Teedra Moses and Us

Aimless Rambling

I'm cold. Maybe I should put a sweater on. Why is it a rule that all office buildings have to be cold? They should know that I'm a cold blooded female. I should take my vitamins, but I can never seem to get on that habit. There's something about swallowing pills every single day that turns me off. And I can't take big pills. I know it's a mind thing because I swallow food bigger than pills, but still. I prefer a shot over pills. My mom used to ask me what I was going to do when I'm in labor or in the hospital and in an immense amount of pain. Well, I don't have to worry about that anymore! Give me a shot! Man...being in labor...dag Eve.

I have a staff meeting in 30 minutes. Our integration meetings are a heartache. The department is so messed up that all we do is get in there and upset ourselves. People start talking about how this process doesn't work and how communication is poor and how we have no direction... We're really falling apart. I guess it's a sign when the senior manager deserts us and we're truly left on our own.

Yesterday, this old white man in the elevator looked at me and said, "I must have died and gone to heaven." lol. That was so sweet. Or was it? When does it turn into dirty-old-man syndrome? He looked he was about 75 though so I started thinking wrong thoughts when he said that..after I thanked him of course. I'm so horrible.

I'm going to All-Star weekend next month and I'm trying so hard not to buy anything new. I want to be on my best behavior and put money towards a Roth IRA or a CD. I need to expand my investment portfolio and secure my future. I have a couple of things going on, but I should be doing more while I can. I just want my money to take care of me and my family when I get older, ya know? Sacrifice now for rewards in the future. So with that said, how in the world am I going to manage to keep myself out of the stores for All-Star weekend?

My Name Is JAC and I'm Addicted To Beats

"This Is Why I'm Hot" is officially number 34 on the this-is-why-hip-hop-is-dead-because-all-you-need-is-a-beat-and-one-repetitive-line-with-no-added-talent-but-I-can't-help-but-like-it list.

The first time I heard it, I was disgusted.
The second time I heard it, I was mad.
The third time I heard it, I tolerated it.
The fourth time I heard it, I had no feeling.
The fifth time I heard it, I actually listened.
The sixth time I heard it, I nodded my head.
The seventh time I heard it, I bounced AND snapped my fingers.
The eighth time I heard it, I was addicted.

And it doesn't help that right before Teedra Moses came on stage last night, the DJ dropped this beat and the entire building began to sway from side to side. The lights were low, the beat was pulsating through the stereo speakers, and as if on cue, every human being in the place looked at the person next to them and said, "This is why I'm hot. This is why I'm hot. This is why. This is why. This is why I'm hot."

I'm telling you, we as a race are addicted to killer beats.

Make Me Whole

I haven't listen to my Amel Larrieux CD in a long time, so I decided to play it tonight. While going through the songs, I came across one in particular that I completely forgot about called "Make Me Whole". If you haven't heard this song, please do me a favor and do so. If this isn't the ultimate love song, I don' know what is. Every time I listen to this song, I get goosebumps. It's one of those songs where you KNOW she was in love when she wrote it. You can't help but feel the love she feels and almost dag on near want it for yourself! In fact, I KNOW I want to feel what she's talking about right now.


This song is absolutely amazing. I wish I could give you link to hear it, but I'm a little challenged in that area. Anyway, here are the lyrics, which don't do the song the justice it deserves. You have to hear her sing it. But if you don't feel what she's talking about, I simply don't know what to tell you...


"Darling, I want you to listen
I stayed up all night so I can get this thing right
And I don't think there's anything missing
Cuz a person like you made it easy to do
I've waited for so long
To sing to you this song

Your eyes are the windows to heaven
Your smile could heal a million souls
Your love completes my existence
You're the other half that makes me whole
You're the only other half that makes me whole

I think the angels are your brothers
They told you about me
Said you're just what she needs
And I find myself thanking your mother
For giving birth to a saint
My spirit flies when I say your name
If there's a thing that's true
It's that I was born to love you

And your eyes are the windows to heaven
Your smile could heal a million souls
Your love completes my existence
You're the other half that makes me whole
You're the only other half that makes me whole

You make my dreams come true over and over again
And I honestly truly believe
You and me are written in the stars
I live my whole life through
Just giving thanks to you

Cuz your eyes are the windows to heaven
Your smile could heal a millions souls
Your love completes my existence
You're the other half that makes me whole
You're the only other half that makes me whole"

On Repeat

I had an interview yesterday. It went pretty well. It's a miracle that I managed to get through it because I was falling apart hours before. Work had my head spinning so fast that I bailed out an hour earlier than planned to calm myself down before the 4 hours of questioning began. While on the crazy California freeway, I popped in Michael Buble's CD and put the following song on repeat. This song did and still does wonders for me. It really relaxed me and restored my energy. Hopefully you'll find it as beautiful and entrancing as I did. Enjoy!

Reminds Me - College Days

Who would have thought that my Hawaiian roommate from freshman year and I would have the same taste in music? We used to just lay around and listen to this song, "Green Eyes", and "Orange Moon" for hours. Miss you Nani.



Oh goodness. I can't even go here with this song. Theme song of sophomore year...



This reminds me of when I used to babysit every weekend in the Hamptons. This song really helped me get through the job as it was one of the worst experiences of my life.



Junior year while completing the majority of my dance minor requirements, I used to block out hours of solo time in the studio and just dance and dance and dance to this song.



And to change the mood a bit for the last memory... I used to PARTY to this song. Infamous Lerner Hall parties and the Jamaican Day parade in Brooklyn!!

Where does the time fly?

Music Is My Sanctuary - Teedra Moses (my favorite artist)

This young lady has done it again ladies and gentleman. Please listen to THIS and feel me. It's called "Blow Me Out". She moves me... She so moves me. I believe she makes her albums just for me.


Here's a couple of other tracks. There are no words to describe how perfect these songs are to me.


Take My Love Away
You'll Never Find (Acoustic)
No More Tears (Acoustic)
Be Your Girl (Acoustic) - the acoustic version of the song I have playing on the blog


Ladies and Gentleman. Teedra Moses. If you don't know, please find out! She's my FAVORITE artist. Complex Simplicity.

If you don't understand how I feel about her music, read this.

If you don't believe me, here's what my girlfriend J.W. said - "What I love about her is that I believe her. I believe that she had a crush on some dude who paid her no mind, or that she firmly believes that she is the ish and she sometimes hates herself for dealing with a man or men who aren't worth her time, but draw her in time and time again. "

Look out for her next CD, "Young Lioness" coming out later this year...




"music speaks to all/it's so dear to us/music makes us think/so mysterious/music is my sanctuary/music is my life/music makes you smile/it's optimistical/it can make you sad/it's so lyrical/music is my sanctuary/music is my life/music makes you dance/it's so rhythmical/put you in a trance/hypnotical/music is my sanctuary/music is my life" - Gary Bartz

Experience It or Avoid It

Too many times people try to tell you

But you don't entertain the suggestion

You desire to live life on your own

You keep trying to tell them to leave you alone

But they care

They don't want to see you fall away

They've seen it all before

They know where you're going wrong

You say experience is the best teacher

Others say some experiences you should never have

All experiences are lessons

Little beams of wisdom ready to be had

Additions of sensibility, intuition, and knowledge

It's my odyssey to have

Not yours but mine

You had your vagabondage

Made your trek throughout the country's fields

Ran into difficulty and interference

Don't you agree that harship is better avoided and not had

Someone's already walked your path

They found the death drop at the end

Don't be allured by the unknown

But you tell them you've got to try

Your observations could be disparate

Not at all alike

Your findings could be incandescent

Not sullen and menacing as they say

Your ignorance and avoidance are a sign

You're not mature enough to comprehend

A failure to mind warnings

To trust in your ally

Still yet it's impossible

You are your own person

With a breathe and heartbeat that's distinct

You say you'll be careful

They know better

Experience it or avoid it?

Remember going through this? Were they wrong? Would you change your decision? Is experience really the best teacher?

Dear Journal,

I don't really have a topic per se. I just want to write. Writing is therapeutic. I guess you can say it's because it's the only time that I can be completely honest. My journal is the only place where I can tell all my secrets and be sure that they won't be told. It's the only place where I can tell all my secrets and not be judged. It's nice having somewhere to un-load your mind's activity. For some reason though, I can't re-read my journal entries. I have 9 journals to be exact with the first one starting June 22, 1996. I can't believe I've been keeping journals for over 10 years. There are so many memories, thoughts, ideas and points in those journals. But something keeps me from going back. I guess I don't really want to go back. I don't want to re-live the less bright moments of my life. I'm pretty sure that most of what I thought was important will look pretty dumb to me now. Maybe that's why I can't go back. I'll be embarassed at some of the decisions I made and the emotions I felt. I know there's a lot of growth in those 9 journals, but still. I can't read them... They're not a waste though! I actually began writing for a rather special reason. I began recording my life because I always wished I knew what my mother thought and felt at my age. When parents get older, they tend to forget that they once had the same emotions that their 9, 13 and 17 year olds had. The gap in mindsets often widen the gap between parents and children, so I decided that I would help close that gap with my future children through my journals. When I have a daughter, I look forward to reviewing my journals and presenting them to her as she goes through some of the same experiences I had. I think it'll keep us close. I also think it's some of the best gifts she'll ever receive. Knowing that her mother was once as stupid, silly, goofy and dramatic as she is will validate her. It'll also make her recognize that I'm a real person and not just a mother full of rules and discipline. Some journals should probably be kept until she's rather mature though. I'm sure I'll be able to teach her the difference, but I don't want my child to ever use anything I write against me. All teenagers go through that rebellious period, so I would have to time my journaled gifts very accurately. The way this world is going though, I wouldn't be surprised if my daughter goes through some of the feelings and lessons I went through at earlier ages than I did. I didn't start thinking about sex until junior or senior year of high school. The way things are going now, I'm probably going to be able to give her the journal with related thoughts when she's in the 8th grade! It's scary how bad things are getting. My mother even asked me if I wanted to still have children in this crazy time of day. I feel like I still do, but I almost think it would save a lot of grief to not have them. I wonder how much influence I can have over my child even with the crazy influences of the world coming at her 24/7. I think my parents did a pretty good job keeping the world's influences in check. They managed to shelter me from the unfortunate experiences. Some might say I was too sheltered as I wasn't allowed to watch The Simpsons or In Living Color and R-rated movies for example, but looking back on it, I think they're wrong. Yeah, I had to learn some things the hard way, but it all worked out. My parents instilled common sense and fear in my sister and me. That pretty much offset everything else. Back to the journals though... I think I'll present every subsequent journal to my daughter AFTER she's already gone through certain stages of her life. She might not be ready for the journal I wrote in from 14 to 16 years of age until she's 17. That way she'll know better and won't use my experiences as her own. That way she'll be able to see that her mother did the same things, made the same mistakes, and felt the same things that she did... I've thought a lot about this one ladies and gentleman. And I just came in here to write! See...that's what I love about writing, especially when you have nothing in particular to write about. Your mind just takes you wherever it wants to go. It's so honest and unforgiving. You can't hide from it and you can't lie. Through this entry right here, it just hit me that parenting is no easy thing. I knew this, but it's going to be a lot harder for me and my future husband than it was for my mother and father. It's also going to be harder for future generations of kids too. =/ But as for writing, as long as you agree to put no limits on your expression, putting ideas down on paper (or on a screen) can be a thrilling experience. I can think back on some journal entries where I took four and five pages just to write about how I felt when someone looked at me and said I was pretty. I have whole journal entries about the world of frienship, the need for money, the exploration of my more sensual side. I have entries about not knowing what to do, about how to get to know a person, and about what's inappropriate to say. There's a million things to write about. And even though I have 9 journals, I feel like I haven't even begun to touch on 1/4 of them. Anyway, this has already gotten too long, so I'll leave you with this idea. Open your minds, be honest with yourself and write to your heart's content! It sure helped me figure myself out. Maybe it'll help you too.

Oh and write someone a letter!! It's a great way to tell someone you care.

Love,

J

70 Things That Make Me Happy

1. Brian McKnight's "Find Myself In You" - gonna try to keep myself together/gonna find myself in you
2. A great meaningful conversation
3. Being with my family and friends
4. Dancing alone
5. A new CD
6. Making a moment with someone
7. Mrs. Smith's apple pie with vanilla ice cream
8. Feeling sexy
9. Helping someone out who's appreciative
10. Music concerts
11. Doing new and unconventional things with people
12. Laying under the sun
13. Warm weather
14. Having an "aha!" moment
15. Feeling beautiful
16. The snuggle up under the covers moment right after you get in the bed and turn out the lights
17. Seeing a friendly face after a while
18. Seeing couples in love
19. Live music
20. When someone plans or does something for me because they know it'll make me smile
21. Random cards, texts, emails, or other non-verbal messages
22. Sweet people
23. Talking to my sister on the phone
24. Hearing my dad's voice (He's always excited when he talks to his girls)
25. Knowing that I have a purpose
26. When people give me the opportunity to talk about spiritual things
27. Surprising someone
28. The little things...
29. When someone says thank you to me
30. Seeing the love between a mother and adult son
31. Seeing a father with his young daughters
32. After writing something inspirational
33. A new pair of shoes
34. Managing to save a little money
35. Having a plan
36. Exchanging a nice greeting with a complete stranger
37. Having lunch with the girls
38. Hearing a song that I used to love but haven't heard in a while
39. Knowing that I'm loved
40. Loving someone
41. Getting my nails done
42. Having food in my refrigerator
43. Reflecting on the fact that I can take care of myself
44. Realizing my progress
45. Romantic comedies
46. Movies in general
47. Specifically "Love Jones"
48. Finding the perfect fitting jeans, dress, jacket, shirt...
49. Gifts
50. Those Kay Jewelers or diamond commercials where a couple gets engaged
51. Seeing someone else happy
52. An oldie but goodie song that reminds me of my parents
53. Thinking about my future family
54. Watching Ellen Degeneres dance at the beginning of her show
55. Reminiscing on childhood moments shared with my 3 sisters
56. Getting a new gadget
57. Getting a letter in the mail
58. Getting a package in the mail
59. My new hobby - photography
60. Remembering when I met Mr. Cinnamon - my huge 5 foot teddy bear
61. The moment right after I finish cleaning
62. My CD collection
63. Music
64. Completing something
65. Getting paid
66. Cruising down the highway with the perfect CD and my sunroof open
67. The anticipation of seeing someone special
68. The half an hour of anticipation right before a good tv program is about to come on
69. Feeling special
70. Making others feel special

Omarion Day

Anyone who knows me, knows that I'm a huge fan of Omarion...

I've been holding out from buying the CD because I had a lot of financial responsibilities to handle, but today I gave up and went to Best Buy to get the CD, 21. I was so happy to have the CD that I tore the wrapper off and had it bumping even before I left Best Buy's parking lot. So I went about my day doing the things that I actually meant to do like buy toilet paper, juice, hydrogen peroxide, etc. You know...the essentials. It's funny though how I'll buy an Omarion CD, or any CD that I HAVE to have for that matter, before toilet paper. =)

So I'm slowly but surely falling in love with the CD which has a good number of bangers on it if you ask me. I eject the CD from my car's disc player, go into the house, load the CD in my stereo and immediately resume playing the CD from the song I left off at.

By now, I'm cleaning and dancing, dancing and cleaning...and then my doorbell rings. I look out the peep hole and this little dude is standing there. He couldn't have been any older than 18. I open the door all confused like while Omarion blazed from my stereo and he asks me over the music"So you like Omarion?" I answered with a slow yes and then he proceeds to tell me that he and my neighbor, who was standing on the opposite side of the courtyard at this point, are part of Omarion's band and that I should turn on the Ellen Degeneres show in a couple of minutes because Omarion is performing and they are playing!

Ok. Please tell me, what are the odds of that!!!???

So I walked outside and yelled a thank you to my neighbor and then thanked the little dude again. (My neighbor told the little dude to come tell me when they heard me playing Omarion's CD.)

How cool was that?!

Oh and of course Omarion's performance was off the hook!! That boy can DANCE!!

Oh and did you know that I love Ellen?

Lol. I just got a text saying, "wow. 2 of your favorite people on one show." Lol. I love it!

REVOLUTIONARY

I am so amazed with this iPhone. I seriously can't stop thinking and talking about it. I probably talk and think about it more than any boyfriend I've ever had!! =0 Men are like fish in the sea, but this piece of hardware is like a diamond in the rouf/roff/rough (sp? help me out here people)! Ok. Maybe that was a bit much; comparing men to the iPod, phone, and web browser in one, but I have to make sure that you know exactly how I feel about this iPhone! I've been consumed with this thing ever since my best friend clued me in last week. If you aren't aware of its capabilities, please click on the link and watch the iPhone introduction in the keynote address. It's a bit long (1.5 hours), but it's worth it. For those who aren't interested, just know that it's your iPod, your cell phone and your internet in one. The additional features that come with this tool are amazing though. Visual voicemail, a pinch screen, scroll feature, landscape to portfolio profiles, etc. Just watch the introduction. I can't do it justice with a few words.

I don't know if I'm gong too far by saying this but the iPhone is to our generation what Neil Armstrong was to past generations. As tech savy as we are, this has to be the greatest leap in technology that we've had in a while. Sure, there have been intel processors and all the other gadgets that I can't even name that make everything we do today possible, but this is real. This is tangible. This is exciting!!

After all of the excitement I've displayed, you would expect that I would buy the iPhone and switch to Cingular (the exclusive service carrier of the iPhone) the minute it hits the stores. Well.....let's not be so hasty here. I'm excited but I'm also not that much of a risk taker. I like/love the iPhone, but research has to be done. Besides, I have questions!!! Here are a few issues/questions I have.

Issue one: I heard from a web nerd that the internet browser iPhone uses sucks. "But Safari is just crappy. If you look at a page in Firefox or even Internet Explorer and then in Safari, it can sometimes look quite different. Sometimes things won't even show up in Safari or buttons won't work properly." - Mike What does this mean?! Apple, why are you using a crappy browser?!! Why AREN'T you using Internet Explorer or Firefox? What if Safari ends up being bootleg and the worst feature on the iPhone? That would be extremely unfortunate.

My next issue: Being that Cingular is the only service carrier for the iPhone, what's going to happen when large waves of people switch to Cingular? Will the Cingular towers become overwhelmed? What will the affects be? How are they prepared to handle the sudden influx of customers? I'm not sure how the whole signal, tower, cell phone thing works, but it's a legitimate concern right? Is Cingular ready for the high volume? I think i'm going to wait to see if the tower explodes or something before joining the bandwagon. =) Alright now Cingular...I need to hear a statement, a plan, a proposal, a story...SOMETHING! Make me believe in you.

Another issue: Now that Apple has let the cat out of the bag, you KNOW the competitors are ON IT right now. They're scrambling like rats as we speak! LG already has their version of the iPhone, the Prada, which comes with its own, real, Prada, leather case. (Thanks again Mike.) The Prada case is going to be major perk for individuals into designer products. So who's next? Motorola has been a major leader in cell phone models, so you know they're going to reply with something innovative (I hope). Motorola doesn't have the iPod so maybe that won't work. But what if Verizon or any other cell phone provider makes a deal with Apple? What if there are better alternatives? Competition and better technology will always be a issue though. There's always something better. That's where we as customers come in and make a choice, weighing the pros and cons based on our individual standards and needs. Even still, I think I want to wait to see who follows and make an informed decision. I need options man!

Major issue: The iPhone comes in 4 or 8GB only. The greatest thing Apple could have done in terms of their iPod was to make 30 and 80GB models. What do they expect people with these iPods that hold 7,500 and 20,000 songs to do with an iPhone that can only hold up to 2,000 songs? Hello Apple!! Are you thinkng?! Yeah, iPhone is a great device, but people love their music/iPods, and people already have cell phones. How are you going to capture the serious iPod users? Serious iPod users are going to have a problem with the iPhone, which means they're not going to buy it. I have 4,762 songs on my iTunes to be exact. So until they make an iPhone that can handle my amount of songs, my money is staying in my pocket (even though I'm sold). =/

There are still other questions that fall out of this though. What's going to happen to Apple's iPods? Will the price of iPods fall to keep people interested in them? Are they going to slow production being that the iPod is now integrated into a cellular phone? When are they going to make iPhones with larger storage?! They lost their competitive advantage on that angle, so I'd be interested to see what company picks up on that first (even though it still won't have iPod). WHAT ARE OTHER COMPANIES GOING TO DO?!

I'm still in love with it though. It's a pretty cool thing, that iPhone. As soon as the kinks have been worked out, the questions have been answered, and the competition has had a chance to respond, I'm pretty sure I'll be in there. =) I need a gadget like this. As music crazy and internet consumed as I am, it's the most ideal product for me.

And to leave you with a little story, here's a snippet of one of the many conversations I've had about the iPhone. This is exactly why I need an iPhone (or something similar).

I wanted to use my bluetooth this morning, but since I haven't used it in so long, my Motorola Q asked me for a passkey to sync the thing. Immediately, I said to myself, "the iPhone pairs the bluetooth for you. If I had a iPhone I wouldn't have to remember my passkey". So I got up to look for the bluetooth's manual. In the process, I had to take out my iPod box, my digital camera box AND my Motorola Q box. LOL. You already know what I said to myself next!! "If I had an iPhone, I wouldn't have these 3 separate boxes. All of this would come in one!" Dag, Apple is smart!

If I should die

this very moment

I wouldn't fear

For I've never known completeness

like being here

Wrapped in the warmth of you

Loving

every breath of you

Still my heart this moment

or it might burst

Gorecki

Why I Don't Cook

Do you see that? Do you see how amazingly tiny my sink is?!! I can't stand that mess man!! It already bothers me that I don't have a dishwasher after 20 years of hand-free dish washing, but this sink just puts me over the edge. I've been living in this apartment for a minute, but the longer I live here, the more enfuriated I become with this metal hole.

This is the precise reason why I don't cook. As most of you know, when you throw down in the kitchen, you tend to use a your fair share of cooking utensils, dishes and mixing bowls. For example, if I wanted to make cornbread, bake some nicely seasoned chicken breast, steam a head of broccoli, and whip up a side of wild rice, I would need the following:

1 bowl

spoon for stirring

baking pan

cutting board

knife

casserole dish

steamer

medium sized pot

(did I miss anything)

Now look at the picture above again... Go ahead. I'll wait a minute...

Do you see a problem here? Do you see my dilemma? There's no way that I could fit a casserole dish AND a medium sized pot in that sorry excuse for a sink, let alone the rest of the dirty dishes. Some might say, well why don't you just wash each dish one at a time? Hmm. That would sound like a viable option wouldn't it? Well check this out. To match the dollhouse sink, I have a dollhouse kitchen with one dollhouse-sized counter. I promise you that there is NO ROOM to maneauver those dishes the way one needs to after cooking a nice-sized meal.

But in an effort to be a big girl instead of a lazy cry baby, I sucked it up and made a nice dinner last night. When I was done, and it was time to clean the kitchen and wash the dishes, a wave of fear consumed me as the sink took on a life of its own and spit up its full contents (a plate, 1 pot, and a bowl) all over the floor. I don't know if I accidentally bumped something or what. But it wasn't a pretty sight. And I have to tell you, I was traumatized!!! =(

So what's my solution? Yep. You guessed it. DON'T COOK! Until I move and have the kitchen of my dreams, I'm done. No more cooking. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and Marie Callendar dinners are it for me.

Dah well!!!

The Difference

I've been with men who were enthusiastic about me.
And I've been with a man who wasn't.
I've been with men who couldn't wait to hear from me
And I've been with a man who didn't mind either way.
I've been with 2 men who would answer my call at any hour
And I've been with 1 who always said "I'm tired".
I've been with 2 men who needed to hear about my day, everyday,
And I've been with a man who could skip a day or two.
I've been with men who wanted to be close to me
And I've been with a man who let me sit across the room from him.
I've been with 2 men who wouldn't keep their hands off of me
And I've been with 1 who wouldn't hold my hand.
I've been with men who checked up on me at random times
And I've been with a man who only did so because I asked.
I've been with men who made plans with me on the brain
And I've been with a man who kept me as an after thought.
I've been with 2 men who appreciated what I thought was important
And I've been with 1 who never acknowledged things significant to me.
I've been with 2 men who got excited to see my name in their inbox
And I've been with a man who said "i don't do emails".
I've been with a couple of men who were excited about us
And I've been with a man who took me for granted.
I've been with 2 men who truly loved me
And I've been with 1 who thought he loved me.
I've been with men who made me happy
And I've been with a man who broke my heart and made me cry.
I've been with a couple of men who held on to me as tight as they could
And I've been with a man who just let go.

Know the difference.

A Raw Emotion

Does anyone out there have moments where you just want to be taken care of? Like when you're sick or you had a bad day? This is the problem with being so far away from home. I really wish I had my mom or dad to check up on me right now... like they used to do when I was young. I don't know if I'm just being a baby or not, but it feels a little bit weird to go through an unfortunate situation and not have anyone here. These are one of those times where it would be perfect to have a boyfriend. I know I'm a big girl, but sometimes I need someone. Right now, I need someone.

My Best Friend

I'm a little melancholoy today. Maybe it's because I have to work on Monday. It could also be because my apartment looks like the bulls ran through it and I'll be cleaning it all day Saturday. Maybe it's because I just realized that I'll never be physically close to my best friend again...

We grew up together, but as soon as we started to develop into women of our own, we separated. We've been in different states for 6 years now. School and this job opportunity in California have attributed to the geographic distance. I do get to see her about 2 times a year, but it's always related to work. I usually fly home for conferences or alumni functions. During those times, we get to connect. But when I saw connect, it's not like you would normally think best friends connect. We're not chatty, we don't catch each other up on our lives per se, nor are we touchy feely. We do latch on to one another though. It's in a way that no one can see. The best way I can explain it is to say that we simply exist together.

Both of us have had our run-ins with our own sets of girlfriends from school. There's been drama with my friends and I know she's had drama with hers. The drama was all for a reason though because when we look at the friendship that we have with each other, we appreciate it that much more. I can't really speak for her, but I feel like I understand her well enough to say that both of us know that we'll NEVER have to deal with the stuff we went through with our school friends with each other. We don't go through that mess with each other. Perhaps it's because we AREN'T around each other every day. Even if we lived in the same city though, we wouldn't have that problem. We both lead very different lives and have our own programs. Neither of us cares to be all up under each other. In fact, I know she can't stand people being all up in her face, being extremely talkative, or needy. I don't really like it either though. That's what makes us so perfect.

But I wonder sometimes if I'll ever be able to drive down the street and go to her house. I wonder if she'll be close enough to babysit my children and vice versa. It would be nice to have that one day. If it is at all possible. But like I said, we're on such different routes. She's not the type of girl to have a 9-5 (see link), which means she might always be on the move until wanting to settle down and have a family. I'm the type of girl to be very settled, but who knows when I'll be back east! It's amazing how different we are, but how connected we are at the same time.

Like I mentioned earlier, we're not chatty girlfriends. We don't talk about our relationship or the emotions behind our friendship. It's funny because she's probably seeing all this for the first time right along with you guys... even though she most likely already knows all of this.

But I just wanted to say to you that you mean the world to me and I don't know what I would do without you. You've always been there for me when I needed you, particularly recently when I was nervous about a situation. I couldn't imagine my life without you. It's been over 20 years girl. We have a history that no one can touch. It's weird though, because you're the only one I'm not emotional with. Because you know I can be so with others... But that's not us huh?

Just know that I love our relationship and I love you. Hopefully we'll only grow closer.

Sisters forever!!

(told you i was feeling emotional today!)

My Balloon Man

When I first met him
I thought him a bit weird.
Maybe that's because he was drunk/out if it
Or so he appeared.
While on the dance floor at club BED,
his eyes were half closed
I wasn't sure if I should be prepared to catch him
or give him some NO DOZE.
But his boys were not worried about him,
so why should I?
Thus we danced the night away.

All the while I kept thinkng, "this guy".
But I was impressed with his ability.
He held it all together.
But who wouldn't in Miami
With beautiful 80 degree weather.
Subsequent days spent with Randy
I began to really see him
But who Randy is
Is basically the definition of 'whim'.
Look it up if you must.
Go to www.dictionary.com
It explains him precisely.
I'm serious as an atom bomb.
It's not meant in a bad way
I actually like the random notion
You never know what you're going to get
It's like flowing with a cool motion.
"Where's Randy?" we all said.
I must have said it eleven times alone
We were only together for seven days
So you can see this man was in the zone.
In all of the randomness
This man's pretty deep
He likes to think a lot
Even if he's normally half sleep. (lol)
I'm just playing with you Randy
I had to think of a good rhyme
I'm doing this all in fun.
I know you're in your prime.
But as the trip continued
I realized how much fun he was.
He continually said off the wall stuff
That would make you laugh and pause.
He kind of has his on language
You have to be around him to see
But he'll definitely charge you for a show
So come correct with a small fee.
Randy's nickname is Woo.
Don't know why his friends call him so
But even in my ignorance
I see it fits him well though.

He is my little balloon man.

A bundle of interesting joy.

I hope you don't mind me claiming you Woo.

I don't mean for you to sound like a toy.

You made us all laugh

Boys and girls alike

The trip wouldn't have been the same

Dane, you and Mike.

I hope you accept my ode

It's a token of my appreciation

For being so darn entertaining

And illuminating my vacation.

I'm sure everyone will agree

There's no one like Mr. Randy.

Mike's even said it himself

"That's my boo boo bun baby!"

Ran-Dumb

Pay Day
I got paid today! Yipppeeeee!!!!
I don't know why I'm so excited though.
All but $18 of it goes to bills.
That sucks man.
But that's what happens when you have student loans, a car payment, and overage on your cell phone.
I'm blessed that I have the mean to pay for all of this stuff though.
That's why I'm happy.
I'm happy to pay bills!

Laundry
Why did I do 7 loads of laundry the other day?
Well Lakewood Manor decided to change out the machines and the cards.
So I had to use up all my money on my card before they changed them out.
Problem is now I have 7 loads of laundry in my house to fold!
There are clothes EVERYWHERE!
It feels like I'm living in a pigsty.
But the stuff is all clean though!
I'm in the middle of finishing the DVD series of "24" so I can't fold the stuff yet.
I have to finish series 5 before Sunday, so everything else takes a back seat.
"24" is one of those shows where I can't move when it's on.
I'm completely tranced.

Stupid Manager
I have the most inefficient manager ever.
Knowing how busy we are, why would you have someone sit in a meeting that they don't need to be in.
1 hour of people just talking around you, and you have nothing to do with any of it.
Talkin bout some "just hold on for a sec."
Dude.
WHY?!
I can't stand that mess.

Love
It's been a long time since I've been in love.
I was listening to some love songs yesterday and I found it so hard to identify.
I'm like "give my whole life for who?"
"My legs start shaking for what?"
"Why would I ever feel like I can't breathe?"
So funny.
Because the moment I fall in love, I'll be such a cliche.
I'm already emotional as it is. =/

Thinking Again - A Free Association

Looks like I'm making up for lost time huh?
4 blogs in 2/3 days.
Yeah, well oddly enough, I missed blogging.
There have been a myriad of things that I wanted to blog about, but of course I can't remember them now.
I'm back at work where I keep telling myself to do one thing at a time.
Two weeks of vacation can really hurt a sista.
It's all good though.
I just need to build up my stamina again.
I get off at 3pm, but of course on my first day back, I'm here until 5pm.
I just have to find the right tunes.
I forgot my CDs so I'm reduced to what I imported into iTunes.
Right now Robin Thicke will have to suffice.
I need something calm, soothing, peaceful... ya know?
"Please, Please, Please/Oh don't you make me have to beg/Cause I need love love love"
What if you had to beg someone to love you?
That wouldn't be great.
Reminds me of Prince's song.. or whoever did it first..."I Can't Make You Love Me"
I'm in love with that song.
These Hot'n Spicy BBQ chips are BOMB.
I think I may need to visit the vending machine for another bag!
Yeah, it's my breakfast.
But that's all I can do right now.
I'm going to try not to spend any money until the 11th (pay day).
Not a dime.
Well actually, dimes, nickels and quarters will be spent.
Dollars no.
Do you think I can do it?
My cell phone bill is off the hook.
I need to stop yapping my mouth off.
Funny because I don't even talk on the phone that much.
Well obviously I do when my overage costs me $100.
After I finish blogging, I need a to do list.
I already took care of all my bills and statusing my accounts.
I gotta figure out what I need to do for the part-time job.
Job hunting is top priority though.
I gotta get outta here.
I just managed to upload a session called "Rare Grooves" to my windows media player.
Just listening to the intro... this definitely should suffice.
I'm already beginning to breathe better and my shoulders just relaxed.
It's amazing what music can do.
I don't think I love any other intangible thing more than music.
Oh wait!
Jehovah God and Jesus Christ first!
Music is just a spiritual to me though.
It's a meditation.
A means for peace and harmony.
It consumes my mind, body and soul.
Funny how the name of the song I'm listening to right now is called "Please Set Me At Ease".
See.
Music just knows.
Things I love - music, writing, moments, views.
That's why I need to get into photography.
I'm seriously going to invest every penny I have in this new hobby.
I'm so excited.
I'm about to become obsessed.
Just watch.
I have to figure out the most cost efficient way to materialize my photos though.
Do I need to keep a portfolio?
Should I keep soft copies?
If so, that means my next computer is going to need LOTS of memory.
My current labtop definitely won't be able to handle what I'm about to get lost into.
What's best?
My mother wants to hang my photography in her new house.
I need to find a dark room.
I loved developing my own pics in the dark room with music in the background.
Now that's peaceful.
Everything's so digitized now though.
Takes away from that "moment" in the dark room.
I'm going to find classes at UCLA Extension today.
Wish me luck!
Well, I think I've wasted enough time.
Off to the real world.
Again, wish me luck.

Thinking at 11PM.

I did something I said I wouldn't do.
I abandoned my convictions and made a preference to disobey.
He told me not to touch that one,
but I bit into the forbidden apple like I had no conscience.
Why make a committment if you're going to break it?
How much of a hypocrit can one be?

Has my conscience become seared?
I feel like I no longer care about the difference between right and wrong.
Somewhere along the way,
I made a seriously wrong and fatal turn.
My vision is blurry and I'm lost without a chance.
I want to turn back into the light,
but I've already failed.

I'm told to practice what I preach.
Well don't listen to what I preach but I certainly don't practice.
My heart is in the right place.
I know my intentions are good.
The problem lies with following through.
I just can't see to follow through.

Searching for a resolution is not as easy as it sounds.
Either way someone always ends up getting hurt.
Is there a way for peace without causing someone pain?
If there is,
please let me know.
It is an answer that I've been looking for all my life.
An eternal struggle that I've had to fight.

Practice what you preach.
Practice what you preach.
I know what I need.
I know what's best.
For some reason,
I lack the faith.
The faith that it will happen.
The faith to know everything will be ok.

Faith and patience.
Knowledge and wisdom.
Love and peace.
Honor and glory.
Cultivate these qualities and one will suceed.
Imperfection finds a way to make that difficult.
But it never hurts to try.

I have to try.

The Vacation Of A Lifetime

South Beach Miami... Carnival Cruise to the Western Caribbean.... K.W., T.C., J.H., M.C., D.H., R.H., fam, friends... 80 Degree Weather...Bright Beaches...Great and Beautiful Company...Bomb Food...Music...Pics...Jet Skiing...ATVs...Formal Dinners full of lobster, steak and shrimp...Champagne on the Beach...Champagne at Club BED...Champagne at Dinner...Clubbing with my mom and aunts at the cruise disco...

Linkage (Check out other takes on the vaction):

Mikesee 1

T.C.

Mikesee 2

Dane

Memorable Quotes:

"Y'all...We look Good!" - J.H. says while looking at us on the digital camera...and many other numerous times. I think she believed we were the best looking things on the beach that night. Lol.
"We're not even on the boat yet!" - M.C. and D.H. at 4am New Years day. We realized that we had 5 more days of vacation to go and we were already tired after 2 days in Miami!

"$173 and SEVENTEEN CENTS!!" - Us girls when our check came for lunch. That's what happens when you eat lunch next to the Versace house on Ocean Drive.

"Delete those damn birds!" - K.W. and T.C. yelling at me. I was doing my photography thing! I loved the pictures of the birds. What's wrong with me taking 11 pictures of birds? Okay. Maybe that was a little too much.

"Girl Power! YEEEEAAAHHHHHH" - Me screaming to my sister while on the ATVs. We WORKED those ATVs.

"It's Balloon Man!" - Us talking about crazy R.H. as he walks around with balloons strapped to his back. So random! I love it.

"I look like a hot mess!" - J.H. looking at herself on the camera. She was wrapped up like a pig in a blanket on the beach for fear of someone kicking sand in her mouth (which happened twice). lol.

"Where's Randy? - All of us. That line pretty much stayed consistent throughout the entire trip. Oh Randy! Lol.

"Wanna shot?" - R.H. asks me about 6 times in 2 days. That man was trying to get me drunk!

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?" - J.H. waking up inebriated. Someone please explain to me, how do you wake up drunk?

"I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!!!!!!!!! [click] She pissing me the $#%* off. What the $%@ is wrong with her calling me all these @%($^# times." - T.C. screaming into the phone and mumbling under her breath at 6am. This by far was the best moment of the trip! Although it wasn't funny at the time. =/ HA!

"Uh uh. That is UNACCEPTABLE!" - T.C. barks at the old man directing the line at the customer service desk. Delta better not mess up again or they better believe T.C. will burn the joint DOWN!

"K.W. Do you love him?" - The inevitable conversation at lunch. We knew it was coming, didn't we K.W.?

"Yeah I know Woo, Bone..." "Who in the world is Woo, Bone and...?" - B.H. failing to use first names during introductions. Can you really use the alias name when no one knows who you are?

"Excuse me ladies. I'm talking!" "Duuuhhh. Yeeeeeeah. Of course you can get in the water!" - Our tour guide had quite a bit of personality.

"Come se dice 'OVER'?" - T.C. obviously NOT happy about the ATV ride.

"I have a question. What's the transition between this step and the kicks?" "Will someone please tell your mom that it's not that serious." - My mother being a little too detailed at the cruise dance class and Ms. Dawn's reply. Lol. Oh Mom!

"Tell your mother to stop telling her how to run her class!" - Kara. Too funny. My mom was really taking it too far.

"You betta get out the camomille lotion!" - M.C. after us having the life vests wrapped around our necks for so long. We must have sat with those nasty things on for about 15 minutes! So unneccesary.

"ONE. TWO. THREE.!" - My sis counting out loudly before K.W. and her pulled some random girls' ATV out of the bushes. Three times.

"Have you ever had sex or contemplated having relations with a man?" - Classic conversation over pizza at 4am.

"No more pictures." - Me telling the camera man while getting off the ship. If that's not a celebrity-line, I don't know what is. But I was annoyed! They kept taking so many pictures!

"Candyce, you better get up!" - Me yelling at my roommate at 8am. Being that the cruise had already docked and were making announcements for us to get off, I thought it was about time she got up. lol.

Other memorable moments:

Being up until 5am every single day.

Swaying back and forth with the boat at dinner.

Everyone looking so nice and well-groomed. I love when black people throw down and hook it up! We looked fabulous!

Kara and I connecting on the sentiments regarding the cruise show.

My sis desperately needing a glass of water.

Roaming the cruise ship alone.

Conversation overlooking the back of the boat at night.

Worrying about my cousin.

Playing with my little Camy! She's so cute.

K.W. crashing into a tree within the first 5 minutes of the excursion.

D.H. being a professional conversationalist.

Walking up flights of stairs to a lame New Years party. The guy made it sound so appealling! He bamboozled us.

K.W. and the Dumbell man with the veins in his head.

R.H. taking his balloons off to come inside Fat Tuesday. Ha!

My under age cuz slamming down a Heineken on the dinner table in front of his elders. Our blank stares while he gulped the beer.

Cute little Key West with all the chickens and roosters.

M.C. and I agreeing to come in easy on the jet skiis and K.W. completely ignoring us.

The caverns. That was so cool.

Tanning on the lido deck. So relaxing!

The nasty, Indian dude at the entrance of the club who refused to let me in.

Being back in California and still feeling like I'm on the ship. Tell me why I'm seasick AFTER getting off the boat. =/ Boo.

Uploading 235 pictures for everyone.

AND A WHOLE LOT OF FUN.

I have to say that this vacation was one of the best that I've been on. I NEEDED this so bad and it meant so much to me that I was able to enjoy myself with the people that I loved and ones that I got to know. No drama, no attitudes, no discomfort... Just Peace. This vacation was meant for me. I LOVED IT! And to think, all of this was a fundraiser to support D.C. metropolitan youth. Amazing! Kiamsha's doing big thangs ya'll!!! Next trip... Ski excursion and then AFRICA!

=D

I'm Back!

Hello Everyone,

I know I've been m.i.a. for a while, but I'm back. Sorry to all of the readers who were on my back about not blogging. I've been busy man!! =) It's great that you guys even cared to let me know I was slacking though. That was cool.

Anyway, from the 13th to the 22nd, I was pulling my hair out at work, so blogging went out the window. From the 23rd to the 5th, I went on a wonderful vacation. Actually, it was more like three vacations in one. I went home to Maryland for a week, which was great because I did nothing but sleep and watch tv! Then I went to South Beach for a couple days to bring in the New Year. Of course, my friends and I had a BALL! Then I boarded a cruise ship from the 1st to the 5th which explored the seas of the Western Caribbean. Again, I had a ball. T.C., Daneger, Mikesee, and I should all be blogging about Miami and the cruise soon, so look out for that.

I hope everyone had a wonderful jump to the new year! Talk to you soon.

Stay Close,

J