Monday, January 08, 2007

Thinking at 11PM.

I did something I said I wouldn't do.
I abandoned my convictions and made a preference to disobey.
He told me not to touch that one,
but I bit into the forbidden apple like I had no conscience.
Why make a committment if you're going to break it?
How much of a hypocrit can one be?

Has my conscience become seared?
I feel like I no longer care about the difference between right and wrong.
Somewhere along the way,
I made a seriously wrong and fatal turn.
My vision is blurry and I'm lost without a chance.
I want to turn back into the light,
but I've already failed.

I'm told to practice what I preach.
Well don't listen to what I preach but I certainly don't practice.
My heart is in the right place.
I know my intentions are good.
The problem lies with following through.
I just can't see to follow through.

Searching for a resolution is not as easy as it sounds.
Either way someone always ends up getting hurt.
Is there a way for peace without causing someone pain?
If there is,
please let me know.
It is an answer that I've been looking for all my life.
An eternal struggle that I've had to fight.

Practice what you preach.
Practice what you preach.
I know what I need.
I know what's best.
For some reason,
I lack the faith.
The faith that it will happen.
The faith to know everything will be ok.

Faith and patience.
Knowledge and wisdom.
Love and peace.
Honor and glory.
Cultivate these qualities and one will suceed.
Imperfection finds a way to make that difficult.
But it never hurts to try.

I have to try.

5 comments:

T.a.c.D said...

Living right is NOT easy at all, and we all make mistakes, its the learning from those mistakes that will make the difference....just keep your head up and everything will work itself out...seems like a lot has happened you we have been back from VACA on both sides...but we keep pushing, we keep dealing, we keep looking at the light, that's how we get through, that's how we get by...in order to make it to the other side, just keep looking at the light...

jendayi said...

@t.c. - we're a work in progress right? on the contrary to what you said though, not a lot has happened. i was just reflecting on some stuff I've done.

T.a.c.D said...

well I am honestly glad a lot hasn't happened for you as me...its always good to relfect though...we are ALWAYS works in progress...you ever read a scripture and then go back and read it again and get something totally different or in addition to what you got the first time...its all about growth in wisdom, you feel me...so just keep pushing towards that growth

Blu Jewel said...

we're human and we're not always going to do the right things at the right time. accepting what we did (if wrong) and moving to heal and get past it is what counts. practicing what we preach isn't as easy as it sounds; but trying to is key. life is a series of events and experiences; good, bad or otherwise.

I'm sure you'll get through whatever you need to.

jendayi said...

@ t.c. and blu - thank you for your words of wisdom guys. it's very much appreciated!

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