One Hundred!

Happy One Hundred Posts To Me!! Yes sir! This marks my 100th post and I am truly excited!

I've thought about what I should do for this post and I orginally decided that I would challenge myself by listing 100 things about myself that people might not know, but that would be difficult (hence the word 'challenge'), so then I decided that I would take a line from or talk about the point of each of my previous 99 posts intertwined with the a couple of tid bits about me here and there. So here it goes. I hope you enjoy. (If you actually get through this whole thing, I'll be very impressed.)

1. Get My Eagle On - The beginning of a beautiful blogging relationship. It was on this day that I decided to spread my wings and get my eagle on.
2. Hoodies and Sweatpants - "Can I please get a hoodie and some sweatpants please?! ...Don't get me wrong now. I'll step out in some stilettos and a fresh ensemble in a minute, but sometimes I just want to take it back."
3. My Husband - This is one my favorite posts... "the feel of mature hands moving across my cocoa-colored shoulder blades..." You haven't read it, please do so. I'm sure you'll like it.
4. One talent I wish I possessed - the ability to SANG. I can sing, but unfortunately I wasn't equipped with the tools to blow. =/
5. Yesterday morning while talking with my mother, I decided that it is not imperative that I move in January. I'm in no rush to leave California after all, and my mother agreed that upon her visit, she could see that there's no dire need for me to leave right now. "No rush", I told her.
6. 5 Minutes of Free Association - I love free association posts. I always found out something about myself I didn't know before. "My moods, personalities, alter egos, curves, dips, and peaks."
7. A Man Who Finds A Wife Finds A Good Thing - Does a woman need a man or is it more so the man who needs the woman? How about this? We need each other.
8. Be My - "Be my lover darling... I promise I'll give you goosebumps..." Another one of my all time favorites. Read this one too!
9. In My Childhood - My dad is CRAZY, and that's why I love him!
10. Today's Message - "If God can see what will happen in the future, why does he let bad things happen to people?" Good question. Read the post for the answer.
11. There's nothing better than a tall glass of Mrs. Smith's warm apple pie with vanilla ice cream on top. Yep, I said glass.
12. One thing I love about myself - my body.
13. Honoroble Media - http://www.honorablemedia.com/blog/
14. I'm a sucker for a man who can write heartfelt lyrics/poetic words.
15. Music = Good Mood - I'm in love with music. Joe's music makes me feel like a woman.
16. I understood just how much my parents love doing things for their children when they surprised me by taking me to a Janet Jackson concert when I was little. The smiles on their faces when they saw how excited I was will never leave my memory.
17. I wish that I could perform again. I miss the stage.
18. Sigh...=( - "I have no permanence and if it wasn't for the fact that I know my purpose is to minister to others, I wouldn't have a point either."
19. Sisters and Friends - I LOVE my sister. (click on the link to see her pic.) I miss you Pooh!!
20. 1/2 the equation - Oh man. This post is the essence of my life as it relates to relationships. It never fails.
21. Random Thoughts All Day Long! - This post makes me smile. I should do more of this.
22. Good Question Kepa - A post on what it takes to impress me and what I want in a man. That was a hard one.
23. The Model Prayer - Have you ever thought about what the model prayer means? Read this if you haven't.
24. Favorite Song!!! Thanks T!!! - My happy song!!
25. The last time I cried was this past weekend.
26. My bday is next month!!! Yay!!! Too bad I can't celebrate it. Shoot. Happy to be turning 24 ya'll!
27. Admist all the papers and supplies I have on my desk at work are the three pics that mean to the most to me. One of my sister and I, one of the four of us (the fam), and one black and white of my sister's face that I took.
28. Current Mood - I must say that that was a pretty expressive way of saying that my job was killing me. Very creative J!
29. Something's Missing - I wrote this at a time when I was pretty confused about my life. This doesn't happen often because I often have a plan, but the plan just wasn't making any sense. It's funny because this doesn't seem like too long ago, but I'm not anywhere near this anymore.
30. My Wonderful Weekend - I still remember how perfect this weekend was.
31. Quote of the Week - "A man is only as faithful as his options." Boy did I start something with that one!
32. You're No Longer In Love - My most chilling revelation every. I can honestly say that I grew by writing this. I deem this post the "J's Choice Award".
33. Stupid Diddy - I can't stand that man. Period.
34. I Order You To... - Mmmm. Lovely. Definitely One of the Honorable Mentions. Read this one too.
35. Free Association - More of J's thoughts. Good stuff.
36. Hair - Pics of me with different hair styles. I will NEVER get another weave again!
37. What makes me smile - When someone I know is experiencing a happy moment.
38. I Made It - My reflection on my two year California anniversary. Am I happy to still be here or not?
39. New World Flamenco - I'm crazy about Spanish dance styles. My editorial review on a performance.
40. Quote of the Week - "Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood." And this STILL applies!
41. Weird - I had a weird night that spilled over into the morning. I'm glad those don't happen too often.
42. I have a hard time walking down unchartered territory. It makes me really nervous. Oddly enough, I do it all the time, and never regret it.
43. Zuri - "She picked up her right hand, flicked her shoulder-length pressed hair and walked out of the mirror's reflection."
44. Names/Personalities - This was funny but true. Who is J.C.?
45. Will You Be My Boss? - I like it when you take charge! ; - )
46. Where Are You? - A song about a boy named Kenneth.
47. I often feel divided between the idea of someone only needing to know what I tell them and the idea of being 100% honest in all situations.
48. Her Entrance - "Her stature and quiet confidence challengesthe room. Not one person can avoid noticing."
49. I hate cleaning the kitchen. I'd rather clean a toilet bowl.
50. I'm at #50 and I already think this is too much but I declare I will finish this before the day is over!
51. Untitled - About a boy named Kenneth.
52. Right now, I'm wearing my favorite pair of jeans laced with a brown leather belt, brown round-toe heels, a beige shirt with little hearts on it, and a brown blazer. Gotta Coooordinate!
53. My Favorite - Teedra Moses' CD means so much to me.
54. Press my button to make me feel you. Explore the depths of me and make me experience the ways of your perfection. - J.C.
55. Gently bite me there. It's here that I can feel when you need me. - J.C.
56. That Good Ole Tender Lovin Care - I still long for this.
57. I choose to remain neutral on all political affairs.
58. I miss my best friend - Kacey, I can't wait to see you.
59. UGGGHHHH - According to miKeSee, this post marked the day I became a true blogger. lol. Thanks miKeSee!
60. I love that my mother calls me to ask for advice. She's such a great woman.
61. To date, I am working on my 8th journal. I began journaling at the age of 12.
62. What I Want In A Man - hmm... Interesting. I don't know if I still feel the same.
63. Moving Down South - No more Atlanta for me! Unless I determine that I DO want a MBA and get into Emory.
64. About Me - More stuff on J.C.!
65. The Good Wife's Guide - 1955 - I'd be a good wife, just not like this!
66. My ex wrote "just wanted you to know you are a great person and anybody in their right frame of mind would be blessed to have you by their side being their significant other, so Never sell yourself short, and you are a lot stronger than you may think sometimes. Give yourself some credit. I love you mumi will all of my soul and i want everything for you." He could have made me cry with that.
67. Real Quick - I realize that I have to blog in order to release.
68. Oh Los Angeles - This was a fun experience. Bow Wow, Chris Brown, and JD video shoot.
69. I need a bigger apartment so I can have a bigger kitchen and a dishwasher. If I had a bigger kitchen and a dishwasher, I would actually cook sometimes. Everytime I go in my kitchen I suffer from clastrophobia. =/
70. Football Season Starts Today - I think I made a lot of men happy with this post.
71. Stupid Police! - They truly bring out the nasty in me. Welcome to J's mean streak.
72. Fav - My favorite music video of all time!!
73. There's a meeting in my bedrooooooooommm!! - Silkk. I had to take a minute and play the video ya'll!!!
74. I got a lot of compliments on my hair yesterday. 4 to be exact. I think I'll keep it short for a while. I really like my new cut.
75. Phew! 25 More to Go. I WILL DO THIS!
76. Lesson Learned - Never hit a parked car and drive away without leaving a note.
77. Sunday - This just reminds me of my independence. I always seem to find a way to entertain myself (except for last Saturday).
78. On My Mind - Again, I love my body. No one can make me feel otherwise.
79. Reflection - I miss my college gfs. We had so much fun together!
80. Blogging - To What Degree? - Apparently I'm not the only one who loves blogging. Oh and I inspired Dane with this post!! Yay!!
81. I used to be obsessed with farting. That didn't come out right. What I meant to say was... Well, look. lol. As a kid, I used to die laughing whenever anyone farted. For some reason, I used to get GREAT kicks out of it. I was a weird child.
82. It Never Rains - I miss the rain! Where's the rain!?
83. I miss working with kids. I loved giving back during my time with Kiamsha. If I worked with Kiamsha again, I'd only want to do the performing arts portion though. I would love to write, produce and direct the shows.
84. The Standard Conversation - So sad when I think about it. I think I need to change my approach to this. I'm starting to cultivate a new philosophy on this. Look out for a post on this soon.
85. One of My Fav R&B Artists - There's just something about them. Men, passionate lyrics, singing, R&B... I just love it. I think it's the vulnerability. So great.
86. Ladies - I had a great time with the ladies! Girls night out!!! Reminded me of those good ole college times.
87. I pay over $2,000 a month in bills. Ridiculous!!!
88. Believe Me - Another one that has to go in the compilation case. I still can't believe I write things like this.
89. Cigarette Break/I Can't/Right Now - A post written about a guy named Michael.
90. Mood: Pensive - A post inspired by Michael.
91. Mama Dukes - I love my mommy. She helped me figure everything out!
92. Free Me - I Know That's Right!!! I will Always feel like this!
93. I finally received that beautifully cased piece of paper that says "This is to certify that J.A.C. has successfully completed the 36 unit requirement for the Professional Designation In Business" complete with the UCLA seal!! Even though in reality it may not mean much, I worked my butt off for this piece of paper. And I am so happy.
94. Truth - "I do know that I want to be a wife and a mother. That's always been a desire."
95. I am intersted in increasing my portfolio of investments. I need to do some research and get back on the grind on this.
96. A Recommendation - Jazz music makes me feel good and relaxed. It has a wonderfully calming affect on me.
97. Ooooh! - This joint is tight! (There goes that east coast lingo coming out of me.)
98. I'm a city girl. I love the hustle and bustle of a city's heartbeat. The pulsing, throbbing vibe energizes me. I miss the city.
99. My 99th post is actually a 'draft'. So in actuality this is my 99th post since the other one isn't up yet, BUT I don't care. I've officially written 100 posts, no matter whether they're able to be read or not. Plus, if I didn't count that post, it would make this moment so much less meaningful. =(
100. And if you've made it to this part, please respond with my initials and you will receive a reward!!! ;-) But on the real, from the bottom of my heart, thanks for taking the time out to get to know my crazy butt through my 100 posts and personal tid bits. I really appreciate your interest and for giving me a reason to blog every day (or so). While I love to blog for my own personal reflection, it makes it all the more worthwhile when I know that people actually care. Awww... This calls for a hug! Come here! MMMmmmmmmmmm. Ok. Go on now. Get!

See you on the flip side homie!

Love j.a.c.

Truth Or Dare - Take 2

Trizzy asks, "What (or who) made you start blogging, and how long do you read a blog before commenting?"

T.C. and MikeSee inspired me to start blogging. I didn't even know what a blog was until T.C. sent me the link to MikeSee's Day2Day blog over a year ago. I found the content of his posts very interesting so I read them faithfully. I'm surprised that it took me so long to start blogging, but I guess I didn't think I could do what MikeSee does. I love to write, but I normally pen everything in my journal for my own personal release. Thinking that others would want to read what I have to say was a foreign idea. So after T.C. started doing her thing, I was inspired to do mine. I still can't believe people actually want to read what I write. =/

I can honestly say that I LOVE BLOGGING and I don't know what I would do without Zuri She Wrote. I mean my journal is my first love but being that I sit in front of a computer for 8 hours a day, blogging is so much more convenient. I still reserve my journal for late nights under the covers and by a single table lamp. It's especially intimate to write in my journal. And it's there where I can write about anything and anyone. On the blog, I have an audience. In my journal, I have me.

And for the second part of the question, "how long do I read a blog before commenting", if the blog captures me right away, I'll read the whole thing and then comment. If it doesn't capture me, I'll skim it and decide to comment if something grabs my attention. I actually have a lot to do at work which doesn't afford me a lot of commenting time. That brings me to a question. How long to you bloggers actually spend on this thing?! Do the more intense bloggers just not have intense jobs or what?! =)

Thanks for listening.

Have a good one.

"I can do better than make love to you.
Better than make you say my name.
Please Please Please
Oh don't you make me have to beg."
- R.T.

Ooooh!

Thanks T.C.

A Recommendation

Here in this hotel.
Here in the room we used so well.
I lie and stare now.
Here where love was born.
My eyes are wet.
My heart is torn.
The room is bare now.
Roses on the wall.
Laughter in the hall.
All as I recall.
But where are you.
Here in this hotel.
How many stories could it tell.
Of ghosts who dwell here.
We have joined the cast.
Lovers in the past.
Of this hotel.
I'll return again.
Just to dream of them.
In this hotel.


I've an awfully funny feeling that this thought that's been a stealing through my brain is not to be ignored. But to really tell the truth thought I am not a well known sleuth, I honestly believe you are bored. You've changed. That sparkle in your eyes is gone. Your smile is just a careless yawn. You're breaking my heart. You've changed.


All those things we've done together
I relive when we're apart
All the tender fun together
Stays on in my heart
Too late now
To forget your smile
The way we cling when we danced
Too late now to forget and go on
To someone new
Too late now
To forget your voice
The way one word makes my heart rejoice
Too late now to imagine myself away from you


Maybe I should have saved those leftover dreams. Funny but here's that rainy day. Here's that rainy day they told me about. And I laughed at the thought that it might turn out this way. Where is that worn out wish that I threw aside. After it brought my lovin near. Funny how love becomes a cold rainy day. Funny that rainy day is here.


When sunny gets blue
her eyes get grey and cloudy
then the rain begins to fall
pitter patter pitter patter
love is gone
so what can matter
no sweet lover man comes to call
when sunny gets blue
she breathes a side of sadness
like the wind that stirs the trees
when that sets the leaves to swaying
like some violins a playing
weird and haughnting melodies
people used to love
to hear her laugh
see her smile
that's how she got her name
since that sad affair
she's lost her smile
changed her style
somehow she's not the same
but memories will fade
and pretty dreams will rise up
where her other dream fell through
hurry new love hurry
to kiss away lonely tears
and hold her near
when sunny gets blue


Your eyes
Don't shine
Like they used to shine
And the thrill is gone
When your lips meet mine
I'm afraid
The masquerade is over
And so is love
And so is love
Your words
Don't mean
What they used to mean
They were once despite
Now they're just routine
I'm afraid
The masquerade is over
And so is love
And so is love

I was in the mood for a little jazz in my life so I pulled out my Nancy Wilson CD and actually listened to it for the first time. The lyrics above are all parts of this album. I don't think I've ever heard an album or read lyrics so haughting and touching before. The era of Nancy Wilson represents a time when songs actually moved your heart. I sincerely love these songs. Yes they might be sad but they're real. I wish I could write like this. These lyrics make me want to tear my journal apart. I really recommend this CD. It's amazingly beautiful.

Saturday

Hey,

Why does it seem like the hours are just dragging by? Who would have ever thought I would say that about a Saturday? I just want this weekend to be over. I want to go back to work, get busy with all my meetings, and plummet back into the weeknight tv schedule.

What did I do today? I woke up at 7 to go into field service. By 9, I was home and in the bed again. I thought I would fall asleep since I went out last night and only had 4 hours of sleep, but I wasn't so lucky. There it was. 9am. The beginning of the day. Wide awake. And not a plan in sight. Usually I do homework, but I finished my certificate program in September so I had no help there. Someone asked me recently what I do on Saturdays and I really couldn't answer them. I mean, the last couple of Saturdays have been filled with family visits, fun events, appointments, and girlfriend's in town, but ever since I graduated, nothing has been mandatory. So to help pass some hours by, I put in a movie. Moulin Rouge. I love that movie. It made me sad though, and when I was finished as early as 10:45, I was even more sad. So I called my homie and yapped away, but that was all done by 1. Ok, so now I had about 9 more hours to go (assuming I'll turn in around 10). I then turned on Moulin Rouge again with the director's commentary and began to go through that. (lol. twice in one day huh J? was the day that bad? lol.) I didn't finish it though because I became distracted by a song Nicole Kidman sang. The lyrics hit me so much that I went online to search for the song. That led me into checking emails and reading blogs. I got back on the phone for a brief moment, and then got a call from B telling me to go see The Departed (which is a great movie by the way). That's what I did at 4:30. I was happy when I left the theatre because 3 hours had passed. I didn't realize the movie was so long. Now I'm home, blogging, and counting down the time until I go to bed. I'll probably read my WatchTower and pass out early. Tomorrow should be a better day. With service and football, I should be cool.

You know what? I don't like being inside my apartment on Saturday. It's not that I necessarily want to go anywhere, but I'd rather sit outside in the courtyard under the blue, Saturday sky then be inside my dimly, lit apartment. There's just something wrong with being in here during my day of rest. Maybe if I had a roommate it would be different. I'm not saying I want one because that couldn't be any further from the truth, but I'm sure I would feel differently.

I hope your Saturday was more eventful.

Take care.

J

Truth

T.C. asks...

"If you could be ANYTHING in life what would you be?"

Oh goodness... I've been trying to figure that out for the last couple of months. Ok. I've been avoiding this question, so maybe it's time to really think about this. Well let's see. Let me go through a free association on this one. By the time I'm done, maybe I'll have an answer.

If I could be anything in life...
hmm...
well wait.
I know this one!
When T.C. asked that, I immediately thought about careers,
but I don't have to take it like that.
I don't know what I want to do in terms of a career,
but I do know that I want to be a wife and a mother.
That's always been a desire.
My number one dream.
I know that I have what it takes to be an amazing wife.
As you can slightly see from the previous post, I've had experiences that have basically whipped me into shape.
I'm glad that I got them all out of the way.
I know that I was only being prepared and preserved for something greater.
I've learned how to respect, comfort, provide, please, upbuild, relate to, and trust a man I love.
This reminds me of Trizzy and Teej's post on a woman and a man's role.
The balance between submissiveness and strength.
How to be a strong woman yet sensitive at the same time.
Watching all the wives and mothers I know along with learning what God requires of husbands and wives has prepared me.
So yes, if I could be anything in the world, it would be a wife and a mother.
I know I didn't touch on the mother part, but I have a meeting in about 15 minutes.
15 minutes is definitely not long enough to explain how I feel about that!

Thanks for asking T!

Have a good day everyone!

Truth Or Dare

So I'm playing "Truth or Dare" over at *~Rapturous Souls~* spot. Go to her page to take a look at the rules and join us if you'd like.

I don't really feel like waiting for anyone to get back to me so I'm going to ask my own Truth (cuz that's what I picked at *~Rapturous Soul~* and Golden Time Of Day 's blogs.) I've always been a real punk at this game, therefore staying as far away from dares as possible. The last time I took a dare in college, I ended up having to give a lap dance. Thank GOD I am no longer that type of girl!!!! I used to hate truth or dare because whenever anyone found out that I was a dance major, they would make me do something related to dance. "Dance on top of this table!" "Do a split!" "Give him a lap dance!" You know what? you horny, nasty, triflin people! It's amazing how badly we seek stupid thrills from the opposite sex in college. I mean that's what it's all about right? Wondering how far someone will go. So dumb. So insanely dumb. But anyway, my truth...

j.c.? What is your biggest regret in life?

Well, it's kinda hard to answer that question because of the sensitivity of the subject, but I'll let you know that it's a tie between an episode that I had with my high school ex and an episode that I had with my college ex. Actually, I would put what happened with my college ex above the other because I was in love which meant that the emotions and pain and grief were so much more worse. ('so much more worse' - that's not grammatically correct is it?) I basically had an emotional affair with another guy, which ended up in a kiss, which definitely means that I cheated. It's crazy because when it happened, I was SO sure that the kiss didn't constitute as cheating. It wasn't a passionate kiss and it just so happened that I kissed him while under the influence. So those two points together was enough for me to dispute that the fact that I cheated. But it wasn't so much the kiss that I regret because it didn't mean anything to me. It's the pain that I caused that I regret the most. I spent a crazy amount of time getting to know this guy and whatever I felt I wasn't getting from my bf at the time, I sought out from the other guy. That was DEAD wrong. The emotional affair which ultimately led into the kiss was DEAD wrong. I was basically choosing someone else over my bf and stomping on his heart at the same time. I learned to never involve another person in your personal, romantic affairs and to RESPECT the person that you're with. I hurt my ex-bf so much, and I vowed to myself that I would never be the person to cause that much pain in another person's life again. It's my place to bring smiles and pleasure to people's lifes. Not pain, tears, and grief. That's not me and that's not what Jehovah purposed me to do. I regret hurting him, but I don't regret the experience. I wouldn't have learned as much about myself if it wasn't for the incident.

So. One truth down. Any others?

Free Me

I want to leave work so bad right now.


So I can do a bit of this.


And then take one of these.



Then get a touch of this.



Then do some more of this.



And maybe a little bit of this.

So that I can finally feel like this!

Mama Dukes

I just feel the urge to add that it's all good now. Mama Dukes took care of me and set me straight. I promise you that she's the most incredible woman on this planet. There's nothing that she can't handle. I love you mommy!

Do you think your mom is as great as mine? =)

Mood: Pensive

I just sat down.
Haven't even opened my work email yet.
Once I open Outlook, my day begins.
Sitting here listening to The Isley Brothers.
I LOVE The Isley Brothers.
My favorite oldies group.
"You're All I Need" is playing.
I just understand their music, ya know?
It finds its little way into my soul.
Maybe that's too deep.
Maybe it's too much.
Guys.
I'm tired.
I'm tired of almost making it.
Almost touching it but not grabbing it.
I don't know why this keeps happening to me.
Is it a test?
Am I being tested like Job was?
Job is inspiring.
He didn't know why he was suffering such calamities.
But he nevertheless remained loyal to Jehovah.
His integrity never wavered.
He didn't understand why he was living through such hard times.
He didn't know why such bad things were happening to him.
He didn't know that Satan had struck his life with pain and grief.
He didn't know Jehovah let Satan do that to him.
He didn't know he was part of a plan.
Thankfully, I know.
Jehovah tells us that Satan will try.
He'll try to run us through the mill.
But where will our integrity lie?
With Satan or with Jehovah?
"Don't Say Goodnight" is on.
Oh man.
This song is so...
I don't even know what I'm trying to say.
This music is ridiculous.
I do know one thing.
Ron Isley is keeping me very calm right now.
If I didn't have Ron Isley, I'd be a mess right now.
Having things placed in front of me that I can't have.
Being tempted on a constant basis.
"Now that you've made a personal dedication to Jehovah...
...Satan will do EVERYTHING he can to divert you."
That's what she told me.
Satan knows my weaknesses.
And if anyone knows how to use them against me, it's him.
I swear I hate him.
I truly truly hate him.
I was reading some Bible literature last night.
It said that sexual desires and urges are a part of growing up.
It's ok to have those feelings.
Yeah yeah yeah.
Who doesn't know that?
The question is why have those feelings when fornication is against Jehovah's will?
It's natural to want people to think good things of you.
You don't want people to know your mistakes and issues.
Then why is it wrong lie?
Why does Jehovah detest liars?
Is it me or does it seem like everything that is natural for us is wrong?
I guess that has to do with Adam and Eve right?
If it wasn't for them, it would be natural to do right.
We were all born into sin once our first parents made that grave mistake.
Today's Daily Scripture says this.
"Jehovah will never leave us if we laud him with uprightness of heart
and continue to keep his regulations." (Ps. 119:7, 8)
Encouraging right?
It makes you want to keep his regulations.
I mean we already know this.
We know it, but do we follow it?
This is too much thinking.
I promised I wouldn't think anymore.
It's hard to not think about principles that have been instilled in me.
And how they apply to every situation I live through.
That's my goal.
Apply Jehovah's word to every situation I find myself in.
If you do that, you should be straight right?
I think that's called living for God.
I don't know.
Things are hard.
Much harder than they should be.
I guess no one said it would be easy.
Serving Jehovah is not easy.
I'm human.
I want what I want.
My desires outshadow almost everything.
I know not to trust myself though.
Ugh.
I'm tired.
Gotta go.

Cigarette Break/I Can't/Right Now

If I smoked I'd take a cigarette break right about now.
I'd take the time to relieve the frustration pent up in me.
I'd take a moment to breath and sort out the feeling.
The cigarette smoke would soothe my thoughts.
The frustration would seep out of my pores as the smoke fills.
I would be so much more calm and relaxed right now.
It could be so good only if I smoked.


i can't say that i wasn't ready
it wasn't an issue of whether i was ready or not
logically i didn't want to go there
i don't want to become attached
i don't want to care
i don't want to stare and consume
that's one thing that's never really in our control
it's so out of my control and i HATE that!
i HAVE to be in control!
the last thing you want to do is suffocate your emotions with logic
why not suffocate my emotions with logic?


"You're so...
You just don't know.
What I'd do to you..
If the situation were different...
It'd be on for sure.
It's too bad that we can't
You make me wanna do
something i never do.
Wanna go there with you
Boy I'm scared of you
But we're not prepared to do it.
So I can't love you right now
Like I want to right now
We just can't do it.
And it's taking everything in me
I want to right now
You know I want to right now
But it's this one rule
And it's keeping me from giving you my love
I must admit
Baby ooh your kiss
It's taking my mind
to places that my body's never seen before
leave me wanting more
You make me wanna do
something i never do.
Wanna go there with you
Boy I'm scared of you
But we're not prepared to do it.
So I can't love you right now
Like I want to right now
We just can't do it.
I want to right now
You know I want to right now
But it's this one rule
And it's keeping me from giving you my love
so you just can't have my love"
- Right Now

Believe Me

he told her to believe in him. but that's not so easy to do. you gotta be smart, she said. i'm not like the others, he said. her heart sank. wrong answer, she thought to herself. i guess i shouldn't have said that, he thought. she's heard that too many times before. faith is in the works, he whispered while looking into his hands. what? she looked up at him in curiosity. nothing, he said still looking down. she turned her head away and smiled. the wind picked up at that moment. each shivered at the breeze penetrating their skin. neither noticed the other's reaction. disconnected they failed to see. i've dreamed about you. i used to close my eyes and you would be right there. the pace of his heart beat began to accelerate as he struggled to find the words. he knew she had an impenetrable skill to filter out the nonsense, lies, and exaggerations. she returned her gaze upon his face and searched his eyes which were righfully filled with expression. the goosebumps on her delicate, carmel skin began to rise. please, don't tell me. don't say anything that you can't show.

the goosebumps remained planted on her arms as she fervently prayed that he was real. her desires for his sincerity were intense. burning hope pierced her heart which made her stocky legs weak. she reached out for him just in time and managed to disguise her tremble in a hug. the warmth from his neck seeped through her body. he closed his eyes and held her tighter. they stood in each others arms for what seemed like minutes. why are you shivering, he asked quietly with his eyes still closed. she didn't answer but instead let his warmth relieve her tension. i got you, he said. everything is going to be ok.

why must you always believe that it's too good to be true, she thought to herself while feeling his large hand on the sides of her slender back. don't end it before it begins. she stood still and listening to his breathing. as the wind began to pick up again, she nuzzled herself further into his chest and let out a breath... just on breath. as if surprised, he immediately released himself from her hold and took two steps back while staring into her face. the warmth she felt soon ran out of her pores and back into the atmosphere surrounding her. a void filled her spirit which made for a shivering sensation run down her spine. she stared back at the man who asked her to believe and waited for his sign. a man who lives by his word is a strong man, he said with conviction. his hands were firmly placed at his sides and his feet were grounded into the earth beneath him. at that instant she seemed to look at a man 5 times her height. her gaze softened and she began to understand. don't say no. i promise it will be alright. believe in me. he told her to believe in him. this time, it will be easier to do.

On My Mind

walking around like a zombie today
so tired
even though i had 8 hours last night
how can that be
could stare off into space all day
too much work to do
14 CAPs to start and finish
geez
need a vitamen or something
it's times like these i wish i drank coffee
or soda
food might help
too drained to go across the street
too broke as well
love it when parents come into town
don't have to pay for a thing
dad will pay for everything
can't wait for them to get here
miss my father
talk to my mother every day so...
she's not as missed
although she is my roll dog
just want to close my eyes
nap for lunch please


he told her to believe in him. but that's not so easy to do. you gotta be smart, she said. i'm not like the others, he said. her heart sank. wrong answer, she thought to herself. i guess i shouldn't have said that, he thought. she's heard that too many times before. faith is in the works, he whispered while looking into his hands. what? she looked up at him in curiosity. nothing, he said still looking down. she turned her head away and smiled. the wind picked up at that moment. each shivered at the breeze penetrating their skin. neither noticed the other's reaction. disconnected they failed to see. i've dreamed about you. i used to close my eyes and you would be right there. the pace of his heart beat began to accelerate as he struggled to find the words. he knew she had an impenetrable skill to filter out the nonsense, lies, and exaggerations. she returned her gaze upon his face and searched his eyes which were righfully filled with expression. the goosebumps on her delicate, carmel skin began to rise. please, don't tell me. don't say anything that you can't show.

i want to finish this, but i keep getting distracted with work. it's getting in the way. =/

Ladies

My back hurts...the lower back...you know the spot on your back where that dips happens...the connection between the hips and the waist...dag. I put my trusty dusty heater on it, so that helped a little but this chronic lower back pain stuff isn't pretty. Standing from 8pm to 1am at the Raheem DeVaughn concert didn't help. =(

But anyway, I didn't come on here to talk about my ailments.

I had an interesting weekend to say the least. Jenn's girls were in town so we did the female bonding stuff among other things. We met a lot of people. Some crazy, some cool, some suspect, some intriguing... We did our fair share of girl talk which ranged from ghetto nail designs to sex to friendships to wine. The four of us together are quite a combo. I realized that 4 women together can be a dangerous thing because I've never talked about people as much as I did this weekend. I mean I wasn't mean or anything like that. Naaawwww. I was a sweetheart. I only said nice things and gave my honest opinions. No bashing or joinin at all. I promise! =) Don't act like you don't cut up when you get around your same sex friends. Uh huh. The locker room talk, fellas! I know all about that! It was quite hilarious actually. I'm glad I had the opportunity to be surrounded by such wonderful women. I mentioned in a recent post that I miss my girlfriends in NY, so this girls weekend out was right on time. It was very special. Awww. Look at me getting all sentimental. =) Have a wonderful week everyone.

One of My Fav R&B Artists

Thanks to BrillD for the inspiration.



This song gives me goosebumps.

The Standard Conversation

Well it was wonderful speaking with you, but I must be going.

No I'm sorry. That won't be possible.

Well, I'm not dating or conversing with new male "friends" at this time.

Well I would like to date for the purpose of getting married and I'm not in a place to do that right now.

No I'm not saying I'm not ready to get married because Lord knows I am. I'm definitely looking forward to that, but I don't plan on staying on the west for long.

Yes, I can date on the west but my chances for moving back would be slighted if I started pursuing a relationship with a man in LA.

Sure, it's possible I could fall in love with a man who would be willing to follow my dreams, but that's a rather complicated idea, and i'd rather not put that on someone's shoulders when I know that I won't be here for long.

Well if he's my soul mate, than it'll happen no matter what I say right? Something will pull me towards him.

True. You absolutely DO have to put in the effort if you want something to develop. If I was drawn to someone I thought was special, I would take the necessary steps to pursue him. If he was everything I believed I wanted, I would not let that chance pass me by, no matter where I live or what my goals are. It could be possible that the "chance" does not work out though, which is why I will be extra careful not to let go of my dreams and goals. I have to be smart about such matters. My father taught me to never let a person get in the way of my dreams. Women tend to compromise and alter their plans for relationship's sake, but I've been taught to focus on my vision. I only pray that the man that Jehovah puts in my life will want to help me pursue my goals, and vice versa. And whatever gaps there are, compromise will rule.

You're welcome for the explanation. And again, it was nice speaking with you. Have a good night.

READ THIS: Lupe Fiasco's Food and Liquor - The Booklet

So for everyone who has bought the CD and browsed through the booklet, I have a question for you. Actually, maybe a couple...

I guess I could get real deep on this and write out some sort of colorful, descriptive, metaphoric interpretation but I won't. If you looked at the picture story in Lupe's booklet, you know what I'm talking about.

When I happened across pages 3 and 4 of the booklet to that classroom picture, I almost had a car accident. (I was driving back to work at the time.) As I fumbled through the rest of the booklet, the story began to unfold, and I began to understand. "That's really profound", I thought to myself. So ok, cool. There's a point to the detestable, crude, sad, destroying and terryfying imagery on pages 3 and 4.

So here is my question. Well...first, do me a favor. Look at the brown, little girl smiling into the camera on page 4. Look at her smile...look at her tiny hand...look at the baby hairs on her temple...look into her eyes. Go back to when you were her age and try to remember your frame of mind. Remember how innocent you were. Remember how you couldn't understand what your parents meant when they told you not to put your fingers in sockets, or not to play with knifes, or to stay away from matches. Can you go back there? Can you remember how oblivious you were? Can you understand that you had neither the knowledge, the wisdom, or the common sense to comprehend why the above items could hurt you? Ok. I think you're there with me. I think you feel me and can understand where I'm going with this. So Now. The question is, what do you imagine the master mind behind this picture said to this little girl, or the whole classroom of students for that matter, to make them understand this? Pretend you are the artist who's trying to prove this profound point that we receive from the booklet, and conjure up what you would say to these children. How would that conversation go? What would you explain to them? Keep in mind that they don't care about art, or the point of the story, or Lupe Fiasco. All the know is that they get to finally touch, handle, hold and take pictures with play guns. Do you think that someone had this conversation with them? Do you think the situation was handled? Who do you think was charged with that duty, if it actually did take place? What would you do/think if you were these children's parents?

Here's another question. Would you be able to be that teacher? For $100,000, would you be that teacher?

Please hit me back on this.

It Never Rains

I miss a good summer rain
They seem to miss out on a special thing
One of those peaceful summer rains
A summer rain to wash away the dry heat
and invigorate the sky
One that softly falls outside my window
and whispers me to sleep on a lazy afternoon
The kind of warm rain that stimulates the sweet smell of flowers
mmm…

I miss that sort of thing
ya know
That rejuvenating summer rain
The type that makes you smile
as you watch lovers dart to shelter and laugh once reaching their destination
One that forces them to cuddle and kiss under an awning

I don't know
I say
Let it rain to make us remember
remember the sun
remember what a fresh day tastes like
Let the rain plead for us to sit together like a family
To share moments together that wouldn’t otherwise be available
It sorta feels good to dart over puddle after puddle
with bright colored-umbrellas like children
(smile)

When was the last time I saw a rainbow after a summer shower?
When was the last time I got to see God smile like that?
Remember how it feels to experience waterfalls from heaven refresh your soul
How energizing, revitalizing, and fortifying to smell the drops
mixing with the natural yet enigmatic smells of the earth

A summer rain is special treatment
They don’t understand what that means
A summer rain to restore bright days
To remind me why I have it so good
A quiet peaceful rain that pounds consistently with the beating of my heart
yeah, something like that
Just a nice summer rain

Lupe Fiasco In Stores!

Don't forget to pick up Lupe Fiasco's Food & Liquor, in stores Tuesday September 19.

Blogging - To What Degree?

I've been writing in my journal for the last past hour pouring out my feelings on this issue and that issue. It wasn't until my hand started getting tired that I went off the subject and wrote, "it feels so good to be honest right now".

With that in mind, I think I have to apologize to my blog for not being real. I haven't been completely open and honest lately. I used to write from my heart and hold no punches, but as of recently, my subjects have been very superficial...very surface-oriented. I received a call write before I signed on to my blog and my friend agreed. "Yeah your blogs have just been blogs lately. They're not thought-provoking like they used to be." I agreed with him because I began to feel the same. My posts have no substance. This idea leads me to a question though.

How real can you be on a blog? I mean, I know the answer - as real as you feel comfortable being while knowing that millions of people have access to your ideas, principles, opinions, and emotions. That's supposed to be the beauty of a blog right? You say what you want, how you want it and when you want it. But how deep, or how personal do you get? Are you ok with people knowing you like your mother does or do you keep your blogging relationship at an arm's length distance? When I look at other people's blogs, some are very personal and some simply keep their writing oriented on subjects such as celebrity news, sports, and music. Is it true that the latter group feels more comfortable blogging about impersonal things? Do they even think to blog about their day or their emotions or their desires? Or do they know they can and choose to go in the opposite direction? To what degree do you share yourself on a blog? Do people who generally wear their hearts on their sleeves tend to blog more personal things? Well actually I can answer that last one. The answer is no. I don't wear my heart on my sleeve but love to blog about my desires, emotions and personal thoughts. I guess that proves that there is no universal answer. It guess it all depends right?

Reflection

Been sorta bummed lately.
I think it's because I miss my friends from back home.
College was great for me.
I would love to do it all over again but only with the knowledge and wisdom I have now.
Things would go over so much more smoothly than it did back then.
I know so much more now.
But I miss rolling with the 7 or so girls who were all so put together.
Shaunei, Trash, Monie, V, Merry, Rana, Nat, Soph, Nadi, Francie, Gabi...
Did I miss anyone?
Ok so there were more than 7.
We had so many great moments together.
You know those pics that you look back on and you just smile.
You remmeber where you were and what you were thinking about at that very moment.
I don't think I'll ever have girlfriends like that again.
The Barnard Mafia.
Ha!
We were some bad girls with great heads on our shoulders.
They're the reason why I don't believe men when they talk about how crazy females can be.
I seriously don't know any.
Yeah we all went through our growing pains but we were strong.
I think that's what I respected most about my girls.
They were strong.
Still are!
I don't talk to them like I used to, but they're all doing so well for themselves.
I'm proud of them all.
I love you ladies.

College was easy.
I probably didn't think so then, but looking back...
It was so simple what I had to do.
Class, work, activities, sleep, study, and be a friend.
Now-a-days... I don't even want to list the things I'm responsible for.
I guess it's sorta the same.
Work, sleep, feed myself, study.
But there's so much more on it.
I'm now responsible for my life, my attitude, my business, my womanhood, my health.
It's so much more than I ever thought it would be.
It's ok though because I'm doing well with everything.
But what I would give to go back.
I wouldn't do anything different though.
I'd still make the same stupid decisions and learn the same hard lessons.
Unless I could go back at the age I am now.
What if we could all go back to the same school all over again but at our current ages.
How different would that be?

I'm so lost in the every day, robotic-ness of my life.
I think the quote of yesterday was "You've achieved success in your field when you don't know whether what you're doing is work or play."
Definitely haven't achieved that yet.
Boeing is a job.
It's work.
It's hard.
It's corporate America.
I have no idea what type of career would help me accomplish that type of success.
Why do I not even care anymore?
I want to be happy and successful, but I feel like I could do that apart from a job.
I know I can.
My relationship with Jehovah makes me happy.
I DO know that.
But I feel like I'm missing something.
Something's not being fullfilled here.
Recently I've been thinking a lot about relationships.
But I hate going there because it's such a dead subject.
I promised myself I wouldn't talk about that.
So I won't.
I'm stronger than that.

Something's not right.
I'm homesick.
No matter how old I get, I always have the urge to see my families faces.
My daddy.
My mom.
My incredible little sister.
It's the four of us til the end.

I think it's time for a little deeper soul searching in my journal.

Good night everyone.

On My Mind

there's been something on my mind that's been bothering me. i've been pushing it to the side because i should already know better but... i might feel better if i get it off my chest.

have you ever had someone put their fingers around your wrist and squeal about how thin you are? i never thought something like that would bother me because i'm in no way skinny, but when it happens repeatedly, my nerves start to rattle. it was funny the first couple of times, but now...not so much. i'm not even going to ask any readers to tell me that i'm not crazy. i'm not even going to post a picture of me and ask if i'm outrageously skinny like they've been saying. i'm not even going to tell you how much i weigh. why? because i don't need others to tell me what i already know.

it's funny how body image and weight are such a big thing in our society. of all places, i didn't think my size would be an issue in LA. (sigh)

Sunday

So I woke up around 6am after waking up twice over the course of the night due a horrible nightmare and some vicious cramps. I had to be to the hall by 9am so I decided to just stay up and get ready. After showering and getting dressed, I read a good chunk of my reading for school (I, Rigoberta Menchu) and then took a 45 minute nap. By 8:50, I was at the hall which is great because I never get there early. I'm really proud of myself too because I stayed throughout both meetings instead of leaving half way like I thought I was going to have to do considering how rough my night was. After the meeting, Juanetta came back to my house to study the article for next week. I'm proud of myself again here because I'm actually keeping my goal to prepare the literature before the meetings. When Juanetta left, I proceeded to watch my Giants beat up on the Eagles in OT while cooking dinner. Lemon chicken breast, seasoned herb rice, and garlic and herb vegetables. MMMMmmm.. Now you KNOW I'm proud of myself for that one. When the game went off, I read the second half of I, Rigoberta Menchu and wrote a BOMB response to the final, assignment, question online. I put my stuff together RIGHT this week. I hope the whole class reads my comment! By 4:20pm, I found myself at the movies watching Akeelah and the Bee which was free due to the theatre's grand opening. Why did that movie make me cry? Now I'm back home watching my Skins do this thang against the Cowboys and looking forward to a big slice of apple pie with vanilla ice cream on top.

How in the world did I manage to do all today with such a horrible night? Man I had a good day!

Now if only my Redskins win....

Lesson Learned

This is unusual. I don't really have anything to say today. I think I'm going to give my entire day to work. What a concept! We have a lot going on in our department and I've been pretending like it doesn't affect me in order to avoid the stress, but I have to get going.

Oh I do have a story. So I was about to back up out of my parking space in the garage yesterday and a car comes around the corner. I stop to let them pass, but the driver signals for me to go ahead. In order to not hold that person up, I rush out of the parking spot and back up straight into a truck that's sticking out further than normal. My heart shatters and I put my car in drive and pull back into my parking spot. I watch the car that was waiting for me pass by and then take a minute to regain my composure. I look out my rear view mirror at the truck and see this HUGE dent in the bumper. At that time I think I just closed my eyes and dropped my head. I think about 10 seconds passed when I reached for my journal, tore out a piece of paper, and began writing an apology note with my contact information for the owner of the truck...

He called me about 2 hours later which felt like forever because I was so anxious and thanked me for leaving a note. He was actually surprised that I did so and thanked me for being so ethical. Then continued to tell me that the dent in his bumper was already there and I had nothing to worry about. =)

Lesson: I could have drove away without leaving that note but doing so would have killed my subconscious. I would have been paranoid that the driver who saw it happen would say something, I would have felt horrible for damaging someone else's property (even though I didn't), and I basically would have felt like the worst person on earth. What's worse is that Jehovah would have been disappointed in me, which is far worse than any other feeling I could have had. So look at where honesty got me! Look at what following Jehovah's commandments got me! Thank you!

"It's Just One Of Those Days That A Girl Goes Through"

you know the rest of the song
i am indeed angry inside and i'm trying not to take it out on you
so i'll take it out in my blog instead

menstration is no joke
it's causes you to become a whole different person
what kind of nasty hold is this!
i'm so exhausted
i'm supposed to go to theocratic ministry school today but i won't
i'll probably just go home, take a shower, get in the bed, and watch a tyler perry play
the phone is getting turned off today
don't really feel like being bothered
i was supposed to get JT's stuff today but i don't even care right now
that's how bad it is
i can seriously just sit here and stare off into space for the rest of my time here
an hour and a half to go
i'm so drained
my heart is beating fast
my mom just called
i can talk to her
i'll type and talk to her at the same time
she's asking me why i'm not taking vitamens
"get some B vitamens Jen!"
"then you won't be so evil"
yeah yeah yeah mother
i hate taking pills
actually, it's just the capsules
i can do hard pills, just not capsules
she told me to perk up and said bye
ha
if i were her i wouldn't want to talk to me either
i actually don't mind sitting at my desk with my headphones on
especially since this mix that Mike posted is perfect right now
yo Mike!
can i get a copy?
i guess i should make that a comment on his page
never assume that people read your posts
attention from others is just an added bonus
write for yourself first and foremost no matter whether it's to release, cleanse, straighten stuff out, etc.
motorola Q's battery life is absolutely horrible
i hate this phone
it's amazing how badly you want something but once you get it you don't care anymore
i never feel that way about shoes
i just finally got my leapords and i can't wait to rock those
my fingers feel heavy
everything feels heavy
it's the twelve of september
december will be here in no time
i'm going to start a job search
get my resume tight
i have so much stuff packed on my resume
i don't really realize how much i know until it's all written down in one place
one hour and fifteen minutes to go
i remember laying on my boyfriend's bed in college in absolute excruciating pain
those were the worst cramps i ever had in my life
i will never forget that
i can feel that underlying pain now but the intensity isn't there
when is my aleve going to kick in?
i'm surprised that my back doesn't hurt
that means next month it's going down
my back will be on fire
great
something to look forward to
i look like a bum
why do i have a t-shirt and flats on today when i had pumps and a button up on yesterday
dag, only 2 minutes passed
(smacking me teeth)
mba program?
i don't know man!
atlanta?
don't know that either!
career goals?
same answer homie!
baptism?
definitely
that's the only thing i'm sure about
spirituality
i guess i just feel like nothing else matters
i'm tired of thinking about this crap
i just want to live
whatever homie
whatever

Rap vs Hip Hop

You know why I never could get into rap music? Being the delicate flower that I am (wink wink), rap music was always too harsh for me. When I was growing up, all the stuff I used to hear from the rap artists who were out at the time, like KRS-1, NWA, Wu-Tang, Dr. Dre, Tupac, Biggie, Nas, NWA, Snoop, Ice-T, Eazy-E, Public Enemy, etc., was always full of so much violence, cursing, hatred, and disrespect. I'm sure not everything that these artists put out there was like that, but they really used to pull my mood down. Their stuff was so dark! Why would I want to play a CD (tape cassette) full of gun shots, foul language, and women-hatred? No wonder my parents didn't allow me to buy their merchandise. I wouldn't want that mess in my house either! It was too much.

All of that leads me to say, "Pardon me.... Little Brother?.... Where have you been all my life?"

Who would have thought that I could enjoy hip hop as much as I do with Little Brother in my ear. I don't mean, It's Hot, or That's Fire, or That Joint Is Viscious types of sentiments. I mean true enjoyment which goes 10 feet deeper. I feel like I can breathe!

My preference of LB albums
1. The Listening
2. The Minstrel Show
3. The Chittlin Curcuit
4. Connected - The Foreign Exchange (Phonte and Nicolay)
(Sleepers will be added/inserted once I take a listen)

To be honest, I used to feel bad for not liking rap music. I felt like I was turning my back on black culture. I felt like I was the only one who couldn't feel the gangsta rap revolution that seemed to be taking over.

Question: What's the difference between rap and hip-hop? I feel like I know but maybe someone who's a little more versed can shed some insight according to their opinions and experiences.

When I think of hip hop, I think of Mos Def, LB, Talib, Slum Village...
When I think of rap, I think the rap artists of G-Unit, Disturbing the Peace, Flipmode Squad...
Is this right? Are Jay-Z, Kanye, Memph, etc. hip hop? I would like to say yes, but not the same type of hip hop as what I've listed above. I guess hip hop needs two categories. "Commercial Hip Hop" and "Real Hip Hop". Or is this whole thing just one big happy family? They all rhyme...so they're all rappers....which means it's all classified as rap...? I mean...technically that's correct. Techinally hip hop is just the culture. But what is it to us?

Comment/Respond Please.




Reference Information:

I just looked up the definition of rap - to utter sharply or vigorously, to critize sharply, to arrest detain or sentence for a crime, a quick smart or light blow.

The dictionary defines rap music like this:
a style of popular music, developed by disc jockeys and urban blacks in the late 1970s, in which an insistent, recurring beat pattern provides the background and counterpoint for rapid, slangy, and often boastful rhyming patter glibly intoned by a vocalist or vocalists.

According to the dictionary, Hip Hop is just a subculture and not a genre of music - the popular subculture of big-city teenagers, which includes rap music, break dancing, and graffiti art.

I Got Some New Stuff

Well not really new...most of this stuff is rather old actually but it's still worth mentioning.

First, I got Robin Thicke's old CD. A Beautiful World. Lovin it... (listening to it right now).

Then, my girl just gave me a whole rack of Little Brother stuff (which I have to admit, I've never listened to except for a couple of songs while in her car). But it's not my fault because I've been telling her to give me some LB stuff since February! So she gave me The Listening, The Ministrel Show, Sleepers, and The Chittlin Circuit 1.5. I feel so overwhelmed! But it just looks like it's going to be LB pandamonium for me this weekend. Back to back to back. I'm going to kill these CDs. Especially since I've heard nothing but great things.



I also got my favorite LA DJ's mix CD Eclectic Relaxation. His name is DJ Wyatt Case and he is absolutely out of control. My friends and I went to a club one night and ended up leaving dripping wet with sweat because of this DJ. I don't remember too much hip hop, although it definitely was in there...but most of my praise to him comes from him playing the right song at the right time. You know what I mean? You know how when the DJ transitions into a great song, the whole population stops for a minute to say, "ooooooohhhhh!!" with that oh-my-goodness-look on their faces, and then everyone gets on the dance floor to only recite the whole song to your friend who's looking back at you doing the exact same thing? Yeah well, we did that all night with DJ Wyatt Case. His taste is impeccable. I can't wait to play this, AFTER Little Brother of course.

What other new thing did I get...

OH!

A New Hair-Do!

Whatcha think? Do I look younger or older?



I'm going to have fun with this. Do some serious Kelis bangs after I buy my new 1" curling iron...slick it back with some mousse for those evening events...throw a headband on when I'm chillin...etc. I actually wanted it shorter, but this is as short as I can go without having to get a perm.

Have a nice weekend.

Fav

Mikesee got me thinking about my absolute favorite videos and I just had to go onto videotube and find my all time favorite to share it with you guys.



This video is so sick. Nothing can touch this video. The transition between normal time and slow time, the clarity, the style, the colors, the concept, the mood, the dancing, the acting, the wardrobe. Excellent. The videography is excellent!!

I've always liked the song. But I like it for the actual aspects of it. The lyrics could be whatever..."there's a meeting in my farm house"... and I would still like the song. As far as the concept is concerned, I assumed that the video was going to be much more raunchy than it was, which is why I was pleasently surprised when this came out! Producers don't make videos like this anymore. Every video now-a-days looks the same. Video girl, cars, diamonds etc. But I love how even though this video is about 'the meeting in the bedroom', you don't step foot into the actual bedroom until the very end of the video! That's unheard of now!! The first scene of videos out now start in the bedroom, ie. Diddy's new video. But I will never forget this video.

Stupid Police!

i got caught.
the system's holdin down my freedom of expression.
i'm caught in perpetual iron chains.
shackles create bloody scars on my wrists.
scars that will continue to mark my oppression.
i'm fighting to break this system of things.
to spark the liberation that we own.

ok ok... let me stop being dramatic. but i did get caught though.
wanna know what I got caught doing?



SPEEDING DAG ON IT!!!!

Stupid police!!! I can't STAND the police. Why whenever they come around, I get the nastiest attitude. And most people who know me, know that I'm not an attitude-ish type female, but for some reason, they just make me want to curse them out! And it was nothing in particular that this nice, little, bald, white policeman did, but for some reason, when he pulled me over, I got mean. What would possess me to hold my license out the window in between my pointer and middle fingers before he even got there, turn up my Al Green while he was writing up his, or excuse me, MY little ticket to a non-respectable volume, speak not a word to him when he came back for me to sign the slip, and THEN SPEED OFF!! Well, not speed, but accelerate to the designated speed limit quickly. What is wrong with me? That's so rude! I just hate... well hate is such a strong word... i just can't STAND the police! It's like they bring the evil out of me. Is this crazy? Does this happen to anyone else? Or is it just me?

And what's worse is that they don't even tell you how much the ticket is!!! Now I gotta spend my precious little time visiting the court house with this stupid "Notice To Appear". Man! Just tell me how much?!

But I WAS wrong, going 60 on a 40...

Dah well!! I'll do better next time.

Football Season Starts Today

I'm about to become a football junkie for real. I became addicted at the end of last season for some reason, so I'm really excited to do my thang for the whole season this time. Why it took me so long when I used to cheer for football teams, go to DeMatha football games with my aunt all through high school, hang out at superbowl parties every year, and watch them with my father throughout my childhood, is beyond me. But now it's different. It all actually means something to me. I really didn't think it would come to this... me sitting in front of the tv by myself... with the stereo on (because it just needs surround sound, which I learned from my father)... exploding in bouts of energy and crazy movement on big plays... yelling at the tv when it can't hear me... Oddly enough, it became Jendi time. I loved it. So again... I can't wait. Happy football season everyone!!!

Look out now!!!

50 Questions

1. Is it bad to eat a cinammon raisen bagel with soft cream cheese every single morning?
2. Don't you hate it when you forget that you wrote a check and the mess comes out of your bank account whenever the person feels like depositing it?
3. Who uses checks anymore?
4. Is it ok to feel broke all the time?
5. Why am I broke all of the time?
6. Why did I just reach my credit card limit yesterday buying airline flights?
7. Isn't that a sign that I need to just leave California and go back east?
8. Why am I crazy excited that America's Next Top Model premieres on the 20th?
9. Why are they taking a poll to decide whether or not they will release the video showing Crocodile Dundie's death?
10. How is it that I'm in love with the Isley Brothers with their pimp-looking, greasy selves?
11. So what am I supposed to do while Ron Isley is locked up for 3 years?
12. Does that mean no more new music?
13. Are we surprised that Paris Hilton was arrested and charged with a DUI?
14. Why did they forget to turn off the fountain outside of my apartment last night?
15. Who wants to hear dripping water ALL FREAKING NIGHT LONG?!!
16. Can I call the leasing office and curse them out?
17. Would you get annoyed with me if I kept a song on repeat for an hour?
18. Is ok to have a music addiction?
19. Why would you do something abnormal or out of your comfort zone for a person you're not interested in?
20. Is that what it means to be a good friend?
21. What foods should I eat to help nourish my hair?
22. Why do I shed so much?
23. I have vitamens for the hair, but why are they too big for me to take?!!
24. Why haven't we heard from Taylor Hicks since he won American Idol?
25. Do you miss Clinton?
26. "Rumors of Apple Computer Inc.'s plans to launch a movie download service gained momentum Tuesday after the company sent invitations to the media, saying "It's Showtime," next week." Can you say TAKEOVER and MONOPOLY?
27. What will Apple think of next?
28. Wouldn't it be complete if they just added phone service to their iPods?
29. Guess what?! Why did my girl just call me and tell me that the chick we exchanged numbers with at the black party is a swinger?!!!
30. Can I be afraid to answer my phone now?
31. Why do I even go out to these worldly LA parties?
32. Is it ok if I decide to only socialize with people in my congregation?
33. No really, is it normal to be scared of going out here and meeting crazy people?
34. Isn't this whole world full of crazy people?
35. Can you believe it's September already?
36. What else is premiering this month besides America's Next Top Model?
37. Am I the only one who loves it when new seasons start?
38. Have you ever heard of the soul singer Jon Lucien? (if not, pick up his album with the song "Rashida" on it.)
39. When are we going to get a dose of truly GOOD music?
40. Where are all the are the artist's who have something important to say?
41. Why does my body always hurt?
42. Is my new pillow still not doing me justice?
43. How many times it too many times to dodge someone?
44. Why do I miss my little sister so much?
45. When will I be able to afford to buy myself some diamonds?
46. Or how about a house?
47. Do you think I have my priorities straight?
48. What's my next career move?
49. Why don't people understand you when you say no?
50. Why is your blog so important to you and your life?

Oh Los Angeles

So I just got back from the video shoot for Bow Wow, Chris Brown and Jermaine Dupri and I have a couple of observations for you. Keep in mind that this was the first time I've ever been on a video shoot set. I've been to a couple of tapings for Def Comedy Jam, the BET Video Awards, etc..., but this was the first time I've actually seen the work in action.

Oh... you might want to know why I was there. Well I have an old high school friend who is a videographer and he's been in and out of LA for some time now. Whenever he's in town, he tries to get us together, but since he's always out in the city during the week working on some video or another, it never pans out. (Actually, I usually just don't feel like driving out to LA on a school night so "somehow" it just never seems to work out. =/ I mean, what can I say? I'm a grandma. I like to be in my bed by 10 or 11pm.) But anyway, he asked me to come down to the shoot which I was very reluctant to do for a number of reasons. 1) He would be busy shooting Bow Wow's behind the scenes autobiography/reality show that he's doing so I really wouldn't get anytime to socialize with him, 2) I would look like a groupie standing on the side of the set with nothing to do but watch, and 3) I can't stand tapings because they're always so dragged out and boring. But, since this was basically his 3rd time in town this year, I had to oblige. Besides, I plain out of excuses. He really wanted me to come so I picked up my girl and drove downtown.

So back to the observations...

1. Chris Brown and Bow Wow look like little babies. I mean I knew they were young, but they looked like they were still wet behind the ears fresh out of the uterus. Maybe it was because their clothes were 3 sizes too big for them. It doesn't help that they're all under 5 feet too. Just like little gremlins. Jermaine included.

2. The video girls are SO YOUNG!!! Oh my goodness. The poor babies. They weren't on set at the time so I was able to really look into their faces as they walked around, and I thought that I saw my little sister! Of course these girls were drop dead gorgeous. Beautiful girls. Quiet too. It was refreshing to see how professional they were. My question though is, if you're not working, and you haven't been working for a few hours (the shoot was scheduled to last from 12 noon to 4am), why do you still have on your skin tight costume with your booty out? There's no need ladies, especially when it's 9pm and it's cold outside. Go pull on some sweats sweetie! (Oh, I forgot. Sweats and LA = NEVER.)

3. Can you say "NO SECURITY"!? Jennifer and I walked on the set like we knew these people. (I guess there was no security because the shoot was held in some open warehouse on an abandoned street.) But what Jennifer said was very true. "They're lucky I don't have a hit out on Bow Wow because he'd be dead right now if I did". I mean it was really that open. Can we please protect the little girls' idols please? It's funny because everyone just walks by and smiles at you like you belong there. It was a private set, but since no one seemed to care that we were there, I can only imagine how many non-employeed people were there. However, besides the camera people, the producer (Bryan Barber - Idlewild), the video girls, the crew, and Bow Wow's friends, there didn't seem to be anybody who wasn't doing something. I mean even the girl watching the food was busy. But I guess that's just it. Every sort of job that you could think of was in effect.

So it was a cute experience. Jennifer and I only stayed for about 40 minutes because like I said, grandma had to get to bed and my friend was sorta busy. Besides, in that 40 minutes, they only did two takes, and I couldn't get with how slow it was moving. I guess that's why Bow Wow, Chris Brown, and JD were standing on the set joking around most of the time.... But anyway.... Oh Los Angeles....

Real Quick

Things are speeding by.
I don't even have time to blog!
The weekend was filled with spiritual reflection.
We had our circuit assembly in Norco and it was absolutely amazing.
It was the best assembly I've attended in all my years around the truth.
The reflection points were kinda scary but it was worth it.
I've decided to get baptized and now all I have to do is tell the brothers.
I'll do that tomorrow at the book study.

Work is crazy.
We're trying to re-baseline all of our accounts which is not good because I have the bulk of the accounts.
That's what makes me mad about this place.
They give the NEWEST person, the most complicated work, even though they know that I'm leaving the department in March.
Now is that a good managerial decision?
You might want to considering giving the most complicated work to someone with a little more skill and longevity.
But anyway, so along with the re-baseline, we have to transition all of our accounts, statements of works, budget, schedules, revision histories, charge numbers, etc. from the old system to a brand new system.
Do you know how long it's going to take me to transfer over 200 accounts to a system I'm not even familiar with?!!
AND you want me to re-baseline and do my regular job at the same time?!!!
Yeah right.
I'm NOT doing any overtime.
I refuse.
And it all has to be done in September?
Again, yeah right.
I'm in school man...
I have field service, congregational meetings, and fellowshiping to do.
I have a blog to maintain!
Writing is my therapy.

Speaking of writing, I wrote a new song last night.
I really like it.
It's called "You's Crazy" and it's about this dude who ends up going crazy on a girl.
"Lock him up lock him up, like he done stole something!"
It's funny.
I wonder if I should keep the song for Q.Symm or give it to a friend.
I'm sure what the return would be for giving the song away, but then again, I don't know what the return would be if I kept it for Q.Symm.
We haven't done anything in so long.
Q.Symm that is.
It's hard when each of the members lives in a different state.
North Carolina, Oklahoma, Maryland and California.
I wish we were all together.

I picked up B's CD, of course.
It's starting to grow on me after listening to it all day and night.
It's funny because I saw her on 106 yesterday evening and she said that she's trying to keep it hood.
For real Beyonce?!
Because you're really that hood type of girl that needs to keep it real?
Girl please.
The entire CD could be played in a club which I'm disappointed in because I enjoy her ballads and more sensual tracks.
I think that's a part of what makes B.
My mom says that they're turning Beyonce into a hip hop whore.
Ha!
I can definitely see what she's talking about.
B's not showing her versatility on this album.
Christina Aguilera on the other hand... MAN!
Now that's a versatile girl.
She came out strong on that album.

Well I gotta get back to all this baselining, transitioning, and plantation work.
"Have a nice day." - Kelis

Danity Kane

I like Danity Kane's album.

I'm a big fan of girl groups mainly because I'm in one myself, so I often pay more attention to them in a compare and contrast sort of way.

The producers did their thing on this album.
The vocal arrangements are extremely well done.
The vibe of the album is extremely consistent.
The harmonies are tight.
You can hear the chemistry these 5 girls had in the studio.
You can tell that a lot of work went into this project.
Their voices are nice.
The lyrics are worth listening to (unlike Beyonce's).
The mood of the album is very much like something I would do.

I like these girls because I understand their talent, their plight (with the help of the show), their passion, their energy, their sex appeal. I even like the name.

Thumbs up to Danity Kane.