Things Are Good

The new job is going well. Today’s only my third day but from what I can glean, this is going to be an interesting position. It feels good to already see where my experience from past jobs can play a role into my future work. I’m looking forward to using my skills here. And the pay is the bomb!

 

We went to another congregation’s meeting last night. Jehovah must have moved us to attend because the district overseer’s talk was great. The theme of his talk was about avoiding regrets and I learned so much about study habits, pronunciations, and drawing closer to Jehovah. There’s something about D.O.’s and C.O.’s that have your head spinning by the time they’re done with a talk. I love that.

 

Hubby and I have been doing well. Since our falling out two weeks ago, things have been smooth. The changes we both need to make are fresh in our minds, so our behavior towards one another is on the up and up. I really see baby boy’s efforts in loving me the way I need to be loved. He smiles at me often. He compliments me more. And I even catch him looking at me sometimes in that special way. Unfortunately, I’ve been swallowed up in sickness so he’s been taking care of me more than I’ve been taking care of him, so I look forward to stepping up as well. Prayerfully, we can both continue to love each other in the manner we’re doing now. Reminders will be vital as we continue on however. You can kind of compare our marriage to the way the body handles the congregation. They teach us, we forget and then we get a long weekend of instruction to make us remember again. The same thing happens with us. We study about issues that affect us, we forget, then we get a huge makeover that’s usually inspired by a conflict. I know that hubby can do without the conflicts, but I’m down if they make us stronger. Especially if we get to me like this afterwards…loving, tender, caring.

 

Anyway, like I said, things are good. My conscience is clean. My marriage is good. Work is interesting. Most importantly, I feel peaceful. This is a good time in life. I’m glad I’m writing it down so as to remember.

Video: Them Girls Can Sing!

Her name is Joelle James. She needs a contract quick! www.youtube.com/joellejames

Slow Down?

I want to preface this blog by saying that my feelings may be totally different tomorrow. But here it goes anyway.

My attitudes towards settling down are changing. Notice the '-ing' in changing. I'm not all the way there yet, but I can see myself slowly leaning away from where I was last month. Reading this article, "Sound-Off: In No Tush To Settle Down", actually confirmed my thoughts.

Like the author of the article, I too thought I would be deep into marriage and motherhood by now. If you were to tell my 17 year old self that at 28 I would only be in my 2nd year of marriage and be no where near having children, I would have burst into tears. Disappointment wouldn't even be the word. But as time progresses, I'm beginning to very gradually get rid of the time shackles I've been dragging around on my left ankle. Don't get me wrong though. I still do feel like it would be great to have baby number one before 30. As a matter of fact, I would LOVE for that to happen, but maybe, just maybe, it would be beneficial to wait a little longer.

We haven't traveled to Europe yet. We're not in the home we wan to be in. We haven't had a consistent run of fulfilling each other's needs yet. So with that in mind, wouldn't it be better to follow the flow of things? Or is it better to plan, especially since my clock will start ticking soon? What if Jehovah has my timing all laid out and I'm fighting against that? None of my close friends are getting pregnant or are on their way to doing so. If I waited, I might be able to share pregnancy and marriage stories with someone who's going through the same experience. I bet that would be nice. But why base my timing on others? Is that a good move?

Even with all the questions, I do feel in my heart however that I need to work on my marriage more and get into a new house before making any drastic changes. To work towards expanding our family in a few months is unrealistic. More important than all the aforementioned reasons put together, my husband isn't ready. The last thing I want to do is force him to do or be something he's not ready to do or be. That wouldn't be the nicest thing. Especially if I can yield a little.

I'm still unsure about this whole in-it's-own-time thing, but I definitely don't want to force this baby-before-30 thing. If it happens, great. If it doesn't, 30 1/2 will have to be the new goal. =) Ha!

From Essence: 7 Ways to Get the Spark Back In Your Relationship

LFW: Burberry

On the tails of NYFW, London Fashion Week is on and poppin. Here are some of the African textile inspired looks from Burberry. What do we think about Burburry's use of ethnic prints? When I first glanced at the pictures I wasn't sure how to feel. I do like the line though. But are ethnic fabrics simply part of a display when they mean so much more to the Africans and African-Americans who have been wearing them for decades? What say you?

source

Hard Times

Today is a better day. Even though the weather might not be that great, when my husband and I are back loving each other again, all is well with the universe.

It's funny how when you're single or dating, things seem so hard. Finding a mate that fits you can seem near impossible. But after you get married, nothing gets easier. What was once so hard, still remains hard. What I believe the biggest issue between men and women are our methods of communication. Men and women show love in totally different ways. What means 'I love you' to a man, means diddly squat to a woman and vice versa. My husband and I have very different ways of expressing love to each other. And while we both appreciate the guestures of the other, what our mate offers is not quite what we need. He feels wanted and loved when I cook him dinner and when I participate fully in sex. I feel wanted and loved when he takes the time to hug and comfort me when I'm down or when he stays wrapped up around me when we're laying on the couch together. The hard part comes in when I'm not 100% enthused about sex because I'm not getting the affection or when he's not naturally an affectionate guy so I'm not interested in sex. It actually feels worse than it just being hard, but the fact is that it will always be hard. Life in general is hard. But what we all have to remember is that our perspective on the issue makes all the difference. I already know I'm going to have good and bad times with my husband. At times we're going to miss each other on certain issues, but that's okay. The bottom line is that we love each other and ultimately want to see the other person happy. 'Work hard' is the name of the game. I'm okay with doing that as long as we 'Stay Together'.

20 Ways To Save Black Love

Stolen from Essence... Here are some refreshing comments from tweeters! I'm kind of surprised to hear this is how people feel but nevertheless I love them! I'm sure the editors dug through piles of responses to come up with the best ones. Enjoy!

1. “Be honest about whether we’re truly willing to do what it takes to make love work, which involves selflessness & sacrifice.” By @Mr_Squires


2. “Change the belief that marriage marks the end of “life”, fun and freedom. By @Maleywood


3. “Emphasize the spiritual significance of the covenant over the legal significance of the contract.” By @BWSchick


4. “In this INSTANT society Teach commitment, sticktoitiveness, conflict resolution, empathy, diversity & CARE!” By @UrbanDialog


5. “We need to give black women sufficient reason to begin respecting us again by becoming better men (husbands, fathers, providers).” By @jimitweets


6. People need to see & hear healthy relationships, great 1s & especially 1s that were not always great but they made it still. By @ivorytabb  (This makes me think I should talk more about the ups and downs of my marriage.)


7. More conversations about marriage and forums by married couples…that keep the convo real! By @myriadthatisme (see note above)
8. "Put God first!” By @EllyG_


9. “Women need to learn their role and allow a man to be a man. God didn’t intend for the woman to be the head.” By @Only1Maranda


10. “What if gov’t FURTHER incentivized marriage? Lower tax bills, subsidized housing and healthcare?” By @AwesomeJohnson


11. “Instead of the media pushing co-habitation, marriage should be encouraged instead.” By @imlizzashley


12. “Take the option of divorce off the table.” By @Key2J


13. “The culture needs to show it as more common vs. being a rarity. Most TV shows depict relationships as being drama filled.” By @RohanCrawford


14. “We have to stop glamorizing the ‘I don’t need anybody’ attitude. Wise people know interdependence is key.” By @BoldBeauty56


15. “Black Love needs better PR. It’s not just Barack & Michelle or Will & Jada.” By @YonnieTaughtU


16. “A solution for the new form of slavery..mass incarceration..in addition to aggressive education of black men.” By @LaPhonologist


17. “Increase number of healthy, mentally stable, commitment ready, family oriented black singles and a way for them to meet.” By @Occaneechi


18. “Improved communication in couples before vows are made. A lot of people don’t discuss wants and desires before marriage.” By @ibanomaly


19. Individuals should take responsibility for their personal & relationship issues & stop blaming society, men, women, etc. By @sowhatiff


20. “Increase self-love so that people can truly know how and what it means to love another.” By @NaturallyJazzy

NYFW - DVF and Tracy Reese

Everyone knows it's New York Fashion Week. Here are a few style concoctions from two of my favorite designers - Diane Von Frustenberg and Tracy Reese.



DVF




DVF




DVF




Tracy Reese




Tracy Reese




Tracy Reese




Tracy Reese



Video: Monica - Anything ft. Rick Ross

I will always love this 90's beat. Good morning world!

Fabulous!

Go head Solange!

I Got The Job!

I typed out this long blog about how overwhelmed I am and how I haven't felt good about myself in a long time but didn't get a chance to finish it because of a job interview I had to run to. Well it hasn't even been an hour since I got back to my desk and.... I got the call!!!!! Yaaaaaaaay!!!! It doesn't make sense to continue on about how rough things are when Jehovah has blessed me with a permanent job now does it?! Things are looking up people!!!

Thursdays Blessings

I'm in high spirits today! I'm not sure why, but there's no need to question it right?

Blessings
- I have a bomb husband who wants so much for me to be happy. Anytime I'm down, he does what he can to make me laugh. I love that.
- I'm grateful for all the literature that I receive on a weekly/monthly basis so that I can learn more about Jehovah.
- My parents are still alive and quicking! Which reminds me, I need to call my dad. I miss him.
- I make enough money to plan paying off my credit cards. I should be able to take a big chunk out of the two of them by the end of October!
- There are girlfriends available to me whenever I need to vent, laugh, chill and party. That's to all the wonderful ladies in my life!!!!
- I'm healthy as a plum! I don't know what that means, but yeah, I'm healthy. Lol.
- We have a car and a roof over our heads. Can you imagine being homeless during Hurricane Irene? Oh my.

If you have a special blessing that you're feeling today, share it!! I could use the inspiration!

TV Series: For Better Or Worse

Oh goodness. Angela and Marcus are back. LOL. Will you be watching?
Premieres November 23rd on TBS.

SMH

Something inside of me gets irritated when I read the opinions of people who clearly aren't directed by what the Bible says. Why did I just finish reading this article on Clutch magzine where a woman who married young and divorced young is upset over people's reactions to her failed marriage after revealing that she came out as bi as she entered marriage? What In THE WORLD? The tone of her article made me think something was wrong with ME, that is until I saw the comments. One commenter said the article was garbage and I unequovically agree (although I wouldn't say that to her face). She's obviously confused/mislead and you can't be mad at that kind of fault.

Demetria Lucas posted this article on Essence where she chastised the tweet "Beyonce dated, married, THEN got pregnant... ladies, take notes". She went on to rant about how it takes two to make a baby and we shouldn't judge the women who have babies out of wedlock, especially considering that most Black families are of single parent households. I don't know what this chick's issue is with intended order of things but according to one of her responses to my question on what she considers success as a relationship counselor, the chick is jacked up. As a person who gives advice on relationships, Demetria might benefit from knowing that a man and woman are supposed to get married; not date and live together forever. I mean isn't it a fact that the right way to do it is to date, get married and have a baby? How can you argue with that? But instead, she feels that even though her career and livlihood are based on giving relationship advice, her version of relationship success doesn't mean marriage. How can marriage not be in her mantra as a relationship professional? As large and widespread as her audience is, I feel bad for people who take her ideas for their own, thinking that a successful relationship doesn't have to mean marriage.

You should see my face as I read these articles of authors who seem to have an air of authority. My furrowed eyebrows, the worry in my eyes, the ghastly opened mouth, jaw opened wide. I am so concerned for our future and our current generation. I guess the worry only comes from what I know to be true from the Bible. Being a student of it molds my thinking and actions. If I wasn't into the Bible and what Jehovah's will is for mankind, maybe I'd believe the same. As Frank Ocean sings, "What's God to a nonbeliever?"

I'm Focused Man

You would think it was the week before my period because my emotions have been insane. I'm much better today than I was yesterday though. I had to refocus my energies and map out a system for my sanity. Yesterday was one of those days when I was in my head, talking myself in and out of crazy notions. I must have written 4 or 5 journal entries trying to straighten out my confusion. I convinced myself that my husband didn't want a baby, or at least not as much as I want one. We've talked about it, but not in the way that two serious people would. The conversations are always haphazard and jokingly light. But instead of wallowing in fear of what my future might not hold, I got it together and devised a plan. A spiritual plan.

Considering how unhappy and crazy I was yesterday, I dug into some material on 'joy' last night. It seems like I come around to this topic every so often, doesn't it? It's an area that I don't do too well in. I've accepted that I am a pessimistic person so I might need to revisit it every quarter, if not more. Anyway, I realize now that my eight months of unemployment/freedom are over, I haven't been out in the ministry as much. Well let's be honest...while my calendar says I've done 8 hours of service, I can't even remember the last time I actually went out. I probably haven't met the group in a month of Saturdays. So in an effort to busy myself with something other than worrying and spazzing out, I've decided to get back into action. I know that I can't do as much as I used to do, but perhaps I can do more than I did when I worked back in the day. It's not so much that I looove being in the ministry. I more so do it to preserve my sanity. When you focus on others, you really don't have time to focus on your shortcomings and issues. Alone time with my thoughts is a dangerous thing.

I think I also need to start recounting my blessings. I take EVERYHING for granted. I know that because when asked to write down my blessings, I usually come up with nothing. How insane is that? This time, I'm going to think about this week's lessons in the Yearbook and compare myself and my issues to theirs. Most of the time, these people are WAY worse off than me. I have to remember that Jehovah has blessed me with more than I can count. I'm determined to find a way not to make Jehovah think that I don't care.

I have to remain focused. There are so many things that could be ahead of me. I think my heart is in the right place so all I have to do is apply what I know and get working. My eyes are straight ahead and I'm ready to grind. Spiritually, career-wise and financially. That's all I care about right now.

So Jealous

I am so freakin jealous right now. You have NOOOO idea. That joy she has at the very end of the video because of a very special miracle...I wish I had that. Why am I mad though that she got to getting before me? Heffa. Lol.

Get More: 2011 VMA, Music, Beyoncé

Switch!

My mood has totally changed!

I am currently gchatting with JennWill's best friend, TM and she's telling me all these things about her new addition, Asher Elias! I'm so excited for her!

I want one!!!!!

1,001

This is my 1,001 post and it's not a good one.

I had a panic attack on the train this morning. It came out of no where. I was reading my Bible lesson and all of a sudden I couldn't breath. I put my reading materials away and took off my blazer because I was started to feel like I was suffocating due to heat. Every time I closed my eyes, something in my brain told me to keep them open. So I leaned forward over my purse and tried to calm down. The lady next to me must have thought I was crazy.

I've been trying to pull myself up by the bootstraps. The house has been tense, so I've been trying to remain uplifted and have a positive attitude. I was even thankful for the radio deejays who were cutting up during my ride over to the metro. I want to wake up laughing, joking, being loud and fun like they do. Why is it so hard? What do they have that I don't? I feel like I'm missing something. I wrote the below yesterday just to try to write something. I wasn't in a mood when I wrote it but it subconsciously poured out. I guess that's what you call foreshadowing.

There's nothing that I want more than to be happy.
To be able to go through a day feeling bright from the inside out.
People go day to day with an energy that I find confusing.
Going through the same day's events that I do but yet pulling through with grace and wrinkles around their eyes from permanent smiles.
How they find peace among the rat race is baffling.
How they ride chaotic trains in rush hour with auras of light and pleasant expressions eludes me.
Where do they get it from?
I want to know the secret; how they find the stability.
Where does the strength come from to swat away life's ugly cruelties?
I need to figure it out pretty soon.
More of the world's weight affecting my mood...it's eating my spirit.
I can not live day to day under the hand of stress and be shoved around.
All I want is to experience unaffected joy.
The type that permeates your personality and affects others lives.
The kind that warms the atmosphere upon first contact.
I want happiness to be who I am so no one can ever take it away.
Tell me how to be infinitely happy.

Video: Rihanna - Cheers (Drink To That)

Someone had a fabulous summer!

Black Women and Marriage: Wanna Get Hitched? Well Become A Wife!

I'm a little annoyed and I haven't exactly figured out why yet.

Discussions, articles and research regarding why black women aren't getting married in this day and age are numerous. Over the course of the past two days however, I've been inundated with the topic more than ever. Clutch's online magazine has an article entitled "Call Me A Fool for Love: I Heart Black Men", which details why this particular author will by no means marry outside of her race no matter how limited in number black men may be. The current issue of Essence (September 2011) harps on the topic by including an excerpt from an author (a black man) who believes if black women date outside their race, the playing fields would even out. That way, Black men wouldn't have so much power in this dating game.

This dire 'black marriage' topic has been all over the media for some time now, but I never really paid much attention to it because 1.) I'm married and 2.) I always think I'm the exception to the rule and therefore the crap doesn't apply to me. But this week, I take issue...

So here are the reasons I've heard why it's so hard for black women to get married:

• There are more black women than black men, and therefore the pickings are slim for black women
• A large percentage of our black men are either in jail or not on the level that we as black women want them to be on
• Black women are too picky and their lists are too long
• The few successful black men who are available are not ready to settle down because they know they are in minority and therefore have an abundance of women to pick from
• Black women are not submissive enough, too independent and too focused on their careers/passions
• Our future generations think that marriage is for white people due to what they see in their homes source
• Black women want to commit at a time when Black men are usually playing the field 
• More and more black men are marrying outside of the race

Did I miss anything? (I'm sure I did. The reasons never seem to end.)

Soo.....Umm. Please pardon me, but I need help. Someone please tell me, why does this have to be so complicated? Why does it have to be so hard? I don't understand. Do I not understand because I'm already married? I mean really, what gives? Maybe I'm biased but this conundrum Totally baffles me; at least enough to the point where I don't understand why all the hoopla.

Stick with me.

You wanna know what I did to get married? It was simple really. When I felt I was ready and I knew I wanted a husband, I made a list of all the things I wanted in a man. Over time, I revised that list considering that I had to be reasonable of what to expect. I changed words like 'college-educated' to 'hard-working' and 'intelligent'. I crossed out 'good dresser' and wrote 'open-minded', 'reasonable', and 'humble'. Instead of 'music/arts lover', I went with 'caring/wholeheartedly interested in me'. If he's interested in me, he won't X out the things I care about. After re-writing my list probably about 3 times over the course of 6 months, I ran the entire gamut past my mom (I had 10 points on my list) and she asked me the best question that she could have ever asked. "Are you all of those things?" I honestly knew that I wasn't so I took the next year to work on myself...to turn myself into the type of woman that a man would want to marry. I knew a man would want to marry a woman who knew how to throw at least 5 different meals together, so I taught myself to cook more. I knew that the type of man I wanted would want a woman who was calm and responsible, so I de-cluttered my life and got rid of baggage, including exes I talked to occassionaly. I knew that I wanted a spiritual man, so I worked on my spirituality fervently. I knew that a husband wants a wife that's confident, has interests and can carry a conversation, so I practiced that when out with friends. I worked on transforming into someone with wife-like qualities. And then I prayed for dear life more times than I care to mention. Ha! The most important element on top of everything else was faith. And when I least expected it, BAM, here came this spiritually mature, handsome, calm, humble, caring, smart man. I would be remiss if I didn't say that I didn't see him for me at first. I was hung up on his age. My aunt, who's also married to a younger man, looked at me with a crazy face and yelled at me, "Uh uh! That wasn't on your list!" I chastised myself in my head for not adding that before, and then accepted that she was right.

Is it wrong to say that it's possible some black women aren't humble enough or ready to have a husband? (I always believed that if Jehovah hadn't blessed me with a husband, it was because I wasn't ready yet.) Why do I always hear black women (or women in general) talk about what he doesn't have or what he did wrong or that he's not good enough? When do we talk about what WE need to work on and what WE don't have? I worked HARD to become wife-like! I listened to what men wanted (I actually took a poll on my blog), and I worked to make sure someone would want ME (without compromising the foundation of who I am of course). Are other black women doing the same?

It looks like I figured out why I'm annoyed. I'm tired of hearing the woe-to-black-single-women-who-want-to-get-married story. Take your life in your hands and make it happen. If the statistics and reasons for declining marriages among the black race are true, Become The Exception. Make it happen, captain! Ain't nothing to it but to do it! (Sorry if I'm a little riled up. Those articles I read this week got my feathers ruffled! sheesh!)

Now if you single ladies (or married) want to teach me a thing or two and express your differing opinion, I'm all ears. I'd love to hear it. Maybe I'm just a married woman who doesn't get it. I know I don't have all the answers. The floor is yours.