Ikea looking for this one George Jetson looking chair, but decided against it when we sat in it and felt the coldness and hardness of the thing. After 40 minutes of deliberation, hubby decided on a less expensive alternative in a black leather finish. Half of the time we took was to figure out how to match the chairs with the bright blue sofa that hubby already has in the man cave. To add the inexpensive flair that the room needs, I mentioned needing pillows so we mosied on over to the pillow section which had nothing. On our 3rd or 4th time going back through the same sections at Ikea, hubby looked at the model of his sofa that he has at home and says, "things would be so much easier if the slipcover was this color". Excited by the idea of being relieved from having to decorate an entire room around electric blue, I encouraged him to buy the more subtle but cool grey slipcover. So with the location and bin numbers for the new slipcover in hand, we went BACK to the chairs to reconsider our chair choices. With the slipcover being $250, he decided to downsize from the leather to the cotton chair. So 2 hours after walking into Ikea, we left out with a new look and feel to the man cave sofa and two new chairs to fill out the room.

The next thing we should probably do is paint. I really want this room to start taking shape so paint would be the natural step. Paint makes everything feel different. Hubby wants to go with a greyish silver so we should be able to scope some paint choices out in the next two weeks or so. After that comes the sawhorse table. That thing is going to be cool. Hubby said he wants to build it from scratch so I'm interested to see how it turns out. It should be fun though. I'm thinking we should paint the table that electric blue that was on the sofa. Talk about a PoP of cOloR! And then if we can find a really vintage stool... a workman's stool of sorts...that would be nice. Later on, we can add some storage components, throw some art on the wall, include some accessories and wa-la. Finito!

I wish I could post pictures but my blog has reached it's photo-uploading-capacity. I may need to create a new blog huh?

I'm excited about hubby's man cave. When it's finished and more homey, I'll be able to chill with him down there more often. Not too often, but more often. =)

Happy Friday!

Happy Friday everyone! It's muggy and gloomy as ever but it's still the best day of the week!

I have a wedding to attend tomorrow evening in Williamsburg. I'm pretty sure it's going to be the most decadent princess type wedding I've ever been to. I'm excited to see the razzle and dazzle. I need to glamazon my outfit up of course, so accessories shopping is on the menu for my lunch break. I already bought my glitter fingernail polish. All I need is a necklace, and a banging bracelet. The earrings are pretty much taken care of but if I see something...!

I hope everyone has a good weekend!

Get Some Class!

I got in my feelings while watching the majority of chicks walk by at the Beyonce concert over the weekend. It was so disturbing. My husband even heaved a couple of times from the nasty sights. Ladies! Where is your class?!

If it's see-through: Put on a slip!
If you're wearing a thin material and it shows all your cellulite and dimples: Put on some spanx!
If you have a pooch or your stomach hangs over: Don't wear a super tight shirt!
If the back fat is there to stay: Avoid outfits that expose and cut into the rolls!

I miss the classy older days when women wore tailored outfits and lace gloves and pearls and high heels. We were so feminine back in the day. What happened?!

Housewives of DC - JW Edition

It's been a while I know, but things have been busy. Work has been crazy, my social calendar has been packed, and life has been good. The schedule is not letting up any, but that's okay. I have hair appointments (plural), girls night, the Beyonce concert in AC, VH1's Single Ladies premiere (yes!) and a wedding in Williamsburg coming up in the next week and a half. And I can't wait! My manager is out starting today for 2 weeks. I'm looking forward to his time away. Even though I'll be handling things alone, I get to handle them on my pace and at my level of intensity. I do hope that Italy treats him well though.

I took a pole dancing class last night. A private pole dancing class with 2 of my other friends, in a studio apartment with two gay, little men, one of which was the instructor. (pause for effect) Cameras should followed us last night. It was the most shocking, most hilarious, most random, most entertaining experience I've had in a very long time. My husband was dying laughing this morning when I told him how it all went down. Tavon (our instructor) was great though. And very professional. So much so that the girls and I will be going back for more bartered lessons. We made a deal last night that if we bring him food and tips, he'll continue to give us free lessons. I know it sounds crazy but trust me, it's all legit. One day, I will go to one of his classes that he teaches at Pole Pressure near DC's Eastern Market. But you have to pay for those. For now, free classes in exchange for a happy meal works for me.

Girls night on Friday is going to be just as entertaining as a gay, pole dancing instructor. Just watch. We're supposed to pick a character from 'Sex and The City' OR 'Girlfriends' OR 'Basketball Wives' to emulate. Why we have so many different options, I don't know. Either way, it's going to be a hilarious mess. I haven't watched BBW in so long so I don't think I'ma go with any of them. Joan sounds like a good option to me - as crazy as she is. I might need to watch a few episodes of 'Girlfriends' to prepare for my acting debut Friday night.  We picked names out of a hat to do a gift exchange at dinner, so I need to get to a mall today or Thursday if possible.We are going to have so much fun. My husband said he needs to talk to Ryan Seacrest about 'Housewives of DC - JW edition'. lol. Hilarious.

My hair is in a ponytail today! Can you believe it?! I don't know how long it's been since I've worn a ponytail. When I looked at myself in the mirror it was a strange sight to see such a clean swept away look. I'm still getting used to it. It's such a minor change but I feel like it's a brand new thing for me. I'm getting my hair done Thursday though so it'll be a short lived change.

I have to train a colleague over InterCall Conference in 30 minutes so let me get to understanding how this sharing desktop function works on this piece of software.

Ciao.

Ready For Someone Like Her In My Life

Focus

Should anybody ask for me, tell them I’ll be right back in a real short time. It’s just that I lost my mind; gotta find it. But once I hop on my train of thought I get back in pronto to collect myself. There’s really nothing you can do to help. - Focus

Go to song when I'm unbalanced...

I Wonder How People See Me

When I see Beyonce, a feeling of admiration comes over me. Not because she's Beyonce. Forget the celebrity part of it. I'm talking about the everyday, personal stuff. The natural, human element of her that she's allowed us to see. Out of all the celebrities I can think of, her personality and regular-ness appeals to me the most. I've gone to her tumblr page on a number of occasions since it's been up and I always get this feeling of calm and peace. This regular down to earth feeling. And then I wonder...how does this girl with an extraordinary life keep it so regular and so together? Allow me to explain because those are two separate things. 1.) How is she not a total diva in her personal life considering the worldly power she has? and 2.) How does she maintain this friendly, upbeat, girl next door pleasantness about her while living in the midst of crazy schedules and paparazzi? I see so much when I look at everyday pictures of her. She's strong. There's no other way of putting it. And she knows who she is. Celebrity doesn't disrupt her. And she experiences and learns everything. Maybe it's because she has the opportunity to.

And so, I wonder how people see me. I wonder this even more so right now because I feel aBSolUtelY crazy inside. I don't know what's happening to me but my mood swings are on some extreme stuff. Well I do know what's happening to me. I'm off birth control after a 2+ year run and my hormones are different. I am 100% off balance and feel quite a bit unstable if I'm honest. But do I appear to be calm?

I want to soak up the inspiration I get from B. The sense of lightness and joy and love. The sense of friendliness and peace. I feel like I need a master class from her. How To Live Unphased And Still Be Present And Experience Love. Cause she definitely has the secret. I'm a fan of her PERSON, if that makes sense.

On a separate topic, I'm discovering an insecurity of mine... Being emotionally a mess probably has lent itself to this realization. It's funny because when my hormones are in check, I really don't have anything to say. Life is good. But when they're not in check, the floodgates break loose. Anyway, my insecurity...ugh. Never mind. I don't think I can type it. Anyone who reads this is going to think I'm insane. Let's just put it this way. I don't accept compliments very well on my looks. I'll leave it at that.

Changing subjects really quickly. I'm starving! What's for lunch?

Stuff

I got ready for work in silence this morning. No tv. No music. Maybe that's why I started crying in the car while driving to work. I didn't start off the day right. When you're pms-ing, you HAVE to start off the day right. Crying for no reason is a part of the game though.

I feel scatter brained. I should have my dress for cuzzo's wedding by now, but I can't seem to get to the checkout. I look. I find something. But I never get to the checkout. I don't even feel like looking for those dresses again. Maybe I'm just being non-committal.

Work is non-stop. Not that I'm complaining. I like my job. But some days I want a 'free' day. You know...those days when you can just chill, read an article on cnn, check the gossip blogs. That kind of stuff. At least I have my music. I'm relying on my oldies channel on Pandora to calm me today. Get my emotions under control.

Speaking of emotions, I don't know if it's all pms. Maybe it is. But while in CT with my family, I got really emotional over the lack of attention I feel like I get from my mother. Maybe it was because that weekend it was all about Pooh. And it had to be! I mean she has blood clots in her lungs for goodness sake! But I think it awakened something in me that I've felt for a long time. Being the quiet one isn't always a good thing. Sometimes I feel like I'm in the background. I tried to explain that I feel like my personality doesn't lend itself to getting the best from my family. My sister, on the other hand, is very demanding. We started talking about the differences in our weddings, the differences in our lives. The fact that I know exactly which colors my mother thinks are prettiest on Pooh, but haven't the slightest idea what colors she thinks look good on me. But as usual, my mother got very defensive and said that my issues are my own and that I need to own them. And while I agree with that, it's not what I needed to hear. I already felt vulnerable for expressing my feelings. I already felt like a little child screaming for attention... Now my dad has texted me that he loves me 2 times this week. There's no doubt that mom shared our conversation. I know my parents love me. I know they try to do their best where I'm concerned. I alss know that I don't demand very much even though I often want more. I want a wedding on the top of a skyscraper overlooking an evening sky, but I get the old firefighter house. Sometimes I just wish that mom knew me. And I know she does. But I wish she knew me and acted on her knowledge more. Maybe looked at me as not being as strong as she sees me. Sometimes I wish that I spoke up more and had an ounce of the personality traits that my sister has. But then I wouldn't be me. I know I know. Boy I sound pathetic. I'm not as strong and put together as many think I am. But once I get past this pms, I will be again! Never doubt that. I'm going to look back on this and laugh in a few days. "What were you thinking?!" I'm going to say. That's if I choose to look back.

Cue Tony Toni Tone: It's Our Anniversary...

My neck is killing me and this office is dead. Why even bother opening the office on Good Friday?

Anyway. Our anniversary is coming up. May 7th. Been thinking about how my cousins' (May 4th), my parents' (May 13th) and our anniversary will be all around the same time. So happy that my fam bam is getting married. It's going to be a fun weekend with all of my family in town. I'm really looking forward to that weekend. I got my dress. I didn't realize it's as body hugging as it is. I would send it back for another size but then the top might be too big. A loose wrap or light sweater it is. No time to be messing around and switching outfits.

Back to my anniversary. I managed to "sucker" (as he calls it) hubby into buying Beyonce tickets for us. Well for me. I canNOT wait. I have not seen her since The Beyonce Experience in 2008. Seeing as those she's one of my favorite performers, that's far too long. We had our honeymoon in Atlantic City too so it's the perfect choice. Atlantic City here we come! Next year, I don't expect to be able to go away or do too much for our anniversary. I want to plan for an out of the country trip in 2015. But that's neither here nor there. MJ requested that I purchase him a couple of new wedding bands being that he spent an inordinate amount of money on those tickets. Thank goodness tungsten rings are inexpensive. I wonder what else he's going to ask for though. I know he's not going to let me get away with spending what I spent.

Separate from the superficial and material stuff, I really am looking forward to celebrating two years of marriage with my man. It feels like we've been together forever one on hand, but on the other hand, it feels like we're just starting our lives together. I like that. I was thinking about my exes the other day and I was able to think with certainty that I married the man who was best for me. While he's not perfect, he's perfect for me. He makes me be a better woman in the most important ways which is something my exes didn't do for me. I had a whole bunch of fun and heartfelt times with them, but I looking back on it, I don't feel like they were looking out for my desires and needs. Well actually, my ex-fiance did me the greatest service by breaking up with me. It was because he was looking out for me that he did so. Not feeling like he could give me what I want or be what I needed, he ended our relationship. While I died inside in that moment (and for a good 6 months later), it was the greatest gift he could have ever given me. So yeah, hubby is right for me in all the areas that matter the most. Sure there are areas that could be better, but that's what happens with imperfect people. The great part is that both of us are fighters. Fighters for a happy marriage that is. I'm so proud of my husband. He's grown so much since we've first started dating. I remember thanking Jehovah so profusely for MJ when he first popped up in my life. I should continue doing that, because Jehovah knows he is a gift!

Happy anniversary love of my life! I wholeheartedly look forward to all the experiences that we'll have in the coming years. Stick with me babe. It's going to be fun!

Ran-Dumb Thoughts

Today is the memorial of Christ's death.
I'm glad I will be a part of the commemoration.
To pay homage to what Jesus did for me.
I can't wait to get through this work day.
There's so much to do.
I keep getting project after project.
All these ad-hoc analyses.
I'm trying not to tire out and take it in stride.
I'd rather be doing this than what I was doing before.
This is 10x better.
I'm officially off birth control.
Yeah, you know what that means.
I'm freaking out and anxious in a good way at the same time.
I'll keep you posted on any developments.
Check back in a few months or so.
I feel like I'm in the middle of a phase.
Almost two years in a marriage with a new house.
Still learning each other and displaying a bit of wisdom in our dealings with one another.
Thank goodness it's more wisdom than just learning.
I like applying the lessons I've learned for a peaceful home.
It makes a big difference.
I need to break my journal out.
I miss writing my deepest thoughts down.
I've been writing them in this notepad here at work but that's dangerous.
Who knows what cleaning lady has been going through my stuff.
But what would I talk about?
I'm out of the 'learning myself' phase.
I'm out of the 'marriage is hard' phase.
I know what I can write about.
The closer we are to actually having a baby, I think more about the quiet times we have.
I think I want to chronicle the just-me-and-him times.
Tues night, MJ and I feel asleep at 8:30 just talking to each other.
I woke up in his arms.
It was nice.
Being able to handle yard work and wash cars without watching out for a toddler...
Coming home from work and relaxing a bit before heading to the meeting...
Not cooking every single day...
But I'm ready for the challenge.
I have the best partner in the world to tackle it with.
I'm so blah today.
I worked straight from 9 to 5 yesterday.
Didn't look at any of my blogs.
Today I'll tone it down a bit.
Don't feel like being on grind mode.
I need to tend to my mood.
I just finished painting my toe nails before I started this blog.
The morning time at work is the best time to paint nails.
Especially since I'm the first one here.
I just looked down at my Boutique9 heels.
I love the Boutique9 line.
I tend to flock to that subset of Nine West shoes.
Got Pandora on.
Wonder what Joss & Main will look like today.
Makes no difference.
I can't spend any money.
I'm dropping $700 on a credit card tomorrow.
Bought my rug on my cc.
Need to pay that off right away.
What's on the calendar for this month?
A going away party.
A bridal shower in Hampton, VA.
MJ and my cherry blossom, happy hour cruise
Our housewarming.
Ok, it's internet surfing time.
Happy Memorial people.

To Do List

Can you believe I can't upload anymore pictures on blogger?! What kind of crap is that! They say I've used up all my space.

I would have posted 2 or 3 posts since my last one but without the ability to post pictures, I've been stalling. I have so many house photos to share! We've done a lot. I'm going to try and delete some photos out of my Picasa account so I can have more room. But knowing me that'll take a while. So here's what we've done and where we need to go next.

Short Term
  Cut the lawn of weeds
  Thatch and aerate the lawn
  Lay weed and seed fertilizer
  Pull up weeds and cut down the two trees on either side of the house
  Make a flower box in front of the house
  Lay grass seed or sod
  Create stone path
  Plant shrubs/bushes on either side of the front stairs 
  Finish painting the kitchen cabinets
  Apply kitchen hardware
  Paint upstairs guest room
  Paint stairwell spokes in decorator's white
  Spray paint downstairs guest room side tables
  Purchase bathroom accessories for the guest bathroom upstairs

Long Term
  Paint both rooms downstairs (man cave - silver, guest bedroom - teal)
  Purchase guest room lamps
  Get a glass top made for my trunk/coffee table in the living room
  Change out the stairwell light for a chandelier of sorts
  Change out the mudroom boob light
  Purchase a dining table set, preferably in small pieces (I don't want it to completely match)

Little Things
  Purchase door stops
  Purchase black door knobs to get rid of the gold crappy ones that are ALL OVER the house
  Get new light plates