The Sisterhood of Waiting Wives

There's nothing wrong with our ex-men. They all accomplish their goals and work hard for what they want. All speak very well and can hold intelligent conversations with various groups of people. They know how to make us feel like queens for a while. They treat us with respect and have all declared their love for us. They fit well into our circles and blend nicely with our families. They are all clean, shaven, good-looking, well-dressed men... Pause... Unfortunately (and fortunately come to find out) not-a one of them is ready. One man says that he doesn't know what's wrong with him, but promises he's in love. Another one says he can't be the man he knows he should be in a marriage. Yet another says, 'I'm too rusty and need more time.' And another plainly wants to leave his options open.

I believe the consensus around the room is that we don't have the time nor the energy. From one girlfriend to the next, the message is clear. "I'm tired of the b.s. If he wants me, he'll step correctly. Until then, every trace of him WILL be deleted." I'ma tell you right now, and brother's be forewarned, there's a some sort of women's revolution going on around here, and I love it. I'm very proud to be a member of this group, especially because the membership seems to be at an all time high. (Well actually, I don't know if that's a good thing or not. Maybe the 'misery loves company' cliche' should be entered here?) I have never been surrounded by so many intelligent, worthy, determined, yet enormously exhausted sisters in my life. While broken hearts abound, not one of us is crumbled to the point where we're willing to sacrifice our self-esteem and dignity for the unfullfilling "love" of these exes, or any other man. We're known to be very emotional creatures who crave the attention, dedication and touch of a man, yet as I look around at the faces in the room, including my own, I see pain turned into wisdom and desperation turned into maturity. We're all past our teenage and newbie 20 years where we fall stupidly in love and announce to the world that one day we'll marry this can-do-no-wrong-boy that we just met 4 months ago. The days of persistant flirting are gone as we now know that its dire consequences can leave us in compromising sexual situations. Our identities are now defined within ourselves instead of by what a man thinks, wants or needs. We actually recognize that until married, we come first. What a concept! Each member of my sisterhood is regaining strength.

Some are still hurt. Some have their temporary angry going on. Some are very quiet. But what feels good is that we all understand - each other and ourselves. We're encouraging one another and sticking really really really close when a potential suitor walks into the mix. No woman will battle the elements on her own! "What did he say after you said that?... What?!... Oh no. Girl, look. Yes, he's fine and conversation flows easy, but don't forget what's real." Sharing the necessary information has never been more important. It saves a lot of time, disappointment, rolling of the neck, tongue lashing, and sleepless nights as well as assists in opening eyes when they're willingly shut as a reaction to his exquisite charm and big muscular back. Even though the support group is always available, we're also learning to be keen about what to divulge and what to handle on our own. Half of growing up is learning to dicipher foreign situations on your own using your internal compass - common sense, past experiences and gut instinct.

We're united in faith and hope. Each and every one of us knows that our Mister Mister is slowly or perhaps diligently preparing himself for us. The ain't-no-good-men-out-here-hype doesn't persuade us. For the mere fact that we've all be ready to run to the alter with "a good man' shows that marriage material does exist. We're all waiting wives. For now, we relish our singledom. We take pride in how far we've come and take pleasure our sisterhood. We convene frequently to do the things ladies do - laugh, shop, pursue higher education, swap stories, form businesses, travel, eat, build careers, dress, give advice, and simply be there. That well-known email chain that encourages women to never forget their girlfriends comes to mind. How pertinent and true in these times.

I am a proud member of The Sisterhood of Waiting Wives.