Writing is Constrictive

Writing has always and forever been a place of haven for me. Whatever was on my mind, I wrote without censorship. But as of lately, I haven't been able to do so. Consequently, I don't enjoy my blog as much as I used to. Before typing out a sentence, I run that very sentence through the little factory in my mind to make sure that it's blog proof. And that's just no fun. When I write, I don't want to have to think. I just want to let it loose. Anything and everything. Parts of me that I didn't know existed unless I was being completely and utterly honest with myself. Sentiments I neglected to feel until I poured out my soul on cyberspace's paper. But a lot of that has been lost. I have a journal as well, and that's where I usually go to pour my heart out, but Zuri She Wrote should be an outlet of equal measure. I feel restricted. So this is what I figure. I'm going to have to do either one of three things. Change the url of my blog, censor my content, or forget about my readers and write whatever the heck I want. I'm not so sure what the right choice is. And even if I change my site url, will I still give the same people the address? Because you know how it is...At times, certain posts are subtly directed at a particular person for the purpose of pointedly communicating to them in a way they would never expect. At other times, however, I wish they were overcome by amnesia and altogether forgot about my blog. It's a tough decision, only because I'm tired of writing for others but still want to share the best of me...and only the best of me. In reading ms. confessions blog, I feel the freedom she has in expressing her hearts desires. She talks about whatever and whoever she pleases. And it's clear that whoever she's talking about does not have access to her thoughts. So then that makes me think about the privacy of blogs. The words "privacy" and "blog" are a stark contradiction. People warn, "don't put your personal business out there!" but if I can't write what I want to write, then what's the purpose of a personal blog? I might as well not have one and stick to my journal. That might sound like a solution, however the dilemma is that as easy as it is to pick up a pen and paper, I find it much easier to sign on and type away. Writing by hand takes too long when you're burning to release a thought. Censor my content? Naw. I can't do that. I have to say what I want to say. You know what else I like about recording my true feelings? I can always go back and experience how ridiculous, immature and off-balance I was back in the day. And I'm not going back to read for the sake of embarrassment. I'm really going back to see how much I've grown. I first started keeping journals in 1995. So as of today, I have 7 journals chronicling the last 13 years of my life. That would make me 12 when I started writing. It's interesting that I haven't picked up an old journal and gone back yet. Regardless of what I just mentioned above about seeking my growth through my words, I'm a little scared to go back. I definitely recorded a lot of good times, but I'm most afraid to read about my heartbreaks, frustrations and anger. When you're a teenager, you go through more emotions than you know exist in that budding body of yours. Somehow, I feel that the raw emotions I penned would come back to life if I read them. I know it doesn't make sense, especially if these are emotions felt over a decade ago, but... I don't know. I'm getting off the subject though. Why blog if I can't say exactly what's on my mind? I'm tired of being self-conscious of what I write. There is already a list of subjects I try to stay away from. Men and sex being one of them. I can't talk about what led up to these very words - "I Love Men" - being blatantly and firmly impressed on my mind like a bold, neon, Vegas marquee today. Nor will I talk about how it feels or doesn't feel to nestle my cold nose into the warm flesh of a safe man's neck. Or how absolutely terrified I am to date. (This is now opening a whole 'nother can of worms that I WISH I could claw and rip into right now, but won't for the sake of my dignity and other people's feelings.) And then for the sake of the new Zuri She Wrote readers, I keep it mostly light, uplifting and general because I don't want it to appear to the untrained eye that I've lost my mind. lol. First impressions are everything. But there I go, thinking of other individuals again. Can I just be me?

I want to keep writing but I have nothing left to say, so...

...to be continued...or maybe not.

Happy Thursday

I am having an absolutely marvelous day! And it's only 9:30! lol. I'm not quite sure why, but you know how you just roll out the bed and everything is right? I had a hearty breakfast this morning (which I never have), I knocked out a couple of emails and to-dos before everyone walked through the door, I feel beautiful... Sigh. These are the feelings that I live for.

I'm reading this trashy African-American novel to tie me over until I can find a really good book. It's hilarious! The writing is so bad that I'm amused. The author must have used the same phrase about 20 times so far and I'm only halfway through the book."When his mouth touched hers, she was lost." "She trembled at his touch." Bwaaaahhhh! I find myself rolling my eyes a lot while reading this book. It's all good though. It's just entertainment people!

Is anyone as excited about the Olympics as I am? Michael Phelps is a beast! Swim Mike Swim! And then the track & field star Allyson Felix. Oh my goodness. She amazes me. I can care less about Americanism until the Olympics start. Go USA! August 8th on NBC.

Alright. Get back to work people. Holla!

Ran-dumb Thoughts

Today was a pretty chill day.
Got my hair cut again.
It's shorter than my normal so this time it should last a while.
My hair grows so fast.
I won't dare trust my cut to anyone but my mom's hairdresser.
If anyone else puts scissors to my hair, I will scream.
You never know, you know?
People can jack you up if they don't know what they're doing.
My hairdresser in NY is perfect for a wash and style.
That's it.
Oh and good conversation.
He's the first stylist that I've actually talked to while in the chair.
I've never had conversation in beauty parlors before.
Maybe because I was too young to get into grown people's business.
But I'm grown now.
Speaking of grown, my parents asked me if I wanted to rent their house with my little sister.
I told them I would pass on that.
Now that I've lived everywhere with everyone, I feel I'm too grown to think about moving in with my little sister.
I'm tired of living with everyone.
It's time I get my own.
And as soon as I leave NY, that's what I'll do.
I'm looking forward to my future.
But I want to be careful not to live for it.
I've done that and it really didn't get me anywhere.
I was always focusing on where I should be at age so and so, failing to enjoy the moment.
At this point in my life, I'm happy.
I'm getting back in touch with how I used to feel during my single years in LA.
Free, fun, spiritual, and fly!
There's nothing like feeling you're on top of the world.
I can attribute much of that feeling to being home.
Whenever I come back to the house I grew up in, I feel so comfortable and myself.
There are no pretenses.
I'm not trying to put on a particular face.
I don't have to work on anything.
It's just me.
And the people I love.

Tomorrow is the Sistahs Speak workshop.
I'm looking forward to it.
I hope that we don't come away disturbed. lol.
If you take the group of us, 10 or 12 individuals in all, we've all been so jacked up.
Broken engagements, deceitful boyfriends, self-esteem issues, lonliness....
It's all so much.
But it's nothing that we can't get through.
Hopefully.
Speaking for myself only, I know that I'm alright.
I know that I will be alright.
If I just stay close to Jehovah, remain busy, and dedicate my time to others, I'll be good.
And then all of a sudden, everything will fall into place.
And then I'll look back and wonder what I was crying for.

I just heard my dad do one of his loud snores.
All the way down the hallway!
Little sis must be sleep too because I haven't seen her since I stepped in the house.
Or she might be on the phone with her bf.
Mom is downstairs wrapped up in a blanket in front of the tv.
She's so funny.
Talkin about how she has insomia now.
That woman is always diagnosing herself with something.
And don't let her see Dr. Oz or hear a health report on Oprah.
Man!
"Well, Dr. Oz said..."
*Rolling my eyes* (only over the phone, of course)
Alright... she's calling me.
Wants me to see Michelle Williams sing.
Nite people.

Black in America

I watched the first installment of Black in America last night. Well... eh. It was alright I guess. Even though it was about Black Women and the Family, I felt very little applied to me. It was just a bunch of bad news and mostly things that I already knew. I wonder who the shows audience is. Who exactly is CNN and Essence trying to reach? People like me? Educators and activists? People in positions of power? White people? I'm asking because I know what it is to be Black in America. I'm touched by it everyday. No I'm not in poverty, nor do I have AIDS/HIV, kids, and no I'm not a high school or a college drop-out. But I have friends who are. What black person doesn't?

As Soledad and the show pointed out, we're in dire straights. So now what? I can bet all my shoes that the next tv show about African-Americans will give me the same or worse information than last year. Year after year, it'll be the same.

I was wondering Soledad would give us a chance to see the positive. Thankfully she did, even if it was for 10 seconds. Speaking of, what would a segment on being White in America look like? How rosy would it be? Or would they focus on the white trash to make it seem like they have the same problems as us?

Well, let's see what this Black Men in America segment is like tonight. I have a feeling it's gonna be rough...

Stories of Break-Ups

A husband and wife team bumped into some really hard times. The husband was overwhelmed and wasn't sure if he had what it took to be the family head any longer. So time went by and one day the husband said to the wife, "I don't know if I want to work this out." A couple of days later, the wife called the husband at work and said that today was the day. Today he must pack his bags and move out. That was the day that shook the husband and he was forced to make a decision. Knowing that he wanted to do right, the husband decided to take action. He set up marriage enrichment courses at the church, he took days off of work to attend the sessions, gave his wife a list of action items that he was willing to take to keep the marriage and changed his attitude immediately.

When I heard this true story (which was told to me in more detail), I was so moved.

Here are a few of my initial thoughts:

So it IS possible?! There are men out there who don't give up!
I guess that's the 50% right?
But considering all the relationship bad news that's surrounding me, why are there are so many breakups when it's clear that it can be worked out?
What's different today?
Why don't men reach out to other men who have made it?
I guess it's just not in the men (or women) of today.
Thinking back to my exes - they were too young to know to do this though.
Actions like that comes with maturity.
Wow! This husband called out for spiritual guidance, vowed to make a change in his heart, had action items AND took off from work!?
Now you know he's serious when he takes off!
Work is a man's sanctuary.
He was completely selfless - devoted to their welfare and not his own.
Women, for the most part, are quick to 'try and work it out'.
With their hearts on their sleeves, they fight.
This husband did what he was supposed to do though!
He took a vow.
That was his obligation.
Would he have stepped up if his wife never told him to leave?
Doubt it.
You teach people how they should treat you.
She taught him that he couldn't play.
If she let her husband stay without an answer, would he have respected her?
Might he have cheated on her while still in the house?
She was strong.
Women usually hold on when they know they shouldn't.
But she stopped it right away.
That's admirable.
I'm still in shock.
He seriously did whatever he had to do.
The man took off from work!
That's awesome!
There's a ray of hope ladies and gentleman!

Friday Night

This is one of those nights where I wish I had my own place. I just had a nice glass of wine which I'm definitely feeling. Got my hair loose. A nice summer night's breeze is coming through the window. The lights are out, with a faint glow from the kitchen light and my labtop. Got Usher's "Love You Gently" on in the background. Mmmm... Man! If I had my own spot, this would be the night where I would light candles, put on one of my many sexy slow jams mix CDs, throw on a little chemise, dance sensually in front of the mirror, and pour myself yet another glass of wine. No man would be necessary cuz that's not really what this is about. This is about me. A Friday night for myself to relax and shake off the effects of the week. Zone out to something smooth all the while radiating beautifully from within. I remember how it used to be when I had my own place. Right there in little ole' Lakewood. When I met Maxwell from my stereo for an evening of womanhood. When I met another me in my studio. If I only had my own place...

Black Summer's Night album - Maxwell

Update: Someone commented on this post today, which I COMPLETEY forgot about. I just HAD to bring it back to the top. Feel this people. Just feel it.

mmm... i'm in love. Pretty Wings.

http://www.zshare.net/audio/3430971dd2dbe1/

just close your eyes.

you know how you hear what you want to hear? well all i've been hearing is songs that tell me to spread my wings and fly. did you listen to maxwell's lyrics? oh my goodness... this is on repeat for the day. it almost wants to make me cry it's so perfect.

Your face will be the reason I smile
But I will not see what I cannot have forever
I’ll always love ya
I hope you feel the same
You played me dirty
Your game was so bad
You toyed with my affection
Had to fill out my prescription
Found the remedy
I had to set you free
Away from me
To see clearly
The way that love can be
When you are not with me
I had to let
I had to let
I had to leave
I have to live
If I can’t have you
Let love set you
Free to fly your
Pretty wings around

What Albums Are You Looking Forward To?

We're about to have a wave of new music soon, and you KNOW I'm excited. Here are the new albums I'm looking forward to. What about you?


I'm really interested in this first album. It's like walking into unchartered territory. Something unforseen and random. I really hope her entire album is as good as the few tracks that have leaked so far. She seems refreshing, but I'll be the judge of that once my iPod is loaded.



I'm loyal to this dude. I don't care what anyone says. High, girly voice and all. That "Girls All Around The World" track makes me feel SO good. It's just what I want to listen to as I'm walkin down the street in my heels and extra tight jeans. Holla!



And of course... An ode just plain, good ole music. A vow to talent. Since nearly every song will hit the charts, it's a good piece to add to the collection.



So then what else do we have?

Keri Hilson just clued me in with her "Energy" video. I've been ignoring her despite her writing talent and whatever everyone else sees in her, but she captured my attention with this. If she's pushed on me enough, I might just support her.




And then we'll have Joe coming out soon, along with Common, Robin Thicke, Rafael Saadiq and Brandy. Brandy's another one I definitely will support. Her last album was sorely under rated. Plus she's a fighting, sucka-get-out-my-way, don't-mess-with-me, singing lady. And you know I like that. Tee hee hee.

Oh and don't forget Terrence Howard's "Shine Through It" album. Not sure how I feel about that yet. (Smile!)

What are you looking forward to?

Bentley feat Kanye, Sa-Ra and Andre 3000 - "Everybody"

It's so weird to see Kanye as a part of a group! But I love this. It's wonderful!

Relationships...

I talked to a couple of my homeboys this week. Everybody is going through relationship trouble. MM says that being a full-time student as well as having a full-time job takes a huge toll on his relationship. They're always fighting about time. SH told me that he's always finding himself acquiesing to his girlfriend, hoping that she'll humble herself as well one day. My co-worker IMed me a few minutes ago telling me how tired he is of the drama with his girlfriend and her misplaced anger, which is why they haven't talked in 3 days. I met a guy this weekend who's been engaged to his fiancee for 2 years simply because 'she's not ready' and is therefore planning a move across the country. Then, I just got word that JM is pushing back his wedding. What in the world is going on out here?!

Relationships are hard. Anyone who's been in one knows. I just wrote a journal entry yesterday about how happy some couples seem. Take Will & Jada for example. Just look at them. Can any two people be more suited for each other? Can't you feel their joy?



Of course I'm looking from the outside in, but they just glow love. More importantly, they reak of friendship. But since they are in a "relationship", they must have issues. Right? Aren't the words "relationship" and "issues" synonymous? I guess we were forewarned. The Scriptures tell us at 2 Timothy 3:1-3 that in these last days, it gets harder and harder to love. People aren't open to agreement anymore, nor do they have natural affection for each other. People just don't care about each other anymore. So how do you find what Will & Jada have (from the naked eye)? How does one person find someone who just wants to be with you? How does one find a person who actually wants to get married? How does one find a person who knows how to work on the issues or wants to learn how to do so? How does one find a person who has natural affection?

Aren't we all tired of the drama?

Open Your Eyes

Dwele's CD is off the hook. I love this man (he came to the office Tuesday to meet with us!). There's one song that just... ugh! Can you say On REPEAT?! The way that he sings it... so soft... so smooth... And I love how he throws a little piece of Common's "The Light" back into the mix. Just stupidly beautiful.

I see you
in a lonley place
How can you be so blind?
You're still regretting the love you left
left behind
Oh Darling
I see you go through your changes
sitting alone each night
Are you expecting to find a love
love that's right?
Well darlin open your eyes
and let me show you the light
Girl, you'll never find a love that's right
But darling open your eyes
and let me show you the light
Oh you'll think you're so wise
so wise


There are times
when you need someone
I will be by your side
I'll take my chances before they pass
pass me by
There is a light that shines
special for you and me
You need to look at the other side
You'll agree
Well darling open your eyes
and let me show you the light
Girl, you'll never find a love that's right
But darling open your eyes
and let me show you the light

"Open Your Eyes" by Dwele

My Convo with Ms. Keys

I saw Alicia Keys at Madison Square Garden last night and we had a conversation. I was feeling very emotional moments before I met up with her, and you know when your emotions are on your sleeve, everything means so much more. Quotes hit you harder, Bible verses are more profound... even lyrics that you've heard over and over again hit cords they've never hit before. So because of my emotional state, when I conversed with Alicia last night, I understood her more than I ever have.

I was feeling very under appreciated last night. Even slightly angry. I told her that there was one song in particular that I was feigning to hear. She asked me what it was and I gave her a piece of the lyrics. "Used to look at you and see the possibilities. I see you for who you are. Boy you've disappointed me. Go Ahead. Go on and get up on outta here. Go ahead baby. You knew you was wrong. You knew all along. Must be crazy. If you think I'ma fall for this anymore, everybody say naa naa naa naa." She said to me that she thinks she sees what's going on here. She said that she knew exactly what I was feeling and that there was something that she once said to her under-appreciating friends and acquaintances that helped her out a lot. Alicia must have been reading my mind because she looked at me and said "And a real woman knows a real man ain't fraid to please her. If you treat me fairly, I'll give you all my goods. Treat you like a real woman should. Baby I know you're worth it. If you never play me, promise not to bluff, I'll hold you down when it get's rough. Don't take for granted the passion that she has for you. You will lose if choose to refuse to put her first. She will and she can find a man who knows her worth. And a real man just can't deny a woman's worth." By the end of her anecdote, I was down with her. You know? I felt her. I told her, 'dag on real! If a person treats me up to my full worth, they could walk away with my soul! I'll give them everything they need! My goods, my soul, my everything!' So I was wide open by then. She spoke to my heart and I was really feeling her. So then she began to tell me that a lot of times they just don't get it. They mistake your feelings for something different and come out of their mouth with some mess that doesn't even make sense. Even AFTER you've given your heart and soul. You would think they would know by now, but... they don't. So she tells me, "How could you look me in my eyes and not see what, what I feel inside. Tell me how could you doubt the fact that I love. Don't you ever think like that. Don't you ever never do that. There will never be two things that go together better than you and me! I need you." I agreed, I told her that I don't understand how you could be so tight with someone and then all of a sudden they tell you that you're not down. It baffles me too. But she told me that it's alright. When all of that mess surrounds you, and you feel distorted, just remember that you're a strong, surviving woman. We all have to be when the valleys hit hard and you're feeling the blues. She told me that I have to be a superwomen and told me like this, "Everywhere I'm turning, nothing seems complete. I hang my head from sorrow. The state of humanity wearing on my shoulders. Gotta find the strength in me. Cuz I am a Superwoman. Yes I am. Still when I'm a mess, I still put on a vest with an 'S' on my chest. Oh yes, I'm a superwoman." I told her that I completely understood that. I'm always pulling my head up against the weight of the world even when my heart hurts. I already live the life of a superwoman. Have since I was little. But who's going to be there for me? Who's going to be my supersomeone? She had an answer right away. She told me to apply what she was about to say next to the Almighty God Jehovah. She said, "I just want you close where you can stay forever. You can be sure that it will only get better. You and me together through the days and nights, I don't worry cuz everything's going to be alright. And no one can get in the way of what I'm feeling." Then she asked me, you know why? I asked why, and she said, "When the rain is pouring down and my heart is hurting, you will always be around. This I know for certain." She was so right. When you have 'no one', who's the only person you can turn to that will be ALWAYS around? God.

There were so many other things that she said to me, but I'll keep that between Alicia and I. I ended up having a GREAT conversation with her, as you can see. There's something so spiritual and beautiful about that woman. Her insides radiate and I appreciated how she left her heart open for people like me to peak into.

GREEN LIGHT

I love this!! Great summer song. This should be a good album. Check it out!

John Legend feat Andre 3000 - GREEN LIGHT

http://www.zshare.net/audio/137122957b7ad11e/

On My Way To Work....

...this morning, I listened to Marques Houston's "Veteran". I forgot how great this album is. The music is so underrated. This is his greatest piece of work yet. It made me happy this morning. I don't even really remember my commute!

Tuesdays are doom days at work (reports, meetings, monthly close stuff), so hopefully I can get through it without a burn. After today, it should be smooth sailing. Wednesday night is Alicia Keyes and Thursday night, I'll be on a plane to LA. We're almost there people!

My fiance' pulled my credit score yesterday for me. I must say that I'm proud of myself. I was worried though. My debt is overwhelming at times. Two credit cards and my student loan. I promise that I will get rid of one of those credit cards soon. I might even get a second job just to pay them off. Yep. If I move, I'm getting a second job. It's decided.

I watched Michael Clayton last night. Good movie. I have a couple of good movies coming up in my Netflix queue. Roscoe Jenkins... Sweeny Todd... Mr. Brooks... You know what other movie was good? Surf's Up. The animated movie with the penguins. These animated movies now-a-days are so smart. The script is so clever.

What new music comes out this week? Ryan Leslie, Rihanna (again), Chante Moore, and Anthony David. Eh. I might pick up Anthony David. He played for us a couple of weeks ago and I really like his personality and voice. Or I might save my money for Dwele next week. I still haven't got that Lil Wayne yet. Right now, it's all about Santogold. I really like that chicks sound. Reminds me of a little bit of M.I.A. mixed with some doses of J'Davey. She has a fresh sound. I like N.E.R.D.'s CD too, but all of it starts to sound the same. I swore they re-used some of the beats. You already know what you're going to get before you put the music on. It's GREAT party music though. If you want a work-out, throw on some N.E.R.D.!

Did you know that my favorite cereal is Honey Bunches of Oats? Well I'm going to eat some right now! Enjoy your day family!

If A Man Loves You, He'll Spend Money On You Part 2

I just read a Brown Sista post, (If A Man Loves You, He Will Spend Money On You) and I need to piggy back on some things. While I agree with the post, I think it goes deeper than that. I don't know how many times we have to say this, but it's not about the money. IT'S ABOUT THE LITTLE THINGS. A nice phone conversation. A sweet text message. The gift of a flower, even if it's picked from the front yard. A letter in the mail. A walk in the park while holding hands. A little surprise. A candlelight dance in the living room. Do something to make me feel good dag-on-it. It's so funny because women spend all of their time and energy catering to the man of their affections. We call. We daydream about them. We play songs for them that remind us of them. We send silly e-cards just to say that we thought about them. We give them our last dimes. We give them space when they ask for it. We keep ourselves up so his boys can validate how well he pulled a dime. All of that crap. The major challenge comes in when a man comes down with a sudden case of amnesia and forgets what it is that you want. Will someone please tell me, what is it about a man that makes him lose his ever-loving mind and fail to cherish you and all that you do for him? Well in the words of my man Dan from the CW tv show "Gossip Girl", "It's because I'm a man and I'm dumb." Now if THAT doesn't explain why men are apologizing the majority of the time, I don't know what does. So if a man loves you, he won't only spend money on you, he will use every ounce of his strength to fight the amnesia. He will include you in his thoughts and communicate his feelings. He will do his best to refrain from taking his long day out on you. If a man really loves you, he will work through issues with you. He will work his butt off to take care of you. The list goes on.

Of course these things should go both ways. But I'm not talking about females right now because most of this mess comes naturally to us. Please get it right fellas. It really doesn't take much. All we need is tenderness and a thoughtful sentiment every now and then. It really has nothing to do with money. I'll live in a box with a man if he loves me like a queen. But, err, if you're going to have me in a box, you really have no choice but to treat me as such. Because if you make me feel stupid for being in the po' house with a man who mistreats me, I'm burning your box down, taking what little money you do have, talking bad about you to everyone I know, and then buying me a house with the secret stash I've had all along! Holla!!!!

Ran-Dumb Thoughts

So many things on my mind.
When you get engaged, everything goes from me to we.
I'm not used to this yet.
Every decision I make, I have to think about him.
It's taxing sometimes.
I found a new Brandy song on Concrete Loop that's resonating with me.
It's called Escape.
"So many complications.
Everyday it's something.
Escape from my mind."
Brandy's music is great.
I can't wait until her new album.
"I'm losing all my patience.
It's so hard to resist it.
You don't know what I'm going through."
I can listen to this song all day.
I'm thinking about moving.
An apartment will become available in August.
I'm tired of living with family.
It's beneficial for my wallet if I stay.
Sometimes you just don't care.
If I didn't leave my aunt's to have my own, I would've been a different person.
It was one of the best decisions of my life.
I'll have roommates this time around.
Can't live in NY without.
Lunchtime.
I'm not hungry.
Haven't been hungry in quite a while.
I ate really well in Atlantic City this past weekend though.
Had so much fun with the ladys.
My abs got a workout I laughed so hard.
The Alicia Keyes concert is Wednesday.
Not particularly excited yet.
I took my aunt to see her a couple of years ago.
She put on a good show.
JennWill flies in Thursday.
Gotta remember that.
I need to pack tomorrow.
I live out of a suitcase.
I probably should cancel my hair appointment.
We might go swimming.
No need to have a fresh head for that.
Wondering what to do July 4th weekend.
My parents and sis will be gone.
Should I go home and have the house to myself?
Maybe I should discover NY.
I need to get with some friends.
Just emailed them.
What's going on July 4th weekend yall?
I think I should take a break, even if I don't eat.
Later.

R. Kelly ACQUITTED?

Acquitted?! How?! What in the world?!!! (Should I be surprised?)

http://www.essence.com/essence/themix/entertainment/0,16109,1814418,00.html

Essence/Toyota Event

Last night, my job had an event in partnership with Toyota called "If Looks Could Kill". (see Bossip post here) (and Brown Sista post here) (and YBF's take) Toyota has spent much of their effort on marketing the 2009 Camry towards African-American women, hence the partnership with Essence. Check out the online component of the campaign here. PR Weekly said this about the site. "[It] includes a series of videos that feature a resourceful fashion designer and Camry driver involved in an espionage plot. Users can navigate within the 3D scene to play along with the adventure, picking up clues to assist the main character, and potentially winning 1,000 prizes over the course of the campaign." I haven't checked it out yet, but it looks fun.

So Alexis Phifer of Ghita (also Kanye West's ex) and Keyshia Cole provided our entertainment and I have two observations. I bumped into Alexis on my way out to lunch and boy was she short. Who would've known?! Two - Keyshia Cole was surprisingly GORGEOUS! Not that I ever thought she wasn't pretty, but in person she's remarkable. Of course she was wearing a Diane von Furstenberg dress. And I hated her for that. lol. Here are a few pics from the event below.

Solange's "I Decided"

This is so good ya'll!

Mr. Breezy

UPDATE: Pics Now Included

Chris Brown
Rockefeller Plaza
A rare chance to see him
Came into work
Dropped my bags
Headed back out the door
Walked across the street to the plaza
Crowd is unusually large
More guards and police officers than ever
I faked like I was buying a cup of coffee to get into Dean & Deluca



Screaming girls everywhere
I secretly screamed
I like the mohawk Chris



Took as many pics as I could fight to take
Finishes the first song
Police start to come into D&D
I leave
I hover around the crowds to see the interview
He smiles
Cute A
nd then he performs Forever
I love that song




A guard comes over and tells me I have to move
He touches me and I tell him don't touch me
(I can't stand it when people of enforcement think they can touch you)
So I move around him
Watch for a couple of minutes
And head back to work
Chris Brown

A light bulb just went off today...a true aha moment. There's been this little thing that has bothered me for some time now. Maybe even as far back as high school. It was/is strange but whenever I had/have an informative or deep conversations with someone, I secretly walk away, not enlighted, but hurt. It didn't make sense because whatever advice I was hearing was usually for my benefit. Most likely, it would come from people who loved me and wanted the best for me. So why feel hurt by it? Well, in an attempt to not look ungreatful, I shoved the feeling deep down inside and never spoke of it. I never could put my finger on why I often felt so insulted, but today I figured it out. Today's the first day I've spoken this into the air.

I don't think I'm given enough credit.

From a very early age, I was told that as a pretty, light-skinned girl, people will perceive me similar to a dumb blonde. I might have mentioned this in a previous blog, but I did all I could to fight that stereotype. I wasn't obsessed with the notion of proving myself though. I didn't let it lead my life. I just made sure that when I opened my mouth, I had something of substance to say. I'm not sure if I feel like I'm treated like a dumb blonde, but I now know that I surely have this general sweeping feeling that people assume I'm not smart enough to think.

My director emailed me today and told me that if I don't have numbers by end of day Friday, I should email the managers on Monday to ask for them. Umm... It's now Wednesday. Why do you not believe in me or in my intelligence enough to know that I not only thought about that, but DID something about it 2 days ago? This exact case happens often in my life. In discussions, I often hear people say that I need to learn to do this or perhaps I should try to approach it this way. Maybe it's because I'm usually talking to elders that they assume I don't know. On occasion though, it's come directly from my peers. During those times, I wish I could plead with that person to realize that I'm not a retard and that I had that very same conversation with myself 2 days ago.

My mother asked me is there something that I can do so that I don't feel that way. Perhaps communicate more. I told her that I need to speak my intelligence more. She then told me that maybe I don't because it shows humility. Well I don't know what to do then. I just want to know when am I allowed to have wisdom without telling everyone that I have it? I'm not trying to say that I never have to listen to advice again because I'm not so ignorant to believe that I don't need help. I am only 25 years old and have so much to learn about life. I told my mother and my aunt today that I have no idea how to be a wife. And when that day comes, I'm going to call them and ask for help. I'm looking forward to learning from their personal life's so that I don't run into the same ditches they ran into in their marriages.

I think this is all coming up because of my engagement. While they are happy for me, they're worried for me. And it's adding a certain weight to my special announcement. (And I know they don't mean to, so I'm not blaming anyone.) To quote them, they said that it is "bittersweet" because while they're happy for me they know the valleys that marriage brings and wonder if I'm strong enough. Yes, there is a lot of joy and pain in marriage. It's a fact. And you better believe that I've thought about this. Why say yes if I haven't? I know that my parents and relatives are afraid. They want to protect me from everything, and they're scared. It's sad that in this system of things, marriage brings forth such a cloud. And I can understand why. 50% of marriages end in divorce. They're hard. And by Christianity's standards, there's no way out with the exception of infidelity. It's a serious step. A major, life-changing decision.

I don't know. This is all so new to me. I don't want to tip toe around everyone as they worry for me. I want to STOMP around during my engagement. I want to scream it to the world. Dag on it, I'm getting married!

STRESSED

I'm so stressed today. I'm doing all I can not to lose my mind. My director is driving me crazy, it's dark and rainy outside, I only have one of me to do all of this work... Lord please help me get through this day!

A Blog About Pure Materialism

Last night, I attended the sneak preview of Sex and the City, and I am officially on a fashion high. Do you know that I dreamt about the movie last night and therefore am up at 6:41 in the morning blogging about it? I don't even have to go to work today! How crazy is this?! I feel like I'm on some sort of drug. I haven't been this over the top excited since "Devil Wears Prada"! I know you remember the scenes where Andy transformed and walked through the streets of NY head to toe in Calvin Klein and Chanel. Ugh! I was green with envy during those scenes.

Well the movie was absolutely fantastic. And the clothes were even better. I've never minded Carrie's crazy collaborations. I sorta fancy some of them. Especially when she pairs hard and dark accessories with soft and bright dresses. But the individual pieces (i.e. bags, shoes, jackets, jewelry, etc.) that popped up in the film had my head spinning. Charlotte had this feathery bag that I went crazy over...Then there was Carrie's black peep toe sandals...Miranda had this necklace on while having V-day dinner with Carrie that I wanted to snatch off her neck...And I've never cared much for Samantha's style but even I was looking really googlie-eyed at her ginormous beach hat. The fashion was incredible. Oh! And what high fashion store was Carrie in during one of the early scenes of the movie?! DIANE VON FURSTENBERG!!! (If you've read the blogs, you know she's my fav.)

So this is sort of a downer, but what the movie made me realize is that I'll never have enough money. I'm trying to come away from the film with a positive, upbuilding outlook, but it's hard when you see amazing fashion pieces that you want which inevitably costs as much as my dag on ivy league college tuition. Last night after the movie, I was tempted to step into the nearest store and charge the next best thing. Thank goodness my cousin was with me though. (Here comes the whining..) But how long until I can have the Louis Vuitton bag? Christian Louboutin boots? A Monique Lhuillier gown? A Chanel jacket? DAG ON IT! Why is life so unfair!!!!!????!?! Lol.

But lately I've been on this 'things-I-will-never-have-or-do' kick that I need to stick a knife through. Things like walk a red carpet in a designer gown, ride in a private jet, have a personal stylist, shop in private collection... The things that are staples in a celebrity's life. My sister said that I could have it all if I worked for it. But I then pouted and said that I didn't want to have to work for it. Typical me.

Ooo! I forgot to mention... Carrie's closet! Mr. Big built Carrie a closet that... there are no words. You just have to see this thing. It was more than beautiful. Shelfs and doors and shoe racks, oh my! It's funny because last night while putting clothes away into my small closet, I got really Carrie jealous. My family has always told me that I have a lot of clothes, but I didn't believe them until yesterday when my co-worker said that she's always curious to see what I have on because I have so many clothes. But in my defense, it's not that I have a lot of clothes. I just that I have different seasons to dress for. Does that make sense? Not really. Lol. Ok fine. I have a lot of clothes. Back to the closet. So yes. I'm Carrie jealous. I currently have 3 and 4 dresses and 2 sweaters a piece on ONE hanger. It's really frustrating. Mainly because I can't see what I have. But one day... I too shall have a big closet. Now THAT'S something I can easily reach for. He he!

So of course I will see the movie again to target and mentally log every j.a.c. friendly piece I adore. And to take in the story line too. Do you know that I cried? I'm such an emotional wreck sometimes. I wonder what they're going to do coming off of this movie. Meaning, will they sell dolls, have Sex and the City inspired paraphenalia everywhere (as if they already don't) or something else? There has to be some sort of capitalization on the film. You know what's interesting though is that Sarah Jessica Parker could have an amazing high fashion line. But instead 'Bitten' is her line of choice, which makes a significant tatement. While I appreciate the fashionable clothing at low-prices, there's no faking high quality. So you know what I need to do? Go vintage. My mother is the queen of vintage. But sometimes I just can't go through the crap to find the gems. What I need is the perfect consignment shop. I've actually seen one in LA, but can't remember where. Last night (a lot of things happened last night) on the news, they ran a story on the changing face of consignment shops due to our decapitating economy. The one that they featured in MD was a high end shop filled with designer labels. So that's my new mission in life. Find high-end consignment shops. My mom found a Calvin Klein jacket for me in one right here in NY. I have to ask her where that store is again. Maybe that can be a mother-daughter bonding experience. My love of high-fashion clothes combined with her special, thrifty, super shopping powers. Sounds like a winner!

If this isn't a blog about pure materialism...

Ran-Dumb Thoughts

I am bored out of my mind. Today was supposed to be my day off, but my manager asked me to stay. If it wasn't for the director's email telling us that "we are NOT leaving early" (yep. she put the 'not' in caps just like that.), my manager would probably have let me go realizing that we've handled everything for next week. I hope that the bus doesn't get caught in traffic on the way home. It IS a holiday weekend. Thank goodness for Bolt Bus though. Free Wi-Fi and outlets for cell phones and DVD players. I'm going to melt my hours away by watching season 1 of Heroes. I was dating a short but handsome guy when Heroes first came out. We planned to watch the season together, but that didn't happen.

I need to make a hair appointment. (I'm always getting my hair done!) Did I mention how much I love my haircut? No? Well I love it this much. It's so perfect for me. The ladies here at Essence really seem to love it as well. Especially when I wear my bangs. It's nice to finally find a hair style that works perfect for me.

Three more days of work before I take off for LA. Hallelujah! Baby boi said that he's taking control of the itinerary and that we will be very busy. Alrighty then. All I have to do is look pretty. Cool. I love it when the man handles everything and all you have to do is, well... nothing. It makes for a very relaxing, loving time.

My manager came over and said that I can leave. My bus doesn't leave until 5:30 so umm... I guess I can go out and enjoy the weather while I wait. I do need to look for a dress.

Aight kids. Enjoy the long weekend.

Celebrity Junk

Wow Michelle! I'm so proud of her! I hope the rest doesn't disappoint.

We Break the Dawn
by yardie4lifever2

R. Kelly's trial finally starts today. This is going to be interesting. I can't wait to see how this turns out.

A whole bunch of music keeps leaking and I love it. Solange. Usher. Beyonce's 3 leaked songs aren't really impressing me much. Just like her last album, it's going to have to wear me down before I start falling in love with it. (Cuz I will fall in love with it if the media has anything to do about it.) If it wasn't for her voice and over the top performances, I don't know if she could continue the way she does.

Yo. I know everyone saw Fantasia's performance on Idol last week right? If not, here it is again. Incredible!




Speaking of Idol, if you vote at all, please vote for Cook. I can't STAND Archuletta. A CD full of ballads? Who can stand that?

Shout out to JennWill. Check out Ross the BOSS!



Have a fabulous day people. Don't forget to live in the present!

The CW Rocks!

OMFG.

Does anyone out there watch "Gossip Girl" and the genius that is "One Tree Hill"?!!

Anyone?!

Fine. You're the one missing out.

"One Tree Hill" was absolutly amazing.

Elope

Elope? Elope! Elope. Hmm....

Robot

I'm a robot. On the F, V, B, D train. We're all robots. Navy, black, brown, grey and other dark, expensive suits. With crisp white and blue Brooks Brothers shirts/blouses. Ferragamo, Enzo Angiolini and Christian Louboutin shoes. Black leather briefcases from Calvin Klein or Coach. Louis Vuitton and Fendi bags. Burberry trenches and Tory Burch rainboots for bad days. It's always the same. Robots of the very high fashion kind. I never thought I could be so bored. Every day that I dress up for work, I wish that I hadn't. I looked down at my Enzo's and looked at my trench in the subway window and felt ridiculous. I'm so tired of standing/walking/riding with this sea of overpriced fashion hangers. Today, I lusted for originality. If I didn't have to wear a skirt tomorrow, I would dress for a reggae festival. Red, green and yellow t-shirt, ripped up jeans with some funky tennis shoes or flat sandals to match. Or like I'm coming straight out of the underground scene, obsessed with the color purple. I have these purple and grey tennis shoes that I still haven't worn, so I'ma find a purple sweater and wear my purple bangles and some purple eyeliner to make people look at me cock-eyed on the train that morning. Whatever it takes! I will NO LONGER be a robot!

Update!

I just had an AMAZING mini-vacay to none other than Norman, Oklahoma. That's right folks. Norman is where it's at! That's if you're attending your little sis' college graduation. (smile) Let me tell you...We Had A Ball! Just like yours, my family is comprised of a bunch of nuts! I forgot how embarrassing my grandfather can be at the dinner table. Apparently, he was ordering stuff at the restaurant that wasn't even on the menu! And of course, he's ALWAYS asking for hot sauce. Yes, that might be normal among us black folk, but wait though. Why did he ask for some special Appalachicola, FL (where he's from) brand that you and I BOTH know most restaurants will not have? Come on now Gramps! I'm telling you! He gets majorly unreasonable when ordering dinner! I don't know how many times he sent his plate back for one reason or another. Lol. I had some great laughs and even more special moments though. I'm so proud of my sister. While running the campus (president of this, co-chair of this, member of that), she managed to graduate with honors. She's such a show off!!! But I'm absolutely ecstatic for her.

So what else? I have a hair appointment Friday night, a concert in Philly on Saturday, and eye appointment the following Wednesday and then back out of town to the parent's house Memorial Day weekend. I haven't been in a house with my mother, father and sister in YEARS. It's going to be weird for all four of us to be under the same roof. Hopefully we can get through the long weekend without any fights. he he.

I'm going to a Mets game tonight. I can care less about the Mets, or baseball for that matter, but it's a nice day and it should be fun. I'm glad my cousin is coming along. I need to hang out with her more.

We get Summer Fridays here! That means I have every other Friday off this summer! How cool?! The job can get kinda stressful so it's worth it. I'll need a release every now and then.

The day's almost over and I need a snack before the game so I'll holla at ya'll later. Okay? Okay.

Fun Times

One thing Essence is good for is some champagne toasts. Whether things are going well, someone valuable leaves the company or we win an award, you can be sure there will be champagne. So we have two toasts this week. Fun Times!

The new June issue was tossed on my desk when I walked in yesterday. I always love getting the fresh first bound copy. It excites me. Anything new that speaks on fashion, beauty and the like excites me. (Speaking of, have you heard of a magazine called Mini? Fashionistically Fabulous!) Fun Times!

Tomorrow, Ronnie, Em and I are going to this networking social event. I'm excited about it because it reminds me a lot of back home. (Did I just say back home?!) I haven't been to a mixer in a while, let alone one in NY, so I'm looking forward to it. Fun Times!

My work week will be short next week. I'm leaving bright and early Thursday morning to join my sis, mom, dad, 4 grandparents, and bf for my sis's weekend graduation celebration. I seriously cannot wait for this. I've never wanted to walk around a huge campus in the heat of the summer in a dress and high heels while mingling with stuck-up, stiff people so badly in my life. Little sis is going to make an itinerary of all of the dinners, graduations and activities which undoubtedly will be cute. I can't wait! Fun Times!

And then the next weekend after that, Kanye, RiRi, NERD, and Lupe in Philly! More Fun Times!

And THEN, a full weekend in LA at the end of the month will be spent falling back in love with everyone that I left!! Even More Fun Times!!! *giggles*

Have a good weekend everyone! Happy MAY!

Ran-Dumb Thoughts

Eh.
I don't want to be here right now.
Transport me to another place please.
I keep waking up with these headaches.
Ones that stay throughout the day.
They hurt so much that it's troublesome to walk.
With each step I take, my head throbs.
It has to be my eyes.
I need an eye appointment fast.
On musicovery, I'm in between a dark and calm mood.
I'm happy to be travelling home by bus.
For the first time.
To look out the window and enjoy the scenes.
Pop some tunes in my ears and lay back.
4 hours of quiet me time.
I keep breaking my dang nails!
Carrying suitcases up and down stairs.
Geez.
Well, the day has begun, so let me get to it.

Honeymoon Over

When I walked out of the rush hour crowd and into work this morning, I felt a little twinge of "Aww man! Do I HAVE to?" *Sigh* Yes, ladies and gentlemen...I believe the honeymoon period is over. =( I am no longer that excited, wet behind the ears, new employee that I used to be when I walked into the building here at Rockefeller Center on December 10, 2007. But that's okay. The way that I'm feeling is about right for the time frame that I've been here. Five plus months...almost half a year...and I'm just beginning to feel this way. Not bad.

My co-workers are dynamic people. Absolutely wonderful. I admire the people who work here as well as the magazine (which won Magazine of the Year by the way - WooHoo!) The ethic/aura/culture of this magazine and this office is something that I really believe in and can actually get with. This is the first corporate job I've had where I feel on the same page as the job itself. HOWEVER (and this is when reality hits), I know that I cannot crunch numbers for the rest of my life. IT IS ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE. Just thinking about the financial models, monthly close and metrics that I need to work on today makes me tired. Lord Help Me!

So now that I feel this way, what I'm praying for is that I don't get SO tired, that I start despising my job. I remember how it feels wanting to be sick everyday to ditch work. Anytime you wish you have a blazing tempature, a horrible cough, a pounding headache and food poisoning all to avoid work, something is extremely wrong. So PALEASE God, help me not to get there. But this is a good thing because through the various jobs I've had, corporate and otherwise, I now know what my true calling is. I won't share what that is at this time though. That's a separate blog for a different time. So to all those who love there jobs with all their heart, to those who would do what they do for free...GOD BLESS YOU. I too will be there someday.

I'm going home this weekend to get all of my spring/summer clothes. I can't wait.

Ran-Dumb Thoughts

So far so good. The day, that is.
I woke up extra early but somehow found myself rushing out of the house.
I'm the only one at work right now, which I love.
It gives me time to get tea, clear my mind, and breathe before the madness hits.
Come to think of it, I always get to my jobs earlier than others.
It's a nice little routine.
I've been rediscovering some music.
Falling in love with songs all over again.
That's been nice.
But I still want some new music.
I need a new fix.
Who's coming out next?
I have quite a few things to do Saturday.
My external hard drive with all of my music and pictures on it, broke.
So I'll have to go to the computer store and have them remedy that.
Do you know what would happen to me if I lost all of my pictures?
I think I might die.
But anyway, it won't come to that.
I'm sure of it.
The tech man on the phone assured me.
And then I need to take some shoes to the shoe place.
I need to get some of my heels fixed.
The nail in the heel is beginning to show, and that's just tacky.
I'm also going to get up early and take a 9:30 pilates class before my hair appointment.
Should be a good way to start a beautifully warm Saturday.
I also need to break out the suitcases of spring/summer clothes to see if I can avoid shopping for a dress for my sister's graduation.
I doubt that I have anything in there, but it would be responsible of me to check first.
My company reiumburses me for my dance classes.
Isn't that fantastic?
Oh and I got paid today.
As soon as I finish this, I'll pay bills.
I have to pay them as soon as I get my check or I'll be in trouble.
Spending money that I really don't have.
I need to send my sis some money too.
She wants her graduation money now.
Alright little j.a.c.
Don't feel slighted when you don't get anything from me on your actual graduation!
I can't wait for baby boi to meet my grandparents.
My grandmother is already declaring her love for him and she hasn't even seen his face yet.
He helped her with a real estate issue she had and now he's the best thing ever.
Ok Grandma!
Mmmm.
I just took a sip of my hot tea.
Delicious.
Did I tell you that I'm wearing my hair in a curly bush sort of thing.
The wet, gel and go look.
I even got compliments on it.
I'm telling you.
The short hair cut does wonders.
Baby boi says that eventually he wants me to grow it out again.
No problem.
When I do grow it out, it'll be during winter.
That way I can cut it right back off again for the summer!
I left my lip moisturizer at home.
Drat!
Off to pay bills and do my budget.
Have a wonderful and gorgeous Thursday!
One more day to go!

I'm An Outcast

I'm having a hard time finding my place here. But that's not uncommon when you move to a new city. When I moved the time before this, it took me over a year to get adjusted, and even longer to begin to like the place. It's been 4+ months, so I really have nothing to worry about, but something tells me that I'm going to have to work very hard to get myself in the mix of things. I'm already hating the fact that it takes me a mile of walking, a bus, a train and another mile of walking to get anywhere. While waiting at the bus stop for about 20 minutes last Sunday, I remember thinking "this #&%@ is for the birds". I can't entirely bag on the experience though because one thing I can appreciate is that New Yorkers are not lazy and are probably some of the most fit people I know. So I love the fact that I'm eating like a horse but still weigh 160 lbs. My thighs and butt are tight and my legs are strong. But back to what I was saying... One wouldn't imagine that I know so many people here, being that I'm such a homebody, but I have acquaintances all over this state. Most from college, new ones from work, one or two from my place of worship, many random ones from my network, and even family... Unfortunately... and please forgive me for saying this, especially to those NY acquaintances who are reading this... I just don't care! The last time I saw my girls from college, they said, "Where the %#^& have you been?!" Yes, just like that. And I really had no response for them. 'I don't know. It's cold? I'm tired? I've been at home?' But this is who I am. When in LA, I did the same thing until JenWill forced me out of the darkness and lured me into the California light. This time around however, no one is forcing me. No one really needs me like that. They have their cliques and they've had them since we graduated. So j.a.c. is indeed an afterthought. Which means, like I stated in the beginning of this post, that I'm going to have to put in the work. Now, therein lies my dilemma. I'm getting old. Yes 25 is old! And I don't care about clubs, lounges, drinks, men, and that how social scene as much as some people do. So put in work for what?! I have music (club), a sofa (lounge), cranberry juice (drink), and baby boi (men) right where I am. For Free! So then what's the problem you might say. Sit down at home and be happy. Well, yeah, but... I'm still young! Yes 25 is still young! And I do like to dance. And the girls are very sweet ladies. And it's good for my soul to get out of the house sometimes. So...what's a girl to do. Well in the last 30 seconds, I've decided that I'm going to reach out to a friend at least once a month. Yes. That's what I'll do. Once a month, I'll put forth the effort to hang out with some friends. Whether it's brunch, a museum exhibition, a (window) shopping excursion or a club, I'll muster up my strength to incoorporate myself into the NY life. When I was in middle school and even high school, I felt like an outcast. My mother said something to me that I still remember to this day. "You feel like an outcast because you're making yourself an outcast." From her words, I've learned a lot about myself and how to deal with future social experiences. Because of my isolated nature, I must work to insert myself into civilization. If I begin to feel left out, it's not because of anyone else but myself. It was a good lesson indeed. One that I'm incorporating today. Wish me luck!

Lupe Fiasco's "Paris, Tokyo"

My favorite song on his album.



Let's fall asleep in Paris and wake up in Tokyo baby!

Dedicated To You

Gentle as the sigh of
a morning breeze
Rashida calls my name.
Sadly telling me of
the love she needs
and I'm the one to blame.
Softly telling me
how she misses me so.
And her love for me
I'll never know.
How my soul just longs
to feel your love.
Darling how can you stay
away so long.
Many roses have died
since you've been gone.
She sings
oh my darling come to me.
Rashida needs your lovin.
Oh my darling come to me.
Rashida needs your love.

IT'S GONNA BE A GREAT DAY!!!

It's 70 degrees in New York City today!! Hallelujah! I decided to go bare legged this morning and I feel so free!!! Cut dress. New sweater. Absolutely fabulous!

I got my preview copy of People magazine with Bey on the cover . The headline reads, "BEYONCE & JAY-Z'S SECRET WEDDING!" I'm so happy for them!! Why? I don't really know. I just am! I heard Jay was very emotional and even cried. AWWWWW! There are pics of Gwyneth, Michelle and Solange in their all white get-ups. I'm DYING to see what and who Bey wore. The magazine says she "wore a voluminous white gown". That's how I would do it too. If I were to get married in the spring/summer, I would want everyone in khaki or ivory colors. I think that's so pretty! Anyway. Congratulations to the Carters!

I'm learning new things about baby boi every day. He's super smart guys! That's fantastic! Lol. Oh AND FINE. Geah! (I knew he was fine when I spotted him over 2 years ago tho.)

I have new music in my ear! "Oh this is my song. I'm just like you I have a right to stay strong...I'ma shine while my lights on!" Make sure you got that new Estelle!

My back doesn't hurt today!!! Yipeee!!

Is your Thursday as good as mine? I hope so!!!!

Ryan Leslie's "Diamond Girl"

I've never really paid attention to Ryan Leslie, but this song is hot. I'm loving the video. Happy Monday all!




Update: I just listening to all the lyrics. Ironic subject considering my recent life's events. The thing that never fails about R&B men is that they say exactly what a girl wants to hear. Check out the lyrics.

I'ma take you ten rounds like a boxer baby
Show you how I put down what rocks a lady
Promise you're askin when I'm done for more
I'ma switch it up and make life comfortable
I'ma be the reason you're not sleeping baby
I'ma invade the thoughts you keeping baby
If you still not convinced I'll tell you more
Make you forget the way you felt before

Oh Oh
I can be your wake up reason daily
You can be my first and leading lady
I'ma make you happy that you waited
For me to settle down
Oh Oh
I'm ready and I'm not afraid to say it
I'm tired of the game, already played it
I'm over all them other girls I dated
I'll tell you what you are

You're my diamond girl
You're the one I put the rock on
You're my diamond girl
You're the one that I quit the game for
You're my diamond girl
You're the one I put the rock on
You're my diamond girl
You're the reason I quit the game for

Can't explain just how much you shine
Give me your heart, I'll give you mine
I'm puttin my future on the line
Baby it's just you and I
From this day on let's make a deal
I stay true, you keep it real
Don't by shy bout how you feel
Baby don't be shy Hey
Oh Oh

Runway Fashion

I've finally taken a moment to tune into last February's Mercedez-Benz Fashion Week for Fall 2008 and I must say that I'm hypnotized. I can watch runway shows all day long if allowed. I thoroughly enjoyed the marathon of shows. It was slightly weird focusing on Fall 2008 fashions though when the Spring wardrobe isn't quite in full effect yet (at least not on the east), so I took it back and viewed the Spring 2008 collections also. Again, I was hypnotized.

Here are few of my favorites. (click the on the designers names to see the runway shows)

Monique Lhuillier - So So So Pretty. I don't know what else to say but How Divine! I'm loving the gowns. And the music couldn't be more perfect. Note to self - Sheer and ruffles are THE thing.

Diane von Furstenberg - This lady is one of my favorite designers. There's something so incredibly feminine but strong about this woman's work. And I love how she turned what would normally be fall safari items into spring/summer safari items. Absolutely loved the green top with the white pants. Note to self - Get some scarfs!

Gottex - Check out the swimwear!! I didn't think you could do anything new with swimwear until I saw this. This man is really creative. Note to self - One pieces are IT. (For some rather strange swimwear, check out Rosa Cha.)

J. Mendel - I really like this line because it's so down to earth. Down to earth for j.a.c., that is. A lot of the beginning pieces are close to what I would wear everyday. The line is very polished. And I love the fact that everything looks great with flats.

Zac Posen - THE MAN OF THE SEASON. Zac's spring line is off the hook. The ruffles! The skirts! The feathers! Oh My! We've even had the pleasure of seeing a few of his items on celebrities such as Rihanna and Natalie Portman. If you decide to watch the show, make sure you check out the surprise ending! Sick!

What do you think? Did you find a designer that you liked?

One Of Those Days

You know how there are days when all you care to listen to are sad songs to help you wallow in your less than perky mood? Well today's one of those days. There's this particular song that I listen to all the time, and thought that I understood. It's not a hard song to pick up, but the lyrics came crashing down on me this morning as I got ready for work. I felt like I could have been Teedra Moses herself, sitting in the living room as she felt the emotions and penned one of my favorite songs on her album. "take me back to the day when you made me fall....i need you to take me there tonight." Sweeping waves of feelings struck me in the heart as Teedra's heart wrenching ad libs rang in my ears... So it's one of those days.

If I could be anywhere in the world right now, I would sit next to the fountain in the park on Carson and Del Amo. One of California's many tiny, man-made parks. I used to visit that park when I wanted to think hard or escape my thoughts, cry or be happy, relax or write my hand off in my journal. I miss that park.